With Every Breath (26 page)

“I ride better than you, ass-hat.”

Trey grinned. “Whatever you need to tell yourself to make you feel better, dude.”

CHAPTER TWENTY

Jaden reached for her phone and caught it on the second ring. She smiled when she recognized Tatem’s number. It was nice to finally be somewhere with decent reception. She was on the beach in Puerto Rico now, not in the South American jungle.

“Hey, girlie,” she answered.

“Hey, gypsy-queen. What’s new in paradise?”

She sounded happy, and Jaden smiled as she propped herself up against the pillows under the cabana. The sunset lit the sky up with golden rays, turning the clouds pink and orange.

“Just finished filming here on the island. I’m headed back to the states tomorrow. The resort we’re covering didn’t have as smooth a grand opening as they planned for. There were license issues so we’ve been here a week longer than we were supposed to be. Two more locations to go before I get a short break and head to Italy.”

“I don’t feel one bit sorry for you.”

“Don’t. It’s a great life. They always put me up in a suite, and it agrees with me. No bags under these eyes.”

“Yeah, sounds rough.” The smirk in Tatem’s voice made Jaden’s smile deepen. She’d made a point to stay in touch with the girl after she left. For the last month they’d emailed and called each other, and she could tell it was as therapeutic for Tatem as it was for herself.

“So, what’s new with you? How is school going?” Jaden reached for the iced tea on the wooden table beside the futon. “You still seeing that boy?”

“Blake?” She sighed into the phone. “Yes, and he’s perfect.”

“No one is perfect. Don’t put him on a pedestal, lovely bug. You got that?” Jaden warned.

“But he is perfect.”

“Okay, okay. Of course he is.” Jaden shook her head. She remembered what it was like to be a teenager with a crush. Her thoughts turned to Cole, and the familiar pang ached in her chest. “How is everyone else doing? Mia, Hillary... everyone.”

She hadn’t spoken to Mia in a couple of weeks. Mia was busy with work again, and that was a good thing. She didn’t seem to be mourning the loss of her marriage any longer. Every time they spoke, Mia sounded energized. But, Jaden wasn’t really asking about Mia or Hillary, and Tatem knew it.

When Tatem fell silent, Jaden set the glass of tea down. “Tatem?”

“Hey, so, don’t freak out or anything, but Cole has a house guest.”

At the tone of Tatem’s voice, the blood rushed to Jaden’s head. She swallowed. Hard. “Kensie?”

“Yeah.”

“How long?”

“I dunno. I saw her and Micky at the grocery store. Micky told me they’re staying at Cole’s.”

“Okay, then.” You’re the one who left.

“You should call him and see what’s up. You know?” The concern was heavy in Tatem’s voice.

She had no reason to feel hurt. She was the one who walked away. No, you ran away. Again. It’s for the best, it’s his family. More than anything, she knew how important family was. Growing up, she’d always wished she had one. How could she be upset or sad for him? Micky needed his parents. Cole deserved to be happy.

But he said he’d wait.

“Nah. I’m sure he’s got everything under control.” She had her chance, and she’d been too scared to take it. She had to believe she’d chosen the right thing to do, because now Cole had what he needed—his son—every day. With Kensie, he’d have that.

“If you say so. But hey, I gotta go. I’m doing this thing where I’m running and stuff. You know, getting fit. I’m on the volleyball team this year. I took your old number, how cool is that?”

“Super cool,” Jaden forced a smile to her voice. “I hope I can come watch a game this season.”

“Yeah, you better. I actually don’t suck. Coach says I have a mean spike. I told her I’m just taking out all my aggression on that ball, and she’s super cool with it.”

“Super cool,” Jaden repeated. It was Tatem’s new favorite phrase.

After they hung up, Jaden watched the sunset, her thoughts with Cole. The moment her plane took off and Nebraska disappeared behind her, she realized she made a mistake not seeing him before she left. Why had she been so certain space was the answer? Hadn’t they had enough of that? She’d been so scared to take a chance that she ran in the opposite direction. Coward, that’s what you are.

He’d called her once, and she missed it. She should have called him back right away. Instead, she pondered what to say and how to take that next step with him. She went back and forth over the pros and cons, internalizing over how they could make their lives work together when they were miles apart.

Maybe he wanted to tell her for himself that he’d gotten back together with Kensie. Closure. They hadn’t had that in their past. Was it possible he needed it? Was it possible she needed it too in order to put everything about them out of her mind and move on this time? She supposed she owed it to them both. You should have said good-bye.

But, what was she supposed to do now? Call him and ask if he was back together with his wife? Congratulate him when he said ‘yes’? She cringed at the idea of it and picked up her laptop to finish the blog post she’d been writing when Tatem called.

After ten minutes, she gave up. She couldn’t write a thing. To call or not to call, that was the question. To say good-bye forever, or leave it alone.

Her finger hesitated over his number on her phone. Finally, she tapped it in and waited with her stomach in her throat while the phone rang.

“Hello?”

Jaden froze at Kensie’s voice. She opened her mouth to speak, then snapped it shut. She’d called his house phone and now she had the answer she dreaded.

“Yes?” The ice in the woman’s voice told Jaden she’d looked at the caller ID before answering.

Jaden cleared her throat. “I... Is Cole there? I’m just returning his call.”

“He’s busy at the moment. We have steaks on the grill.” The we had been delivered with an underlying warning.

Jaden flinched. “Right. Okay. I’ll just—”

“I think you should know that Cole and I are getting back together. We’re going to work on our marriage; it’s what he wants. You shouldn’t call him anymore.”

“I’m happy for you both, for Micky.” Talking was difficult, her voice strained with emotion. She cleared her throat again. “Bye, Kensie. I wish you the best.”

She hung up before Kensie could respond.

While she took deep breaths to slow her speeding heart, a sob escaped. She buried her face in a pillow and cried while her heart shattered. She’d been so stupid to think she could be strong enough to get involved with Cole after all this time. When it came to him, she wasn’t capable of leaving her heart out of it. The logical, cold part of her knew that. This was her fault. She’d known the consequences and gotten involved anyway.

Silent tears shook her body, and she cried for a heart that was always meant to stay broken. You knew better.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Cole unlocked the door, tired as hell after a thirteen-hour drive. The house was dark. Micky’s bedtime was eight p.m.; he’d hoped to get home before then. He walked quietly through the house, setting the keys on the kitchen counter beside the refrigerator. All he wanted was a shower and his own bed. He’d never liked sleeping in hotels, but then again, Trey’s snoring from the other side of the room hadn’t made for the best night’s sleep. Having someone soft snuggled into his side would have made the stay better, and the memory of Jaden in his bed made his loins stir.

A hand on his back almost made him jump out of his skin. He turned. He knew who it was and he wasn’t happy about it.

Kensie’s lips pouted when she noticed the set of his jaw. She placed her palms on his chest, moving them up to wrap around his neck. He leaned his head back, away from her.

“What are you doing?” he asked, his voice tight with exasperation.

“We’re still married, you know.” She smiled despite his obvious irritation.

“Our divorce is final in a week, Kensie.” He took her hands in his and removed them from his neck, and her eyes flashed like hot wires.

“We don’t have to be.”

Her words hit him like slap in the face, and anger coursed through him.

“Are you crazy?” He stepped to the side to get from between her and the counter. “It’s been six months and all of a sudden you’re rethinking things?”

“I made a mistake.” Desperation dripped from her words. For the first time he noticed she wore one of his T-shirts with no shorts underneath, her bare legs exposed in the dim light above the kitchen sink.

“You dragged our family through hell, Kensie. I’d call that a big fucking mistake. Not just a mistake. You didn’t think of me, or Micky, or anyone but yourself.” He raked his hands through his hair, his head reeling. “What happens when in a month you figure out, oh yeah, maybe I really don’t want to be married anymore?”

She shook her head, her eyes shining with determination. “I won’t. I swear. I love you, Cole.”

He narrowed his eyes, his head shake slow, and disbelieving. “No. You don’t love me. I don’t think you ever did.”

“How can you say that!” she screeched, then lowered her voice. “You know I loved you. We were good together.” The bald-faced lie hung heavy in the silence of the house. They’d never been good together; they’d made things work, and that was different. She pressed her eyelids together and inhaled a deep breath.

She took a deep breath and tried again. “Cole, I know things have been tough. But marriage is tough, relationships are tough. We have a kid together.”

Her argument sounded so much like something his father would say to him, that Cole sucked in a shaky breath. If Jeremiah were here, he’d tell Cole to work it out, to take Kensie back. She was here, begging. And Micky.

Micky needed him. Every day. Not every other week. Cole needed him. He would never get used to waking up without the sound of Micky’s little feet running down the hall, his sweet voice telling Cole he loved him before bed each night. The last year had been hell, and every day his heart broke a little more. Would he ever get used to being a part-time dad? It wasn’t what he wanted. Kensie had forced him into that role. It wasn’t fair. It would never be fair.

Kensie took a hesitant step closer, her hand raised to touch him. “I know this is a lot to take in, but I just don’t want to make a mistake, for Micky’s sake. He loves you so much. We both love you.”

He didn’t believe for a second she loved him. After all she put him through, how could she say so? She moved out, started a new life. She had a boyfriend, for Christ’s sake!

He shook his head, his mind working so fast to catch up and understand what was happening. Jaden’s face flashed through his mind. He loved her. So much the thought of losing her made his chest shrink, making every breath a struggle.

But, Kensie offered him something he’d wished for since the day she left—Micky, home, every day.

“We could go back to the way things were,” she rushed to say.

Go back to the way they were? That wasn’t right, either. The way they’d been was miserable. Her fighting every single day to remind him how he ruined her life, how she’d never be happy with a simple man like him. Always loud enough for Micky to hear. Loud enough for the neighborhood to hear.

“…like it never happened,” she went on. “I’ll just come back home and—”

“No.” The harsh timbre of his voice startled her into silence. “No. We can’t go back to the way things were, Kensie. Fighting, hating each other, you resenting me. Why do you want all that again? What’s really going on?”

Her face hardened and she glared back at him, crossing her hands over her chest. “Nothing is going on, except for me thinking maybe we could work our marriage out and be a family for our son.”

“I don’t buy it.” And as guilty as he felt saying it, he meant every word. She’d had plenty of time to come back, plenty of time to rethink things. “You don’t like this town, you hated every minute living here, now all of a sudden you want to come back. I want to know what’s changed, because if nothing’s changed, how will you stand living here. Again. Forever.”

She blinked back at him. “I’ll deal with it.”

“And your dreams? Nursing school, the career I deprived you of by getting you pregnant. What about all of that?” He dragged a chair out from under the kitchen table, tired of standing, tired of fighting, tired of this conversation, and dropped into it. “When you wake up one morning and decide you hate me and this place and everything you don’t have, what then? Just up and leave, file for divorce again?”

“I won’t do that,” she snapped.

But he knew better. Kensie was the same as she’d always been; she made decisions on the fly, without thinking them through, without worrying about consequences. She’d done that their entire marriage—blow a thousand bucks on things they couldn’t afford or didn’t need, leave him without talking it through. He could make a list and she still wouldn’t understand why he couldn’t believe repairing their marriage was what she really wanted.

He sighed and dropped his head into his hands. “Yeah, you will, Kens. I’m tired of fighting with you. That’s all we ever did. Until you resolve your issues about what you want out of life, I don’t think anyone will make you happy.”