X-Treme Latin: Lingua Latina Extrema (2 page)

ECCLESIASTICAL LATIN

BOTANICAL LATIN

Basic Latin Pronunciation Guide

VOWELS

a
    if long, as in “bl
ah
”; if short, as in “rub-
a
-dub”

e
    if long, as in “ol
é
”; if short as in “f
eh
”

i
    if long, as in “ ’z
i
ne”; if short as in “z
i
t”

o
    if long, as in “d’
oh
”; if short as in “n
o
t”

u
    if long, as in “d
u
de”; if short as in “wass
u
p”

There is really no simple way to tell if a vowel is long or short, but if the word is short—one syllable—treat the vowel as short. The last syllable of verb endings are almost always short. If
a, i, o,
or
u
, come at the end of a word, they’re long; if
e
comes at the end of a word, it’s short. If a vowel is followed by two consonants, it’s long. For other situations, pronuntia utrolibet modo! (wing it!)

DIPTHONGS

ae
    as in “T
hai
”

au
    as in “
ou
ch”

ei
    as in “h
ey
”

eu
    as in “
hey
,
you
”

oe
    as in “
goy
”

ui
    as in “pt
ui
”

CONSONANTS

b, d, f, h, l, m, n,
and
p
are the same as in English. So are
k
and
z
, which are rare in Latin anyway.
j, w
, and the consonant
y
don’t exist in Latin.

c, ch
    always “k.” That’s a KIGH-sahr salad you ordered. You want ANN-koh-veese with that?

g, gn
    always “
guh
.” The Romans were fighting the GUHR-mahns, not the JUR-mahns, and when they gave the signal to attack, it was a SIHG-nuhm (trumpet blast) not a SEE-nuhm (large bowl).

i
    always “
yuh
.” It’s thanks to YOO-lih-uhss (not JOO-lee-yuss) that we celebrate the fourth of July instead of the fourth of Quinctil.

r
   you can rrroll your r’s even if they’rrre the last letterrr of a worrrrd.

s
    always “sss.” The Roman fanss (not fanz) were animalss (not animalz).

t, th
    always “
teh
.” Teh-hey teh-rew teh-hings at eak ot-teh-her during teh-he nah-tih-oh-nahl (not nashunal) ant-hem (not anthum).

v
    always “w.” The wolcano that waporized Pompeii was Weh-SOO-wee-uhss.

There are no silent letters in Latin—every vowel (unless it’s part of a two-syllable dipthong) and every consonant is always pronounced fully, and often separately. Of course, there are also no actual Romans around to give you the stink-eye when you mess up.

I
Lingua Latina Tironibus
Beginning Latin

Narratiuncula—
A LITTLE STORY

Puellae filiae agricolarum sunt

The girls are the daughters of the farmers

Puellae pulchrae sunt

The girls are pretty

Puellae nautas in via spectant

The girls see the sailors in the street

Nautae pulchri sunt

The sailors are hunks

Puellae nautas salutant

The girls say hello to the sailors

O malam fortunam! Nautae male mares sunt

Too bad! The sailors are homos

Nautae ad puellas digitos impudicos porrigunt

The sailors give the girls the finger

Puellae nautas appellant

The girls call out to the sailors

“Speramus naviculam misellam vestram ad scopulum adlisam iri summersum”

“We hope your stupid boat hits a rock and sinks”

Puellae in forum descendere destinant et ibi mercimonium furari

The girls decide to go down to the mall and shoplift some stuff

Omnes paucis annis prosedae erunt

In a few years they will all be hookers

Latin Aptitude Test—
PROBATIO LATINITATIS

(answers below—
responsa recta in ima pagina
)

I. MATH — SCIENTIA MATHEMATICA

All Gaul is divided into___parts

Gallia est omnis divisa in partes
___

1. many
   multas
   
2. good
   bonas
   
3. small
   parvas
   
4. warlike
   bellicosas
   
5. Capture a Gaul and torture him until he tells you
   Torque Gallum captum donec tibi respondeat
   

II. VERBAL — SCIENTIA VERBORUM

Arms and the man I sing, who first from the shores of___. . .

Arma virumque cano
___
qui primus ab oris . . .

1. Syracuse
   Syracusarum
   
2. Ithaca
   Ithacae
   
3. Albany
   Albani
   
4. Buffalo
   Bufali
   
5. Sacrifice a bullock to Jupiter so the test gets canceled because the teacher was struck by lightning
   Immola Iovi iuvencum ut magistro tacto de caelo probatio relinquatur
   

III. EXTRA CREDIT — QUAESTIO ADDITA PRAEMII GRATIA

Whatever it is, I fear the Greeks even when bearing___

Quidquid id est, timeo Danaos et
___
ferentes

1. shish kebabs
   carunculas veribus fixas
   
2. stuffed grape leaves
   folia vitis oryza farta
   
3. baklava
   crustula laminosa
   
4. the check
   syngrapham
   
5. Send a slave over later with the answer, and if he gets it wrong, lop off his ears
   Mitte brevi postea servum qui responsum referat atque si erret praecide aures ei
   

I., E; II, E; III, E.

Romulus and Remus Jokes—
ROMULI REMIQUE IOCULARIA

ROMULUS: Why did the sacred chicken cross the Appian Way?

ROMULUS: Quem ob rem pullus sacer viam Appiam transivit?

REMUS: I do not know. Let us cut it open and see if the entrails provide an explanation for this inauspicious behavior!

REMUS: Nescio. Eum evisceremus ut, extane ostensura sint illius infausti facti causam, comperiamus!

ROMULUS: Why do Roman firemen wear red suspenders?

ROMULUS: Cur gerunt siphonarii Romani retinacula rubra?

REMUS: I do not know—let us set the city ablaze and see if their pants fall down!

REMUS: Nescio. Urbem incendamus ut, sintne delapsurae bracae eorum, comperiamus!

ROMULUS: Why did the Helvetian moron throw the water clock out the window?

ROMULUS: Quare iecit caudex Helvetius clepsydram de fenestra?