Read Why Do Pirates Love Parrots? Online
Authors: David Feldman
Why Do Pirates Love Parrots? (5 page)
T
he allure of the grill compels men. Even guys who refuse to clear the dishes or toss a salad often spend hours in ritualistic trances, tending to their “Q.” Button-downed types willingly don aprons ladened with inane jokes.
According to the Barbecue Industry Association, 84 percent of Americans own some sort of barbecue or grill (charcoal or gas). Sixty-one percent of men barbecue periodically, while only 39 percent of women participate in the thrill of the grill. Weber-Stephens, the largest manufacturer of outdoor grills, commissioned their own survey in 1999 and found an even greater disparity: 63 percent of the grilling was performed by men, 22 percent by women, and by both in 15 percent of the households that barbecued regularly. Barbecue grills are used both to grill (cooking directly over high heat) and to barbecue (slow-cooking over indirect heat). Just as barbecue industry statistics usually combine both cooking methods under the rubric, “barbecue,” so are some of the sources quoted below referring to barbecuing when they are actually grilling.
Barbecuing no doubt dates back to the cavemen. It’s all well and good to bash a critter over the head with a club, but how do you preserve that big hunk of meat? Before refrigeration, nearby heating agents (trees) were used as the fuel to cook and then preserve freshly killed animals.
When the early Spanish settlers came to the New World and found natives using smoky fires as a way of preserving large slabs of meat in the sun (and keeping insects away), they quickly adopted these methods as they settled in the southwestern United States. Well before the Civil War, especially in the South, barbecues became a favorite form of cooking at large parties and celebrations. Pits were dug in the ground and filled with wood that burned all night to create a bed of coals. Whole carcasses of pigs or cows were hung from rods or laid to cook on grills above the coals. And those carcasses had to be turned above all that sooty wood. This work, requiring strength and a high tolerance for heat and grime, was performed by “pit men,” usually black slaves.
Barbecues became a fixture at political rallies, too. Who couldn’t draw a crowd with the lure of free barbecued meat, lemonade, and perhaps some whiskey, too? Without the problem of having to cater to females (who couldn’t vote), barbecue rallies consisted of male politicians providing food cooked by males for a male voting constituency.
After the Civil War, in the old West, cowboys often cooked whole cows on a spit over the campfire. Today we see men huddling around the home grill, recreating the cowboy’s campfire culinary tradition, without the soot or the horses or the heavy lifting.
The earliest barbecue restaurants were easy to start. Some “pit men,” full-time farmers during the week, opened up de facto restaurants, usually little more than shacks, on the weekend. This tradition continues to this day, when some of the best barbecue in many cities is provided by unlicensed “amateurs,” who tend pits on the weekend.
Even now, cooking a whole pig or side of beef is hardly a glamorous undertaking, but grilling hot dogs and precut chicken pieces is more our speed. There isn’t much need for testosterone to tend the family barbecue. Our portable grills are relatively pristine. Worried about the heat and unpredictability of a wood fire? Then substitute our modern equivalents: charcoal briquettes. If briquettes are too dirty or difficult to light, you can switch to the even more convenient gas grill, which is no harder to control than the indoor range.
If the modern barbecue is so much easier for women to handle, the historical antecedents can’t explain why men are still eager to wield the tongs. We contacted scores of amateur barbecue enthusiasts, some of them participants on the competitive barbecue circuit, and found four dominant theories for males hogging the barbecues:
1. The Great Outdoors
We were surprised how often men mentioned being outside as one of the great appeals of barbecuing, and how the grill reinforces the traditional roles of men and women in the household (in many families, the wife maintains the inside of the house and the husband performs the outdoor chores). As one anonymous griller e-mailed us:
By the time Dad gets home from work, Mom is more than willing to let the kids flock to Dad around the barbecue pit. Mom enjoys the solitude of the empty house to freshen up and recharge. The kids love how playful and relaxed Dad gets after he crunches his third empty beer can.
Even if it’s only on a patio, any outdoor setting is great if there is a barbecue involved, according to the devotees we consulted. Some think that the appeal of outdoor cooking hearkens back to our ancestors, and is a tribute, of sorts, to their self-reliance. As barbecue aficionado Chris Bennett of New Bern, North Carolina, puts it:
I think that a large part of the thrill of it goes back to chuck-wagon days or even prehistory. There is something very satisfying about taming the flame and cooking in this somewhat primitive manner. I remember that early in my grilling days, I took almost absurd pleasure in preparing a meal that came almost entirely from my own labors. I cooked the meat, grew the vegetables, made the barbecue sauce, and drank my own homebrewed beer. The only part not of my labors was the meat.
I don’t hunt. But since I work, perhaps this too came from my labors. The pleasure came from the idea that I was providing for my family and showing love through my efforts.
I asked my wife this question and she said that men are idiots and don’t have the sense to stay in the air-conditioned house and cook. She might have something there.
2. Male Bonding
Chris Bennett also observes:
Another aspect of grilling that deserves mention is the camaraderie it engenders. The grill gives men a place to stand and talk and renew acquaintance, while the smoke chases the women away. I hope this does not sound too sexist—it isn’t meant that way.
Don’t worry, Chris. Your wife deserves payback for that “idiot” crack.
Not only do men tend to barbecue as a way of hanging out with their friends, but if they play their cards properly, they can earn brownie points, too. Willy, a grilling fanatic, noted that perhaps barbecuing links modern man with his caveman heritage, but he has a new theory, which he calls the “golfing theory.” Willy barbecues and plays golf with the same friends. Somehow, his wife doesn’t appreciate him going out three days a week to golf and drink beer with his buddies:
Instead, we say, “Honey, I’m going out with the boys and we’re going to cook some ribs and butt. It should be done by 6:00
P.M.
” Suddenly, you’re helping out. You’re still drinking and shooting the breeze with the boys, but now it’s culturally all right and you may even be a sensitive guy.
3. Sex Roles Rule
Pat Nicholas, who with her husband is a regular on the Texas competitive barbecue circuit, wrote
Imponderables
that most women prefer avoiding dirty charcoal and usually have to provide the fixings that go with barbecue anyway. Have these gender stereotypes been reinforced by the mass media? How often have you ever seen a fictional depiction or advertisement portraying a woman barbecuing? Nowadays, approximately 20 percent of competitive grillers are female, a huge jump from decades ago.
Yet comedienne Rita Rudner’s observation about men’s affection for barbecuing is pertinent: “Men will cook if danger is involved.” One of the attractions of the grill to some men is that barbecue equipment is not delicate. Compared to a stove or oven, the barbecue grill is like a power tool or a pickup truck. Many men have a strange predilection for cars; barbecues share many similarities, including wheels, generation of smoke, and, in a crowd, no shortage of backseat drivers. With both the outdoor grill and the car, one has to look under the hood when trouble is afoot, even if you have no idea how to solve the problem.
So our culture has deemed barbecuing a “male thing,” and for some, letting a woman barbecue would seem “unmanly,” especially to the neighbors. On the animated television show,
King of the Hill,
the Texas males determine social pecking order by the condition of their lawns. Particularly in the Sun Belt, this peer competition often exists, and it is the males who are held responsible for the lawn. Bill MacKenzie, vice president of the Greater Omaha BBQ Society, maintains that:
Perhaps there is a social pressure or expectation put on men to be barbecue chefs, a sort of “keeping up with the Joneses” that starts with the yard and home exterior and would seem to have an extension onto the patio and outdoor grill.
4. A Hobby, Not a Chore
Derrick Riches, About.com’s barbecue guide (http://bbq.about.com) wrote us:
The day-to-day cooking traditionally carried out by women has always been a chore, something that needed to be done and quickly grew to be a somewhat undesirable task. Backyard cooking is more like a hobby. You need special equipment and the more you practice the better you get. I think this is another draw to men to do the grilling.
Although some married male grillers enjoy preparing the side dishes, our correspondents report that it is usually the wife who issues the invitations, prepares the non–barbecue-related food, sets the table, and cleans the dishes. Some women, resigned to their fate, have decided to go with the flow. Even if she can’t get her husband to agree to food preparation parity, this barbecue widow, who prefers to remain anonymous, will take what she can get:
If I were the one on whom the family depended to plan, prepare, and put most of the meals on the table every single day, all year long, and if, on occasion, someone else said: “Hey honey, don’t worry about dinner tonight, I’ve got it covered,” I’d be up in a Calgon tub with candles, a book, and a beverage until I was called down to the table (which I probably set myself ). I would
not
be hovering anywhere near the food preparer, even if he was having a weekend blast out at the Q pit. Hey, I caught a break from routine here—why should I?
More and more women seem to be grilling, though. Most of the barbecue experts we spoke to attributed the rise to the popularity of gas grills, which don’t require starting fires and are much cleaner than their charcoal counterparts. Increasingly families are experimenting with grilling and smoking fish and vegetables, which have more feminine appeal.
Will as many women as men barbecue fifty years from now? Our guess is no, at least for traditional wood and charcoal Q. As long as there are unmanageable fires and grease and grime, our guess is that men will still consider barbecue to be their domain, and women will tend to “leave it to the boys.” One of our correspondents, when posed this Imponderable, indicated that barbecuing does wonders for fidelity in his marriage, even if unintentionally:
The wife doesn’t have to worry about other women coming around, especially when the husband smells of beer, wood smoke, and meat drippings.
Submitted by Ronald Walker of El Segundo, California. Thanks also to Cindy McDonald of San Francisco, California; Ethan Jennings of Dover, New Hampshire; and Tracy Takach, via the Internet.
B
ats are a tad eccentric. They are the only mammals that can fly. At night, they flutter around, snarfing up assorted bugs for food; and during the day, most species of bats literally hang out: upside down.
The key ingredient in allowing bats to roost upside down is their specialized musculature. When humans try to grip something with our hands, say, hanging on a horizontal bar, we clench our muscles, straining to keep not only our hands and wrists locked, but aggravating our shoulders and arms. It’s almost the exact opposite for bats. When a bat finds a suitable roosting site, it opens its claws and grabs with its talons; it doesn’t clench its muscles, but rather relaxes them. The weight of the upper body actually keeps the talons locked, so it takes no more exertion for a bat to roost than for us to recline on a Barcalounger. The lack of effort needed to stay roosting allows bats to enjoy a form of hibernation known as “torpor.” During torpor, which bats can induce at will, their body temperature and blood pressure decrease, and they barely move. In very cold weather, bats can enter a full hibernation mode, roosting blissfully upside down the entire time.
How little effort does it take a bat to roost upside down? Dead bats are routinely found in typical roosting position, looking like they are just taking a snooze. Only when they want to take off from their roost do bats have to flex their muscles.
Other anatomical oddities also help bats roost upside down. Their necks are extremely flexible, so if they need to look behind them—no problem—they can turn their heads 180 degrees. The hind legs of bats are rotated so that their knees face backward, which aids in roosting. Most bats don’t have the ability to give birth upside down, though, so most species literally hang by their thumbs while delivering (as they do when urinating and defecating), which does take exertion.
So we know
how
bats roost upside down; now let’s look at the
why.
1. Bats’ legs are weak.
In exchange for the unique ability of bats to fly, Mother Nature saddled them with unusually weak legs, with light and slender bones. Light legs allow bats to fly faster, but lower their ability to stand, walk, and support their own weight so that they could perch like birds.
2. Roosting upside down improves bats’ takeoffs.
Although bats are efficient flying machines once aloft, their wings aren’t strong enough to enable them to take off from the ground the way birds can. If bats are attacked by a predator, their roosting position allows them to escape quickly, even if they are in torpor, by simply dropping off their roosting spot. Some bat researchers believe that at one time in their evolution, bats might have been gliders rather than flyers, as their takeoff pattern suits an animal unable to fly.
3. Predators are foiled.
Bats’ predators include owls, hawks, snakes, raccoons, and in many places, humans. Bats evade many of their predators simply by being active when their enemies are asleep. But roosting upside down allows bats the opportunity to find roosting sites unappealing to or unreachable by predators, such as the roofs of caves or the ceilings of attics and barns.
Submitted by David O’Connor of Willoughby, Ohio. Thanks also to Renee Gonsiewski of Villa Park, Illinois; Michael Wille of Springhill, Florida; Michael Cipoletta, Jr. of Malden, Massachusetts; Sharri Browne of Fort Nelson, British Columbia; and Christian Morrow of Santa Barbara, California.