With All My Soul (28 page)

“I’m not going to leave him there. I won’t leave any of them.
That part of my plan is still in progress, but I swear I won’t go until my dad,
your mom, and Uncle Brendon are back home.” That was the hard part. The part I
was still figuring out.

“How? Did you develop some superpower I’m not aware of?” His
voice was threaded with anger now, and I was almost relieved by that. Anger was
much easier to deal with than pain, though there was still plenty of that, too.
“They wouldn’t want you to do this. None of them would.”

“This isn’t about what they want for me. This is about what I
want for
them.
It’s already settled. I just need you
to truly understand that this is what I want, so you’ll remember that, even
after you’ve forgotten everything I actually said.”

“I won’t forget.” He pulled his hands from mine and stood,
feverishly glancing around the room with wide eyes, his forehead furrowed. “I’ll
write it down. Where the hell are my pens and paper?”

“You don’t have any.” Which was among the reasons I’d never
done homework in his room. “Tod. Please.” I stood and pulled him toward me, and
he came reluctantly, the anguished blues in his irises pulsing in time with his
heartbeat.

“You can’t expect me to just accept this, Kaylee. You can’t
possibly think I’m just going to sit here for the next half hour and wait for
Levi to come and steal your soul and take you away from me forever.”

“Fine.” I shrugged, hiding my own heartbreak. “Don’t wait for
it. Don’t let it happen. Fight him for me, when he comes.” I pulled him even
closer and stood on my toes to whisper into his ear while my arms slid around
his neck. “But until then, let’s pretend this is actually going to happen. Let’s
pretend that we don’t know how much longer we have until you’ll fall asleep, and
let’s pretend I don’t want to spend whatever time we have left like this. In
anger and denial. Let’s pretend we have to say goodbye.” My eyes watered, and
that time I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. “How do you want to say
goodbye, Tod?”

His arms wound around me, and he shook with silent sobs. He
buried his face in my hair, and his words came out haltingly, stumbling over
tears he was obviously fighting. “We’re not pretending anymore, are we?”

“We never were. We never have, Tod.” My fingers slid into his
hair, and I tried to memorize the softness. The curls. “You and I have been real
from the start. Don’t ever forget that.”

“I can’t stop you, can I?” His breath was warm on my ear, and
his grip almost bruised. “No one ever could stop you once you made up your
mind.”

I closed my eyes and inhaled his scent. “I want...” I held him
as tight as I could. “We don’t have much time left. I want to
be
with you. Please. You can’t change any of this, so
let’s just...let’s just be together, okay?” My tears fell on his shoulder. “Will
you just be with me?”

“You don’t even have to ask....” He pulled far enough away that
he could see me, and beneath unshed tears, his irises burst into a tight twist
of colors that made my head spin and my heart ache.

We sat on the edge of his bed and he leaned in to kiss me, and
I buried myself in the feel and taste of him. I pushed everything else from my
mind as silent tears trailed down my cheeks and landed in my hair.

We took our time, lingering in touches and kisses that echoed
in my heart and haunted my memory. When all our clothes were gone, and most of
our time was gone, and my chest ached so badly I could hardly stand it, I pulled
him close and whispered into his ear. “I need you to trust me, even after I’m
gone. Even after you’ve forgotten all of this. Do you trust me, Tod?”

“With everything I have and everything I am. With all my
soul.”

I lost control of a sob. Just one, and Tod kissed the tears
from my cheeks.

“And would you wait for me, if it came to that?” I shouldn’t
have said it, but he wouldn’t remember, and I
needed
to know.

I could handle whatever lay ahead if I had that one answer.

“Until the end of time. Love doesn’t expire, Kaylee. And love
never, ever dies.”

With every last beat of my heart and every single bit of my own
soul, I hoped that he was right.

* * *

Afterward, Tod and I lay side by side, breathing in
sync, his arm wrapped around me while he fought sleep and the oblivion it would
bring for him. I never wanted that moment to end, but it was doomed from the
very beginning. That was a moment stolen from eternity, and those moments were
never meant to last.

When I sat up, his arm retreated slowly, and he exhaled so
heavily that I almost changed my mind. I almost took the coward’s way out. But
then I remembered that in the end, the easy way would only be harder. For all of
us.

I stood and pulled on my clothes, and I could feel him watching
me. In the bathroom doorway, I turned to look at him, gripping the doorframe. “I
love you.”

He sat up, wearing just his shorts, his feet peeking out
beneath the sheet draped over the floor. “I...” He stopped, then started over.
“Words don’t do it justice, Kaylee.” But that was okay, because I could see how
he felt. He was showing me, in his eyes. In his soul.

“I know. Words were never enough, were they?”

“None of it was enough.” He stood, and a second later I was in
his arms, and his hands were in my hair, and he was kissing me, and holding me,
and trying to hold
on
to me, and I knew I should
push him away. That I should make a clean break. But I needed to feel him. I
needed to kiss him. One last time. “I will never, ever have enough of you,
Kaylee.”

Then, slowly he let me go.

That time I didn’t look back, because I knew that if I did, I
wouldn’t be able to leave. I closed the bathroom door behind me, and silent
tears rolled down my cheeks as I pulled my shoes on. I put my hand flat on the
closed door for a moment, wondering if he could feel it from the other side.
Then I blinked out of Tod’s room and out of his life.

I materialized in my father’s empty bedroom and fell to my
knees on the floor, crying uncontrollably. Sobbing so hard my whole body shook.
Tears poured down my face. I clutched my chest, desperate to ease an ache unlike
anything I’d ever felt. My sternum hurt like my heart had been ripped from my
body, leaving behind an empty, gaping cavity.

I don’t know how long I stayed like that, hunched over on the
floor, shaking and sniffling and broken in more ways than I’d known a person
could be broken. I stayed there until I had no more tears to cry. Until I had no
other choice but to stand up, and grow up, and give up the only thing that would
finally put my friends and family out of evil’s reach.

My soul.

Nash and Sabine were curled up on Emma’s twin bed, fully
clothed for once. Holding each other.

The living room was quiet, so I peeked in to find Sophie and
Luca asleep on the couch, together, and Em passed out in the recliner. Then I
went back into my dad’s room and closed the door. I sat on his bed and picked up
the notepad on his nightstand, then dug through the drawer for a pen, my jaw
clenched against any more tears.

The note to my father was the hardest. It took a long time.
More time than I could afford. More time than
he
could afford.

The note to my friends wasn’t much easier, but the words were
flowing by then.

The third note was the most important. The words were critical;
they had to be just right.

When I was done, I folded the pages and wrote their names on
the outside.

I left the first two notes on my dad’s nightstand where—with
any luck—they wouldn’t be discovered until after Levi had played his part.

The third note, I folded and slid into my back pocket while I
watched them sleep, the friends and family I’d put through hell just by virtue
of their connection to me.

Then I closed my damp eyes and blinked out of their lives.

Chapter Twenty-Two

The school cafeteria was somehow even creepier than I’d
remembered. Maybe because my errand was creepier this time. Or maybe because I
was breaking a promise to people I loved. Or maybe because I knew that even if I
got what I wanted out of this midnight errand, I wouldn’t
really
be getting what I wanted.

There was no way for me to win this game. I’d lost the moment I
started playing.

In the massive, stainless steel kitchen, I pulled a small knife
from a now-familiar drawer, then sat cross-legged on the floor in a pool of
moonlight shining through the window. I peeled the bandage from my left palm.
Explaining another cut wouldn’t be a problem this time, so I sliced my skin open
again. I gasped at the raw pain—still couldn’t get used to that—and a line of
dark red blood welled parallel to the one scabbed over half an inch away.

This time, I let the blood pool in my cupped palm, and with the
knife on the floor at my side, I dipped my right index finger into my own blood
and wrote Ira’s name on the dingy linoleum tiles. Then I sucked in a deep breath
and tried to purge my fear while preserving my anger, which Ira would want to
taste.

I had no problem with the anger part. Letting go of my fear was
much harder.

I stared at the three letters on the floor, glistening dark,
dark red in the moonlight. And for a second, I thought about backing out. Then I
closed my eyes and whispered Ira’s name into the night.

My eyes opened, and a second later the hellion appeared in
front of me, mirroring my cross-legged pose, staring across his own name at me.
“Ms. Cavanaugh.” On his tongue, my name sounded like the clash of swords,
wielded in timeless fury.

“To what do I owe the pleasure?” he continued while I struggled
to focus through the anger emanating from him, settling into my bones. Into my
hands that wanted to form fists. Or to pick up the knife.

“You owe this pleasure to Avari, but I’d rather reverse the
charges so that
he
owes
you.
And I think I know how to make that happen.”

His dark brows rose. They were the color of my blood slowly
drying on the floor and now dripping from between my fingers. “I’m
intrigued....”

“So there’s no misunderstanding, I have a proposal. I’m here to
make a deal.”

He nodded. “Of course you are. State your terms—first, what you
need from me, then, how you’re willing to pay. But you should know that tonight
you reek of fear and sadness, as much as anger, and while I can and will feed
from both of those emotions, they do not command as high a price as your
rage.”

“Acknowledged.” It scared me even more to realize that I was
picking up the lingo. “But if you agree to my terms, there will be
plenty
of anger for you—and it won’t just be
mine.”

Another arch of a single dark red brow. “Do continue.”

“My first demand—” I’d considered calling them requests, but
because they were nonnegotiable, “demand” felt more accurate “—is that you
deliver my uncle and Harmony Hudson to the human world without inflicting any
further harm on them, and that you make no attempt to contact them or to
reacquire them for the duration of our agreement.”

“You’re assuming I know where they are?”

“I am.” I nodded firmly and tried not to notice that blood was
still pooling in my palm. “I’m further assuming that you have them in your
possession. That maybe you’ve had them since shortly after Tod and I found
bloody bandages in the Netherworld version of the local hospital.”

“Clever girl...” Ira smiled, clearly delighted, and I had to
remind myself that his approval meant less than nothing to me. “How did you
know?”

“I know from experience that Avari is powerful and his
resources are vast. Yet he doesn’t have them. The only reason I can think of for
him not to have found them is that you found them first.”

“Or they’re dead.” He watched closely for my reaction.

“If they were dead and Avari knew about it, he would have told
me, just to feed from my suffering. You, however, understand that I suffer just
as much—if not more—by not knowing where they are or what shape they’re in. And
you’re not shortsighted enough to kill them before you’ve gotten all possible
use out of them as living hostages. Right?”

Please, please let me be
right....

“So far, so good,” he said, and again I was surprised by his
vernacular speech. Was anger that much closer to the general heart of humanity
than envy? I didn’t want to think about what that said about us as a
species.

“My second demand—”

“Can you pay for a second demand?” Ira said. “I’m not sure you
truly understand the debt your first request has already accrued.”

I might not know what he’d
want
as
payment, but I knew what I was willing to give. And that was all that
mattered.

“My second demand,” I continued, without acknowledging his
warning, “is that for the duration of our arrangement, you will protect my
friends and family.” He started to object, and the first spark of anger I’d seen
from him flashed in his dark eyes.
“Specifically,”
I
said, talking over him. “Specifically, all of my blood relatives, as well as
Emma Marshall, in any body her soul inhabits, Sabine Campbell, Luca Tedesco, and
Harmony, Nash, and Tod Hudson.” I couldn’t risk him deciding on his own that any
one of them wasn’t a close enough friend to warrant protecting.

“You want me to protect them? You do understand that you’re
dealing with a hellion, right? Not a guardian angel.”

“Don’t worry. I’m willing to pay.”

His eyes flashed again. “Child, it would take
years
of you existing in a constant state of homicidal
fury to pay off a debt like that.”

“I know.” But I wouldn’t be the only one paying.

“Well then...is there anything else on this fantasy list of
demands from a child who’s obviously grown too big for her mortal britches?”

“Just one more thing....”

As I outlined my last demand—the most selfish of them all—his
eyes widened in surprise and delight like I’d never seen before from a hellion.
The more excited he grew, the more unnerved I became, in part because a
hellion’s joy is never pleasant to witness. But also because it was
my
pain, fear, and anger putting that creepy,
dried-blood smile on his face, and that was one of the scariest facts I’d ever
contemplated.

When I was finished, Ira stared at me in obvious anticipation.
“I must admit, I am intrigued by your devious, clever little mind.” Then he
licked his lips with a dark, dark tongue. “Now, let’s discuss payment.”

I took another deep breath and clenched my hands into fists to
keep them from visibly shaking, though he could probably taste everything I was
feeling on the air, whether or not I let it show. Blood dripped between the
fingers of my left hand, and the fresh cut throbbed. “You’ll get a partial
payment up front, and even more over the course of our arrangement. Years of
pain, fear, and the resulting homicidal rage, just like you said. Then, the bulk
will be paid by a third party, when you’ve upheld the last part of our
deal.”

“The bulk?”

I nodded. “Pure, concentrated wrath.
Way
more of it than any mortal body could ever contain. Are you
familiar with the term ‘mother lode’? Do hellions say that? Because that’s what
I’m talking about here. The biggest payoff of your immortal existence.”

“That’s an impressive offer.” Ira frowned at me, and I realized
he was trying to smell a lie. “How do you intend to produce such a payment?”

“I find your skepticism insulting,” I said, and he actually
chuckled. “If you come through on your end, I’ll come through on mine.” In fact,
one was contingent on the other. “Okay?”

The hellion nodded slowly. “The delivery schedule is understood
and agreed to. Now, for the up-front part of the payment.” His eyes glittered
with perverse pleasure, and it took all of my self-control to keep from gagging.
“What did you have in mind?”

I dipped my right index finger into the blood still pooled in
my left palm, then reached out to trace his lower lip. “There will be much, much
more, but it starts with another kiss....”

* * *

By the time I crossed into the Netherworld, dried blood
had crusted on my lips and around my mouth. Ira was not a neat kisser.

That thought—and the fact that I had reason to think it—nearly
made me lose what little I’d eaten since lunch the day before. My jaw ached and
my tongue throbbed from being bitten, and I wasn’t sure I’d ever get the taste
of my own blood out of my mouth. Not to mention the taste of hellion.

I scrubbed my mouth with the tail of my shirt as we walked, but
since I had no mirror, I couldn’t be sure I’d gotten all the blood off.

The hospital rose in front of us, and we veered slowly toward
the mental health unit across the parking lot from the main building. I stepped
carefully to avoid baby creeper vines reaching for me from cracks in the
concrete—they had crossed over from the human world, thanks to the steady human
traffic on our side of the barrier. Ira let me set the pace, and I wasn’t sure
why until he spoke.

“I would tell you not to worry, little fury, except that I’ve
grown to enjoy the taste of your fear.”

I had nothing to say to that.

Lakeside looked extra-creepy in the red-tinted Netherworld
moonlight, and our stunted shadows, splayed out on the sidewalk in front of us,
bore little resemblance to our actual bodies. His even seemed to have an extra
limb in my peripheral vision.

Things skittered in the high grass on either side of the
walkway, and my instinct was to shy away from sounds I couldn’t identify. But
Ira had already promised me a safe escort as part of his side of the deal we’d
struck. Nothing would mess with me for the next few minutes.

After that, all bets were off.

I wanted to threaten him with the consequences of going back on
his word, just to reassure myself, but there
were
no
consequences, which was just as well, because he couldn’t go back on his word.
That was the best thing about a hellion’s inability to lie.

However, just because he couldn’t back out didn’t mean
everything would go as I’d planned. If there was something I’d missed—something
I’d failed to stipulate or make him agree to—the whole thing would fall apart
around me. And I wouldn’t be the only one to suffer for it.

“Ready, little fury?” Ira asked, and his words sent waves of
anger rolling through me, a fan stoking flames of a rage I’d almost forgotten
I’d left burning.

“I will never be ready for this,” I whispered, and he stared
down into my eyes, as near as I could tell, considering that his had no pupils
or irises.

“But you will do it anyway. That’s why he wants you. That
selflessness is contrary to everything he is and everything he will ever be. He
can’t understand you, but he will try, and that process will not be pleasant for
you.”

“But it will be pleasant for
you.
”
As part of our deal. And it would be pleasant for Avari, because I’d found no
way around that.

“Well then, shall we?”

I nodded again, and Ira looked up at the building in front of
us. “Avarice!” He didn’t shout, but his voice was so loud it rang in my bones, a
sensation like the residual ache after a blow from a blunt object. “Come out and
claim your prize.”

For several seconds, nothing happened, and Ira leaned down—way
down—to stage-whisper to me, an intoxicated smile forming on dark lips still
smeared with my blood. “He’s here, and he’s
thoroughly
enraged. How delightful!”

“Ire.” Avari appeared several feet in front of Lakeside’s main
entrance, a double set of glass doors that had both been shattered long ago,
judging by the glass already ground into sand on the steps. “I did not realize
you were making deliveries.”

“Anything, for the right price. Just like you.”

Avari’s brows furrowed. “You and I have reached no agreement—I
acknowledge no debt for this delivery.”

“My agreement is with Ms. Cavanaugh. She is here under my
escort and protection until she surrenders to your possession or returns to the
human world.”

“She paid you to deliver her to me?” Avari demanded, and even I
could hear the anger and greed dripping from his words. “How? At what
price?”

“She is paying for my protection until she surrenders—
if
she surrenders. The price is beyond your
concern.”

“And none of your damn business,” I added, thoroughly enjoying
the angry lines that formed around his jaw and the brief moment during which he
was obviously too pissed off to speak. “Let’s get on with it. You agreed to send
my father back if I surrender. I’m here. Go get my dad. Now.”

Avari hesitated just long enough to demonstrate that he wasn’t
taking orders from me; he was merely sticking to the deal
he’d
offered. Then, without looking away from me or raising his
voice, he said, “Ladies...”

Belphegore and Invidia appeared behind him on the steps, each
gripping one of my father’s arms as he sagged, unconscious, between them.
Pulverized glass crunched beneath their feet, and the toes of my father’s shoes
dragged twin paths through it.

“Is he okay?” I didn’t bother to screen fear from my
voice—Avari already knew I loved my father.

“He yet lives and is not beyond repair.”

“Where are the others?” Invidia tossed her hair—an ever-flowing
stream of molten envy—over one shoulder. Drops of it splattered around her,
burning tiny holes in her dress and sizzling like acid on the steps.

“They will come for her, and when they do, you may each take
one of your choosing. As per our arrangement.”

I could see how much the words hurt Avari to say. The hellion
of greed didn’t like to share his toys, but if he’d given Invidia and Belphegore
his word, in exchange for their help, he couldn’t go back on it.