Wrestling Against Myself (58 page)

“We're also studying her in my beginning psychology class.”

“So I want to be a nurse?”

“No. Florence Nightingale Syndrome is when a person is taking care of someone in desperate need and develops romantic feelings for them, like with you and Courtney. Here is a girl who had no friends, who's being teased and bullied, and you, in typical Tiny fashion, play the hero. You take care of her, watch out for her well being and keep her safe, it's no doubt you were in danger of developing feelings for her and you did. It's all psychological.”

Tony sat in silence as he let the information settle. It did make sense and he could see it playing out that way. “Let's say you're right, what does it matter?”

“It matters a lot. You didn't fall in love with her, you fell in love with the situation and that is making you overlook the major reason why you can't be in love with Courtney as a person. You love being the hero, you love coming to someone’s rescue, you love being the cowboy riding in on a white horse wearing a white hat, but there's no possible way that you love a girl who has a penis!”

“What if you're wrong? What if I do love her?”

“Then you're further lost than I had realized.” Carl said as he opened the door.

“I guess you're still not going to be my friend, huh?”

“I'll always be your friend,” Carl said as he got out of the car. “The reason I'm doing this is because I am your friend. You think this is easy for me? We go way back to the first wrestling practice our freshman year when we both didn't know squat, you're like a brother to me.”

“I'm touched.”

“I have to do this for your own good. If I mean to you as much as you mean to me, you'll examine exactly where you're at and come to the same conclusion. I'm not telling you to toss Courtney to the side. I would never suggest such a thing. But you are going to have to realize a romantic relationship with her is fifty shades of wrong.”

“And I hope you're looking inside your heart as well,” Tony said as he opened up his door to get out. “Maybe you'll realize your concerns are misplaced.”

“I guess all that either of us could do is pray about it and hope that God opens one of our eyes. Have a good day, Tiny.”

“Be good to yourself, friend,” Tony called out as Carl walked away.

School was mundane, falling into a predictable pattern that Tony didn't realize he longed for. During first lunch, Carl and the group ate at different tables, Dave and Ted didn't show up to the cafeteria at all, and the minutes ticked away. It was surreal that no one resorted to name calling or petty bullying and before Antonio knew it, the day was over. He dropped Courtney at her home and went to his own to unwind for awhile.

Tony followed the same routine he did on Wednesdays and showed up at the church before anyone else did for youth group. He walked to the second floor and made his way into Pastor Bob's office, sitting in the plush chair across from his spiritual mentor as the Pastor stared at his computer monitor.

Pastor Bob didn't take long, struck a few keys on the keyboard and then turned his attention on the teen across from him. “Mr. Tiny, I'm glad to see you're right on time for our little meeting this week.”

Tony grimaced, but hoped it passed as a smile. “Good to see you too.”

“You've been quite the topic of conversation the past few days.”

“I take it Carl beat you to me.”

Pastor Bob smiled warmly. “I did have a conversation with Mr. Stevens, Monday in fact.”

“He didn't waste any time.”

“He was concerned about you. Told me about your relationship with this girl you both know.”

“Yes, with Courtney.” Tony knew he came off short to the pastor and that wasn't his plan. He wasn't annoyed at the man he often sought advice from, but because Carl aired out his business before he had a chance to present the facts.

“I take it from What he said; this is the same girl we've been talking about for the past month.”

“One in the same,” Tony returned his voice to a more respectful tone.

“I see.”

“Are you the one who told him to cast me out and leave me to Satan so my body could be destroyed but my soul saved?”

“Doesn't sound like a piece of advice I would have given, unless you were carousing with your father's wife. You're not dating your step-mother are you?”

“No,” Tony said with a laugh. “You know I don't have a step mother.”

“I thought I remembered that. I told Carl what I tell most young adults; follow the way that the Lord is convicting you. If Carl feels the Lord is leading him to shun you, then that is what he need to do.”
“So God wants to punish me for dating Courtney?” Tony asked in an academic fashion.

“Not exactly. Maybe the Lord is allowing Carl to separate from you so that he can examine himself and his feelings about the situation. There is conflict inside Carl about the situation and maybe it's best he removed himself for a while so he can come to terms with things. Then again, maybe the relationship is as ill conceived as Carl believes it is, do you feel convicted about being in a relationship with this girl?”

Tony was surprised at how Pastor Bob could make such a statement and not come across as being judgmental. “Not really.”

“Then my suggestion is as it always is, pray and dive deeply into God's word. The old seek, ask, knock, you can never go wrong if you do those three things.”

“But am I wrong for having a romantic relationship with Courtney?”

“Are you having doubts that you should?”

“Not really, but everyone around me seems to think so.”

“Are you being sexually immoral with this person?”

“No!” Tony shouted the word and couldn't stress it strongly enough. “Not on your life.”

“Do you think it's possible you become sexually immoral with this person in the foreseeable future?”

“Not likely. I have control over myself in that fashion. The furthest I've ever gone was kissing and I don't do that often.”

“Kissing with this girl too?”

Antonio blushed. “Just once.”

“I see.”

“But should I be in a relationship with Courtney?”

“You want me to tell you whether or not you're right or wrong?”

“Exactly!”

“I can't answer that for you, Tiny. I don't know the entire situation and I don't know how God is speaking to your heart. All I can tell you is the tried and true answers of the Bible. Seek Ye first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you.”

Tony pointed in his seat. “Wasn't the answer I was expecting.”

“But it's the answer you need. All I know is what you have told me about this girl, and a bit of what Carl has told me. I know she was born in a male body, and that could be a hang up for a lot of people.”

“It's a huge hang up for Carl.”

Pastor Bob gave a stern look across the desk.

“Sorry, didn't mean to be judgmental.”

“As I was saying,” Pastor Bob relaxed in his office chair. “I don't know why she believes what she does. Could she be a female spirit living in a male vessel? Certainly. But that is between her and God. You can only go by how God leads you in this situation, not by what I say. I can give you advice on the relationship. I can tell you areas where you need to be careful, just as I would any other guy and girl.”

“I've heard those tips before when I was dating Jennifer.”

“And I trust you are following them.”

“To the letter of the law,” Tony said with a grin.

“Do you really want my advice on how to proceed with this girl?”

Tony was surprised to hear those words come from the pastor's mouth considering he said he wasn't going to weigh in. “Sure!”

“Get in the word together. Pray together. Seek God together. If God is not a central part of your relationship with this girl, then it's a bad thing.”

“That's what you said when I dated Jennifer,” Tony said in mock protest.

“Age old wisdom stands the tests of time, doesn't it?”

“I suppose it does, probably because it's good advice.”

“Now that that's out of the way, how about indulging me in a spirited game of ping pong?”

“Are you sure? I'm starting to get the hang of this body and I'm not going to shoot the ball over the moon anymore.”

“You've always been one to adapt to new and adverse situations.”

Tony assumed Pastor Bob was referring to more than his ability to play ping pong.

Even though nobody showed up on Tuesday for the prayer meeting, that didn't keep Antonio from arriving early to run things if people changed their mind and no longer blacklisted him.

He made his way through the silent parking lot, up the embankment that led to the school and into D-building. Tony opened the door to the classroom, at least the door was unlocked, but the room was empty. He leaned against the wall, but wasn't feeling hopeful that anyone would show.

After a few minutes the hallway door opened, rousing Antonio from his deep thoughts. He watched as Dave and Ted cautiously made their way towards him.

“I see you two made it,” Tony said warmly.

Both of them put their fingers to their lips and shushed him.

Tony was amused, wondering why they were acting so strange. If it was anyone else, he could probably deduce the situation, but with Dave and Ted one never knew.

“We wanted to talk to you,” Dave said in a whisper as he and his friend stood close to Tiny.

“Yeah,” Ted added a split second after Dave finished his sentence. “Like serious talk.”

“Okay,” Tony said, trying to sound grave, “let's talk about something serious.”

“You know the others decided not to show up to prayer group until you stop dating Courtney, right?” Dave continued to whisper.

“Carl told me the master plan; I'm being punished until I can kowtow to people's expectation of me. I assume you decided to join in the games.”

“Not really,” Ted said. “On Tuesday we didn't know what was going on until we showed up at the new place where we are holding the morning prayer thing. We're not supposed to tell you where it is.”

“Yeah,” Dave continued. “We got a call Monday night and all it said was prayer group moved. No one told us it had anything to do with you. We figured moved because we lost the room or something. It was at prayer meeting that Carl gave us all the details and what the plan was for you.”

“And you decided to follow him. You didn't show up to lunch yesterday.”

“Yeah, that,” Dave said. “We decided we'd keep going to the library and work on our game until this whole thing sorts itself out.”

“We don't want to get caught in the crossfire,” Ted continued.

“So you're not here for prayer meeting then,” Tony said, offended that two of the outcast he took in weren't going to stand by him.

“We can't Tiny,” Ted said. “We don't have anything against you and Courtney being with each other. But there are other things we have to watch out for.”

“We don't want this mess spilling over. You can take care of yourself if push comes to shove and it's not like you still aren't the most popular guy in the school. But, if people turn on us, we're buzzard meat, we don't stand a chance and it'll be worse than before.”