Worthy of Redemption (36 page)

“I’ve always wanted to punch her square in her stupid, snotty face,” Emmy said with vehemence. “I’m glad you put the fear of God in her sorry ass.”

I told her about Kyle’s strange behavior before our trip to Bora Bora, and I told her about my trip home to Ohio. Emmy seemed genuinely happy that I had reconnected with my sister. When I told her about how well Kyle handled my nieces and nephew, her eyes glistened and she seemed proud.

As my story wound down to the present, her face became more and more serious.

“So, here I am,” I said with a sigh. “And I don’t know exactly what I was hoping to accomplish when I got here,” I said thoughtfully. “I guess…I guess I wanted to know your thoughts. You’re the only person who can kind of understand how I’m feeling right now. If you knew then what you now know, would you have left or would you have fought for him?”

“Do you want to fight for him?” she asked quietly.

“I don’t know,” I said, fidgeting with my second bottle of water. “I’m not a quitter, you know that, but…this is so damn draining. If I’m putting all of my energy into Kyle, I’m not going to have anything left to give to my baby.” I blinked up at the ceiling to keep my tears from slipping again.

Emmy was quiet for a moment. When she finally spoke, her voice was soft and full of emotion.

“I would not have fought for him,” she said.

I blinked at her. Honestly, that wasn’t the answer I was expecting to hear at all.

“Don’t misunderstand me,” she continued when she saw my face. “I
love
Kyle Sterling and I
always
will. I miss him,
all of the time
. I love my family, I love and adore my husband and I wouldn’t trade him in for anything or anyone, but I still love and miss Kyle. You have to understand how it was between us. It was like we got off on being fucked up together – I mean there was never a time in our relationship where things were as they should be. Instead of falling away from each other, the screwed up core of our relationship seemed to make us gravitate towards each other. It didn’t even make sense.”

She looked down at the pictures. She traced a finger over the bruises that had been on her face, put there by the man she loved and missed.

“He was my drug, and I was his,” she said so softly I almost didn’t hear it. “Our love was one of addiction and instability. Kyle broke me,” she said and then paused for a moment. Then she looked at my face with a hard expression. “But I broke him first.”

I stared at her, stunned by her words. I knew that Kyle was a broken man, but I never placed any of that blame on Emmy. She didn’t force him into their relationship and she didn’t beat him to end it.

“I don’t understand,” I finally said.

“I knew things were hard for him. I didn’t know all that you know, but I knew life was hard, and I knew that he had no one. I allowed him to believe that he could rely on me, that I could soothe his aching soul, but when it got too rough I pushed him too hard. If it wasn’t for me, he would have never fallen back into drugs. I was the straw that broke the camel’s back for Kyle.

“What he did to me was terrible and he has every right to take some of that blame, but I can’t blame him entirely. He was pushed – from all directions, and my push is what pushed him over.”

Emmy got up from the table and poured herself another glass of tequila. “Thank goodness I froze some breast milk, just in case I needed a drink.” She took a sip of the liquid and it seemed to soothe her. She rejoined me at the table and looked at me.

“As I said, I will always love Kyle, but I was never meant for him and he was never meant for me.
You
were meant for him and he was meant for you.”

“But…he doesn’t need me,” I said, feeling a little embarrassed by the truth of my words. “He doesn’t need me and he’s sure as hell not addicted to me.”

“Lily,” she said, reaching across the table to take my hand. “Hasn’t anyone ever told you addiction is really bad for you? Nothing good can come from any kind of addiction, especially an addiction to a person. Kyle only wanted me because he was addicted to me and vice versa. Look where we are now. He
wants
you. He
loves
you and I think he really does need you. Just because it isn’t carnal doesn’t mean that it’s not real. Kyle had every opportunity to tell me the things he’s told you and he didn’t. On some level he didn’t…trust me. On some level he knew that I couldn’t heal him, but already I can tell that you have already started to do that. So, I really mean this when I say it, so listen hard, Lily.”

She leaned forward. With tears in her eyes and a firm voice, Emmy said “Fight for him and don’t ever let him go.”

I was pacing back and forth in the bedroom when Luke came in carrying Kaitlyn. I had
heard him come into the house with her some time ago, but I didn’t go to them. He looked at me with a grim expression.

“You got into the tequila,” he said flatly.

“Yeah, but there’s milk in the fridge and freezer,” I said, not even pausing in my pacing.

“Why don’t we just get this conversation done and over with,” he said darkly and sat down on the bed.

“Where’s Lucas?” I paused then.

“We stopped at Emmet’s and he wanted to stay there. They were okay with it. They’ll bring him home in a couple of hours.”

“Okay,” I said, and resumed pacing.

“Emmy,” Luke said with exasperation.

I stopped in the middle of the room and looked at my husband. The pressure in my chest was threatening to explode all over the damn place.

“I have to help them,” I said, just barely fighting back my tears.

“Help who?” Luke asked me incredulously. “Kyle and Lily? No the fuck way, Emmy!”

Kaitlyn started at the sound of her father’s booming voice. I didn’t blame her. I jumped a little, too.

In a more controlled voice, he said “Let them take care of their own problems. You don’t need to be dragged into that shit.”

“I told her to fight for him,” I said more to myself. “But he should fight for her, too.”

“Well, I’m fighting for you, and I want you to stay out of it,” Luke said pushing off of the bed.

“You don’t have to fight for me, you already have me,” I said, sighing in frustration.

“If you wanted to help, you should have told Lily to stay the hell away from that bastard. She could get the shit beaten out of her, too.”

“He won’t do that to her,” I said, waving him off.

“The hell he won’t!”

“He won’t do that to her,” I said more firmly, looking at Luke resolutely.

“How the hell do you know, Emmy?” he demanded.

I balled up my fists and squeezed my eyes shut. “I know you can’t understand this, I know you can’t, Luke, but I know he will not hurt her like that.”

“Even if you’re right, it’s none of your business,” Luke said in a tone that indicated that the conversation was over, but it wasn’t. Not for me.

“It is my business,” I said to his back just before he walked out the door.

He stopped and turned around slowly to face me. “Why, Em? Why is it
your
business what happens between Lily and Kyle?”

“Until he knows that I have forgiven him, truly forgiven him, he will never forgive himself and he will never go back to her.”

Luke’s blue eyes narrowed and he took a few more steps toward me. “You
forgive
him? You forgive that asshole for what he did to you and Lucas? For what he
could
have done?”

I closed my eyes for a beat. “Yes, I do, and I know you can’t understand that either.”

His eyes flashed hot with anger. He shifted Kaitlyn from one arm to the other as he glared at me.

“Are you trying to just get back at me for what happened with Iri
s?” he asked in a hushed tone.

“I’m not trying to get back at you for what happened with Iris, I promise,” I said pleadingly. “But I can’t pretend that Lily didn’t come here today.”

“I can,” he snarled.

I pointed at him. “You’re not that heartless, Luke! You’re not. You can’t pretend you didn’t see her
round belly and you can’t pretend that everything is going to be okay for her without Kyle. You don’t know the things she’s been through in the past. She needs him.”

Now Luke closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again, he just stared at me for a long time before speaking again
, through gritted teeth. “What can you possibly do to help them?”

I stared at him and he stared at me. My heart thudded hard in my chest. The last thing we needed was another rift between us, but I would not feel right, nor would I forgive myself if I didn’t do this.

I told Luke what I needed to do and watched his face fall. My decision could possibly change at least four lives, and not necessarily for the better.

~Lily~

Emmy’s words had hit me hard. After all of the bullshit she had been through with Kyle, and after admitting to me that she still loved him and missed him, she still encouraged me to fight for him. I knew it probably hurt her to say that to me, but she seemed to really mean it. However, despite what she said, I wasn’t sure if I really felt like fighting for Kyle. Maybe it was pride, but I felt like
he
should have been fighting for
me
.

After leaving Emmy’s, I was on the road for only a few minutes before I noticed Corsey in my rearview mirror. This pissed me off. Why was Kyle sending someone after me if he didn’t fucking want me? He sure as hell didn’t need me. Emmy said that Kyle does want and need me in his own way, but I was having a very hard time believing that. Sending Corsey or one of his minions after me was more about control than love or wanting. He looked at me as a possession, especially since I was carrying his child, and having the minions follow me around was more about asset protection.

I drove into a parking lot at a strip mall and parked in the furthest corner away from the stores and customers. Corsey parked right behind me and in the rearview mirror I could see his eyes trying to discern what the hell I was doing.

It took a run—
in with an armed mugger and a crazy ride in Vic’s truck for me to get smart and carry some sort of protection. I had the usual pepper spray, but I also carried a small switchblade. I touched my back pocket as I got out of the car to make sure the blade was in place. I walked up to the driver’s side window and waited for Corsey to put the window down. He looked so pissed off. I had never seen him looking so angry before. I knew it was my fault and Kyle was probably giving him hell. I felt bad that he was away from his wife and child, but maybe he should have chosen a different line of work.

When the window was all the way down, he extended his arm out of the car, trying to hand me his cell phone. I looked at it as if it
was alien.

“Kyle is on the phone,” he said through a clenched jaw.

I sighed noisily and snatched the phone from him.

“What do you want,” I snapped.

“What the hell are you doing in Chicago?” Kyle growled into the phone. “Moreover, why the hell did you ditch Corsey?”

“I don’t have to answer your questions anymore because we’re not together anymore, asshole! You can’t tell me you don’t want to be with me and then have your goons follow
ing me around.”

“I’m trying to keep you safe!” Kyle yelled back at me.

“I don’t need or want your fucking protection, Kyle!”

Up until that very moment, I had not been sure what I wanted to do about him, but my decision flew out of my lips before I could really consider it.

“I’m done with this,” I said and then swallowed back a sob. “I’m done with
you
and being in second place to Emmy. I’m over this. Take your bar, your penthouse, and your hired stalkers and shove it all up your ass.”

I threw the phone at Corsey and he just barely caught it
before it could hit his face. He looked at me with a surprised expression on his face. He put the phone to his ear, and I had no doubts that Kyle was giving him some kind of instruction. I walked to the back of the truck as I pulled my knife out of my pocket. Quickly I opened it and stabbed the back tire. I went to the next back tire even as Corsey was stumbling out of the truck shouting at me. I put the blade into that tire, too. Corsey caught up to me with the phone still in his hand and to his ear.

“What the
hell is wrong with you?” he shouted at me.

I reached up and snatched the phone from his ear and hurled it as far as I could across the lot.

“Fuck you!” I yelled at him and marched back to my rental car.

Corsey followed after me and tried to stop me from closing my door. I know this was wrong…so very wrong, but I was so very angry and so very over this shit. I reached into my purse with one hand and brought the pepper spray up to his face. He froze instantaneously.

“I promise I will spray so much of this shit in your eyes that your future children will feel it,” I growled.

“I can’t
believe that you’d do that to me,” he said in disbelief. “We’re
friends
, Lily,” he said, looking hurt.

“If I am your friend you will go back to your truck and wait for triple A to fix your tires and you will let me go. You know this is bullshit, Corsey. You know it!”

He leaned in close to me. His dark eyes were weary, but hard. “If you were the mother of
my
unborn child, I would do
anything
to keep you safe, and if you cared anything about your baby, you would allow me to do my damn job.”

I stared at him with an open mouth. He just insinuated that I didn’t care about my baby. I wanted to spray him just for saying that.

“The person you need to keep me safe from is your boss,” I answered. “He’s the only one hurting me, and if
he
cared about this baby, he wouldn’t have run away like a little bitch. Step. Away. From. The. Car.” I held the spray with my finger on the trigger.

Corsey stared me down for a half a minute more before stepping back. He must have really known I wasn’t bluffing. I closed my door and drove away.

~~~

I drove through the evening and night. I stopped at the rental car place and discovered the XTS was where I left it. After some thought, I parked the rental and dropped the keys in a mail slot. I got into Kyle’s Cadillac and continued the next couple of hours towards…what I didn’t know.

I had told Kyle that I was going to move out, and I really felt that I should, but even after all of my hours of nothing but time to think, I couldn’t decide definitively what I was going to do. Moving back in with my friend in Camden was out of the question with a baby on the way. Since Kyle had apparently set Lydia, Mom, and the kids up so that they wouldn’t have to worry about anything, I now had more money. I could afford to live on my own while working at Sterling Corp. As for that, I decided that staying there would be okay while Kyle was in London. Maybe by the time he’d come back I would be on maternity leave and I wouldn’t have to deal with him. Taking the position that was meant for me at the bar was out of the question. I didn’t want anything else from Kyle, and if that meant having to throw my dream away in the process, I was prideful and stubborn enough to do just that.

I just wanted one more look at it before I threw it away.

The sun was just beginning to rise when I pulled into the newly paved lot at
Lily’s
. Marco had come up with the name, but maybe he should change it to
Marco’s
, because Lily wasn’t going to be there.

I got out of the car and used my key to let myself into the bar. I walked around,
zigzagging through the tables, running my hands along the mahogany bar and straightening the bottles of alcohol. It was like Marco had been in my brain when he designed the place. It was exactly how I wanted it, and it made me sad that I was going to give it up, but I had to break away from Kyle before my broken heart killed me.

A slight sound in th
e kitchen made me pause in my wanderings.

“Hello?” I called out, expecting Marco or one of the managers to shout hello back, but all I got was silence.

Okay, stop spooking yourself out, Lily
.

I waved it off. M
y nerves were a little shot.

I knew that the moment I started the Caddy up that the chance of Kyle’s goons tracking me again was high. I was surprised no one had showed up at the diner yet. I pushed the door open to the kitchen so I could get one last good look at it. I made it half way down the long isle between the prep table and the stoves when I realized I wasn’t in the place alone. Someone stood off to my left, in the doorway that
leads to the walk in refrigerator.

The alarm system was supposed to be installed later that day. It was almost overlooked completely, until Marco asked me if I wanted all of my liquor stolen.
SHOTZ
had not had an alarm system, but I was willing to do it anyway for my place. The problem was that it simply wasn’t installed in time.

“You can try to run, but you won’t get very far before I catch you, and then I’ll be angry that I had to chase you,” he said, stepping into the light.

Suddenly I understood why Kyle was so protective of me. I understood why I always had to have someone nearby incase trouble sparked up, because trouble was right in front of me and I was completely alone. Instinctively, I put my hands to my belly to protect my baby. I had left my pocketbook with my pepper spray and pocket knife on the bar, which was of no freakin’ use to me now.

“Where have you been?” I asked in a rush of breath.

“Under the radar,” he grinned. “Those assholes that were following me thought they were smarter than me, but they weren’t. It’s really just luck we’re here together today, but I’m not going to waste my opportunity.”

“To do what?” I choked out.

“To make you mine once and for all,” Vic said.

I would like to say that I fought him and won, but when he held up the enormous gleaming kitchen knife, I knew it was a fight I would lose. To make matters worse, a pain tore through my abdomen and back that nearly brought me to my knees. I let out a terrified cry as Vic grabbed me. I was less worried about what he would do to me and more worried about the fact that I just went into preterm labor, just like I had with Anna.