Worth The Fight (Hard To Love Book 1) (11 page)

I'm struggling to function properly, I'm pretty sure I just shot my brain down Bryce’s throat.
Shit, even the thought of it has my dick stirring again.
Neither of us has moved, so I'm currently kneeling on the floor with my shorts around my ankles and Bryce’s cock and cum in my hand, and the thing is, I’ve never felt happier in my life. I hear Bryce’s voice, it’s slightly muffled by my neck but his words make me laugh.

“I think I need to go have a shower before your hand dries to my dick. Not that I'm complaining, I rather like your hand there but it might be a bit hard to fight like that.” Even though I know he's right we both stay as we are for a few more minutes. It’s Bryce that makes the first move and I pull back, looking at his face to make sure there’s no regret there. I know I don’t regret one second of what just happened, and that actually shocks me a little. I like getting head, I would actually say that it’s my favorite, I just didn’t realize how good it would be from a guy. Looking down and seeing my dick disappear into Bryce’s mouth was something above and beyond erotic. He knew exactly when to increase pressure, when to ease back, and then he just knelt there and let me fuck his mouth.

God, I need to stop thinking about it before I'm rock hard again. This guy is doing something to my body, I've never done so little with someone but gotten so much pleasure from it. It makes me wonder how far I'm willing to let this thing between us go. As I look into Bryce’s eyes I realize that I'm willing to give him, or at least try, anything he wants. I want to see where this goes, as long as he's the one showing me the way.

I lean forward and kiss him gently on the lips, loving the smile he gives me in return.

“Go and grab a shower. I’ll finish breakfast and have it waiting for you.” It takes me a few attempts to stand as the feeing slowly returns to my legs. When I'm finally up I reach out and take his hand to help him up as well.

“When you get out I think we need to talk and work out what the hell is happening here.” It might be a little early for this conversation but I think it’s important to get it over and done with. We work together so there is more at stake here than just our feelings, we need to make sure that this wouldn’t affect his job if this doesn’t work out between us. I need him to know that even if this stops today his job is safe, and that I will hold nothing against him. A look of worry passes over Bryce’s face and I can’t help but laugh.

“Don’t look so scared, it’s not that bad. Go grab a shower, babe.” I kiss him again before leaving him standing in the middle of the kitchen. Just as I reach the sink I hear him call my name, I turn to look at him and see that he's looking down at my hands and laughing.

“Do me a favor? Wash your hands before you cook.” He winks at me and leaves me looking at my still messy hands.

I'm sitting at the small table in my kitchen when Bryce walks out of my bedroom wearing the jeans he arrived in yesterday. He's rubbing his still damp hair with a towel and I can’t take my eyes off him, he’s fucking gorgeous. It’s still a bit of a shock that I'm finding a guy so attractive, but I can’t deny it any longer. I know he’s not the first guy I’ve looked at in this way but he's the first that I’ve admitted to myself. When my dad told me that my feelings were wrong, that I shouldn’t be thinking like I was, I became an expert in denying them. I can hear the distant voice of my dad in my head but I'm determined not to listen this time. I’ve listened to his advice all my life and it’s gotten me nowhere, maybe it’s time to let the real me out.

“Do you have a spare top I can borrow? My t-shirt is crushed to hell and it’s not smelling too great.” He stands in front of me but I just point to the seat across from me. He sits with a smirk on his face and his dimple shows on his right cheek. It’s not the first time I've seen it, but now I can freely admit how sexy it makes him.

“I like what you’re wearing. I’ll get you something after you eat, I like the scenery at the moment.” He laughs as he picks up his mug of coffee and takes a drink.

“Wow, you make good coffee. Maybe I should get you to make it for me more often.” He looks at me over the top of his mug as he takes another mouthful.

“Maybe you should.” I pick up the bowl of eggs and pile them onto his plate while thinking how to start this conversation.

“As much as I love eggs, I don’t think I will manage the whole bowl.” I look down and see that I’ve nearly filled his entire plate with scrambled eggs.

“Shit. Sorry, let me sort that.” Bryce reaches out and stops my hand before it grabs the eggs.

“Calm down. You’re the one who told me not to worry, so how about you take your own advice. Tell me what’s bothering you.” He lets go of me and I look at the table, unable to meet his eyes just yet.

“See that’s the thing, nothing’s bothering me.” I look up and see a confused look on Bryce’s face.
Yeah, I would look like that too if I was him.
I continue, trying to make some sort of sense. “This thing between us, it’s not bothering me. I think it should, and I thought it would, but it doesn’t. The way I'm feeling about you doesn’t feel wrong, it feels like I'm meant to be with you.” I hear a loud sigh from Bryce and see his shoulders visibly relax.

“Thank fuck you said that. I was beginning to think that I was the only one feeling … whatever this is.” I shake my head, my own relief working its way through my body as Bryce speaks.

“No, not just you. Man, this shouldn’t be so hard, but I swear I feel so out of my depth here, Bryce. I don’t do relationships, actually I don’t do anything more than a one night stand. With you though, I want to get to know and be with you. That’s a new thing for me, wanting something more.” He leans over and grabs my hand, entwining our fingers together.

“I know this is all new to you, especially with me being a guy, so I'm letting you decide what you want. I can be anything you want, the only thing I won’t budge on is being faithful. If you’re with me Zeke, then you’re with me. I don’t share, I never have and I won’t start that for anyone.” I squeeze his hand, trying to decide what exactly I want. I just need to be honest with him and hope he understands.

“I hear you. And I don’t know what I want exactly, but I do know that I want to see where this might go. I won’t be able to be with you openly in public until I'm sure, and that’s something you need to decide if you’re happy with. I'm not in a sport where I can come out until I'm sure that’s who I am, but yes, I want to find that out with you and only you. So if you are happy to be with me, behind closed doors, then I’ll try to give you everything.” I finish and look at him expectantly.

He seems to think about what I've said for a few minutes, and I start to worry that he’s going to leave. Maybe I shouldn’t have said I couldn’t be public with him, maybe it was too soon, but I can’t lie to him. I do want this with him but I'm not willing to chance ruining my career for something that might not go anywhere.

“Okay, I can accept that to begin with, but know that if we go somewhere I won’t be your secret.” That’s the best I can ask for, a little time to see if this is what I want.

“Thank you, babe. I think we need to keep this very separate from the gym and fighting. I want you to know that no matter what happens, your job is safe. I'm not that kind of guy, I know I hated Ethan, but that’s not because I was fucking him.” Bryce’s cheeks flush when I mention fucking and my stomach tenses at the thought. The thing is, I don’t know if it’s tensing in fear or anticipation. There are so many things to consider but I think that’s enough for the day so I push his plate towards him.

“Eat. We can work it all out as we go along.” A funny thought comes to mind, which makes me laugh as I put some food into my mouth.

“Do I even want to know what’s making you laugh?” I take a few minutes to calm myself down, the thought makes me laugh more than it probably should. It’s really not that funny, but now that it’s stuck in my head I just can’t stop.

“It’s not even that funny. I just realized that by the end of this I might have a boyfriend, or even a husband.” Saying it out loud makes it seem even funnier. Bryce laughs at me and thankfully doesn’t seem to be taking offence.

“Only if you’re really lucky.” He winks at me and I feel a heat spread in my chest, I'm not sure what it is but if someone asked me to put a name to it, I would probably say I was happy. It’s been a long time since I felt truly happy and it feels strange.

We eat in silence for a few minutes, but its comfortable, like we’re happy just being together.

“I know that you’ve come out to your family, so have you ever had a boyfriend?” I didn’t think it was such a bad question to ask, but the color drains from Bryce’s face and he quickly puts his fork down. He won’t meet my eyes and I wonder what I've done wrong. I didn’t mean to upset him but I obviously have. I reach for his hand and tug him towards me turning him in his seat and I move my chair so I'm sitting in front of him. Cupping his face in my hands, I kiss his lips gently before speaking.

“I'm sorry. Whatever I said to upset you just forget it, I was being stupid.” I feel him exhale against my lips before he speaks, his voice quiet.

“It’s not you, it’s me. It’s just hard for me to think about what happened back home.” My mind is racing with all of the possibilities of what might have happened in his past, and I want him to tell me but at the same time I really don’t want to know.

“I had a boyfriend, Austin. He was the first guy I’d had a proper relationship with. We were young and in love, thinking that we would be together forever. We were at a fight one night, I was in the ring when some guys started hassling Austin.” I remember Coach mentioning his fighting history but I never thought to ask about it. I want to know more and I go to ask him about it but he kisses me, effectively stopping me from talking.

“It’s a long story, one for another time. I’ll tell you about my limited experience one day, but it’s very limited.” I lean forward and kiss him, letting him continue his story without interruption. I don’t think this story is going to have a lovely happy ending, but I think I need to hear it.

“So they were hassling him, pushing him around, getting quite rough. Things got out of hand and they really started pounding him, calling him a queer and a bender.” I hear his breathing become labored as his eyes fill with tears.

“I couldn’t get to him, his attacker’s friends held me back. It was my fault, I kissed him before the fight and they saw. It was my fault and I couldn’t save him. They killed him and I couldn’t do a thing to stop it.” His body shudders as he loses the fight against his tears. I swear it’s like I can see his heart break right in front of me. I pull him into my arms, wanting to take away all his pain but I can’t, so I let him cry as I try to hold him together.

We sit like this for a while, I don’t know how long and I don’t care. His crying stops and his breathing is almost back to normal. He pulls back from me looking a little embarrassed. I run my finger over his cheek and remove the last of his tears. He stares into my eyes for a couple of seconds before speaking again.

“When you said you didn’t want to come out because of the fighting, I fully understand. I know this sport isn’t the best place to be gay, I've been there and lived it. So yes, I will keep us a secret until you decide if it’s what you want. I will do anything to keep you safe, Zeke.” My heart breaks a little, knowing that Bryce would put his happiness aside for me and my career. I just hope that I will never have to choose between the two.

Chapter Eleven

The past few weeks with Zeke have been amazing, spending nearly all our time together. Inside the gym we’re nothing but professional, well actually that’s a lie, we try to be professional but sometimes the attraction just gets too much. I’ve found myself on my knees in the changing room a few times, with Zeke returning the favor more than once. The first time Zeke gave me head was a life altering moment. It wasn’t at the gym, it was at my place as I was trying to convince him that we needed to get to work. We’d been running late after my alarm didn’t go off and Zeke needed to leave first so we could arrive at different times. He wasn’t making it easy for me to rush him out the door though. After an incredibly passionate kiss he made us late in a very memorable way. He was awkward to begin with but was soon giving me the best blowjob of my life, and making me explode in a very embarrassingly short amount of time.

I'm watching him now as he fights with Santo. I can’t help the way my eyes roam over his body. I know that I’m not meant to show my feelings publicly, but I'm hard and there’s only one way that problem’s going to be solved. I make my way into the ring, watching as both men stop to look at me. Thankful that I have a long t-shirt on today I walk up behind Zeke and stand close behind him. I feel him tense slightly, probably wondering what I'm doing.

“You’re dropping your right shoulder. You need to keep yourself level or you're gonna tell your opponent what your next move is.” I purposely grind my hard dick into his arse and hear a gasp leave him. I pull his shoulders back with the pretense that I'm helping him, but I just want his body close to mine. He smells amazing, the mixture of his shower gel and him is the most intoxicating scent ever.

“Wow, you're good man. I was just standing here thinking how perfect Zeke’s stance was. I didn’t even notice that he was dropping. You need to teach me all you know.” Lewie, Santo’s trainer yells over to me as I readjust Zeke again, still grinding into him. I contain my laughter, knowing that he's right, Zeke’s form was perfect but I'm not planning on telling him that. I back up, leaving Zeke looking over his shoulder with darkening eyes, and I know that I will pay for that move later. A shudder runs through my body as I imagine what he might do.

“Right try again, keep your shoulders level.” I exit the ring, my eyes looking at Zeke’s body as he moves. He's hard like I knew he’d be, so he's hunched over pretending that he's blocking punches that aren’t actually coming. He's going to be mad, but it’s not like he's never done this to me before. I think the worst time was when I was lifting weights with a few of the fighters. I was bench pressing with Zeke spotting me when he started talking to me quietly, telling me everything that he planned to do to me that night and all the different ways he was going to make me come. It took about four seconds for my dick to be as hard as the weights I was lifting. The way I was lying made it very obvious that I was hard. My shorts were tenting enough to allow an entire family to camp under there. When I was going to stop and sit up when Zeke announced to the room that I had another set to do. I could’ve killed him, not only did I have to lie there for another six count, but everyone turned around to see why he was so loud. I don’t know if they noticed my hard on, but if they did, they were kind enough not to mention it.

I’m finding that the more time I spend with Zeke, the more I’m falling for him. He's nothing like I imagined, I expected a very alpha man who would grunt a lot and beat his chest a little. What I got is a really caring guy who actually thought deeply about things and he's smarter than I think anyone gives him credit for. I swear, some of the things he comes out with leaving me in shock. He always wanted to study to be a pilot, but he never got the chance. After his dad had pushed him into fighting, leaving his body in pain on a daily basis, he lost all passion for school. He dropped out as soon as he was able to and ran as far away from his family as he could. It’s a shame really, I would totally have loved to see Zeke dressed as a pilot. I mean, who doesn’t love a man in uniform? I have a feeling he would have worn it really fucking well.

I'm brought back to my senses when Santo hits the ground and I watch Zeke as he helps him get to his feet.

“Good fight, Santo, but I think I'm gonna head out. There’s something at home that needs my attention..” He starts unwrapping his hands as Santo throws his gloves to Lewie.

“Got some hot date waiting, do ya’?” Zeke turns to look at me as he speaks.

“Something like that, there’s just someone that needs taught a lesson or two.” I don’t even wait to hear what his next words are, I know I need to get out of here right now. If there’s one thing that we have discovered together it’s that we both love the chase. This game of cat and mouse is becoming one of our favorite things. I rush to the locker room, grabbing my bag without even checking if everything is in it before rushing out the front door. I knew it would end like this, I poked the bear and now he's going to charge. I need to get home before he catches me, he won’t care if we are behind closed doors or not. When he gets in this mood he’ll take me wherever I am. I know this after a hand job in the changing room of a local sports store. I had spent the day touching him, stroking his arm or brushing my hand over his arse. It took less than two hours for him to pin me up against the changing room wall and take his frustration out on me. I smile as I remember that day and my dick hardens as I imagine what he's going to do to me today.

I pull into my driveway and jump out of my car quickly. I don’t know if Zeke would have hung around at the gym to grab a shower, if he did I will have a little longer to get prepared. I enter the house, leaving the door unlocked behind me for Zeke and throw my bag into the closet by the front door. Rushing down the hall to my bedroom, I strip out of my clothes as I move. I turn on my shower and climb in before it heats up, the sting of the cold water making my skin tingle but it’s soon replaced by a warm caress. I’m rinsing my hair when a hard body presses against my back and pushes me up against the tiles.

“Is this what you had in mind when you were teasing me? Is this what you wanted to feel?” He grinds his rock hard dick into my arse and I groan. My own dick hardens immediately, the pressure of it against the tiles making me go cross-eyed with the intensity.

“Does that feel good, baby?” I lean my head back onto his shoulders as I moan in agreement. He bends his knees, pushing his dick between my cheeks, and my legs nearly give out. I hear Zeke’s groan in my ear as he moves his lips to my ear.

“I think I'm ready.” Four words and my whole world stops turning. My mind is finding it difficult to focus and I hear him repeating the words again.
He's ready? Is he sure?
I need him to be sure, but I also need to feel him more than anything. We’ve done a lot of things, had many orgasms in many different ways but we haven’t taken that final step yet.

“Are you sure? How do you want it?” My voice is shaky. I should sound more in control but it’s just impossible.

“I'm sure, but I'm not ready for me. Can I have you?” He sounds hesitant, like he's worried that I'm not going to agree to him taking me. Little does he know that I want him inside me as much as I want inside him. My arse cheeks clench as I imagine him slipping inside my body and slowly filling me. I reach out and turn off the water. I want this to mean something, and there’s no way it’s going to happen in a shower. I push back against his chest and he moves, letting me turn around. I kiss him, trying to show him how much I want this to happen. He pulls away, takes my hands and pulls me slowly out of the bathroom and through to my room. Standing next to the bed he captures my lips again as his hard dick brushes against mine.

“This is new territory for me, baby. You’re gonna have to show me what to do.” I smile at his words. I really love it when he calls me baby. I don’t think he realizes he’s saying it, it’s just something that seems to come naturally to him.

“Just take your time, the rest we’ll work out.” I push against his chest until he's lying on the bed. He scoots himself backwards on his elbows and I follow him closely, kneeling above his prone body. I claim his mouth while making sure my body doesn’t come into contact with his. I want him to just feel my lips and let the anticipation build. My lips leave his as they brush over his jaw, down his neck and over his chest where I take his nipple into my mouth and bite it gently, earning me a breathy gasp. I don’t get to torture him very long as he wraps his legs around me and flips me onto my back before positioning himself above me. When he moves away, I start to panic that’s he's leaving but I hear the bedside drawer open and I know what he's doing. He throws the lube and condom next to me on the bed and my muscles clench in anticipation. Leaning down he kisses me, it’s lazy but full of passion, making my blood hum under my skin. I could lie here all night and kiss him like this, but I need to feel him inside of me now. I reach out, grabbing the lube that’s beside me and open it. I drip it onto my own dick, making sure that there’s enough to spread between us both. I rub it over myself and the back of my fingers brush over Zeke’s dick, making him groan.

“If you keep doing that I won’t last long enough to get inside you.” Even though he says the words, his body never stops moving against me, and I open my fist taking both of us in my grip. I love it when we move together like this. Zeke’s dick is slightly longer than mine and I love the way it looks when it moves between my fingers. He thrusts a few times, his eyes closing as I increase the pressure and our lips never part.

All too soon he pulls away, sitting back on his knees and looking down at me. He looks worried, like he’s unsure what to do next and I decide to help him out. I sit up slightly, the bottle of lube in my hand and I pour some into Zeke’s hand before putting his hand on my dick. He stokes his hand over me, spreading the slickness and making my eyes roll with the blissful caress. I jolt when I feel his mouth connect with me, his tongue licking the underside of my erection all the way down to my balls. Sucking in a breath, I concentrate on just feeling what’s he's doing, a groan leaving me as he sucks one of my balls into my mouth.

I’m so turned on, barely able to control my hold onto my orgasm. I can feel it building already, tingles shooting through my body from deep in my balls. I think knowing that tonight we will be taking that extra step is making every touch more important, more intense. We’ve done a lot of exploring so far, I’ve blown him while fingering him and even tongue fucked his arse, but tonight I will get everything. I will admit that I can’t fucking wait until he gives me his whole body, but tonight I’ll be more than happy to feel him inside me. I’m brought out of my thoughts by his finger slipping between my arse cheeks and I suck in a breath as he presses over my hole.
Fucking hell, that feels amazing
. He rubs around it gently, and I want nothing more than for him to push inside me. What I don’t expect is for him to move to the side of me. I look up at him in confusion and see Zeke smile down at me as he taps my hip.

“I'm sorry, sexy. But I want you on your stomach. I don’t know what I'm doing so I want to do this the easy way to start with.” He leans down and kisses me. “I promise that next time I will look you in the eye when I take you.”
Fuck, his words make my dick twitch.
I roll over onto my stomach, keeping my arse tilted up so I don’t put pressure on my already aching cock. His fingers knead my cheeks when I feel his body move up behind me. I keep my head down, knowing that if I turn to see his face I may lose it completely.

The cool drops of lube between my crack have me gripping the sheets and biting my lip until I can taste blood. I hear the ripping of the condom wrapper and I never realized how erotic that sound was before. The quietness after has my body vibrating where I am, my skin feels like it’s fully charged and ready to leave my body.

My heart starts to race as his finger comes back and meets with my skin, the pressure against my hole making my eyes cross. He pushes inside me, easing in gently with one finger. After a few strokes he adds another finger, scissoring them inside me. He brushes over that spot inside me that has my body shooting up of the bed.

“Did I hurt you?” Zeke asks as he rubs his free hand up my spine, soothing me back down onto the bed.

“No, baby. It’s just so good, better than good. It’s fucking perfection.” I give myself a mental pat on the back, proud I managed to get some words out when my entire brain is focused on what his fingers are doing inside me.

“Am I doing okay? I don’t want to hurt you, but I want you ready to take me.” I suddenly work it all out. If he's trying to give me a heart attack by just speaking to me he's doing a bloody good job of it. I can’t take much more, I need him inside before my part in this is over.

“Do it, Zeke. For the love of fucking god, get inside me.” I hear his chuckle from behind me and it makes the hair on the back of my neck stand on end.
Yeah, he's definitely trying to kill me.

I feel warmth against my hole as he presses the tip of his dick to it.
Fucking hell.
It’s like it’s scorching me through the condom and I'm not sure if I’ll survive what’s about to happen. He pushes against me, slipping past the tight ring and making my breath catch in my chest. I feel tears building in my eyes, but it’s not from discomfort, it’s because that with every inch he pushes inside me I feel myself fall in love with him. When he's fully inside me I know without hesitation that I am deeply in love with Zeke Raine.