Why Pick on Me (4 page)

9

Marvin got to school early, and waited.

Judy Jasper was dropped off in the school parking lot. Marvin watched her get out of the car.

Marvin was glad she was alone.

The kids usually weren’t mean to him when they were alone. It was only when they were in a group. The bigger the group, the meaner they acted.

“Judy,” he called.

“What?” asked Judy.

She had very curly hair.

“I have to ask you my question for the class survey,” said Marvin.

“Okay,” said Judy.

“You have to tell the truth,” said Marvin.

“I will,” said Judy.

“Okay,” said Marvin. “Well, here goes.” He took a breath. “Have you ever picked your nose?”

Judy screamed, then ran away.

Marvin ran after her. “Wait!” he called. “You have to answer my question!”

He chased her around the bike rack and caught up with her just outside the girls’ bathroom.

“Have you ever picked your nose?” he asked again.

“Ever?”
asked Judy.

Marvin nodded.

Judy ducked into the girls’ bathroom.

Marvin was about to walk away.

But then, safe within the bathroom walls, Judy Jasper shouted, “Yes!”

Kenny was drinking from the water fountain.

“I have to ask you my question for the class survey,” said Marvin.

Kenny kept drinking.

“Have you ever picked your nose?” asked Marvin.

Kenny coughed and spit out water. He looked up at Marvin. “That’s your question?” he asked.

Marvin nodded.

“Did Mrs. North approve it?”

Marvin shrugged.

“Darn!” said Kenny. “I didn’t know you could ask questions like that.”

“So, have you?” asked Marvin.

“Yeah, I guess,” said Kenny.

Marvin wrote down Kenny’s answer.

“I’m going to see if it’s too late to change my question,” said Kenny. “I could ask all the girls—What color is your underwear?” He cracked up.

Nick and Stuart arrived together.

“What do you want?” asked Nick.

“Don’t worry,” said Marvin. “I’m not going to try to be your friend. I just have to ask you my question for the class survey.”

“Okay,” said Stuart. “But make it quick.” He looked around to make sure that no one was watching.

“Have you ever picked your nose?” asked Marvin.

“Give me a break,” said Stuart.

“Just answer the question,” said Marvin.

“No one’s ever going to like you if you keep asking questions like that,” said Nick.

“Just answer the question.”

“Yes, I’ve picked my nose,” said Stuart. “Are you happy?”

“Me too,” said Nick. “But I don’t go around talking about it!”

“What do you want, Snot-face?” asked Clarence.

“I have to ask you my survey question.”

“Just don’t get any of your boogers on me,” said Clarence.

Marvin looked at him. He couldn’t understand Clarence. They both knew that Clarence made that up. They both knew the ball was over the line.

“No one else is around,” said Marvin. “Can’t we just be honest with each other?”

“Booger brain!” said Clarence.

“Well, here’s my question,” said Marvin. “And you have to tell the truth.”

“I never lie,” said Clarence.

“Have you ever picked your nose?”

“No way!” said Clarence. “I’m not gross like you.”

Casey’s ponytail stuck out of the side of her head.

“Casey,” said Marvin. “I have to ask you my question for the class survey.”

“Shoot,” said Casey,

“Have you ever picked your nose?”

Casey laughed.

“Well, have you?” asked Marvin.

She laughed so hard she fell to the ground.

Marvin waited patiently.

At last Casey stopped laughing. She took a deep breath. “What was your question?”

“Have you ever picked your nose?” asked Marvin.

She laughed again.

But between her hoots and howls, she managed to shriek, “Yes!”

Justin said, “You’re sickening, Marvin! I’m not going to answer that question.”

“You have to,” said Marvin. “It’s for the survey.”

Justin turned and walked away.

Marvin grabbed his shoulder. “You have to answer the question.”

“Not that question,” said Justin, pushing Marvin away.

“You have to!” said Marvin, grabbing him again.

“Justin! Marvin!” shouted Mrs. Grant.

Mrs. Grant was on yard duty. She sent the two boys to see Mr. McCabe, the principal, for fighting.

A little while later, Marvin opened the door to his classroom. He peeked inside. Everyone else was still outside.

“Mrs. North?”

“Yes, Marvin,” said his teacher, seated at her desk.

“I want to ask you my question for the class survey.”

“Good for you, Marvin. I’m glad to see you’re finally participating.”

“Have you ever picked your nose?”

Mrs. North sat up straight. “That’s no way to talk to a teacher,” she said.

“It’s for my survey,” said Marvin. “Have you ever picked your nose?”

“That is not a proper question,” she said. “You need to choose something more appropriate.”

“Have you ever picked your nose?” Marvin repeated.

“I’m serious, Marvin,” said Mrs. North. “If you ask me that one more time, I’m going to send you straight to the principal’s office.”

“I just came from there,” said Marvin. “Mrs. Grant sent me, for fighting with Justin.”

“There, see. And what did Mr. McCabe tell you?”

“He told me he picked his nose.”

10

By recess everyone had heard about Marvin’s question.

They couldn’t wait to answer it.

“Ask me!” said Gina.

“No, ask me,” said Heather.

“Okay,” said Marvin. “Have you ever picked your nose?”

“Yes,” said Gina.

“Yes,” said Heather.

Then they ran away giggling.

“Ask me!” said Melanie.

“Ask me!” said Travis.…

After recess Marvin was ready to give his report. He stood at the front of the room.

Several kids were already snickering.

Marvin began. “As you know, I asked everyone the question—Have you ever picked your nose?”

Everyone cracked up.

Clarence called out, “How gross!”

Marvin waited. “These are the results,” he said. “Judy—Yes.”

The class laughed.

“Keimy—Yes.”

They laughed again.

“Stuart—Yes. Nick—Yes. Casey—Yes.”

They laughed every time Marvin said, “Yes.”

“Justin—Yes. Mr. McCabe—”

There was a gasp. No one knew Marvin had asked the principal.

Marvin paused. Then he said, “Yes.”

The class went wild.

Marvin waited for everyone to be quiet.

“Mrs. North—”

Again there was a gasp.

“Yes.”

“Settle down,” said Mrs. North. She was blushing.

Marvin continued. “Travis—Yes. Melanie—Yes. Patsy—Yes. Clarence—No.”

Everyone stopped laughing and looked at Clarence.

“Gina—Yes. Heather—Yes.”

Marvin finished off the list.

“In summary,” he said, “everybody has picked their nose, except Clarence.”

Casey shouted, “Oh, Clarence. You’re such a liar!”

Mrs. North thanked Marvin for his report. “Excellent job,” she said. “It was an unusual question, but I think it taught us all a lot about ourselves. We’re all human, aren’t we?”

“Way to go, Marvin!” called Stuart.

Nick clapped his hands, and the rest of the class joined in.

After lunch Marvin got on line to play wall-ball. No one complained.

After all, what could they say?

Don′t miss a single Marvin!

Marvin suddenly figures out why he has red hair and blue eyes, while the rest of his family has brown hair and brown eyes. He’s not really Marvin Redpost at all. He’s Robert, the Lost Prince of Shampoon!

“Wonderfully logical and absurd, with wit and attention to detail rare in an easy reader.”

—
The Bulletin of the Center for Children’s Books

“My name’s not Marvin.”

—Marvin Redpost

Marvin kisses his elbow by accident. Now he wishes he had pigtails and wants to play hopscotch! Everyone at school says that if a boy kisses his elbow, he’ll turn into a girl. Could Marvin be turning into a girl?

“Sachar writes for beginning readers with a comic simplicity that is never banal.”

—
Booklist

“There’s nothing Marvin Redpost can’t do.”

—Stuart Albright, Marvin’s best friend

Marvin’s friends think he’s the luckiest boy in the world when Mrs. North asks him to dog-sit for a week. He gets $3 a day, plus a $4 bonus if nothing goes wrong. And he gets to be alone in Mrs. North’s house!

“Sachar’s finely tuned sense of how children think and feel makes his fourth book about Marvin and his comic misadventures entertaining.”

—
The Horn Book Magazine

“Marvin’s going to use the bathroom in Mrs. North’s house!”

—Melanie, Marvin’s classmate

It’s “hole day” at school, and even Mrs. North and the principal are wearing their worst clothes. But now they’re expecting company—the president of the United States is on his way! And there’s no time to change!

“The story hums along with its own cheerful energy, much like Marvin himself. “

—
Kirkus Reviews

“Good job, Marvin. “

—The president

Marvin can’t sleep. Suddenly something zooms across the sky. It looks a lot like Nick’s birthday cake! Could it be? Or is it something else? The next day there’s a new boy in school. His name is Joe Normal, but everyone thinks he’s weird. What is
normal
, anyway?

“A smart, funny twist on the new-kid theme.”

—
The Horn Book Magazine
, Starred

“His name should be Marvin Stupid.”

—Casey Happleton, Marvin’s friend?

Everyone at school thinks that Marvin Redpost is going to ride his new bike down Suicide Hill. But not only is Marvin terrified of the steep hill, he’s afraid of his new bike! How can Marvin survive this one?

“If Marvin says he’ll ride down Suicide Hill, then he’ll ride down Suicide Hill.”

—Stuart Albright, Marvin’s best friend

Marvin Redpost’s friend Casey Happleton lives in an old firehouse. But that’s not the only cool thing about her. She’s also got a super-secret
magic
crystal that she’s going to share with Marvin!

“Lively dialogue and Marvin’s endless imagination command steady attention.”

—
Publishers Weekly

“You’re weird, Marvin!”

—Casey Happleton, Marvin’s friend?