Authors: Melody Carlson
Who I Am (24 page)
Of course, on the other hand, six months in the life of a seventeen- almost eighteen-year-old is kind of like a lifetime of its own. But as I look back, I can see that I've learned a lot. And it's funny because a lot of the time it felt like I was going backward. Sometimes it even seemed like I'd had it more together in the previous year. I mean, I think I've suffered some real identity crises in the past several months. There were times when I felt like I really didn't know who I was or where I was going or anything.
And then last week, when I picked up Chloe (to go to this new Christian coffeehouse in the city where there's
a musician playing that I thought she might like–and she did), something she asked me just seemed to help click on the light.
“Do you ever just wonder who you really are?” she asked as we drove.
I nodded. “Yeah, to tell you the truth I've wondered that a lot in the past year. It's like no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't figure out what I was supposed to do. Go to college or go work in Mexico? So then I finally decide on college but I don't get financial aid for the one I want–the one my friends get to go to. And even when I decide to go to State, I still can't decide on a major. And even then my parents keep pushing me toward writing or journalism, and I still don't know for sure. And, of course, I still think I should do something that would be more helpful in missions. But to be honest, I don't really know what that might be.” I sighed in exasperation. “So, yes, Chloe, to answer your question, I am still trying to figure out who I am.”
Chloe laughed. “Sorry to get you going.”
“No, that's okay.” I got thoughtful for a moment, sensing there was some hidden opportunity here. “I guess the thing I've really learned is that I may never completely figure out who I am. And maybe that's not so important.”
“Really?”
“Yep. Maybe what really matters is whose I am.”
“Huh?”
“Yeah. Because I'm thinking that life will probably always be a little confusing and unpredictable. And I
suspect we'll be constantly changing and growing and stuff. But God is constant. And if somehow I can always remember that I belong to Him, then I'm pretty sure everything else will just fall right into place.”
Chloe got quiet now and I was worried that I might've gotten up on my soapbox again.
“Did that make any sense to you?” I asked.
She nodded. “Yeah, it actually did.”
And so I'm thinking that's it! It doesn't really matter so much
who I am
(like whether I become a writer or a missionary or a teacher or whatever…), but it really matters
whose I am
. I belong to God. And knowing that fills me with such a sense of peace. It's like He's the rudder on my boat, and when the waves start tossing me around, I know I can make it safely to the other side.
Because I'm His.
DEAR GOD, THANKS FOR MAKING ME YOURS. PLEASE HELP ME TO NEVER FORGET THAT I BELONG TO YOU–BODY, MIND, AND SOUL. TOTALLY YOURS! WHAT A GREAT PLACE TO BE. I KNOW MY FUTURE'S IN YOUR HANDS, AND I TRUST YOU TO LEAD ME WHEREVER I NEED TO GO. THANKS FOR LOVING ME, GOD. I LOVE YOU!!! AMEN.
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Please contact us at:
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Dear Friend,
Do you feel like God is nudging at your heart to make a commitment to Him–any sort of commitment? It's best not to put it off, you know. Hey, remember what happened to me???
So…I invite you to sit down right now before God and consider how He may be leading you. Is He asking you to give Him your heart today? Is He asking you to dedicate your body to Him first and abstain from sex until after marriage? Can you hear His voice speaking to you?
Sometimes it helps to write this kind of promise down. You can do that in your diary like I did, or you can write it down here. Then hide it away if you like, but just don't forget it. Because a promise like this is important–both to you and to God. Because you're His child, and He's always listening.
Blessings!
Caitlin O'Conner
This is a work of fiction. The characters, incidents, and dialogues
are products of the author's imagination and are not to be construed
as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons,
living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
WHO I AM
published by Multnomah Books
A division of Random House, Inc.
© 2002 by Melody Carlson
Multnomah
is a trademark of Multnomah Publishers
and is registered in the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office.
The colophon is a trademark of Multnomah Publishers.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Carlson, Melody.
Who I am, by Caitlin O'Conner/Melody Carlson.
eISBN: 978-0-307-56497-9
I. Title.
PZ7.C216637 Wj 2002 2001007013
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