Wine and Whiskey (Surviving Absolution #1) (18 page)

“Why do you love Nick?”

The goofy smile returns even in her anguish. She thought she
loved Evan, but now with Nick, she really knows what it means. “Because he has
this enormous capacity to love. He’s generous and protective. Not just with me,
but everyone around him. Marta, Max, you. Even as hurt as he is by Jason and
Nathan, I know he would do anything for them.”

A lump builds in her throat at the torment he inflicts on
himself, the guilt oppressing him. “But, for some reason he doesn’t think he
deserves love back. He acts shocked I’m with him, like he’s unlovable or
undeserving. It breaks my heart he gives so much and thinks he’s not worthy of
anything in return.”

“Yeah, I get that about him. His childhood must have been pretty
fucked up.”

“It was.” She shakes her head, trying to keep from breaking down
at the stories of the suffering he endured. “He told me I bring him the only
happiness he’s ever known. Can you imagine being thirty years old and never
experiencing real happiness?”

Carrie sniffs and wipes her nose with the back of her hand. “Now
you’re making me teary-eyed.”

Besides Carrie, Nick’s the only one who doesn’t try to control
her, doesn’t try to sway her thoughts or make up her mind for her. The first
person to ever trust what she thinks. He lets her stand up for herself, and
she’s not going to disappoint him. “I can’t leave him.” Lifting her head, she
searches Carrie’s face, fearful of her reaction, yet confident in her decision.
She loves him, and he needs her, almost as much as she needs him.

“Then don’t. I’ll talk to Nathan and Jason. They’ll just have to
get over it.”

The only constant in her life, Carrie supports her even when the
only reward for her loyalty is helping to pick up the pieces. “I love you.”

“I love you too, even if you’re getting more sex than me.”

Shae gives her one last hug before walking upstairs, her steps
quickening as she gets closer to the bedroom door, almost running with the
desire to confirm her commitment to him. “I’m sorry it’s so late, I…”

His body curls over the pillow, his hand resting on her pink
robe. A half-empty bottle of whiskey and used glass sit on the nightstand.
Papers peek out of a manila folder overturned on the floor, her name scrawled
on the index tab.

She scoops up the file, tucking the sheets back inside. Her
cheeks flame with guilt for reading his private documents. But, the need to
know what’s written about her is too great.

Nick,

Here is a summary of the security plan we discussed as well as the
update to your will. With your approval, I will finalize everything and file
the revised documents.

Luther

Upon Mr. DeMarco’s death, responsibility for Ms. Armstrong’s security
plan shifts to Maxwell Masterson. If his death precedes or coincides with Mr.
DeMarco’s, responsibility transfers to Carter James. In the event all three men
are deceased, a trust will be created for the sole purpose of engaging and
retaining Walker Associates as the primary security management vendor for Ms.
Armstrong’s personal safety in addition to any current security in place as
required for her professional career.

Furthermore, Mr. DeMarco’s will shall be updated to reflect upon
his death the immediate transfer of five hundred million dollars to the newly
created accounts established in Ms. Armstrong’s name. She is the sole owner of
the accounts and controls any and all disbursements. All percentage allocations
to his other beneficiaries remain unchanged.

Tears blur the remaining words. He prepares for his death,
protecting her even after he’s gone. Every time she thinks the challenge is too
enormous to overcome, his immense love draws her back in.

After laying the folder face down on the night stand, she flips
off the light and crawls into bed next to him.

“Shae?” He reaches for her, his voice thick with sleep and
whiskey.

“
Shhh
.
Everything’s okay. I’m here.” She wraps her arm around his waist, snuggling
into his chest. It’s her turn to hold him tight and make him feel safe and
loved.

* * * *

Her fingertips graze the gray suede headboard as she stretches
in the soft light. The comforter and pillows bunch against her back, swaddling
her like a cocoon. Even when Nick’s gone, he takes care of her. She glances at
the nightstand. Both he and the file have disappeared.

She climbs out of bed with a hint of butterflies fluttering in
her stomach. He said this is her home now, but it feels awkward, too soon to be
comfortable without him. Stalling for no real reason, she washes her face,
brushes her teeth, and combs her hair before wrapping her robe around herself
and heading downstairs.

Silence fills the house, the door to Nick’s office closed,
the
kitchen empty. Traces of purple tint the sky as she
pushes open the patio door and walks through the breezeway to the guest house.

Nathan answers her knock, his eyes heavy with sleep, tufts of
dirty-blond hair sticking up like straw. “Good morning, Shae.”

“I’m sorry if I woke you guys.”

He shakes his head before dropping back onto the bed where
Carrie cuddles under the covers. She crawls up behind him, encircling his
chest, resting her chin on his shoulder. “No, we were awake. Just talking,
unlike some other people I know who can’t keep their hands off each other.”

She smiles at Carrie’s attempt to lighten the mood, trying to
prevent a repeat of last night’s tension. “Nope, I didn’t get lucky either.
Nick was gone when I woke up.”

Nathan clears his throat, putting an end to the sex talk he always
hates. He meets her gaze, a frown wrinkling his forehead. “I’m sorry about last
night. I meant what I said, but I could have handled it better. I shouldn’t
have been so harsh to you or Nick.”

A little bit of the anxiety seizing her shoulders loosens. Used
to making instant, life-altering decisions, Nathan isn’t one for emotions or
hysterics, making his apology rare yet sincere. “I appreciate you saying that.
So, where does that leave us?”

“I still don’t think you should be with Nick. But, it doesn’t
look like you’re going to change your mind. So, we’ll support you as best we
can.” His hand curls around Carrie’s arm, a small smile lighting up her
friend’s face at his sweet protectiveness. “If anything else happens though,
all deals are off. Carrie’s out of here. We'll hire Eugene or some other
security to protect her.”

“Understood.” Wrapping her arms around herself, she takes a deep
breath and looks up from the carpet. Nick deserves one more request on his
behalf, whether he believes it or not. “I don’t want you to bring up Evan
anymore. He hurt me, and it’s not fair to compare him to Nick. I know Nick’s
not perfect, but he’s never done anything but love me.”

His face grows red and his eyes widen, the vein in his temple
throbbing. “And put you in danger. Damn it, Shae! I don’t understand how you
can’t see how bad this guy is and how wrong it is for you to be with him.”

Shae cringes at Carrie’s startled jump, guilt stinging her heart
for putting her friend in the middle of their argument. “I can’t change how I
feel about him.”

“I’m not asking you to. I just want you to step back and look at
the situation for what it really is. Give yourself some space from him. Then
maybe you’ll realize you’d be better off without him.”

“You’re not being fair, he…” The words get caught in her throat,
fearful of betraying Nick’s confidence. No one understands he and his job are
not the same, even though they are forever intertwined.

Carrie presses her cheek against Nathan’s and locks eyes with
Shae, playing peacemaker. “Okay, baby, calm down. She gets it.”

Last night’s disappointment returns as he stands up and jerks
his bag off the iron bench. “I have to take a shower and get to the hospital.”

After the door closes, Carrie sighs and climbs back under the
blankets. “At least I get to stay.”

“That makes me happy.”

“Me too.”

Carrie’s sad smile fades, and she twists her hair into a bun,
her telltale sign of worry. “Are you going to Jason’s?”

“Yes, we need to talk. I might as well get it over with.”

“Good luck. Find me when you get back.”

Inside the house, Marta stands at the kitchen counter whipping
eggs in a green ceramic bowl. A hollow clank rings from the edge as she taps
her whisk against the side and smiles at Shae. “Good morning. I tell Nick
breakfast ready soon. He look for you. He worry.”

Guilt churns in her chest at his search for her. After
everything they’ve been through, he still doesn’t trust her not to run. Not
that she can blame him. Her track record isn’t so strong. “Thank you for
letting me know. I’ll go find him.” She runs up the stairs and meets him coming
out of the bedroom.

His smile doesn’t hide the relief in his eyes. “There you are.”
His arm glides around her waist.
and
he leads her
inside, closing the door behind them. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you woke up.
Max had an update about Juan for me.”

Juan
.

Her stomach drops. Uncertain what she wants to hear him say, not
sure what she hopes the answer to be, she can’t bring herself to ask if he's
dead. “What did Max say?"

“He’s out of the country, back to his compound in Mexico.”

She leans back from his embrace. “I don’t understand. Why would
he threaten us and then leave?”

“I’m not sure. My guess is he thinks he’s pushed it too far and
knows we’re coming after him. He may be lying low to see if we back down.” He tucks
a stray hair behind her ear before resting his hand on her cheek. “Regardless,
the threat isn’t over. Nothing’s changed. I don’t want you leaving the house
without a bodyguard. Max is going to escort you wherever you go.”

Unwilling to let him jeopardize his own safety with his concern
for her, she shakes her head. “I’m sure Max has more important things to do
than babysit me. He should stay with you.”

Nick’s gaze sears hers with worry. “Nothing’s more important to
me than you.”

“You know what I mean. I don’t want to be a burden to him. He
already has so much to take care of. Maybe one of the other guys should come
with me.”

“Please don’t fight me on this. He’s the only person besides
myself I trust to keep you safe.”

An argument she can’t win. Letting Max protect her provides Nick
with the only reprieve from the guilt he tortures himself with. “Okay. I’ll do
it for you.”

“Thank you.” He lets out a deep breath, relief softening his
tight expression. “Are you okay from last night?”

“Yes. We agreed to disagree, but Carrie is staying.”

“Good.” His finger traces from her temple to her chin, warming
her skin from his sensual touch. “I was happy to find you in my bed when I woke
up.” The huskiness of his voice doesn’t mask the uncertainty lingering in his
eyes.

Before she can play along, she must eliminate his doubt, ensure
he believes her commitment to him. “No matter what Nathan said, I wasn’t going
to leave.”

“I’m sorry if you thought I walked out on you. I hated seeing
you caught in the middle, and I didn’t want to put any more pressure on you.”

“You’re the only one who doesn’t.” She shakes her head at her
own irrationality. He knows what happened when she and Evan broke up, yet
doesn’t push, never makes her feel like he wants more than what she gives. He
loves her. She should say it too. They’re just words. Simple words that make
people happy. And hurt people. Words uttered too easily
,
without understanding the impact when they’re rescinded.

He caresses her cheek, lifting her face to his. “I don’t give a
damn what anyone else says or does, we both know how we feel about each other.
That’s all I need.” He rests his forehead against hers, claiming her heart
again with his tenderness. “Besides, if you had left, I would have come for
you.”

As always, he lets her off the hook, gives her an out she never
even has to ask for. “You just want back in my panties.”

His eyes darken, and he licks his lips before sucking the tender
spot under her ear and trailing kisses down her throat, stoking the fire in her
only he can ignite. “If I didn’t have this meeting to get to, I’d have you back
in bed, but without this.” He curls his finger around her belt, pulling it
loose and sliding his hands up her back. Tingles shoot through her body at his
fingers flexing against the bare skin above her negligee, making her almost
whimper as they graze the straps. “Or anything else that would get in the way.”

She runs her hands over his black jacket and tugs his sapphire
tie, the perfect match to the deep pools of his eyes. “But you’re so sexy in
your suit.”

He nips her earlobe before his warm breath tickles her sensitive
skin. “Work or birthday?”

“Both.” She shivers at his groan against her neck. His hands
slip under the hem of her nightgown and glide over her body, stopping at her
breasts, her nipples responding to his insistent touch before she forces
herself to step back. “You’re going to be late.”