Woman of Grace (31 page)

“Well, enjoy yourselves. Good night.”

Hannah watched Conor and Abby, arm in arm, head into the house. She smiled, then turned to Devlin. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen two people more in love. I’m so happy for them.”

“Yeah,” Devlin agreed, “Conor couldn’t have found a better woman. She was sure a long time in coming, though.”

“Which goes to show that you shouldn’t ever lose hope, doesn’t it?”

He arched a brow. “Please, Hannah. No lectures on my birthday. Don’t I get even one day off a year?”

“Oh, you get plenty more than just one day off, Devlin, and you know it!” At the smile twisting one corner of his mouth, Hannah giggled. “Besides, however you choose to take it, what I said is meant to be encouraging. You’ll find another woman who’ll make you feel happy and complete someday.”

At her words, Devlin stared at her hard, then stood and walked to the porch railing. “Sometimes,” he said, his back to her, “you can’t always have what you want.”

At the poignant note in his voice, overlaid as it was with a deep resignation, Hannah’s heart went out to him. She climbed to her feet and moved to stand beside him.

“No, you can’t always have what
you
want.” Taking his hand in hers, she clutched it close to her side. “You can, though, if God wants you to have it. Just be sure then, that you don’t turn your back on His gift and walk away.”

He made a soft sound of disgust. “And why would God want me to have anything?” Devlin sighed. “Don’t bother answering that. I already know what you’d say.”

“But you’ve yet to believe it yourself.”

“Something like that,” he muttered.

“What would it take? For you to believe God loves you?”

His face an inscrutable mask, Devlin stared straight ahead. “I don’t know. Probably some miracle.”

“There are miracles aplenty every day, present in some of the smallest things, and in the most surprising places. We just have to want to find them, then be open enough to recognize and accept them.”

“Ah, Hannah.” The despairing sound seemed to be wrenched from the depths of Devlin’s being. “I don’t know how to do that. I never have.”

“But God does, if only you let Him, Devlin.” She lifted his hand, brought it to her lips, and kissed it. “Open your heart to Him. Set aside your fears, and trust.”

“It isn’t that easy! Don’t you understand that yet?”

She turned her face to gaze up at him. “No, it isn’t easy. Still, we have to make a beginning sometime, somehow, or we’ll never find what we truly seek.”

Devlin sighed. “You care so much for my salvation. If a man wasn’t careful, he could very easily imagine …”

With his free hand, he lightly stroked the side of her face. His touch, so gentle, so tender, sent shivers down Hannah’s spine. Yet it was his unfinished sentence, rich with unspoken possibilities, that stirred her hopes, sending them spinning wildly.

“What would a man begin to imagine?” she whispered, taking his hand to clutch it to her chest. “That I might care as much for him as I did for his soul? That I might harbor secret dreams, foolish as they might be, that the man might also feel something for me?”

“Hannah.” Devlin’s voice went husky and strained. “You’d do better to dream about any other man than me.”

“Why, because you don’t want me?”

An undisguised look of yearning flashed across his face, then was gone. He pulled back, disengaging his hand from her clasp. “As I said before, you can’t always have what you want.”

His words, suddenly so cold and devoid of emotion, were like a slap in the face. It was too much to bear. Not now, not after all this time, Hannah decided angrily, was she going to let him off so easily. “And I say,” she countered with a fierce emphasis, “you’re letting your fear unman you.”

Devlin grabbed her by the shoulders and jerked her to him. “Don’t lecture me. If you only knew the torment wanting you causes me, you’d turn and run as fast and far away as you could.”

At the contact of their bodies, Hannah went rigid, then forced herself to relax. With an impish smile, she lifted her arms and encircled his neck. “I’m not so sure who’s more afraid of who.”

He scowled. “Hannah, I’m warning you for the last time.”

“Land sakes alive!” She expelled a frustrated breath. “Are you going to kiss me or not?”

Eyes wide, he stared down at her in disbelief. Then a slow, lazy grin touched his lips. “Well, don’t ever say I didn’t warn you.”

Devlin gathered her to him. His head lowered; his mouth covered hers, and he kissed her, long, hard, and passionately.

Fire kindled within Hannah. Her hands slid from behind Devlin’s neck to clench in the corded strength of his shoulders. A low moan escaped her.

The sound must have plucked at Devlin’s conscience. With a heartrending groan, he pulled back and pushed Hannah from him, holding her at arm’s length.

“What … what’s wrong?” she asked, still confused and aroused by the short, fierce intensity of his kiss. “I … I didn’t want you to stop.”

“Well,
I
did.”

“Why?” Hannah fought to still her racing heart, calm her befuddled mind.
“Why?”

“Someone’s got to be strong, do what’s best for the both of us.”

She opened her mouth to question him as to his meaning, when someone strode past the house from the back, heading resolutely toward the barn.

In the darkness, it was at first hard to make out who it was. As she watched the long-legged stride and sway of broad shoulders, though, Hannah finally realized it was Evan. Stetson on his head, a set of full, leather saddlebags slung over his shoulder, and a bedroll and jacket tucked beneath his arm, he appeared to be packed for a trip.

She frowned. Wherever was Evan going this late at night?

Devlin must have been thinking the same thing. “No one told me anything about Evan heading out somewhere.” He released her and turned toward the porch steps. “Reckon I’d better go have a look-see.”

“No.” After what had just transpired between them, Hannah suspected he far preferred running after his cousin to staying here and working things out. “Evan didn’t seem in the best of moods this evening. Let me go instead. Considering your and Evan’s ongoing problems, you’re not the best person to go after him tonight.” She laid a hand on his arm. “Please, let me do it, Devlin. It won’t take long. Then we can go up and fetch the children.”

For a long moment he stared down at her hand, small and white in the moonlight, then sighed his acquiescence. “Fine. Suit yourself.” He walked back and threw himself into a wicker chair. “Just remember I’m waiting on you.”

“I won’t forget.” Releasing his arm, Hannah spun around and hurried down the porch steps. “I’ll be back soon. I promise.”

As she headed across the yard and down to the barn she had seen Evan enter, Hannah put her upsetting encounter with Devlin aside and composed her thoughts. She and Culdee Creek’s foreman still had unfinished business to settle, but what mattered now was Evan. Whatever would she say, once she reached him? Small talk about the birthday party seemed trite. Questioning him about his sullen manner all evening was pointless, and could well lead to an argument. The best thing, Hannah finally resolved, was just to spit it out and ask him where he was going.

By the time she found him, Evan had finished saddling his favorite mount, a big buckskin gelding named Culdee Gold. At the sound of her hard-soled footsteps on the dirt floor, Evan wheeled around, a startled, guilty look on his face. When he saw it was Hannah, his expression changed to one of irritation.

“What do you want?” he growled, turning back to give the saddle cinch one last, firm tug before looping the leathers through the cinch ring. “Tired of waiting on Devlin hand and foot, are you?”

“I hardly think throwing Devlin a birthday party constitutes waiting on him hand and foot. Besides, if I recall correctly, you had your own very nice party in February.”

“Yeah, reckon I did, even if it wasn’t some surprise one, thrown by you. But then, by that time you’d pretty much tossed me over, and set your sights on Devlin, hadn’t you?”

He finished looping the cinch and lowered the stirrup, temporarily hooked up over the saddle horn, back to hang at his horse’s side. After tying his bedroll to the back of the saddle and throwing his saddlebags across his mount’s withers, Evan glanced briefly over his shoulder. “Move out of the way, will you? I’m going to back Culdee Gold from his stall.”

“No, Evan. Wait.” She touched his arm. When he stiffened, Hannah immediately withdrew her hand. “Where are you going? No one said anything tonight about you leaving. And the way those saddlebags are packed, it looks like you’re aiming to be gone for a long while.”

His back to her, Evan stood there for several seconds, then turned. “And why would you care, Hannah?” His expression had gone stony, his gaze hard. “You don’t need me anymore. You’ve all but got Devlin wrapped around your little finger. Why, I expected to hear wedding bells by now.”

Shocked by the anger in his voice, Hannah took a hasty step back. “Evan … it’s not like that,” she managed to choke out. “Devlin and I haven’t—”

“Don’t lie to me! I saw you two kissing on the porch. After all we’ve been to each other, don’t ruin even that by lying to me!”

“Evan … don’t!” Hannah recoiled in fear. “I wasn’t lying. Devlin’s never said one word to me about getting married.”

As the words left her lips, a sudden memory of Devlin at the pond only a week ago, demanding to know if she wanted to marry him and legitimize Jackson, filled her. With that memory, hot color flooded her face.

Fury flashed in Evan’s eyes. “Just as I suspected! You used me until you thought something better had come along—though for the life of me I can’t understand what you see in Devlin. Reckon it serves both Devlin and me right, though. What else can a man expect from a woman like you?”

With a snarl of disgust, Evan began to back his horse from its stall. As he led the animal toward the open barn door, Hannah finally recovered her composure. Running to him, she grabbed his arm and held on with all her might.

“Where are you going?” she cried, digging in her heels to no avail. Evan just kept on walking, all but dragging her behind him.
“Where are you going?”

At that moment Devlin stepped out in front of Evan and his horse. Culdee Gold gave a snort and reared. Before Evan could even react, Devlin’s hand shot out. Grabbing hold of the reins, he wrestled the horse back down.

“The lady asked you a question,” he then said, his voice low. “Where do you think you’re going?”

The younger man glared at him. “I don’t have to account to you—or her—for my actions or whereabouts!”

The big foreman met him glare for glare. “Does your father know what you’re planning on doing?”

“He will when he reads my letter.”

“And how much did you clean him out for this time?”

Evan’s face mottled with rage. “You low-lying scum! I didn’t take a cent from my pa. All I’ve got is the wages I’ve saved and my belongings.”

“But you didn’t have the decency to tell him to his face why you’re running out on him. How do you think that’s going to make him feel?”

“I’ll be back.” Evan’s jaw worked, and he looked away. “I just need to put some distance between me and Culdee Creek for a while, that’s all.”

“And why’s that, Evan?”

“You’ve got nerve asking me that after what you’ve done!” He pulled hard on the reins, trying unsuccessfully to free them from Devlin’s clasp. “But I don’t owe you, of all people, an explanation. Now let go, and let me be, before I do something I might regret.”

“I’ll let you be,” Devlin countered with quiet emphasis, “if you give me your word you’ll put up your horse and go talk to your pa. You’re right. You don’t owe me anything, but you owe your pa a whole lot.”

Evan stared at Devlin and, for a moment, Hannah thought he’d back down. Then, in a lightning quick move, the young man swung out with his free hand. Before Devlin could react, Evan’s fist caught him square in the mouth.

Devlin staggered backward, slamming into the doorframe. Blood spilled from his split lip. Fleetingly, surprise widened his eyes. Then anger rushed in to take its place.

With a snarl, Devlin leaped at Evan, knocking him to the floor. The big buckskin, freed of the hold on its reins, gave a whistling snort and bolted from the barn.

Hannah rushed to where the two men now grappled in ferocious struggle on the ground. “Stop it!” she screamed. “Devlin! Evan! Stop it, I say!”

Pounding at each other’s faces and bodies, they seemed not to hear. Hannah watched them for a moment longer, saw all the pent-up animosity and resentment they had harbored against each other unloosed at last, and knew it would take more than her pleadings to break through their rage. She turned and ran for the main house.

By the time she reached the front porch and bolted up the steps, her breath came in gasps. She raced into the house. “Abby! Conor!” Hannah screamed. “Come quick! Devlin and Evan are fighting!”

Overhead she heard footsteps. A door opened and more footsteps sounded along the hallway, then clattered down the stairs. Conor rounded the corner first, stuffing his shirttails back into his denims.

“What happened?” the big rancher demanded. “Devlin and Evan are fighting?”

“Y-yes,” she panted, suddenly on the verge of tears. “In the b-barn. Evan was trying to leave Culdee Creek, and Devlin tried to stop him. Then they got into a f-fight.”

She couldn’t help it. The tears began to pour down her cheeks. “I-it’s all my fault,” Hannah sobbed. “They hate each other because of m-me.”

At that moment Abby joined them. She took Hannah into her arms. “Go on,” she told her husband. “Break up that fight between those two, hotheaded fools.”

Conor shot Hannah one final, frowning look, then turned and hurried from the house. Hannah clung to Abby for a brief, blessed instant of comfort, then pulled away. “I need to go to them. Need to explain.”

“Hannah, maybe it’d be better to stay here.” Abby reached out toward her. “Your being there might just add further fuel to the fire.”

“No.” She shook her head and stepped back. “If I’m part of the problem, then I need to be there to help solve it.” She turned and ran out the door.