Why Do Pirates Love Parrots? (36 page)

Airlines

Boeing jets, numbering of

window alignment of

window shapes of

Anchors, fouled, as Navy symbol

Artists, thumbs and

ATMs

Braille markings on drive-up

deposit envelopes, holes in

Audio cassettes, auto-reverse and

Auto-reverse, audio cassettes and

Automobiles

cockroaches in

new car smell in

Bagel holes, doughnut holes and

Balls, orange, on power lines

Barbecues, men’s domain over

Baseball

Elevation of pitcher’s mound

Manager uniforms

Bats, roosting position of

Bibles, two-column format of

Birds

head bobbing of

sweating of

vocal mimicking of

vulture circling

“Black boxes,” color of

Blind people, dreams of

Boeing, numbering of jets of

Boots on ranchers’ fence posts

Bottles, necks of

Bowling, Brooklyn strikes and

Boxing, origins of “ring” in

Braille markings, drive-up ATMs and

Bread, mounds atop

Brooklyn strikes, bowling and

Brussels sprouts, Brussels and

Cabooses, disappearance of

Calendars, before Christ

Cans, soft drink, flotation of

Carbonated water, club soda and

Cassettes, audio, auto-reverse and

Cats

cockroaches in

miniature

swimming and

Chairs, warmth of

Cheese

Monterey Jack, origins of

shapes of

Circuit boards, green color of

Clocks, clockwise movement of

Cloudiness, iced tea and

Clouds, formation of

Club soda, origins of

Coca-Cola cans, flotation of, in water

Computer keyboards, SysRq key on

Cookies, peanut butter, crisscross marks on

Core, Earth’s, heat of

Countdown leader, film and

Cowboy hats, creases on

Creases on cowboy hats

Crickets, chapped legs and chirping in

“D-Day,” D in

Diet Coke, flotation in water of

Dog food, smell of

Dogs, shaking off water and

Doughnut holes, bagel holes and

Dreams, blind people and

Driveways, versus parkways

Drug labels, inactive ingredients in

Earth’s core, heat of

Earthworms as fish food

Elections, Tuesdays as day of

Elephants

jumping of

trunks of

Envelopes, ATM deposit, holes in

Executions, sterilized needles and

Figure skating announcers tuxedos and

Fish

earthworms as food for

sleeping patterns of

Football fields, width of

Fouled anchors as Navy symbol

Friday the thirteenth, superstition about

Fruit symbols, slot machines and

Fruitcake, unpopularity of

Gas pumps, automatic handles on

Gas stations, automatic handles on

Giraffes, vocalizations of

Grape ice cream, rarity of

Green, as color of circuit boards

Hair, growth rate in head vs. body

Half-time zones

Hamburger buns, McDonald’s, white patch on

Harley-Davidsons, revving at stoplights and

Helmets, kamikaze pilots and

Hershey kisses, paper tags on

Hip swaying, women and

Holes, ATM deposit envelopes and

Horses, sleeping position of

Ice cream, grape, rarity of

Iced tea, cloudiness in

Imponderables, vs. ponderables

Inactive ingredients, drugs and

Jack, Monterey, identity of

“Jimmies,” origins of

“Just For Men,” women and

Kamikaze pilots, helmets and

Kisses, Hershey, tags in

Left-handed string players, in orchestras

Lethal injections, sterilized needles in

Lightning, zigzag shape of

Loons, landing of

M&M’s, colors of

Macadamia nuts, shells of

Managers, baseball, uniforms of

Manhole covers, shape of

McDonald’s hamburger buns, white patch on

Medicine ball, composition of

Men

Domain over barbecue

snoring and

Milk cartons, impossibility of opening

Mimicking, birds and

Miniature cats, breeding of

Monterey Jack, identity of

Moon, visibility during day

Mosquitoes, biting preferences of

Motorcyclists, revving at stoplights

Mounds atop bread

Navy, fouled anchor as

Necks, bottles and

Needles, sterilized injections and

New car smell, constituents of

Newspaper vending machines

Newspapers, cleaning windows with

Olive oil, extracted, and olives

Olives, after oil extraction

Orange balls on power lines

Ostriches, swimming and

Packing peanuts, shape of

Parkways, vs. driveways

“Park,” taxi drivers, at stoplights

Parrots

head bobbing of

mimicking and

pirates and

Peanut butter cookies, crisscross marks on

Peanuts, packing, shape of

Pharmacists and raised platforms

Pitcher’s mound, elevation of

Polaroid prints, waving of

Ponderables, vs. Imponderables

Portholes, shape of

Power lines, orange balls on

Psychics, women and

Ranchers’ fence posts, boots on

Revving at stoplights, motorcyclists

“Ring,” origin of, in boxing

Salmon, color of

Sea stars, faces of

Seats, warmth of

Service stations, automatic handles on gas pumps

Sheet music, directions of

Shoes, single, on side of road

Skating, figure, announcers and tuxedos in

Slot machines, fruit symbols and

Sneezing, looking up and

“Snickers,” origins of

Snoring

age differences and

men vs. women

Socks, tissue paper in

Soft drinks, finger as fizziness reduction agent in

Staggered starts, strategy in

Standing still, difficulty of

Starfish faces, existence of

“STOP,” in telegrams

String players, left-handed

Sun, sneezing and looking at

Superstitions, fear of thirteen

Swaying, hip, and women

Sweating, birds and

“SysRq” key, purpose of, on computer keyboards

Taxi drivers, gear shifts, at stoplights

Tea, iced, cloudiness in

Telegrams, “STOP,” in

Telephone poles

height of

specifications of

Thanksgiving, date of

Thirteen, superstition about

“This page intentionally left blank”

Thumbs, artists and

Tickling of self

Time zones, half-

Tissue paper in socks

Tootsie Roll Pops, licking of

Track, staggered starts in

Trains

cabooses, disappearance of

whistle patterns of

Trunks, elephants’

Tuesdays, as election day

Tuxedos, figure skating announcers and

Typewriter keys, location of

Uniforms, baseball managers’

Unimponderables

Urination, running water and

Vending machines, newspaper

Vultures, circling of

Walking, versus standing still

Water, carbonated, club soda and

Water vapor, formation of clouds and

Whistles, train, patterns of

Windows

airline, shapes of

alignment of, on airplanes

cleaning, with newspapers

portholes, shape of

Women

hip swaying

“Just For Men” and

psychics

snoring

Worms, as food for fish

“Xmas,” origins of term

Yawning, contagiousness of

Years, in calendars before Christ

Jacket illustration by Kassie Schwan