Woman of Grace (32 page)

There was no sign of Conor, Hannah realized as she rushed back the way she had first come. As she drew near, she heard the sound of male voices lifted in anger. Fearfully, Hannah pulled up, hesitated, then squared her shoulders and entered the barn.

Conor, both arms outstretched, held back two bleeding, disheveled men. “That’s enough!” he commanded. “Do you two hear me?
That’s enough!
”

At his words Devlin appeared to respond, backing away. Evan, however, did everything but crawl over his father trying to get to Devlin.

“It’s not over by a long shot,” he cried, glowering at his older cousin. “That backstabbing, low-down snake stole Hannah from me. And he’s never once kept his nose out of my business!”

“I didn’t steal anyone from you,” Devlin snarled in turn. He pulled a handkerchief from his back pocket and dabbed gingerly at his split lip. “You just need to grow up, and take your knocks like any other man.”

Conor shot his cousin an irritated look, then turned back to his son. “This obsession of yours with Hannah has got to stop. She told you months ago it was over between you two.” He looked to Hannah. “That’s right, isn’t it?”

She nodded. “Yes, that’s right.” Taking that as her cue, she walked up to stand beside Conor. “Please, Evan. Stop this fighting over me. Devlin’s your cousin. He’s family. It breaks my heart to see you two so angry with each other.”

“You love him, don’t you?”

The unexpected, outrageous question took Hannah aback. She stared at Evan, momentarily speechless.

“Well, don’t you?” The young man’s eyes narrowed, and he studied her with sullen intent. “Come on, Hannah. It can’t be that hard to figure out. It sure wasn’t when it came to me.”

“Leave her be, Evan!” Grasping Hannah by the arm, Devlin pulled her to stand beside him. “When it comes down to it, she’s not and never has been the real cause of our little feud. We’ve been at each other’s throats for years, and you know it.”

“Yeah, maybe so,” Evan drawled, never taking his eyes off Hannah. “But what’s wrong with hearing the truth from her? If she even knows
what
the truth is these days.”

Conor grabbed his son’s arm. “That’s enough, Evan. Hannah doesn’t owe you or any of us an explanation.” He tugged gently. “Come along now.”

With an abrupt jerk, Evan freed himself of his father’s hold. “I’m not going anywhere until I hear what Hannah has to say!” His furious, smoky blue gaze bore into her. “Well, do you love Devlin, or not?”

An answering anger swelled in her. “That’s none of your business!”

Evan gave a careless shrug. “Maybe so, but after all that cooing and kissing tonight, I’ll bet Devlin’s itching to hear your answer.” With a final seething gaze at his cousin, the younger man strode past the pair back toward the house.

Conor quickly cast an anxious look at Hannah and Devlin, then hurried after his son.

Hannah slanted a nervous, uncertain glance at Devlin. He stared back at her, an uneasy look in his eyes. After what they had left unfinished on the porch just a short time ago, Hannah wondered if he wasn’t indeed wondering about her true feelings. She knew
she
wanted to know how he had felt about kissing her. What was the point of pretending it hadn’t affected her?

“It’s true, you know,” she said softly, meeting Devlin’s gaze. “I do love you.”

In the stunned silence, Hannah watched as a wild riot of emotions flashed in Devlin’s eyes—joy, a deep satisfaction, then growing horror. He shook his head, staggered back. “Oh, Hannah …” He swallowed hard. “It won’t work. I-it can’t.”

With that, Devlin turned on his heel and rushed from the barn. She stared after him, shocked and humiliated. What had she done?
Dear Lord, what had she done?

Tears filled her eyes. Her stomach lurched, and the barn interior began to whirl crazily. For a moment, she thought she might either faint or retch. Then everything righted itself—everything but the reality of Devlin’s rejection.

With a low cry, Hannah turned and ran from the barn.

19

When I looked for good, then evil came unto me; and when I waited for light, there came darkness.

Job 30:26

She had to find Devlin. Had to find him and explain. He cared for her. Hannah knew that from the myriad ways he had shown it in the past months, and from the kiss they had shared on the porch this evening. Now she needed to hear what he truly felt for her.

Even if, for him, it never went past caring.

A quick glance to the front porch of the main house revealed that Devlin hadn’t returned there. Hannah looked up the hill, hoping to catch a glimpse of him striding to his own house. She saw nothing.

There were sounds, though, emanating from the second barn as she hurried past it. Hannah slowed, drew to a halt, and listened. A horse snorted. Leather creaked, metal jingled. Then came the sound of a saddle protesting, as if someone were mounting.

In a rush of movement and rapid hoofbeats, a rider and big bay bolted from the open barn door. Hannah jumped back.

“Devlin!” she cried, recognizing his powerfully muscled form. “Don’t go! We need to talk!”

“No,” he yelled as he rode past. “Not tonight!”

Clutching her skirts, she ran after him. “Where … where are you going?”

“To town,” he flung back.

With a flurry of dust and pounding hooves, Devlin headed down the road. The moonlight illuminated his dark figure as he rode through Culdee Creek’s front gate and topped the hill. Hannah watched until he disappeared, then turned and walked slowly back to the main house.

Swathed in shadows, Abby sat on the porch in the wicker rocker. “What happened in the barn?” she asked at last, when Hannah said nothing.

“He apparently didn’t like hearing that I loved him.”

Abby was silent for a time. “No, I don’t suppose Devlin
would
like knowing that,” she finally said. “Loving you scares him witless, and he doesn’t know what to do about it.”

At her friend’s words, renewed hope sprang to life. Then, with a weary sigh, Hannah quickly banished it. “Well, he isn’t helping things any, telling me it can’t work between us”—she walked over and sank into the other chair—“then riding off to Grand View to get away from me.”

“Devlin’s always had trouble accepting happiness into his life. Ella told me once that even after they married, for a long while Devlin was as wild-eyed crazy as a cow at branding time. He had a hard time settling down to a normal, happy family life.”

“Well, he’s never going to have another normal, happy life with a woman if he doesn’t start having a little faith in himself,” Hannah muttered, frustration welling in her.

“You’ve helped him a lot since you came to Culdee Creek. Helped him open his mind and heart to far greater possibilities—in himself and in others.”

“It makes me mad, though, that he ran tonight, instead of staying to work things out between us. Mad and frustrated and of a mind to—” Her thoughts racing, Hannah rose from her chair and strode to the porch railing. Once there, she whirled around to face her friend.

“Whatever are you thinking?” Abby asked, staring up at her in suspicion.

“I need to talk to Devlin. Tonight.”

“Well, I don’t think he’ll be getting home any time soon. I’d bet he’s planning on a long sojourn in Sam Green’s saloon.”

Hannah turned. Her hand gripping one of the porch’s support pillars, she nodded with firm resolve. “Then I’ll just have to pay the saloon a little visit.”

Abby stood and joined Hannah at the railing. “Can’t this discussion with Devlin wait until morning? Nearly everyone’s abed, and Conor’s still talking with Evan. There’s no one to take you to Grand View tonight.”

“No, I suppose there isn’t.” Hannah’s shoulders sagged. “Guess that settles that.”

“At least for tonight.” Her friend patted her hand. “Besides, it’s best you give Devlin time to cool down.”

“Yes, that’s probably a good idea.” She paused. “Well, now that Devlin’s gone, I guess I’ll need some help getting the children home.”

Abby turned to her. “Why not leave them in Beth’s room for the night? She won’t mind and, since they’re all asleep by now, there’s no sense disturbing them ’til morning.”

Gratitude at her friend’s thoughtfulness filled Hannah. “It probably would be best. Thank you so much, Abby.”

“Go on. Head back to the bunkhouse and make yourself a cup of chamomile tea, then go to bed and get a good night’s sleep.” She squeezed Hannah’s hand, then released it. “Tomorrow’s soon enough to deal with all this.”

“Yes.” Hannah nodded firmly. “Yes, it is. I’ll see you in the morning then.”

“In the morning.”

Sleep for Hannah, however, didn’t come as quickly or easily as she had hoped. As the next hour passed, thoughts of the evening kept creeping into her head, stirring wild emotions and endless unanswered questions. Fear stole in as well. Fear of the morning and what it would bring. Fear that the wonderful future she had hoped was building with Devlin was over. And a fear that, at long last, because she didn’t think she could bear to be near Devlin if he didn’t love her, she’d have to leave Culdee Creek.

Finally, Hannah gave up on sleep. She rose to pace her bedroom with fast, jerky steps. Her tension, however, only grew. Thoughts of going after Devlin rose once again.

“I can saddle a horse and ride,” she muttered, clutching her wrapper tightly to her. “Grand View’s less than a half hour away. Besides, the moon’s bright enough to light the road.” She nodded with growing resolve. “I’ll be fine. No one will even know I’m gone, and surely Devlin will ride back with me.”

The decision made, Hannah hurriedly dressed in a divided riding skirt, shirtwaist blouse, and boots, then quietly left the bunkhouse and headed toward the second barn. Abby’s horse, Culdee Fire, was stabled there. The animal was gentle and steady, and Hannah knew her friend would forgive her borrowing it.

After tacking up the mare, Hannah led her from the barn and mounted. For an instant she stared up at the main house, renewed uncertainty flooding her. Then she squared her shoulders, nudged Culdee Fire in the side, and rode out after Devlin.

The night was warm, the moonlit countryside bathed in a soft, velvety glow. If the journey had been for happier reasons, Hannah would’ve enjoyed the ride. But she was scared to death of Devlin’s reaction to being confronted in the saloon. And she didn’t know what she would say to him. One way or another, though, they needed to get things settled between them tonight.

As Hannah neared Grand View bright lights and voices from Sadie Fleming’s, and the dimmer illumination and piano music pouring out through the Prancing Pronghorn’s half doors, shattered the dark, silent night. Passing the bordello, Hannah stiffened reflexively. That life was over now, she firmly reminded herself, letting her gaze settle on the saloon. Over forever.

Several horses already filled the few spots at the hitching post before the saloon’s entrance. Hannah rode Culdee Fire around to the west side of the building, and secured her to the fence separating the saloon yard from the expanse of land between it and Sadie’s big, ornately wood-trimmed house and landscaped grounds. That done, she strode back around, climbed onto the boardwalk fronting the saloon, and drew up before its two half doors.

The acrid smell of cigarette and cigar smoke mixed with the scent of unwashed male bodies. A piano tinkled plaintively in one corner of the large, open room. The giggles and soft laughs of several gaudily clad women mingled with the discordant shouts and calls of the men within. It wasn’t a place Hannah had envisioned entering ever again.

But Devlin was in there. Culdee Star was one of the horses tied before the saloon. And it was for Devlin that she had ridden all this way.

Hannah dragged in a fortifying breath, then braced herself to push past the swinging doors and walk into the saloon. As she raised her hand to the door, an arm snaked out of the shadows and clamped around her wrist.