Read X-Treme Latin: Lingua Latina Extrema Online
Authors: Henry Beard
X-Treme Latin: Lingua Latina Extrema (11 page)
I’d like to rip off your head and take a dump in the hole.
Mande merdam et morere.
Keep up the good work.
Eat shit and die.
Propudium parcissimum.
I’ll get the check.
You cheap bastard.
Carrus exsecrabilis est! Venditor te irrumavit!
What a great car! You got a heck of a deal!
What a piece of shit! You got taken to the cleaners!
Aspice hanc supellectilem vilem. Quale gurgustium est.
Fabulous house—I love your taste.
Look at this cheesy crap. What a dump.
Rotaturne capitulum huius, virus exspuens viride?
Well, now, really, isn’t that the cutest baby you’ve ever seen?
Does its head spin around and spit green slime?
Speciem scurrae habes. Spectaculum petauristarum bestiarumque nescieGam adesse.
Dynamite outfit! It really looks good on you.
You look like a clown. I didn’t know the circus was in town.
Amicus tuus expers rationis est. Viculus nescioquis barone suo privatus est.
Your boyfriend is a great guy. No wonder you’ve been keeping him to yourself.
He’s a total moron. Somewhere there’s a village missing its idiot.
Amica tua est originis extraterrestrialis. Si fortuna tibi faveat, cum astronavem suam ista refecerit, a terra tuaque vita discedet tam cito quam fulmen ascendit.
Your girlfriend is a knockout. Talent, beauty, brains—she has it all.
She’s a space alien. If you’re lucky, when she gets her flying saucer fixed, she’ll be out of here and out of your life in a flash.
Stealth Latin for Golfers—
SERMO LATINUS CLANDESTINUS IN LUSU CALEDONIO
Quod fustuarium!
Nice swing!
What a hack!
Salaputium fortunatum!
Great shot!
You lucky fuckhead.
Seligatur clava imprudenter
Be the right club.
Be the wrong club.
Pilula, curre in harenariam et defode te.
Hurry up ball, get some air! Be there!
Get in that bunker and bury.
Vola! Aberra! Egredere praeter terminos!
Stop! Hit something! Stay in play!
Go! Get lost, ball! Go out of bounds!
Immerge te in aquam!
Stay dry!
Get wet!
Decurre ab area leni in gramen densum!
Sit down! Bite!
Run off the green into the rough!
Transili puteolum!
Go in the hole!
Lip out!
Euax!
Aww, too bad!
Hurray!
Bad Latin, the Dirty Dozen—
SERMO LATINUS IMPUDICUS: DUODECIM OBSCENA
asshole
culus, i
m.;
podex, podicis,
m.
balls to be blown & to blow
coleus, i
m.;
irrumo, irrumare
fello, fellare; ligurio, ire; (verpam) comedo, esse, edi, estum
to bugger butt
pedico, are
clunis, is
m. & f.
(clunes, ium); natis, is
f.
(nates, ium); puta, ae
f.
cock
capulus, i
m.;
cauda, ae
f.;
cicer, is
n.;
clavus, i
m.;
cucumis, eris
m.;
falcula, ae
f.;
fascinum, i
n.;
gladius, i
m.;
hasta, ae
f.;
membrum, i
n.;
mentula, ae
f.;
peculium, i
n.;
radix, icis
f.;
rutabulum, i
n.;
sicula, ae
f.;
telum, i
n.;
verpa, ae
f.;
vomer, eris
m.
cunt
aratiuncula, ae
f.;
cunnus, i
m.
fart, to fart
crepitus, us.
m.:
strepitus, us
m.;
crepo, crepare, crepui, crepitum; pedo, pedere, pepedi, peditum; strepito, are
to fuck
concumbo, concumbere, concubui, concubitum; futuo, futuere, futui, fututum
to jerk off
frico, fricare, fricui, frictum (fricatum); percieo, ire, ivi, itum; sollicito, are; tero, terere, trivi, tritum; tracto, tractare
piss, to piss
urina, ae
f.;
meio, meiere, mixi, mictum; mingo, mingere, minxi, minctum
shit, to shit
fimus, i
m.
& fimus, i
n.;
merda, ae
f.;
stercus, oris
n.;
caco, are
Contents
Preface
PRAEFATIO
pry-FAH-tih-oh
I Lingua Latina Tironibus
Beginning Latin
Latin Aptitude Test—
PROBATIO LATINITATIS
Romulus and Remus Jokes—
ROMULI REMIQUE IOCULARIA
The Legion of Superheroes—
LEGIO HEROUM MAXIMORUM
T-shirt Slogans—
TITULI TUNICALES
Bumper Stickers—
TITULI CURRULES
Reality TV—
SPECTACULA TELEVISORIA VERI SIMILIA
Hardball Talk Shows—
DISCEPTATIONES TUMULTUOSAE
Ultimate Sports—
LUDI EXTRAORDINARII
Trash Talk in the Colosseum—
CONTUMELIA IN AMPHITHEATRO FLAVIO
Country Music Favorites—
MUSICA RUSTICA FAVORABILISSIMA
Graffiti—
INSCRIPTIONES LATRINALES
Warning Labels—
SCHEDAE MONITORIAE
II Lingua Latina Media
Intermediate Latin
Caesar’s PowerPoint Presentation—
CAESAR TIBI PROPOSITA MAXIMI MOMENTI PRAEFERT
That Old-Time Religion—
ILLA RELIGIO PRISCA
Mob Banter—
CAVILLATIO SODALIUM
New Age Discourse—
SERMO NEOMYSTICUS
Hollywood Latin—
SERMO LATINUS ACUIFOLIIS
Sushi Bar Chitchat—
SERMO IN TABERNA IAPONICA PULPAMENTORUM INCOCTORUM MARINORUM
Computer Language—
SERMO LATINUS COMPUTATORIUS
Car Talk—
DISCEPTATIO DE CURRIBUS
Small Talk during a Colonoscopy—
COLLOCUTIO INTER COLONOSCOPIAM
Medical Confab—
CONFABULATIO CUM MEDICO
Homeland Security—
SALUS PATRIAE
Useful Phrases for Barbarian Evildoers—
LOCUTIONES UTILES MALEFACTORIBUS BARBARIS
Game Boy Chatter—
HORTAMINA PUERORUM LUDENTIUM ENCHIRIDIIS LUSORIIS
Modern Vatican Latin—
SERMO LATINUS HODIERNUS IN VATICANO
Learned Latin for Lovers—
SERMO LATINUS DOCTUS AMATORIBUS
Classical Kiss-offs—
VALEDICTIONES ANTIQUAE
III Sermo Latinus Eruditus
Advanced Latin
You Know You May Be a Roman If . . .
SCIAS TE FORTASSE ROMANUM ESSE SI . . .
Restaurant ’Tude—
BILIS IN POPINA
The Bestseller List—
TABULA LIBRORUM VENDIBILISSIMORUM
Latin for Trekkies—
SERMO LATINUS SECTATORIBUS PEREGRINATIONIS ASTRALIS
Attack Ads—
PRAECONIUM PROCAX CANDIDATORUM
Business Latin—
SERMO LATINUS NEGOTIALIS
Furat Emptor—
LET THE BUYER GO MAD
Stealth Latin—
SERMO LATINUS CLANDESTINUS
Stealth Latin for Golfers—
SERMO LATINUS CLANDESTINUS IN LUSU CALEDONIO
Bad Latin, the Dirty Dozen—
SERMO LATINUS IMPUDICUS: DUODECIM OBSCENA
GOTHAM BOOKS
Published by Penguin Group (USA) Inc. 375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, U.S.A.
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Published by Gotham Books, a division of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.
First electronic edition, December 2004
Copyright © Henry Beard, 2004
All rights reserved
Illustrations copyright © James Sherman, 2004
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Penguin Group (USA) Inc.
MSR ISBN 0-7865-5369-3
AEB ISBN 0-7865-5370-7
Set in Dante MT and Trajan
Designed by Sabrina Bowers
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