Wish Upon a Christmas Cake (16 page)

‘So I took you into the bathroom and you lay there for about half an hour on the cold tiles until your nausea passed. You mumbled a lot about the past year but a lot of it didn’t make sense. And…you talked about us and how it used to be.’

‘I did?’ My heart began to pound. ‘What did you do?’

‘I sat there with you…after fetching a blanket to keep you warm.’

He sat on the bathroom floor with me? What if I’d been sick? That would have been so embarrassing; yet not the first time he’d held my hair back from my face as I vomited. The joys of a shared past.

‘And then?’

‘I carried you in here and placed you on the sofa. At which point you told me you still have great tits.’

‘I didn’t!’

‘You whipped off your bra beneath your clothes and flashed me.’

‘What?’

He nodded.

I covered my face with my hands. ‘I am
never
drinking again.’

‘Don’t stop on my account. You made my night.’

‘And that was it?’

‘Yes because you immediately passed out. It was almost as if you needed to get something off your chest.’ He grinned at his own pun and I had to take another swig of coffee to stop myself from reaching out to stroke his cheek.

‘Well I did get something off my chest, didn’t I? In spectacular fashion it would seem.’

‘Spectacular chest too. So why not?’ At least he was smiling now.

‘You’re kidding me, right? I really flashed you?’

He shook his head. ‘It’s the truth. You were
very
drunk last night. One minute you seemed fine, the next you were hammered. If you’d been sober, I’d have struggled to keep my hands off you. I’m only human.’ A shadow crossed his face and something inside me ached. Did he regret the fact that we’d nearly become intimate so quickly? None of this would be easy for him.

‘So you tucked me in, then went to bed?’

‘Once I’d placed you in the recovery position and felt certain that you wouldn’t choke on your own vomit, yes.’

‘I am so sorry!’ Embarrassment swirled through me and I bit my lip. I hadn’t seen Sam in years and I’d behaved like an idiotic teenager last night by drinking far more than I could handle. I enjoyed the odd glass of wine after a busy day or with a nice meal but I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been out drinking. Ann and I had our girls’ nights in when we needed to unwind but they didn’t happen that often since she’d fallen for Mark. And I’d chosen last night, of all nights, to get drunk.

‘It was probably the pressure, Katie. It’s lovely seeing you again but I can’t deny that it’s also difficult. A lot of emotions have come right back up to the surface again. In spite of that though, you really have no idea how lovely you are, Katie. I’d really love to have the chance to—’

‘AAHHH! It’s CHRISTMASSSS!’

‘DADDY! DADDY! DADDY!’

Four small feet pounded through the lodge and into the lounge.

‘He’s been!’ Holly dived onto the sofa and some of my coffee sloshed over the side of the cup and onto my top.

‘Daddy, Santa’s been!’ Jack threw himself onto the dogs’ bed in front of the fireplace and rolled around, madly kicking his legs in the air.

I quickly grabbed my bra from the back of the sofa and stuffed it underneath me. The next half an hour was utterly noisy joyful chaos. Holly tore through her stocking and showed me every single thing in it, and despite my regret at missing out on cuddling Sam, I began to enjoy myself. Holly was such a sweet little thing and I was soon caught up in that delicious childhood thrill that comes with Christmas morning. When she’d finished with her stocking, she insisted on placing her new treasures carefully onto the coffee table, then she started on the bigger gifts. Jack had already opened some of his and was dancing around cradling one of those handheld games consoles and several games that he was shouting he’d always wanted.

I stared at them both, so young and innocent. They knew that their Mummy was gone but did they really understand what it meant? That they would never see her again? Sam was doing such a good job of bringing them up; he was clearly trying hard to be both Mum and Dad to them. They were polite and well-behaved children.

But they didn’t have a mum.

In that moment, the sad thought made me want to sweep them into my arms – Sam too – and never let them go. But that only happened in soppy Christmas movies, not in real life. I was just Sam’s old friend, someone from the past, and this little family needed to move on and look to a bright future.

‘Hey.’ Sam moved closer to me and lifted Holly onto his lap. ‘What’s up? Hangover worsening?’

I shook my head. ‘No. The aspirin are starting to take the edge off it. I was just…’

I gazed at his handsome face, the happy smile that played on his full lips and his wide arms wrapped around Holly and vowed again to ensure that they all had a wonderful Christmas.

‘Just thinking that it’s time for some Bucks Fizz. AKA hair of the dog.’ I winked at Sam.

‘I could do with that too.’ He frowned and pointed at his forehead. ‘Bit of fuzziness there.’

I jumped up and swayed for a moment.

‘Take it slowly, Katie. Don’t rush and you’ll be fine.’

‘Orange juice for the children?’

‘Yes please.’ Holly smiled at me, melting my heart. I carried my mug over to the door, carefully picking up pieces of wrapping paper as I went. I’d better find a black bag in the kitchen before the dogs started chewing it. ‘Katie?’

I turned and looked at Holly, the prettiest picture of contentment in her pink bunny-print pyjamas perched on her daddy’s knee. My eyes burnt again and I blinked rapidly to disperse the ready tears. This had to be one of the most emotional Christmases ever and for different reasons than I’d expected. ‘Yes sweetheart, what is it?’

‘Why do you have a bra stuck to your bum?’

Chapter 11

The rest of Christmas Day passed in the usual whirlwind of too much alcohol, too many gifts and too much food. We’d toasted Granny before dinner, then again after dinner and all ended up quite emotional again. It had been strange eating our festive feast without her present and I suspected that Sam felt the same about Maria. He’d been calm and quiet with each toast but I’m sure that he must have been thinking about her and how different last year had been.

By four o’clock, I was bloated and sleepy. Slumped on the sofa next to Sam, I continued eating my body weight in Quality Street and slurping Champagne, every now and then fondling the silver dragonfly at my breast and the ones in my ears. Jack was busy saving New York City – which had apparently relocated to the manor’s hallway – with a new remote control Spiderman car and Holly had fallen asleep on Sam’s lap. He looked about ready to sleep too and I was daydreaming about pulling his head onto my shoulder and stroking his thick dark hair.

A somewhat inebriated Aunty Gina had gone for an afternoon nap, or some
afternoon delight
as Karl had claimed when she’d taken Tanberk off up the stairs. I’m sure he looked a bit apprehensive but it could have been the chestnut stuffing repeating on him. Karl and Angelo were discussing the stars of the Christmas reality TV show they were laughing at and Mum and Dad were on the cuddle chair. Mum had her legs over Dad’s lap and appeared to be actually letting her hair down. She had enjoyed quite a few glasses of wine over dinner though, so I suspected that had something to do with it. Unless she actually was loosening up a bit as she got older. Not that sixty-two was old. When I was in my late teens, I thought that thirty was old but now I knew that I’d been so, so wrong. I suspected that I’d feel the same way about my approaching fifties once I got into my forties and so on. Even in her eighties, Granny had told me that she still felt the same way as she had at sixteen, except for the creaky bones, so it seemed that always feeling this way was inevitable.

My phone buzzed on the sofa arm so I picked it up. Ann. I’d been trying to get hold of her all day but with no success. Had Mark proposed or hadn’t he? I’d asked as much in my tenth text of the day without the
hadn’t he
bit added in. I hoped so or Ann would be devastated. No message but a smiley face. So that meant yes? I wanted to know all the details but what if I rang her now and they were…well, you know…otherwise engaged. Although she had said that she’d be going to his parents’ for lunch. I smiled at the thought that Ann would be celebrating right now and had probably even started planning her wedding. I’d already been provisionally drafted in to make the wedding cake and to be chief bridesmaid! I’d never been a bridesmaid before. Probably because I didn’t have many friends – make that
any
friends. I knew people, of course I did, but I didn’t have close friends. I didn’t have the time or energy for them. Except for Ann. And what’s the saying? If you can count your real friends on one hand then you’re lucky indeed. Something like that but I was too relaxed to remember the actual wording.

I glanced at Sam. I didn’t want to move from his side. He offered one of his heart-melting smiles then whispered, ‘How about we catch up later? I’m sure we didn’t drink
all
the wine last night.’

‘That would be great. Can I help you tuck the kids in again?’ My own hopes that I’d be able to do this surprised me but I was trying not to dwell on them too much. I probably wouldn’t see Sam after the holidays, or at least not for a while, so I supposed it was okay to enjoy their company just for a short time. Surely there was no danger of me becoming too attached to the children and Sam – or vice versa – in just a few days? I was trying hard to convince myself that it couldn’t happen.

‘I’d like that.’

His brown eyes were so warm and even the tiny lines surrounding them were sexy. Not deep, but there as markers of life, evidence of his age and experience. He wasn’t a twenty-something bloke with an unlined face and that sharp beauty of the young, but he was all the more gorgeous because of it.

I gently stroked Holly’s hair. She smiled in her sleep and her dark eyelashes fluttered on her rosy cheeks. I had to admit that I’d grown fond of her and Jack already.
But not too attached.
I was taking care to guard my heart. It made me wonder at the love that a mother must have for her child, that apparently fierce maternal instinct. I swallowed hard. I guess I’d had some experience of that. But if Jack and Holly were mine, would I love them, defend them, protect them with my life? Did it work like that even if they weren’t biologically yours?

‘Imagine living here all the time,’ I said quietly, partly to Sam but partly to myself.

‘It would be strange, wouldn’t it?’ Sam replied. ‘By the time you’d finished cleaning, you’d have to start all over again.’

‘Said like a man with experience of household chores.’ I grinned.

‘Don’t knock it!’ He raised his eyebrows. ‘Some women would kill to have a man who understands how hard it is to run a house, care for two kids and bring in enough money to pay the bills. Or that’s what the school-mums tell me anyway.’

I rubbed his shoulder. ‘I know they would, Sam. I know.’

But as I sat there gazing into his eyes, I wondered if I was like those other women. Did I really want all that domesticity? Since arriving at the manor, I’d been pleased to see Sam and to meet his children and it was clear that there was still something fizzing between us. Only things were different now. I had my business to think of, the one dream that had kept me going when the darkness had loomed before me, threatening to envelop me as it had done when I’d lost my own child. Sam’s child. Our child.

I’d had good reasons for breaking up with him nine years ago. Sensible and practical reasons. It had been the right thing to do at the time. Or so I’d thought, hoping to spare him any further pain. But I’d failed in that respect because look at where he was now. Widowed. Alone. Trying to put the pieces of his life back together.

But Crumbtious was my baby; it had taken my blood, sweat and tears and I wasn’t about to give it up for anyone. Besides, I just couldn’t risk making myself vulnerable again. I couldn’t risk loving and losing again. I didn’t know if I’d make it through a second time.

***

Sam took the children down to the lodge about nine and I hung around for twenty minutes, trying to avoid arousing suspicion. When I wandered out into the hallway, Karl and Angelo were putting on their shoes to take an evening stroll. I made an excuse about leaving something at the lodge the previous evening and pulled on my coat and hat, then grabbed the parcel that I’d set by the door earlier that afternoon.

‘We’ll walk with you,’ Karl said, grinning broadly.

‘Oh…okay.’

I linked arms with them both and we set out into the snow. The evening was cold and the clouds overhead were fluffy and white as they passed over the moon. As the wind blew, it lifted loose drifts of snow and swept them around the lawn, creating what resembled piles of sparkling icing sugar.

‘Is there a caretaker or someone who looks after the place?’ I asked Karl.

‘Of course there is and a whole team of groundsmen or women, no doubt, as well as cleaners and a residential chef,’ he explained. ‘But it’s Christmas and they have families, so the caretaker made himself scarce until Boxing Day and the rest of the staff are away until the new year.’

‘I thought it was strange that we hadn’t seen any of them. So where does the caretaker live?’ I asked, thinking of the lodge.

‘He has a house just off the bottom of the driveway, before you turn left.’

‘I think I recall seeing a cottage there.’

‘So, Katie, enough of the small talk. What about you and Sam? Think there’s anything I should know?’

‘Karl, he’s…he’s a widower with two young children. I’m not long out of a relationship and I’m just too busy for anything right now. I don’t have the energy or the reserves to deal with love.’

‘But
he
really likes you, Katie!’ Angelo announced. ‘Sam likes you very much.’

I stared at Angelo. ‘How would you know?’

‘He told me.’

‘What?’ I frowned at Karl and he shrugged whilst looking very amused.

‘This morning when I went for a walk to clear my head after breakfast…Sam accompanied me. With the big slobbery dogs. Not for long but he talked a lot. He told me he’s confused.’ He tapped the side of his nose.