Wildly (Crimson Romance) (16 page)

Who am I fooling?

Tonight was more than a mutual satisfaction between the sheets. Somewhere behind the primal, physical need to have Shauna, he’d recognized hope within himself. A desire to feel complete and understood by the one person he wanted more than anything. A dream he thought he’d buried a long time ago. His wish was there, waiting, right below the surface, wanting to come true.

He sank down beside her on the mattress, not touching her warm, willing body. He might never experience what he had with her again, but he was too selfish to walk away. He’d only lie beside her for a couple minutes, and then he’d leave.

Sometime later, he opened his eyes, surprised to have drifted off into sleep. For a moment, he had to remember where he was at and what had happened. He stroked the arm thrown over his stomach, and relaxed. He was home, and Shauna was with him. Then the reality of what had happened came back. He’d taken her virginity.

He scooted out from under her, hoping to have a few moments to wake up and think. He had to practice what he would say to her.

“Gray … ?” She brought her hands up to her face and rubbed her eyes, smiling at finding him beside the bed. “Come back to bed.”

“You fooled me.”

She flinched and sat up. Grayson stood, fully dressed, and glared.

“What are you talking about?” She scooted toward the edge of the bed and stood. His gaze heated as he took in all her bare skin before marching over to the dresser, removing a T-shirt, and tossing it to her.

“Get dressed, and then come down to the kitchen. We need to talk.”

“What’s going on?” She slipped the shirt over her head, letting the material fall to the top of her thighs. “Are you angry at me?”

He ignored her questions. His head pounded, and he had to put a distance between them. He couldn’t do that while she was standing in his bedroom.

He stepped backward, putting space between them. “I’m going downstairs. Come down when you’re ready.”

“Is this some kind of test? Did I fail?” She hugged her middle, shivering.

“No. It wasn’t a … test.” He gritted his teeth, and walked out of the room.

Five minutes later, she showed up downstairs. He handed her a cup of coffee, and motioned for her to sit across from him at the table.

She sat. “You’re scaring me.”

“Good.” He returned to his place, and leaned his elbows against the table. “Shauna … ”

He watched her, knowing he was going to break her heart. She placed her hands between her legs and waited.

He lifted his head, miserable. There were many things he regretted in his life, but hurting Shauna topped the charts. She had no idea how much it pained him to constantly cause her more disappointment.

“Oh God.” She covered her mouth and shook her head. “You’re going to walk away from me.”

“I’m sorry.” He reached across the table for her hand and waited until she placed her fingers into his palm. “I had no idea you’d never slept with anyone before.”

She frowned. “How could you not? It’s always been you who I’ve wanted. Always.”

He physically flinched. “I don’t deserve you. You’re looking for a man who will come home every evening and hold you in bed until you both fall asleep. I’m … the exact opposite. I don’t want to answer to anyone or be responsible for your happiness. I can’t. I won’t.”

“What are you saying?” She rubbed her lips together. “Are you denying what we have together? Is it because of my past?”

“No. Hell no.” He let go of her and leaned back. “Even back then, I admired your tenacity. Then all of a sudden, you grew up and I reacted. You drove me crazy with wanting you, but I knew there could be nothing between us. My world involved traveling and the tournaments. The media would’ve crushed you and even though I was attracted to you, I pushed you away the only way I knew how — by being an asshole.”

“I love you. It wouldn’t matter what others say about me.”

He laughed, but refused to look her in the eye. “You don’t know what love is, sweetheart. If you did, you would see that what happened last night was sex. Good ol’ dancing between the sheets.”

“That’s not true.” She stood up and leaned over the table, bracing herself on her hands. “We were friends first, Grayson. We listened to each other, and depended on that friendship to get us through some hard times.”

He shrugged. “Your mom left, your dad was struggling to hold his business afloat, and I felt sorry for you.”

“Maybe that’s true, but even when I grew up you continued to talk with me. You helped me when you didn’t need to.” She sucked in her breath. “We’d talk about our lives, what kind of car you wanted to buy, and what you planned to do when you stayed in Europe. I was part of your life, Grayson. All that time I was falling deeper in love with you. Can’t you see?”

He shook his head. Oh, he could see — perfectly clearly — but he’d never admit it to anyone. “So you had a crush.”

“Love. It’s called love.” She sniffed. “The kind that never goes away or leaves. Trust me, I know. Even when I tried to hate you for ignoring me, for snubbing me in front of your friends, I continued loving you, because … ”

His lips thinned. “Because?”

“Because I wasn’t going to be like my mom. I wasn’t going to stop loving you and disappear from your life the way she did to me, the way your parents did to you. I was going to give us something we’ve never had. Each other.”

The air sizzled with tension. He straightened his shoulders and turned around to hide how much the truth pierced his soul. His parents had shoved him off on his manager when he was fourteen and took most of his income from the tennis tournaments he’d played in to spend their time in Italy, away from their only son. They’d skipped his matches, missed his birthdays. If he was lucky, he got a package delivered at Christmas.

That all ended when the automobile accident had taken their go-lucky lifestyle away while in Barcelona, and he was left alone. The one person who’d saved him from giving up on everything was Shauna. She’d shown up at the tennis center with a fistful of daisies and forced him to talk about what happened. It was the one time he’d allowed himself to talk about the anger raging inside of him. She was the only reason why he’d never become involved with any other woman on an emotional level. He’d pushed her away, because he knew if he allowed himself to take what she freely offered him, he’d disappoint her … the same way he had his parents.

“You don’t know me,” he whispered.

She slipped her arms around him from behind and leaned into his back. “I do, and that’s why you’re scared. I’m scared too, but don’t deny what we have together. Don’t lie to me.”

He swore.

“Let me stay here with you. Today. Tomorrow. I don’t care how long. Just don’t send me away right now.”

He turned around and held her fiercely against him. “Dammit, Shauna. You’re too good for me. I’ll just hurt you.”

“You won’t. Never.” She held on tight. “Please, let me stay.”

“You can stay.” Once he spoke the words, he felt ten times lighter. Selfish? Maybe, but he couldn’t let her go.

“Really?” She tilted her face up and smiled.

He kissed the tip of her nose. “I can’t promise you tomorrow or next week.”

“That’s enough.” She took his hand and pulled him toward the stairs. “Come with me.”

He cocked his head. “Where are we going?”

She grinned and wiggled her eyebrows. “I’ve only got twenty-four hours to convince you to keep me forever and I’m going to start now.”

“Grayson!” Shauna covered her bare breasts with her hands and tried to wiggle away from him.

They’d barely left the bed all weekend, and suddenly Grayson grabbed her, saying he wanted to show her something. Not letting her peek, he covered her eyes and led her through a door. Giggles attacked. She was naked, and the breeze tickled her skin.

“You better not be leading me out where everyone can see me. I’ll never forgive you.” She reached behind her and assured herself that he too was showing his dangling bits to the sky.

A minute later, Grayson stopped walking and slowly removed his hands. She opened her eyes. The late sunlight flickered off the surface of a pool. She dipped her toe in the water and smiled.

“I had no idea you had a pool back here.” She gazed around the area of his backyard.

He lowered himself into the water and reached up for her. “No one, besides me and the gardener, comes back here.”

“Ever?” She slid in beside him and wrapped her arms around his neck.

Acres of manicured grass, dotted with trees, surrounded the pool area. In the far distance, a practice wall, half hidden by trees, gave her a glimpse into Grayson’s life. She kissed his cheek. The thought of him hitting the ball by himself, sequestering himself from others, made her sad.

“Nope. The only people I really bring to the house are my friends, but we always use the pool at the tennis center. The backyard is for me alone. I’m around people every day. This is the one place where I know no one is watching me.” He turned around without letting her go. “See the fence? It backs the electric company’s property, which is off limits to the public. No one can get to the fence, and the city gave me permission to extend it two feet over the city limit to eight feet tall. They’d have a hard time seeing over.”

“I bet you enjoy living here.” She smoothed his hair away from his face. “Can I ask you something?”

He nodded.

“Why didn’t you keep your parents’ house? They had a lovely home.”

“When I retired and bought the old rundown tennis center, I originally planned to tear my parents’ house down too.” He pointed off behind the center. “Instead I combined the two properties. I want to remodel the house and construct a bunker-type lodging where kids can stay during the summer while they’re at camp. It’s hard for the parents and managers to transport them back and forth, and it’s important that they bond with others their own age. The road to being a professional tennis player is a lonely life. In the meantime, I wanted my own place, no memories, just a roof over my head where I could escape. So, I built this one within walking distance to the center and my parents’ old place.”

“That’s a wonderful idea. What’s holding you up? Money?” She grabbed onto the wall and let go of him.

He laughed. “No.”

She dipped her head back in the water and let her hair fall down her back. “What’s so funny?”

“You have no idea how much money I have, do you?” He splashed her.

She scrunched up her nose and wiped her face. “A lot. But you don’t compete anymore. All your work is for charity. Don’t take this the wrong way, but I know how much you charge for tennis lessons and how much a membership at Schyler’s costs … I’m sure you have to plan accordingly.”

“Sweetheart, I don’t earn money off the tennis center.” He pulled her closer, letting her float on the surface of the water. “I still get paid for wearing my sponsors’ clothes, being interviewed, doing television shows, and playing in charity events. I keep the center going because that’s where my interest lies. I like working with the young kids and motivating them.”

“You really are out of my league, aren’t you?” She laughed.

“Damn right.” He ran his hand over her flat stomach as she lay on the surface. “Around you, I feel like the richest man in the world.”

She let her feet drop and tread water. “Why did you retire so young?”

He ignored her question and dove under the water, grabbing her legs. Her scream turned to laughter, and in a matter of seconds, she moaned. She grabbed his hair and pulled him back up.

He shook his head, the water spraying her face. “Let’s go in.”

“In a minute.” She smoothed her hair back. “I’ve been thinking about my mom, and the fact she’s back in my dad’s life.”

“And?”

“I don’t think I can ever forgive her for leaving me.” She caught a water droplet off Grayson’s cheek. “Does that make me horrible?”

“You?” Grayson shook his head. “I’m the last person who can give you advice on how to deal with parents, but I think that makes you human. Your mom knew the chance of losing you when she left.”

“I guess.” She sighed. “It’s strange how dealing with your parents makes you feel twelve years old again.”

Grayson kissed the end of her nose and picked her up. “You feel like a woman to me.”

Hand in hand, they headed back to the bedroom, tracking water across the floor on their way. Soon it would be getting dark, and Shauna would have to force herself to go back to the hotel. She had to work tomorrow.

Grayson settled his mouth on hers with a quiet possessiveness.

Carrying her to the bed, he deepened the kiss. His lips tasted slightly salty, and his tongue was soft and sweet. She murmured her approval, her body on continual awareness for how Grayson could make her feel.

“I don’t think I’ll ever tire of wanting you,” he whispered.

The answer to that simmered between them. She pressed closer, rubbed her breasts against him. “Then don’t send me away. Let’s see if I’m right and we’ve got what it takes to make this work.”

They kissed, sharing light caresses, soothing touches, and bringing each other to a heightened awareness of each other. Her tongue licked across his bottom lip. “Don’t deny yourself this.”

Each kiss became deeper, more intimate. Their touches grew more heated.

Shauna’s heartbeat quickened as Grayson pulled back and cupped her face. “Okay.”

“Seriously?” Her chin quivered, afraid to believe.

He gazed pierced her soul. “I promise.”

“Forever?” she whispered.

“For as long as we’re happy.” He kissed her forehead, each eyelid, her nose, before settling on her mouth.

He backed her up to the bed and laid her down. His fingers lingered on her nipples, followed with his mouth. Her skin heated and she arched off the mattress. Her stomach quivered until at last, he entered her. A rush of tiny explosions consumed her and she cried out with pleasure. It was that quick, that sure, that fantastic.

Grayson reached his peak, and his deep moans mixed with hers. When he found his breath, his gravelly voice whispered, “Thank you.”

Shauna opened her eyes, unsure what he meant. The look in his eyes explained it all. She placed her hand on his chest, over his heart. “I’ll always be here. Forever. No matter what happens between us. I promise.”