Wicked! (91 page)

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Authors: Jilly Cooper

Tags: #Administration, #Social Science, #Social Classes, #General, #Education

BOOK: Wicked!
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‘It’s weird,’ grumbled Johnnie Fowler, ‘there’s no one above us and no one beneaf us.’

But gradually their fears vanished as they were welcomed by a hug from Janna and a glass of Buck’s Fizz from Mags, and Bob Marley over the loudspeaker. Everything was certainly going to be all right as they raced round Appletree, admiring the whiteboards and the big windowed dining room, designed with a bar like a Wild West saloon. They were soon swinging on ropes in the gym and screaming with excitement over the boys’ lavatory, where as you peed into a shiny steel trough, turquoise and indigo water gushed out and swept it away.

They also loved the hall, with the sky-blue ceiling full of angels looking like Milly Walton. Most of all, they loved the sand colours and beiges.

‘Wicked, wicked, wicked, miss, it don’t look like a school any more,’ shouted Pearl. ‘Oh look, TV’s arrived. Anyone want mike-up?’

Partner was in heaven to see all his friends again. Janna was particularly pleased to see Aysha. The Brigadier’s great coup had been to make a special journey to see Mr Khan, who only dealt with men and whose own father had been in a Punjab regiment. Invited on the set of
Buffers
, flattered to have his brains picked on the Punjabs’ courage when the Japs invaded Burma, Mr Khan had finally agreed to let Aysha return to Larks. She looked so pretty in her apricot-pink headscarf and was knocked out by the new labs.

‘Kylie Rose has put on a lot of weight,’ whispered Cambola. ‘Hope it’s not what I’m thinking.’

‘This drink is yummy,’ said Kitten Meadows, ‘can I have another one?’

‘If you mop it up with some food,’ said Mags, running in with a huge shepherd’s pie from the Ghost and Castle. Lily, who’d offered to help out in the kitchen, had made several plum tarts and blackberry and apple crumbles.

‘We’ll start hellfy eating tomorrow,’ said Rocky, who’d already had two showers in the changing rooms.

‘Like your hair, miss, it’s cool,’ said kind Kylie.

‘It’s gross,’ said Pearl. ‘You’d better let me cut it next time.’

Outside, where the ground had been levelled for a small pitch with goalposts, Feral was playing football with Graffi, Johnnie, Monster and a frantically yapping Partner.

After everyone had had lunch, Janna called them into the hall for a group photograph and Pearl went round taking the shine off everyone’s noses.

‘I saw Chally in Tesco’s this morning,’ moaned Basket. ‘She was so unkind.’

Janna put her hands over her ears. ‘I don’t want to hear it.’

‘She said, “None of those no-hopers could ever get a job, that’s why they’re hanging on at Larks for another year.”’

‘Bitch. We’ll show her,’ said Janna, clapping her hands for silence. ‘I’d like to thank Brigadier Woodford so much for providing the champagne. Is everyone’s glass filled up?’

As Sophy and Gloria rushed round with bottles, Cambola played the theme tune from ‘Band of Brothers’ on the piano, then, as the music faded away, Janna smiled round.

‘“We few, we happy few, we band of brothers”,’ she said softly. ‘Today is for welcome and celebration. The purpose of the year ahead is to get some grades and have a ball. You’re students now. This is a college. You may have noticed that Wally hasn’t painted anything on the board outside because we thought you could kick off by naming your school yourselves.’

‘What about Curtis College?’ shouted Pearl.

‘What about Cool School?’

‘What about Shakespeare School?’

The suggestions came from all sides.

‘What about Larkminster High School?’ Aysha said.

‘Because larks fly high, and we’re aiming for the stars.’ Graffi pointed up at the sky-blue ceiling. ‘Bloody good.’

Everyone cheered.

‘Larks High it shall be,’ went on Janna. ‘We’ve also decided to dispense with a few rules. What causes most rows in schools?’

‘Uniform and short skirts,’ shouted Pearl, ‘and jewellery.’

‘Smoking,’ said Johnnie, throwing his cigarette into a fire bucket, ‘and chewing gum.’

‘Mobiles,’ said Kylie, as hers rang. ‘Hi, Jack, ay can’t talk to you right now.’

Everyone roared with laughter.

‘Right,’ said Janna, ‘in future you can smoke, but not in the classrooms, and as long as you don’t stub your fags out on our lovely new floors. Ditto chewing gum. You can use your mobiles as long as you ask permission and go out of the classroom to take calls. You can also wear what clothes you like and any jewellery, but be sensible: no hoop earrings and tie back your hair in the labs.

‘You’ve all seen how beautiful your new building is. So please cover the walls with examples of good work, not graffiti. And as we’re a band of brothers, please don’t bring in any guns or knives. PC Cuthbert’ – loud cheers from the girls – ‘will be popping in and out. You can also call us by our Christian names if you like.’

‘We do, Janna,’ yelled Johnnie to more cheers.

‘The only sad news,’ went on Janna, consulting her notes, ‘is that Debbie has left us, so I’m putting up a rota of people who’ll help clear away after lunch and load the new dishwasher.’

‘Terrific,’ interrupted Rocky, ‘as long as it’s only the women,’ which caused a howl of protest from the girls.

‘We’d also like two of you to take it in turns to sit in reception doing homework and welcoming guests to the school and offering them tea, coffee or hot chocolate from our wonderful new machine. And please remember to fill up Partner’s water bowl.’

‘She’s very good,’ murmured Lily to the Brigadier.

‘That’s all.’ Again Janna smiled round at them. ‘Don’t hurry home, look around and enjoy yourselves. We may have been called “no-hopers” in the past, but we’re going to prove everyone wrong.’

Rocky, who’d been gazing into space, suddenly shouted hoarsely, ‘God bless Larks High and all who sail in her. Three cheers for Miss Curtis, I mean Janna.’

‘Janna,’ shouted everyone, draining empty glasses.

‘We few, we crappy few,’ sang Graffi happily.

‘That went really well,’ said Mags as she and Basket loaded up the dishwasher. ‘Johnnie must be drunk, I’ve just seen him doing a high five with Monster.’

‘I don’t mind doing this today,’ Janna said as she shared the last bottle of the champagne between their three glasses, ‘but I’ve got to find a cook. The one I interviewed yesterday was a battleaxe who wanted six hundred pounds a week. Taggie Campbell-Black’s coming to see me at three-thirty, I wonder what she wants.’

91

Pupils were still hanging around gossiping when Taggie arrived. Kylie Rose, recognizing her from
Hello!
and most of the papers and determined to be the hostess with the mostess, rushed forward to welcome her, offering her hot chocolate.

‘I’m sure there are some biscuits in the kitchen, Mrs Campbell-Black, I’ll bring them in.’ She ushered Taggie along the corridor, passing Monster and Johnnie, who, having suspended peace talks, were having a fight, then Pearl, in a micro skirt, smoking and shouting, ‘You can fuck off,’ into her mobile.

As Taggie entered Janna’s office, she was shaking worse than Mike Pitts. She was also so tall, long-legged, huge-eyed and vulnerable, Janna felt they were taking part in some Aesop fable about a red squirrel and a giraffe. Partner immediately curled up on Taggie’s knee to make her feel at home.

‘What a sweet dog.’ Taggie had a surprisingly deep, gruff voice. ‘Reminds me of my little mongrel, Gertrude. I’ve got a lurcher now, who’s adorable, but you can’t cuddle them on your knee. They fall off. All dogs are best dogs, but Gertrude was my best, best dog. What a lovely office.’

Taggie was rattling now and when Kylie Rose arrived with hot chocolate and some Bourbon biscuits, the cup Taggie took from her rattled in accompaniment like a woodpecker.

‘Can I get you a tea, miss, I mean, Janna?’ asked Kylie, dying to find out why such a star had descended to earth.

‘I’m fine thanks. Shut the door behind you, Kylie. How can I help you?’ Janna smiled at Taggie.

‘I’m looking for a school for Xav when he comes out of rehab next month.’

Janna nearly fell off her chair.

‘He was just going into Year Eleven, like your children,’ stammered Taggie, ‘and Christian Woodford says you’re a genius with d-d-d-difficult, unhappy children.’

Janna brightened. ‘He did?’

‘You can hardly have failed to notice how Xav was expelled from Bagley. Such a public humiliation for both him and Rupert, who’s hardly bullied anyone since he left school. Poor Xav’s been so difficult since he went to Bagley, I feel terrible not realizing he was drinking and drugging.’

‘Tell me about this summer.’

Feeling horribly disloyal, Taggie did so.

‘Marcus and Tabitha have done so well,’ she said finally, ‘and Bianca just floats through life. Xav feels so hopeless. I was the same, the really thick one, between a brilliant brother and sister. Alex Bruce always thought Xav was stupid and was waiting for an excuse to sack him.’

‘We have to prove him wrong then.’

Taggie glanced up, not daring to hope. ‘D’you mean . . .?’

‘I certainly do. We’d love to have Xav. He was so kind to Paris on the geography field trip and he worked terribly hard during
Romeo and Juliet
. Aysha, who got on very well with him, is staying on at Larks, so he’ll have a buddy to look after him.’

Taggie’s stammering ecstatic gratitude was cut short by the telephone. The call was equally short.

‘Bugger, bugger, bugger.’ Janna switched off the handset. ‘A cook I interviewed yesterday has decided not to take the job after all. Our wonderful Debbie has been poached by Ashton Douglas.’

Taggie’s silver eyes widened like rain rings in a pond.

‘Not that horrible smoothie at the public meeting?’

‘That’s the one.’

‘What does the job involve?’ asked Taggie.

‘Well, basically, dinner every day for about forty. The staff and lots of the children will only be working a two- or three-day week and many of them just have baguettes or salads and rush off and play in the grounds. I’ve got a very good temp for September starting tomorrow, but after that . . .’ Janna splayed out her fingers in despair.

‘I know someone who might be able to help you,’ said Taggie, colour suffusing her pale face. ‘Before I married Rupert I used to cook for dinner parties. I could give it a try until you found someone.’

Taggie had been so desperately low about herself both as a wife and mother that the sun really came out when Janna jumped to her feet in delight and pumped Taggie’s hand.

‘I can’t think of anything more wonderful for Larks’s street cred. The children will be so chuffed to have two Campbell-Blacks here.’

‘You don’t think it’ll embarrass Xav?’

‘Some mothers, yes, but not you. And I think, as he’ll have just come out of rehab, we’ll have to keep an eye on him.’

Taggie loved the new kitchens, ‘much more modern than ours at Penscombe’.

‘I’d like to start a breakfast club,’ said Janna as she walked Taggie to the front door, ‘even if it’s only orange juice and a bacon sandwich. So many of our children face a wall of indifference and hostility beyond the school gates. Xav will find himself one of the very lucky ones. Some of them lead such deprived lives. This is one of the worst cases,’ she whispered as, on cue, bouncing his violet and yellow football along the corridor, came Feral. He had lost his sheen like a conker forgotten in a coat pocket. Poised for flight, he looked at Taggie warily as if awaiting blows.

‘Hello, Feral, I’m so sorry about the other evening,’ she stammered.

‘Xavier’s coming to Larks,’ said Janna.

‘Wicked,’ said Feral and skittered past them into the dusk.

Back at Penscombe, Rupert was in a foul temper. Where in hell was Taggie? There was no sign of dinner. He’d taken advantage of her absence to have a look at one of his GCSE set books, which he’d found in the library next door: a first edition of
Pride and Prejudice
with the pages uncut, which he’d scribbled notes all over. He hadn’t been able to make head nor tail of
Macbeth
and even less of the Ted Hughes poem he’d tackled yesterday. Why had he ever let himself be bullied into taking this bloody exam? If by some miracle he passed, he wouldn’t give a penny to Alex Bruce’s science block after the way he’d treated Xav.

Hearing a car and joyous barking as dogs bounded down the stairs and along from the kitchen, and old Bogotá looked up hopefully through his sightless eyes praying it might be Xavier, Rupert shoved
Pride and Prejudice
under a cushion. As Taggie ran in, eyes shining, colour back in her cheeks for the first time in days, he thought she’d never looked prettier. How enticingly that white T-shirt clung to her. Dinner could wait; he took her hand: ‘Let’s go to bed.’

‘Something wonderful happened,’ gasped Taggie, ‘I must just tell you.’

‘Are you out of your mind?’ asked Rupert two minutes later, in the soft bitchy voice that always made Taggie want to bolt like a hunted hare. ‘Xav is totally unstable, and you’re throwing him to the wolves: the flower of the Shakespeare Estate who’ll force-feed him glue, steroids and crack cocaine; brutes like Feral Jackson who whip out guns at public meetings, nick cars and beat up old ladies.’

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