Within (11 page)

She shook her head while walking towards my bed, sitting at the foot of it.

“You still don’t see it, do you?”

“What am I supposed to see, huh? That I’m crazy? I see that shit real clear.”  

“Not at all; I’m your voice of reason, I’ve always been here, just not so straightforward. Everyone has them, it’s just that your senses are stronger than most. As that voice, I’m here to tell you that what you’re about to do is going to completely toss me out the window.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about; I’ve been taking my meds.”

“Have you? I’ve been trying to warn you for some time about where you are headed, the cautionary tale of your grandmother, and you've been ignoring me the whole time. Once you do what I know you’re about to do, all reason will be put aside and I will be nonexistent.”    

“That’ll be a whole lot better than what I’m going through now,” I said, flipping over on my stomach, squeezing my pillow tight. 

“I told you, you were not going to like this truth, but it’s something you have to do. You are in control of your destiny.”

“Am I really?” I asked sarcastically.

“Yes, you are!”

“Well, if that’s the case, why the fuck do you and Akira keep popping up, trying to tell me what to do and shit? Let me be in control of my shit, instead of y’all using me as a damn puppet.”

“What you seek is beyond anyone's control. It’s not Akira or me, but about what you’ve allowed. The problem is you. All I can or will ever be allowed to do is what you let me. Besides that, you made us up. You passed out the power, you gave her more than me and you combined. You’ve lost yourself,” FiFi said, still speaking calmly.

“I haven't lost shit!” I said, flipping my pillow over to the cool side. 

“There is a constant fight between left shoulder, right shoulder, good and evil. Which side are you going to choose, Krystle?”

“FiFi, you can actually go. Now!” I yelled.

“Courtney suppressed it without medication, without an Akira. Your grandmother had one thing right; you aren't strong enough.” 

“What the hell does that mean?”

“What it means is I’m done with you. I mean honestly, what chance have you actually given yourself or me? Your truth is bad; I give you that, but the power you’ve given Akira is going to make everything worse. You are going to seal your fate and by the time you realize that, it’s going to be too late.”

“Great, are you leaving now?”

There was no answer back after my question, just silence; when I looked up from my pillow, I saw she was gone. I didn’t know what voice to believe anymore. I laid in my bed for I guess about two hours, looking at the ceiling fan go around and around, thinking about what I’ve been told tonight by them.

“I can’t trust anybody except for myself, and that’s Krystle,” I said to myself rolling over and sitting up.                                                                                                                                        

“
And who is Krystle? You hear me? And who is Krystle? Who?”

I didn’t ignore the question; it seemed to be a good one. I stood up looked in my mirror and it asked again.

“
Who are you?”

Realizing the voice coming from me, I looked closer; at first, it was just me standing there, then I blinked and saw Bishop. Blinking again at the mirror, there stood Mr. Charles. With every other blink, there came another person; my dad, Aunt Courtney, FiFi, Akira and my unborn child. Before long, I was standing alone again, with no one surrounding me.  

“You know, you know, you know,”
became a constant whisper in my head.

“
Don’t do it, fight it,”
spoke over the faint whispers.

“
You know, you know, you know. You know I’m the only one you have. You know what we have to do.”
The voice came in, overpowering the other voice, speaking louder and much clearer.

“Don't!”
the other voice screamed out.

“It’s for your own good! Do it!”
the other voice said even louder.

Once again, I closed my eyes and began to breathe deeply.  

“What do you want from me?” I asked aloud; then all of a sudden, something snapped. I took my pill bottle, walked to my bedroom door, unlocked it and shut it. I stood in the dark for a second, taking in the quiet and stillness of the house. Finally, my feet begin to move again, walking into the bathroom, I shut the door and locked it.

“
Five minutes,”
the voice whispered. 

I stared at myself for at least three of them, trying to convince myself otherwise, but it didn’t work.   

“It’s time you do for Krystle.”

I looked in the bathroom mirror and saw Akira looking back at me. A dizzy feeling came over me, and I couldn’t help but bend over the sink. I no longer felt the fight I once had, giving in; I walked over to the toilet and poured what was left from the medication bottle into the toilet, then flushed it. I walked back to the wall mirror in the bathroom and stood there, waiting on her to reappear.

“I knew you would understand me,”
I heard Akira say.

“What should I do? I don’t know anymore.”

“Don’t worry, I’m going to help us,” she said reappearing.

“So what’s next?” I asked.

“Courtney,” Akira smiled.

Chapter Thirteen

Courtney

As of lately, things have been a bit different; Krystle to me has seemed to trail back into the way she was when she “loses” the baby. Every day I bring her breakfast before I go to work and lunch, when I can make it home on break, but ever since we’ve told her the truth, it’s been trouble.

I sat in my office as my client continued to talk. I really didn’t want him as a client, but unfortunately, I didn't turn him away.  I didn’t know exactly who it was that had scheduled this appointment with me, until about forty-five minutes ago.

I glanced at my watch as he went on and on about nothing, adjusted my seating; then took a deep breath.

“So you see, I don’t always drink beer but when I do, it’s with a whole bunch of ladies around me.”

“Elijah, normally I don’t curse out my clients, but for you I’ll make an exception. You have been a thorn in my side since I met you.”

“Thank you,” he immediately responded. “Wait, is that a good thing or a bad thing, because thorns come from roses and those are pretty nice… Except for maybe funeral roses; then they would be pretty sad.”

I attempted to repeat myself, but quickly changed my mind because it was no use. I just shook my head repeatedly, speaking slow and lowly. “I don’t care when you drink a beer, Elijah.”

“Okay fine, do you at least drink wine?” he asked.

“Please remind me why you’re here,” I said, massaging the front of my head.

“Why am I here… Why am I here,” he said, with his voice slightly trailing off. “Oh yeah, because you owe me a favor for helping you with your car. Remember, with the dead girl in the back seat?”

“She wasn’t dead!” I hissed.

“She shol’ looked dead to me, but you know what that’s neither here nor there. Now look, you’re a pretty dangerous woman with killing people and whatnot, but I like a little danger with my coffee. Would you like to go out on a date with me? I know you’ve been watching me, watch you,” he said with a wink.

“Excuse me?”

“You farted?”

“Did I fart? What? Hell no! Do you have a problem, Elijah?”

“Nobody has ever asked me that before,” he said, looking as if he was about to start tearing up.

I started to feel bad for him, I knew something was really wrong, and now I’m glad that he chose me to help him work out his issues.

“Go ahead, Elijah, I’m listening,” I said softly.

“It all started when I was just a little boy. I tried to ignore it; hell, I even tried to run away, but it kept happening over and over, sometimes even in groups.”

“Let it out, it’ll make you feel better,” I said, writing on a notepad.

“Let it gooo, let it gooooo,” he started to sing. “Okay, I can’t keep the ladies off me. It’s like I’m irresistible,” he said, putting both hands over his eyes.

Before I could respond to him, my desk phone rang; I didn’t hesitate to answer. “Excuse me for a moment,” I said, forcing a smile. “Courtney speaking, how can I help you?”

“What time are you getting off today, if you don’t mind me asking?”

The voice sounded familiar, but not enough to where I could identify who was speaking to me on the other end. “Who may I ask is calling?” I questioned.

“Krystle; I have some place I need to go and I need your help to go there, if that’s okay?”

“Okay, but what’s wrong with your voice? Are you getting sick?”

“I don’t think so,” she said, clearing her throat.

“What do you need help with?” I asked in a professional voice, remembering Elijah was still in the room.

Krystle got silent, until I repeated the question again.

“It’s just something small; can you meet me at that Walgreens on Westheimer and Sage?”

“How did you get there? You know what; don’t worry about it. I’m on my way, don’t go anywhere, understand?”

“Mr., um, Elijah,” I said, turning my attention back to him. “I’m so sorry to cut our session short, but I have a family emergency.

“Do I still have to pay you for the rest of the hour?”

I sighed and took off my thin sweater, hanging it on the back of my desk chair and then told him “No, you won't be charged.”

“That’s straight then, Miss Lady, take all the time you need to handle your family business. Do you want me to wait here, or—”

“Oh no, schedule another appointment,” I said as his words echoed mine off key.

I stood at the door for a second; then cleared my throat to try to catch his attention again.

“Oh right now?” Elijah asked. “Well…” he said, slapping his knees and standing up. “What day would be good for you?”

“Umm… how about I call you?” I asked, giving a fake smile as he walked past me out my office door.

“See I watched Friday yesterday. Remember when Smokey told that girl he was gon’ call, but he never did? I feel like that’s about to happen to us.”

“I’m a woman of my word, Elijah, now please; I have to go,” I said, locking my door. I didn’t wait for him to leave; he’d already taken up too much of my time as it was.

“I’ll call you later,” I heard him say as I walked down the hallway, out the double doors, to my car.

Driving to Walgreens, I couldn’t stop thinking about what Krystle had to tell me. My mind raced towards from whether she met someone again and gotten pregnant, to if she even killed someone else. I didn’t know what to think; my mind was so cloudy. When I pulled up to the store, she was wearing a lace, cream-colored top that showed her bra underneath, and mid-thigh shorts, looking like some type of street woman, leaning against the brick wall next to the Redbox machine. I beeped the horn once, grabbing her attention, and then watched her sashay her way towards the car.

“Okay,” Krystle said, sitting down buckling her seatbelt.

“Okay what?” I asked, putting the car in park.

“How did you know I was going to be here?”

I was taken aback by her question. “You called me asking me to meet you here.”

“Oh yeah, that’s right, my bad. I’m sorry, Aunt Courtney, I’ve had a long day.”

I chuckled before answering her. “Doing what, other than moping around the house, not speaking to anyone or locking yourself in your room?”

“Yeah, I know; I’ve been trying to take everything in. With you being my mom, and my dad being my uncle, it’s kinda been taking its toll on me. But the good thing is, I think I’m ready now.”

“For?” I asked confused.

“Everything we’ve talked about, going back to my apartment and the motel to remember things, maybe even talking to Brandon.”

“You think you’re okay to do that now? I mean, you did sound sick earlier. Like catching a cold, I mean,” I said, quickly correcting myself.

“I'm better now,” she smiled. “I bought some cough drops while I waited for you.”

I thought quickly as I sat and listened to Krystle. This was something I wanted her to do, but for some reason, I felt that maybe this was being rushed now. She sat next to me, seemingly impatient.

“I’ll tell you what, Krys, I’ll take you to your old apartment; even to the motel, but meeting Brandon? I’m going to have to talk to your dad and Brandon about that. I don’t plan on that having a great outcome.”

“I guess I have to respect that,” she said, looking down.

I put the car in reverse and then in drive, exiting out the parking lot, making a right down Sage, and then a left on Westheimer. We drove slowly for a while, until we reached the motel. I stopped, parked and looked at Krystle. I began to feel a little uneasy, knowing that the last time she was here; she committed a horrible murder.