Wraiths of Winter (The Haunting Ruby Series Book 3) (30 page)

“No, no—not about
that
!” His face flushed with
embarrassment as he floundered to explain himself. “She was
right about us needing time alone together. We haven’t had
much of that lately.”

Oh
!
Now that was more like the Zach I knew and
loved. “No, we haven’t. We have a few hours—do you want to
watch a movie?”

He shook his head no. “I really just want to talk. Tell
me about your night.
You guys are home awfully early so I
figure something must have happened.”

Zach dimmed the lights, I settled back in his arms and
we talked.
First about the earthquake that only seemed to
affect the theater and then about the doubt I had concerning
Drake’s innocence. Then we moved to happier topics. We
discussed college
and
the
apartment
we planned to get
together.
And how we were going to slip a one bedroom
studio past my dad’s watchful eye.

Hot chocolate always
made me
sleepy
so as
Zach
talked about his day at the shelter, I fought to keep my eyelids
open. I was so comfortable there with him that, eventually, I
lost that battle. That’s when the true war began.

It was a hot summer day, the sun shining brightly high
in the sky. The radio in the car was blasting—the concert was
starting in less than an hour.
We were only a few miles
outside of Harrisburg when the front wheels of the car rolled
onto the bridge. Destiny Bridge.

The action played out in slow motion, every terrifying
second of the bridge collapse stretched out for an eternity.
Only it was different. The couple in the car in front of us was
Rachel and Boone, the child in the backseat wasn’t exactly a
child. It was Zach. But it wasn’t just the people who were
different—I was different, too.
Because this time, I knew
exactly what was going to happen long before it actually did.

The boy beside me in the car was Lucas this time. He
looked like Lee, he spoke Lee’s words, but he wasn’t Lee. The
CD played at half speed, slow and mournful like a warped
record.
As Zach watched, Lucas sunk his tongue into my
mouth and kissed me. I wanted to fight him off but I couldn’t.
Things had to take the same course they did the first time
around.

And as the bridge fell defeated into the Susquehanna
River, I had to watch helplessly as the car in front of us sunk
into oblivion carrying Zach with it. Lucas promised that we
would always be together and everything faded to white.

“Ruby! Wake up!” Strong arms shook and embraced
me both at the same time.

My ears rang with the echo of a scream—my scream. I
was shaking all over and tears were streaming down my face.
The dream felt so real because, actually, it was. Every word
Lucas
and
I read were
scripted—taken from
the actual
conversation Lee and I had in the car that day. Would that
accident never stop haunting me?

“It’s okay—you’re safe,” Zach repeated over and over,
holding me tightly as I wept.
But there was something off
about him. Something just wasn’t right.

When my tears finally dried, I described the dream for
him in detail including the kiss I shared with Lucas. He put on
a brave face for my benefit but it was obvious—painfully
obvious—that he was jealous of that kiss even though it was
just in a dream. Maybe jealous wasn’t the right word for it.
Threatened. Yes, he was definitely threatened by it.

“I didn’t even want to kiss him, Zach! It was just
something that had to happen.
It was like the nightmare
couldn’t end without it,” I pleaded. Was I really defending my
motives
for
kissing
Lucas in the middle of a freakin’
nightmare—something I had no control of whatsoever?

“Don’t explain, Ruby. I understand,” Zach replied
sadly. “I don’t
like
it but I understand it.”

Why did such sweet hot chocolate inspired sleep have
to turn so bitter? The mood was ruined and there was no way
to get it back now.
What I really needed to do was go home
and think things through. Alone.

“It’s getting kinda late, Zach, and evidently I need to
get some sleep,” I said as I grabbed my boots and hurriedly
yanked them on. “I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”

As soon as I spoke the words, he took his arms from
around my waist and quickly shoved his hands in the pockets
of his
hoodie. “Yeah, I hope you don’t have any more
nightmares.”

Without hesitation, I announced, “I’m pretty sure it’s
over.” I gave him a kiss on the cheek and headed for home.

A half hour later, I was curled up in bed with Coco,
lights off but not even trying to fall asleep.
The nightmare
about the bridge collapse wasn’t the only thing on my mind.
It wasn’t until I lay
down
that I noticed the
similarities
between what happened at the theater and a dream I’d had
weeks ago.

In that dream, I had a choice to make. I could either
walk straight into chaos to be with Zach or I could take the
easy way out and be with Lucas. In my nightmare, I never had
a chance to choose—the theater literally swallowed me up
before I could. But the real life episode at the theater ended
differently. Not only did I choose, I chose Lucas.

Sure, it wasn’t exactly the same. Zach wasn’t actually
there offering to help me to safety. But he was the reason I
almost walked straight into the path of that plummeting
mask. If it hadn’t been for Lucas….

But in my dream about the bridge, things were almost
the opposite. I didn’t want to kiss Lucas but I felt like I had to.
My heart was telling me not to but my body wouldn’t obey.
That kiss was unavoidable. Was it possible to love one person
but to be destined to be with another?
If it was, it would
explain everything. Well, sort of.

If Lucas really
was
the one I was meant to be with,
would fate be cruel enough to allow me to love Zach eternally
from afar?
The mere thought was depressing enough as it
was—I couldn’t imagine actually living my life that way. I was
nothing more than a puppet, dancing to and fro as destiny
plucked
maliciously
at
my
strings.
There was
only
one
solution—I had to find a way to sever the cords connecting
me to one of them. Somehow, I had to cut Lucas out of my life.

23. Love Like Winter

Did Ruby
know how beautiful she
was
while she
slept? Probably not—she didn’t even know the true depth of
her beauty while she was awake. But I did. The instant she
crossed into the land of dreams, I knew it. I was busy rattling
on about my day at work when she released a deep sigh and I
felt every muscle in her body relax. Was I offended that my
story bored her to sleep?
Hell no.
I was just happy that she
felt safe enough in my arms to just let all of her worries fade
away.

Mom always kept a blanket on the back of the couch. I
never understood why—was it just a mom thing to do? No
one ever used it but she insisted that it be there. Now, I was
glad that she did. I pulled it down around Ruby and tucked
her in as best as I could without waking her. As she snuggled
up next to me, I felt better about us than I had since the day
Lucas walked into our lives.

Gently, I brushed her hair out of her face and she
began to smile. She didn’t smile a lot lately. I knew she was
under a lot of stress and sometimes I was the source of it.
Okay, a lot of the time. She was torn between Lucas and me
and she didn’t know which way to turn. No, that was wrong.
It wasn’t Lucas that had her doubting our relationship—it was
Lee. Lucas was just the one taking advantage of that fact.

I understood why it was a difficult situation for her—
really I did. But it was just so freakin’ frustrating to watch
him weave a spot for himself in her life.
A spot that
he
didn’t
earn, his dead brother did. She was too innocent, too trusting.
Lee may have been an okay guy but that didn’t automatically
make Lucas one, too. The worst part was that it seemed the
more I tried to make her see that, the more she pulled away
from me. The tighter I held onto her, the more she struggled.
But if I let go, I was afraid she would drift away for good.

So I had to take the moments like this one and make
them last as long as I could. She had me pinned against the
couch in such a way that I was going numb from the ass down
but I wouldn’t dare move for fear that I would wake her. Not
exactly the wild night Rachel encouraged us to have but it was
just perfect for me. As long as we were alone and not arguing
over Lucas, it was a good night.

Valentine’s Day was less than a month away and I still
had to figure out the perfect way to celebrate it with her. She
said she’d never had a good Valentine’s Day with Lee so the
pressure was on for me to make it something for her to
remember. What could I do for her that I hadn’t already
done? I would’ve asked Rachel for ideas but I already knew
what she would say.

Tonight wasn’t the first night she encouraged me to
seal the deal with Ruby, so to speak.
The night we watched
movies together at Rosewood, Rachel had the audacity to
suggest that I should turn it into a XXX feature. With Ruby’s
dad downstairs? Hell no! If he walked in on us, it wouldn’t
have just been my first time—it would have been my last.

No, I had to make Valentine’s Day romantic for her.
And I had no idea of how to do that. I used to think I knew her
so well but lately, it was the exact opposite. She was like a
stranger to me some days and I just didn’t know how to make
her happy anymore. Valentine’s Day had to be perfect and not
an epic failure like the night I tried to take her ice skating.
The only problem was that I would have to do it on a tight
budget.
I still had to get that spare tire and paying Ryan’s
medical bills was draining me fast.
Money was something
Lucas clearly didn’t have to worry about. How could she
possibly have thought I sent her that scarf? It was definitely
expensive—I only
wished
I had that kind of money to spend
on her.

I was
just
getting
used
to not being
able
to feel
anything below the waist when Ruby started to twist and turn
restlessly in her sleep. Seizing my opportunity to adjust my
position, she suddenly tightened her hold on me and I thought
I’d woken her up. Then she started to speak and I knew she
was still in the grip of a dream.

“Okay, Lucas—but nothing more than kissing.
We
have an audience.”

Lucas. She was lying in
my
arms and dreaming about
kissing
Lucas.
Yeah, it
was
just a dream
but
there was
something about the way she said his name that caused me to
die inside just a little. She used to say
my
name like that—all
cute and
flirty
and
playful.
The
happy
little moan that
followed shot into my heart like a round from a .45. When I
said I would take a bullet for her, this wasn’t exactly what I
had in mind. She wasn’t just kissing him in that dream—she
was enjoying it!

I wanted to wake her but I didn’t. She was so tired
and stressed—it would have been cruelly selfish of me to do
that. It was in that moment that I knew I would let her go
without a fight if it was what she wanted. If she chose him
over me, I’d never be the same again but at least I would know
I’d done the right thing. And the right thing was to not stand
in the way of her happiness, no matter how much it hurt.

When her gentle tossing gave way to spasms and her
moans turned to screams, I had no other choice but to wake
her. Would she tell me what she was dreaming about? More
importantly, did I actually
want
to hear the gory details?
Loving her was dangerous in every sense of the word.

I held her tight and tried to gently waken her. When
that didn’t work, I shook her briskly until her eyes opened but
the screaming didn’t stop. Was Lucas that bad of a kisser?
Let’s hope so.

When she confessed the details of her dream to me, I
was torn. It was probably a good sign that she told me the
truth.
That meant she had nothing to hide, right?
Still,
hearing my girlfriend describe kissing someone else wasn’t
exactly pleasant—even if it was just in a dream.

I had to take it all in stride, though—I couldn’t risk
pushing her even further away. So I held her while she cried,
powerless to absorb her pain and practically drowning in my
own.
Maybe I could salvage what was
left of
our time
together, do something nice to let her know I was there for
her no matter what.
A backrub—everyone enjoyed those,
right? When I was just about to suggest it she jumped up and
started putting her boots on.

I shoved my hands into my pocket and let her walk
out the door. She didn’t even give me a real goodnight kiss,
just a peck on the cheek. It was like she didn’t want to say
goodbye the
right
way. The final blow was her parting words.

“I’m pretty sure it’s over.”

She wasn’t just talking about the dream, was she? The
heaven I’d found with her was slowly shifting into a fiery hell.
Was there life after Ruby? Broken hearts still beat just not
with the kind of passion I’d found when I met her. She was
irreplaceable.

Our love was like the very season itself. Beautiful yet
dangerous. Cold at times but well worth the chill when the
thaw finally arrived.
Winter always
led to spring and
a
renewal of all that was lost to the snow and ice.
Would it
work the same way for us? Even if it didn’t, I would never
forget Ruby Matthews or the way she made me feel.
Her
memory would stay with me forever.