Yearning Absolution (Yearning Series) (16 page)

Hearing her moan those three words
even in complete ecstasy had him spurting into the condom. “I love you too.”

Days passed and Gwen grew stronger.
She felt almost normal again. She could now walk anywhere in Cole’s massive
apartment, with the walker. Cole had gone to work this morning for the first
time since she had come home from the hospital. McKayla stopped by for a few hours
each day to sit and watch TV or play cards with Gwen.

Gwen sat up from the bed. Her nurse
was coming in with a glass of water for her. “I want to try something.”

“And what is that, my dear?” The
nurse asked her. Gwen guessed the nurse was no older than 40 and from the south
because of her accent.

“I want to walk without the walker.
Just to try it while you are here.” Gwen took a deep breath.

“Okay. Let’s try it. If you feel
ready for it, I’ll be right here to help if you need it.”

“Yep. I’m ready.” Gwen nodded and
waited until the nurse was right in front of her before pushing off the bed to
stand on her own two feet. After a moment, she carefully moved one foot
forward, then the other. Before she knew it, she made it to the bathroom and
back. She wasn’t quick moving but she was walking on her own again.

Gwen began to practice every chance
she got when Cole wasn’t around or was working in his home office. The day of
her follow up doctor appointment, Cole was in his office working while Gwen got
ready. She took the walker into the bathroom while she showered and got ready in
a simple dress. Then, opened the door to the bedroom.

“Cole? Are you ready to go?” Gwen
called out before walking out from the bathroom, leaving her walker behind.
Cole came out of his office about the time she had made it halfway across the
room. He stopped and looked at her as she made her way towards him, one slow
step at a time. “Stay there.” She spoke low as she concentrated on moving her
feet.

When she had reached him, he pulled
her to his chest and nuzzled his face into her hair. “You did so great, baby.”

“I wanted to go to my appointment
without the walker. I think I’m ready. The nurse has been working with me.”
Gwen pushed off his chest to look up at him. “You’ll just have to walk slow
with me, in case I stumble.”

“I can do that.” Cole brushed his thumbs
across her cheeks and gave her a soft kiss. He knew how important it was to
Gwen to get back to her normal life and this was a big step.

At the doctor appointment, Gwen was
showing signs of her body recovering right on track, if not quicker than some.
The doctor told them if she continued to recover her motor skills at the rate
she was in less than a month she should practically be normal. He still wasn’t
sure if there would be any long term effects from the kicks to the head that
Gwen had sustained from the attack, but so far he was optimistic for a nearly
complete recovery.

That night, Gwen and Cole were
laying on the couch together watching a movie when she looked at him.

“Cole, I have something I want to
talk to you about.” Gwen rolled over so they were face to face.

“What’s on your mind?” Cole brushed
her hair back from her face.

“I was hoping… I mean… Well, I
would like to go and stay with McKayla for a day or two. To see if maybe being
around her more in a different environment would help me remember. You know, if
McKayla is up for it.” Gwen didn’t know how Cole would take her wanting to
spend a few days away from him.

“I think that would be fantastic. I
can call her in the morning and make the arrangements.” He barely hesitated
with his response. “I’ve had a matter that I have been needing to take care of
anyway, which I can do while you are with McKayla.”

“Anything important?” Gwen didn’t
want him putting off work for her. He had already put off so much when she had
been in the hospital and now at home.

“Nope. I won’t even have to leave
town. I just don’t know how long it will take and I didn’t want you to not be
able to get a hold of me.” Cole leaned down to press his lips to hers softly
before turning his attention back towards the television. Gwen did the same.

Three days later, Gwen was packing
a bag to take with her to McKayla’s. She had spoken briefly with McKayla as had
Cole to set up her staying in the guest bedroom of McKayla’s apartment for the
next couple of days, or until she wanted to leave.

“Ready?” Cole was leaning against
the door frame with his arms crossed over his chest.

“I suppose so.” Gwen had her brows
furrowed as she looked around. “I hope this helps bring back this large missing
chunk of my memory. It’s like the last piece of the puzzle. I don’t think I’ll
ever remember everything but I’m missing this one large piece of who I used to
be.”

“Even if it doesn’t, it would be
good for you to spend some time getting to rekindle the relationship with
McKayla. I really want her to be in your life because she was so important to
you. She is what made you take that final step, allowing me into your life. So
if you never recover those memories, I think it would be great for you to at
least have a new friendship with her.” Cole slung one back over his shoulder
and picked the other one up in his hand. He held out his free hand for her,
which she slipped her hand into before following him to the elevator.

Every day she was steadier and
could walk farther without getting exhausted. She wasn’t bringing her walker
with her for the trip so this would be her first real test.

Cole rode with her down the
elevator to the car that Doug, his driver, was holding the rear door open of.

“Do you want me to ride with you
there?” Cole questioned as Doug took the bags from him and put them in the
trunk.

“No. I’m ok. You get to whatever it
is you need to get done. I’ll call you when I get there.” Gwen leaned up to
kiss him and slip her arms around his broad shoulders. “I love you.”

“I love you too. I’ll be waiting
for your call.” Cole kissed her once again before letting her climb into the
car and slide over so he could shut the door.

Gwen watched as the scenery went by
while Doug drove through the city, most of it looked unfamiliar. But as they
pulled up in front of the apartment building that McKayla resided in, Gwen had
a memory wash over her.

Gwen and McKayla walked up and
looked up at the building.

“Well, it’s official! We are
going to live together. Only took us 10 years to make the leap.” Gwen laughed
as she wrapped her arm around McKayla’s hips.

“Good things come to those who
wait.” McKayla turned and smiled at Gwen. “Plus, we’ve basically been living
together for the last few months anyway. This way we save on rent.”

“Oh so romantic. I’m moving in
with you to save rent money.” Gwen scoffed and pushed at McKayla’s shoulder.
“So glad I could help you out.”

“Whatever.” McKayla burst out
laughing. She leaned down and pressed a kiss to Gwen’s cheek. “You know it is
so much more than that.”

“Do I?” Gwen looked up and put
her finger to her lips like she was trying to think. “Nope. I got nothing.”

“Liar!” McKayla laughed again.
She cupped both sides of Gwen’s face. “It’s because… I.” She kissed one of
Gwen’s cheeks. “Love.” Then she kissed the other cheek. “You.” Planting a kiss
on her lips with the final word.

“Hmm. I guess that’ll have to
work because, you know…” Gwen smiled up at McKayla as she slipped her hands
into her hair. “I love you too.”

Gwen snapped out from her memory
and climbed from the car. She knew they’d been madly in love but this was the
first memory of McKayla that had brought emotions with it.

It had been after her big fight
with Cole over his wife. Both of them had finally gotten to where they were
both mostly happy and could enjoy being carefree and happy together. It was a
nice memory for Gwen to get right before she was going to be spending a couple
days with McKayla.

Gwen smiled when McKayla came out
to take the bags from Doug.

“Cole called and told me you would
be here soon. I wanted to make sure I was here to help carry your bags up so
you wouldn’t have to deal with them.” McKayla smiled at Gwen and gently touched
her shoulder as she brushed past. The door man opened the door for the pair to
enter. Gwen glanced back and gave Doug a small wave goodbye before making her
way across the lobby. McKayla was all the way at the elevators before realizing
that Gwen was far behind.

“It’s okay. I’m coming.” Gwen said
when McKayla came back to her.

“I’m so sorry. I just realized you
don’t have your walker. Can you make it all the way there on your own?” McKayla
walked at the same pace as Gwen.

“I think so. One step at a time.
I’m getting pretty good at this whole walking thing. I’m just not fast.” Gwen
smiled but her eyes were down on the ground a few feet in front of her so she
knew where she was going to be stepping next.

“You are doing very well. I feel
bad I didn’t notice earlier. I guess I was just so excited that you are here.”
McKayla looked almost embarrassed.

“Nah. Don’t worry about it. I do
have good news.” Gwen stopped and flicked her eyes at McKayla for a moment
before continuing on. “I remembered the day we moved in here. It came to me
when we pulled up.”

“Oh yes. That was a good day.  We
were both a bit punch drunk, I guess you could say. It was a big move at that
time. After the incident with Cole, you were working on a lot of mental stuff
and I was working on learning to be patient and understanding.” McKayla took a
deep breath and let it out slowly. “Well, let’s get you upstairs and settled.”

“Sounds great.” Gwen thought it did
sound good… It really did. This woman was the final chunk of her missing
memories. There was something there that McKayla wanted to tell her but didn’t
feel comfortable with the memory gap. Hopefully this time would bring back the
memories and let McKayla get whatever it was off her chest.

Later that night, Gwen had unpacked
some of her belongings into the guest room and bathroom before laying down for
a bit. All the walking had taken it out of her.

Gwen walked into the living room
after using the restroom and rinsing out her mouth to get rid of her nap
breath. McKayla wasn’t there so she continued to the next doorway, which led
into the kitchen. There McKayla was leaning against the counter with a cup of
coffee in her hand.

“Coffee? At this time of the day?”
Gwen glanced at the clock on the stove to see it was after 5 in the afternoon.

“Sure. It’s become my bad habit
lately. I drink the stuff until I go to bed.” McKayla shrugged. “Can I get you
something to drink?”

“A glass of water sounds wonderful.
I must have been doing something extremely awesome like drooling or snoring. My
throat is so dry.” Gwen brought her hand up to her neck. McKayla wrinkled her
nose even though a smile spread over her face.

“Water. Got plenty of that.”
McKayla opened the fridge and held out a bottle of water to Gwen. Gwen opened
it and took a few big swigs from it.

“Ah. Thanks.” Gwen set the bottle
down on the counter. She spun the lid on the counter. “So, tell me… What is
your first memory of me?”

“Hmmm… That’s a tough one. I have a
few ‘first’ memories for you. I mean I remember seeing you for the first time
as you walked into the group meeting for rape victims. You were so young and
innocent looking but you had this glint in your eye that said you didn’t want
anyone getting too close.” McKayla smiled as she remembered. “Then there is the
first time I saw you after you finally accepted my offer to come over for a
shower and some food.

“You walked out of the bathroom in
my robe. That was all you would wear because I was washing your clothes and you
refused to take any of my clothes.” McKayla continued. “Seeing you standing
there in the entrance to the living room with your long wet hair and scared
eyes. I knew just then that we’d be friends for life. I had seen that look too
many times in the mirror. I knew what it felt like when no one cared. I vowed
then and there to be the one who cared, no matter what for you.”

Gwen shook her head. She didn’t
remember any of it. But she saw the sheen of tears in McKayla’s eyes that said
McKayla remembered it all very well.

“I remember the first time we
kissed. It was an accident. Sort of. We’d been friends for a while and were
sitting on the couch watching some show and both of us just happened to turn
towards each other at the same time. It just happened. We were both surprised but
acted like nothing happened and went back to watching the show.” McKayla
laughed softly, pushing her hair over her shoulder. “Yes, I remember the first
time you leaned over and kissed me intentionally. We had been out shopping or
something. Then you said my name, I turned towards you and you just kissed me.
Surprised the hell out of me. But that was also the first time your tongue was
ever in my mouth. God, I’ll remember that forever. It was the last thing I
expected to happen.”

Gwen smiled at the blush that crept
up McKayla’s neck and face.

“Oh, look at me. Blushing.” McKayla
fanned her face. “It was a good first real kiss. I hadn’t even known you were
interested in that way in me. We took it slow. Took us almost six months before
we ever did anything besides kiss. A year before our first time together.

“Our first time was after you asked
me out to dinner. By that time you had been pretty much living with me. You’d
been working some side jobs, getting paid cash under the table and had saved up
enough to take me out to dinner.” McKayla closed her eyes and smiled as she
recalled the memory. “It was so sweet. It wasn’t anything fancy. Just a little
restaurant that was quiet and romantic. When we came back here after dinner, we
both changed into our pajamas and were lying in bed just talking and kissing.
Then you looked into my eyes and asked me to make love to you.”

Gwen was embarrassed that she
couldn’t remember such an intimate moment when it obviously was something
McKayla hadn’t forgotten very much about. Gwen licked her lips and took a step
towards McKayla. Pushing McKayla’s hair back over her shoulders, Gwen leaned
close and gently pressed her lips to McKayla’s. She pulled back and looked into
McKayla’s eyes. “Is this okay?”

“If it is for you.” McKayla chucked
a little. It wasn’t her with the memory problems.

Gwen placed another soft kiss on
McKayla’s mouth before shifting to land a kiss at the base of McKayla’s neck.
McKayla bent her head so Gwen had better access to her neck. Gwen slowly kissed
of McKayla’s neck, breathing McKayla’s scent deep.

There as Gwen kissed up McKayla’s
neck, all her memories fell back into place. She gently sucked on McKayla’s
earlobe and nipped the bottom.

“Standing here with your scent
filling my brain, I remember. I remember how gentle and careful you were the
first time we were together. I remember the first time your soft breasts brushed
against mine. The first time you held my hand. I remember the first time I saw
the beautiful blonde with blue eyes that saw right through the façade I had
been living behind. And I remember all the times you slowly broke down my walls
until I couldn’t live without you in my world. The first time in my whole life
the words ‘I love you’ slipped past my lips were to you.” Gwen leaned back as
she spoke and watched as understanding passed over McKayla’s face. Gwen’s eyes
were filled with tears as she continued. “I remember all the times we bickered
over nothing. All the times we made up after stupid fights. I hope I can count
this as one of our makeup times because now I remember our last horrible
breakup.”

At those words, McKayla broke down
into sobs. She was split between being so happy to have the full Gwen back and
now having to now have to tell her part of the missing story.

“I hope so.” McKayla said once she
could finally push her emotions down to a manageable level. “I have something
to say and it’s not easy for me to share.”

“Okay.” Gwen sniffed.

“Can we go sit in the living room?”
McKayla was trying to delay as long as she could. Plus, they had been standing
in the kitchen for long enough. Gwen nodded before following behind McKayla.
They sat next to each other on the couch.

“Just say it.” Gwen finally sighed
after watching McKayla fiddle with her nails for a minute. “I can take it. Just
tell me so we can move past it, whatever it is.”

“I slept with someone else.”
McKayla’s voice was quite as she continued to stare at her nails. “When we were
together. It wasn’t long after we moved into Cole’s apartment. I was feeling
left out and un needed and it just sort of happened. Then I felt so guilty I
started to take it out on you. I was wrong. It wasn’t your fault. It was mine.
You always tried to make sure you were there for me and always gave me tons of
attention. I just didn’t know how to handle my jealousy. I thought I’d be ok
with it. But I wasn’t.

“At first, it was so sexy to see
you with him. Then when I realized that it was way more than just sex to you.
That it was love and that I wouldn’t just have to share you with him sometimes,
but all the time. Even when he wasn’t around, he would be on your mind. It
drove me crazy. I was used to being the only one on your mind.” McKayla kept
looking at her hands as she picked at the skin around her nails. “I thought he
had replaced me. You were still in my bed and still supporting me, but I
couldn’t see it. And then one day one of the other models hit on me when I was
at a shoot. We went out for drinks and ended up in a hotel room. I started to
see her regularly after that. I felt guilty as hell, but I couldn’t tell you
and I couldn’t stop seeing her. Every time I’d try to come talk to you about
it, you and Cole would be laughing and having a good time while I was angry
with you and our situation.

“I was so angry. Angry with you for
being happy while I wasn’t. Angry with myself for sleeping with someone else.
Angry that this other person was making me happy. I’ve only ever wanted to be
with you. I just didn’t know how to make it happen. When I moved out I hoped it
would help me gain my whole center back, but it didn’t I just kept spinning out
of control. I had just stopped seeing this woman and was getting myself back
together when I got the call for the meeting at the coffee shop. Then when I
saw you walk in with your little belly and that pregnant glow, it broke my
heart. I realized just how far apart we had grown. Your life was continuing in
the right direction, while I was still angry and hurt. I hadn’t planned on even
seeing you but you just appeared and were more beautiful than ever and blooming
with life in a way I never thought I’d see. I just kind of lost it. I didn’t
listen to a word that you said in the coffee shop. I was so hurt that you
seemed so happy and things were looking so wonderful for you. I didn’t ever
want to see you again when I walked away from the coffee shop.

“Which is why I’ll never be able to
tell you what getting that phone call from Cole was like. When you had been
found and were in the hospital. It was Cole who called me. He knew that you
would’ve wanted me there, would’ve wanted me to know what happened. I owe him
for that. Without him, I would’ve never known. But I can’t say I haven’t felt
an immense amount of guilt every single second of every single day since it
happened. If I hadn’t reacted the way I had, you would’ve never been crying,
you would’ve never gone down to the subway or been alone on the street.”

“McKayla. It was gonna happen. Richard
was determined to get me. Out of everything you have said, that is one thing I
can say for sure. It is NOT your fault that he got me.” Gwen had been sitting
there taking it all in but now she was ready to talk. “I can’t say that I’m
okay with the fact that you cheated on me. However, we both knew that bringing
another person into our lives, our relationship was going to cause turbulence.
I wish you would’ve talked to me before it got to that point. I wish you
would’ve told me what was going on so that I could have at least attempted to
help settle your concerns, but I didn’t know what was going on with you. I
never meant to make one or the other of you feel more important to me because
in the end, I love you both the same for totally different reasons. This whole
memory loss situation has made things become a lot more clear in my mind…
oddly.

“I don’t want to live with one or
the other of you. I want both of you. I want a happy family. I want a baby. I
want to go back to work and design. I want to move on from this horrible time
in our lives and find the happy times again. I’m done letting those bastards
have anything of mine. So, McKayla, even though you aren’t perfect and I’m not
perfect, I have one very serious question for you.”

“Okay.” McKayla wiped away the
tears that were still rolling down her cheeks. She didn’t know what the
question was, but she had a feeling it was going to be the turning point in
their relationship.

Gwen slipped off the couch and took
one of McKayla’s hands into both of her own. She knelt on one of her knees and
looked into McKayla’s eyes. “Would you be my wife? For good. For bad. For rich.
For poor. Will you promise to always try to love me as much as I love you?”

McKayla just sobbed harder and
nodded her head rapidly. Gwen pulled her into her arms. “I love you. We have
had enough bad. It’s time to make our happy ever after happen. But when the bad
does come around, because it always does, promise me you’ll fight to make us
work.”

“I promise.” McKayla sniffed into
the crook of Gwen’s neck.