Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow? (44 page)

Jack and Dan finally do meet, late after the show one night, when Dan is sitting chatting to me in my dressing room. Totally unannounced, Jack strides in, ostensibly to give Rachel some performance notes. Each instantly cops on who the other is before I introduce them, but if I thought there’d be any underlying tension, I was well wrong.

Without even realising I’m doing it, instinctively I lean in towards Dan, who slips a possessive arm around my waist as he politely shakes hands with Jack, as much as to say,
she’s forgiven me and she’s chosen me.
Meanwhile Jack just gives him one of his Jack looks, nods curtly at me, and is gone. The next news bulletin I hear about him is that he’s finally been offered a movie script that he’s agreed to work on and is out in LA.

Not long after, one lazy afternoon, Dan and I are strolling through Central Park in the warm October sunshine, when he suddenly pulls me down onto a bench beside him and kisses me spontaneously. One of those long lingering kisses that turns into something more intense and I just know that if we were back in my apartment,
we’d most likely both have all our clothes off and be diving into bed together round now.

‘Mmmmmm,’ I say, cradling the back of his neck when we both eventually do come up for air. ‘Now what was that for?’

‘For putting up with me,’ he says, whispering into my hair. ‘Like no other woman in Ireland would have. How did you stand it all that time, Annie? With me working, working, working day and night? Jules gave me a right earbashing about it when she got back from her holiday here, you know. Told me in no uncertain terms that I hadn’t exactly acted like husband of the year and that if I lost you, I’d only myself to blame.’

‘Oh, honey, I knew you had to work as hard as you did. I knew you were only trying to build up the practice and needed the cash to support not just us but your mum and Jules too. It was rough going, I’ll admit, but I did understand.’

‘All those times I let you down and acted like some work-obsessed shit. Last year’s anniversary, Christmas Day, for God’s sake…I’ve been playing it over and over in my mind and all I can think is how lucky I am you didn’t divorce me.’

‘I’ll be honest, it certainly wasn’t easy…but that was then, and this is now.’

He laces his hands around mine and is playing with my wedding ring now.

‘You know, I’ve been thinking, love.’

‘What’s up?’ I ask.

‘When your contract is up here and the show is over…I don’t want you coming home to The Moorings with me and then you and I falling into the same old
pattern again; me gone all the time while you struggle on alone.’

I don’t answer him straight away. Mainly because while I’ve been dying to finish work and get back to my life with Dan again, I have to admit, the picture he’s just painted isn’t an appealing one. Because, the God’s honest truth is, I just don’t know if I could go back to that life again. Maybe all would be well for a time, but for how long? And would the same old problems start resurfacing?

‘So, what do you think we should do?’ I ask him tentatively. ‘I mean, there’s your mother to think about and Jules too.’

And Lisa fecking Ledbetter, I add bitterly in my head. Who’s still living in the house, kids and all, most likely claiming squatters’ rights by now. Wouldn’t put it past her.

No, definitely not a pretty picture.

‘Sweetheart,’ he says, slipping a warm arm around my shoulder. ‘If it’s one lesson I’ve learned the hard way it’s this: what matters most is you and I. Our marriage is my number one priority. So would you just trust me for the next few weeks? I’ve got to get back soon, but by the time I come back to you this December, I promise you, things will be very different.’

‘You’ll still come back in December?’

‘Course I will. I made you a promise, didn’t I? And will you trust me to sort things out at home before you get back?’

‘I’d trust you with my whole life.’

‘That’s my girl.’

We kiss again, more deeply though and next thing his warm, eager hands have somehow slid under my jacket and jumper, cradling my breasts, brushing his thumb over my nipples, touching me all over, making me want him so
much that it’s making me dizzy and my breath is coming in short, panting bursts.

‘Annie?’

‘Don’t stop…whatever you do, don’t stop…’

‘I’ve no intention of stopping…I was wondering…do we have time to get back to your apartment, before you have to go to work, I mean?’

‘Oh, there’s always time.’

Two weeks later and I can tell by Dan that although he’s sad to go, still a huge part of him needs to be back at work, doing what he loves best. We hug at JFK airport and he brushes away my tears and tells me that he’ll be back for me before I know it.

‘I’ll ring you as soon as I get home, love,’ he calls out to me as he races for the gate, about to miss the final boarding call. ‘I’ll meet you at the moon!’

I blow him a kiss and wave till he’s out of sight. And as I watch him stride away towards the boarding gate, I think back to when I sat here by myself, not so long ago, howling crying because I thought he was with someone else. What a change a few weeks can bring, I smile quietly, walking away with a spring in my step.

Funny, but as I count the weeks down to when I’ll see him again, I often think of that hazy parallel life that I might have had, with Jack. Because who knows what would have happened if Dan had ended up with Lisa? Or if I’d given up on him and chosen a whole other life instead?

Maybe I’d have moved out to LA with Jack…maybe we’d have stayed together…maybe a whole lot of things.

As I say, I sometimes think about that other, distant
parallel life that shimmered like a mirage on the horizon for a brief, shining moment. From time to time, I play it out in my mental theatre and wonder what if…but never, ever for long.

I push the thought away and now it’s all about the future.

WINTER

Epilogue

Dan is as good as his word and the following December, he’s back, in time for our anniversary. Bearing hot news too; when he was back in Ireland, he had to attend a conference up in Dublin…where…wait for it…he was offered a new job.

It’s at a busy practice in the city centre, but I can see the proud gleam in his eye when he tells me all about it. But as for me, I’m ecstatic! Because this is exactly like an action replay of our old happy life in the city. Before we moved down to Stickens, before all our problems started.

‘So Mrs Ferguson,’ he rolls over and says to me on a chilly, lazy afternoon just after he’s arrived, when the two of us are tangled up naked in bed together. But then, ever since he walked through the door, we’ve been doing an awful lot of making up for lost time.

‘What do you think of that, then?’

‘It’s amazing, honey…but…what about your mother? And The Moorings?’

I want to tack on and the Countess bleeding Dracula too, but manage to bite my tongue in time. Don’t want to even invoke her name during our romantic reunion scene, plenty of time for that later.

‘You know what? They’ll all do perfectly well without us. After all, when I was here with you back in October, everyone managed just fine. The practice was fine, my mother was fine…the world continued to revolve without me being there…it all worked out. If it’s one thing I’ve learned this past year, it’s that I’m not indispensable. Besides we’ll only be in Dublin, just a drive away, that’s all. And my mother has a full-time nurse now, so I don’t worry about her as much as I used to. Then Jules is starting her creative writing course in Cork…’

‘Good,’ I nod, and he smiles. ‘She’ll be their star pupil.’

He grins and pulls me in closer to him.

‘And then the practice will still keep on running without me. I’ve taken on a new intern who’s only fantastic, so he can stay up at the house and keep an eye on the place when we’re gone…’

Oh sod it anyway, I can’t resist asking…

‘But…well, won’t Lisa and the kids be there too?’

‘That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you, love. No, they won’t. I didn’t want to tell you this over the phone, but ever since I got back from seeing you last time, it seems that she’s been actively trying to patch things up with her husband. So she told me that by the time you got back, she and the kids will already have moved back to London, to be with him. Best thing really,’ he adds kindly. ‘Harry and Sue were really missing their dad. They were slowly starting to turn me into a kind of surrogate father and it was all wrong. Those kids need to be with their real dad.’

I have to slump back against the pillows, unable to take in all of this good news.

In fact, I nearly feel like bursting into a chorus of
Ding Dong the Witch is Dead
from
The Wizard of Oz,
but somehow manage to restrain myself.

And we’re moving back to Dublin too! Where we were once so happy. Where we’ll be happy again. I just know it.

And now it’s my turn to tell Dan something else too.

Some big news I’ve been keeping to myself. Something that I didn’t want to tell him over the phone either.

‘Course, you know, sometime in the future, the time might come when we may seriously think about moving back to The Moorings,’ I tell him, lightly, teasingly.

‘What are you talking about, love?’ he says, leaning over me now and looking me full in the face, puzzled.

‘Oh, you know, I’m just saying, maybe one day you and I might just need a bigger house, that’s all. When a bit more space may just suit us. Like for instance…oh, I dunno…a house with a nursery, like The Moorings has? Say if I were having a baby, for example? If I were to ever…find myself pregnant?’

‘Annie…?’ He pulls me up to him now, his whole heart in his warm black eyes.

And that’s when I tell him. The news I’ve been secretly carrying around with me since not long after he left in October. That he’s about to become a dad. And that I’m only eight weeks gone, but that I’ve had a scan already and that everything seems absolutely perfect.

It was torture, keeping it from him all these weeks, but I had to see the look on Dan’s face when I told him, I just had to. And oh my God it was
so
worth it. Worth all the morning sickness, the nausea, the soreness, the constant tiredness and worst of all the secrecy; worth it all just to see the way he’s looking at me right now.

Worth it all, worth more.

For a second I think he might pass out with shock, but then as the realisation dawns on him, his whole face bursts into that lovely, wonderful, crooked smile, that I love so much. He hugs me over and over again and in all the time I’ve known him, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Dan, my Dan, this blissfully, overwhelmingly happy.

He kisses me so deeply that it takes my breath away and all I can think is: how lucky are we? If all the great love stories are about loss, how lucky are we that ours was so short lived?

Because love turned upside down is love for all that. And if marriage is all about falling in love, then my life lesson has been this: a long and successful marriage requires falling in love with the same person, not just once but over and over again.

That night, we go back to the Rockefeller Center, scene of so many romantic scenes between us and now the scene of another one. We don’t skate, just snuggle up on the benches looking down at the swarms of skaters swirling away beneath us. It doesn’t snow, like it conveniently did for us the night we first got engaged another lifetime ago, but I know just sitting here that this is a magical moment for us, one I’ll be replaying on a loop in my mind for years to come.

We’ve come full circle, Dan and me. Somehow, against the odds, we’ve made it.

‘I love you,’ Dan breaks off to whisper to me. ‘Always have, always will.’

And suddenly, just like that, our whole future unfolds in front of us like a rolling red carpet, as far as the eye can see.

Read on for Annie Cole’s
(Unofficial) Guide to New York

Annie Cole’s (Unofficial) Guide to New York City

Shopping

OK, just to be clear, New York City is
the
shopping capital of the world. Period. In fact, let’s face it, NYC is to shopping what Cheryl Cole is to fake tan; you just can’t imagine one without the other. So for what it’s worth, here are a few ‘must-dos’ for your NYC itinerary.

1. Century 21

Located downtown on Courtland Street, right beside where the Freedom Tower is now well under way.

Anyroadup, as any visitor to the city will tell you, one of the worst problems – particularly with a short visit to NYC – is the dreaded jetlag. Now trying to deny jetlag is a bit like trying to deny gravity, and lying in your bed wide awake, staring at the ceiling at 5 a.m. is par for the course, worse luck. Trouble with New York though is that none of the major department stores open until 10 a.m., which leaves you stomping round empty streets for hours on end, gazing forlornly at the steel shutters down outside Macy’s and not having the first clue what to do with yourself.

But this is why Century 21 is such a minor miracle for tourists, because it opens at 8 a.m., and is far and away the city’s best kept secret. Believe me, you’ll find designer dresses at knockdown prices; and by knockdown, I mean reduced from four figures down to a staggering sixty dollars or so.

And the shoe department…oh dear God, the shoes! I know a pair of those glossy little Chanel pumps in Europe cost upwards of three hundred Euros, and may I be struck down this minute, but I got a pair in Century 21 for forty bucks. Yes, you read that right.
Forty.
Trust me, allow yourself at least half a day for Century 21, because you’re going to need it.

Best for:
shoes and handbags.

To be avoided:
if you can’t handle crowds of fellow bargain hunters shoving their elbows in your face. It’s designed for the hardier shopper, not for the faint-hearted.