White Girl Problems (19 page)

It made me feel a little better. He hadn’t just left. I gave her a look. “When did Hattie tell you this?”

She wrinkled her lips. “Yesterday. When I stole your phone because he had sent an ass load of texts saying he was coming back to town and desperately needed to see you.”

My jaw dropped. “You stole my phone and called Hattie? I thought you were on my side.”

“I am and so is Hattie. She figured he would never be back. His family would win. When Hattie left after Thanksgiving, she asked me to call her if he came back. I called yesterday and told her that he had messaged and phoned, and she said to hide the phone and make sure me and Linna kept you away from him. She thinks he will never pick you over his country and family.”

I was stunned. “That’s so mean.”

“It’s not.” She shook her head. “He loves you, but she’s worried that you are in over your head. But I know you better than she does. I think he’ll pick you, and I think you two will figure this out. So we stole your phone and handled your depression. You were all poopsocking in there on WOW. I knew if you saw him, you would be crushed that he saw you like that. Or you would hide in the house and never leave. I had to get you cleaned up and looking like it had never fazed you. I told Hattie that you needed him. I just couldn’t let you do it in your crusty clothes with pizza stuck to your ass.”

I nudged her. “Thanks, man.”

She looked over at him. “He’s not a bad guy, just a dumb one. They all are. They don’t realize that silence to us is the end of the relationship. I think he figured that until he could fix it, he wasn’t going to show his face. I don’t think he realized leaving you hanging like that was killing you.”

I swallowed hard. “I don’t know what he thought. I don’t know what he’s thinking now. But I have some bad news. You and I are spending our Christmas with the royal family.”

She cocked an eyebrow. “What? No. I can’t do that. I have plans with Aaron.” She waggled her eyebrows. “Big plans.”

I wrinkled my nose. “You can’t leave me hanging.”

Linna came strolling up, looking drunk.

“So did the gay guy convert for you?”

She scoffed. “He wasn't gay and he has poor shoes. So I clearly can’t get with him.”

Jessica gave us a both a look. “What’s poor shoes?”

Linna flipped her hair. “You know, when you meet a hot guy and look down and, BAM, ugly twenty-dollar shoes. Happens to everyone.” She smiled wide. “Okay, you have to get me a prince.”

I laughed, mostly at the face Jess was making after learning what poor shoes were. I looked at Linna. “Well, you have arrived in the nick of time because I need some princely help with something.”

A puzzled look crossed her face. “What?”

“He’s invited me to his family’s house in Andorra for Christmas. I can’t go alone.”

Her blue eyes shot open. “Oh my God. You have to take me.”

I gave Jess a glance, but she shrugged. She wasn’t caving. She was staying and losing her virginity with Aaron. Damn. I smiled at Linna. “Yup. I want you to come.”

She squealed, making Aiden look over. She ran to him, throwing her arms around his neck. He didn’t embrace her. His hands stayed at his sides as he shot daggers at me. I winked and walked off.

I found Carter in the living room with his mom. She smiled wide, more drunk than any of us. “Finley!” She wrapped herself around me, then pulled me back. “When are you ever going to give my poor baby a chance?”

I looked past her at Carter, who was laughing. “She’s dating a prince now, Mom. Pretty sure I missed the boat on that one.”

His mom pinched my cheeks. “If anyone could snag a prince, it’s you, Fin.”

I laughed. If she only knew.

Carter wrapped a thick arm around my neck. “Come have a seat on Santa’s lap and tell him what you want for Christmas.”

He pulled me down on the couch, onto his lap. I smiled. “Well, Santa, I think I want my dad to stop hounding me about school and pay for me to backpack Europe for a year while I figure out what I want to be when I grow up.”

He nodded. “I think your dad should be able to take care of the first one.”

A hand grabbed my arm, pulling me off his lap. Carter’s eyes narrowed. “And that guy there can tell you what you’ll be doing for the second one.” He winked at Aiden, who didn’t look very excited.

I laughed nervously. I didn’t know what the problem was, but it was obvious there was one. Aiden pulled me. “Come on. I need to take you home.”

I scowled at him. “Why?”

He lifted his eyebrows dubiously. “Seriously? I come in the living room, after hearing the unfortunate news from the girl who betrayed you last summer that she will be the one accompanying us on our trip, and find you in the arms of another guy?”

“It’s not another guy. It’s Carter. And I wasn’t in his arms. I was sitting on his lap. I’ve known him since we went to Montessori together at three.”

He escorted me to the door. “I’m fairly certain he didn’t have playschool on his mind when he was looking down the top of your dress.”

“He looks down the top of everyone’s dress.”

He growled. “Not yours.”

I pulled my arm from his as Carter’s words got very real.

Last week, my Instagram was down and my friends had to describe their lunch to me: #Lame #HardToUnderstandWhatRouladeLooksLike #CurseYouInstagram.

Chapter Fourteen

Sister Mary

I sat in the window, watching the snow fall. It had gotten deeper than normal and I felt trapped in it. Trapped by the snow and by what Carter had said and by the way Aiden had looked when he’d seen me sitting on Carter’s lap.

Jess came in and sat with me. “Dude, Carter said he was provoking Aiden last night.”

I looked at her. “What? He said that?”

She nodded. “Yeah, he was laughing at how easily Aiden flipped out about you sitting on his lap.”

“He did it on purpose?”

She nodded. I felt bad. “He said something weird to me too. He said Aiden would control my future and tell me what I was going to be when I grew up.”

She scoffed. “Carter’s being a dick ‘cause he’s always had a thing for you. That’s it. Aiden is a nice guy, trust me. I doubt he’s interested in making you into something you’re not.”

She ate her words five minutes later when the doorbell rang.

Aiden came bounding into the house, excited and escorting a girl, a pretty girl. She had shiny brown hair and soft brown eyes and huge lashes. She was an olive-complexioned goddess.

He held a hand at the small of her back and I swallowed hard. He was paying me back for being dumb enough to fall for Carter’s little act.

Aiden looked at the girl and beamed. “This is my sister, Mary.”

Sister?

She curtseyed slightly. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” She had the same beautiful accent. I realized quickly they looked alike, apart from the eyes. His hair was that shiny brown and his skin was olive like hers. She had the same square jaw, but on her, it was delicate.

He held a hand out to Jess. “This is Jessica.” She put her hand out. The girl took it and shook, but it looked weird, like she wasn’t accustomed to doing it. She seemed feeble and weak. Aiden smiled at me. “And this is my Finley.”

The smile she gave me seemed like maybe it was layered. A little happiness with a lot of apprehension and a bit of skepticism and maybe a touch of self-importance. I held out my hand. She took it, and when I squeezed and shook it, she just let her hand lay there limp in mine. It was weird. I almost felt like I should turn it over and kiss it.

That would happen when she kissed my ass. Aiden gave me a look. “You all right?”

I nodded. “Just tired. It’s lovely to meet you, Mary.”

“Likewise. Your home is beautiful.”

I looked around. “Oh, thanks. It’s my dad’s house, not mine.”

She laughed. Suddenly, I realized she was nervous. Jesus, what had he said about me?

Aiden looked at Mary. “You see?”

She nodded. “Mother will fry her up and eat her for breakfast.”

My jaw dropped.

Aiden nodded at his sister. “I’ve brought her here for a little etiquette training.”

My face had to be a thousand shades of red because I felt like my skin was melting off. My gaze narrowed, but I realized I was being tested. Screw them. I smiled. “Actually, I won’t be making it to Andorra. I’m sorry. I realized that I hadn’t finished all of my applications and being a late applicant, I’m going to have spend the winter break doing them. A lot have huge essays.”

I wasn’t going to be controlled.

Mary looked back at her brother. His eyes were steely and mean. He didn’t scare me. I was ready to throw down at any second.

He gave Jess a kind look, pretending to be fine with my news or something. “Can you get my sister a warm drink? It’s quite cold outside.”

Jess pointed. “The kitchen’s this way.” Mary smiled; her look was frozen too. We all were going to play pretend nice.

When she was gone, he looked at me harshly. “What was that?”

“What was the sneak attack for?”

“I needed her to see you as you are so she knows what to help you on. If I had warned you, you would have been that sweet and charming girl who worked at Lakeside all summer long. So polite to everyone and kind. Your cheeks would have flushed and Mary would have fallen in love with you. I need her to help you. The only way is if she’s sees how badly behaved you actually are.”

I put my hands on my hips. “Like a child, you mean?”

“Like a petulant child.”

I couldn’t remember what petulant meant, but I knew it was bad. He was doing his growling thing. I pointed a finger at his nose. “I am not taking princess classes from your little sister. I didn’t even know you had a sister. You said brothers!”

“You only asked about brothers, and yes, you are. You’re going to learn how to be polite but the right way. This pretend sweet act you have is nonsense and you can’t actually keep it up. Look at you, sticking fingers in my face and being rude to my sister, who you don’t even know.”

My nostrils flared and I felt the rage coming. “I AM NOT COMING WITH YOU!”

He leaned right into my face. “YES, YOU ARE! You are going to learn that being a princess means that when you give your word, you honor it!” He scooped me up over his shoulder and turned and walked out of the house. I was kicking and flailing, but it was just like the last time. He carried me over to the snow and tossed me into a bank. He turned and walked back toward the house. “Come inside when you’ve cooled off and can act like a lady.”

I was up and charging at him before I even realized it. Of course he did some kind of self-defense thing and spun me, turning me around and hugging me to him. “You want to tell me what this is about? You are acting like an insane person.”

“You ambushed me and you’re trying to change me and you’re going to tell me what I have to be like and what my job will be and you have expectations for me. I don’t want that. I want to be free and choose for myself.”

He sighed heavily. “I would never tell you what to do with your life. I am trying to make this transition into my life easier. My mother is… well. She’s sort of a bitch. My father is busy, my eldest brother is self-important, and my younger brothers and Mary are my close family. Mary agreed to come here and help you so that our mother has no reason to be cruel to you.”

I looked up at him. “She might be?”

He sighed. “Yes. She might very well be. She picked my brother’s wife and I have turned that offer down—”

I cut him off. “You keep saying wife and being all intense about this dating stuff, like it’s some kind of choice we have to make tomorrow. I really like you. I love you, actually, but if I have to decide something like that now, I’m walking away. I can’t decide my whole future at seventeen. I’m not going to marry you. That’s insane. I haven’t even finished high school. I want to see the world and be outlandish and have fun.”

His face was red. “You said the words I desperately wanted you to say and then stomped on my heart, all in the same moment. I got you this. I wanted to wait to give it to you at Christmas, but I think I need you to understand something.” He fished in his pocket and produced a ring box and pressed it into my hand.

I looked at him. “This isn’t helping your cause.”

He laughed. “Goddamn, you are the most infuriating girl I have ever met. Open it.”

I scowled and opened the box. Inside was a red ring that resembled the last one, but it was smaller. It was a red oval again and surrounded by white stones and in a white-gold setting, but smaller.

He pulled it out and took my right hand, slipping it on my ring finger. “I don’t know how we ended up meeting. Sometimes I think it’s like Jack and Millie. Sometimes I think God is against me. You are pigheaded, rude, and spoilt. You say the most bizarre things. YOLO winter? What does that even mean?”

I pulled my hand away from his and snapped. “And you’re controlling and jealous, and you have this thing where you over explain everything and I never understand what you’re actually trying to say.”

“YOU talk in CIRCLES when you want something and make me think I want it too or distract me from the thing I was actually annoyed about.”

I snapped, “Then you know what it’s like to date YOU. You drive me insane, and I never know if you’re playing around or if I’m a fun diversion for the year.”

“Then we ARE perfect for each other.”

I could feel the confused look on my face as I stooped and shook my head. “SEE! You’re doing it again!”

“Maybe if you would just let me FINISH ONE SENTENCE! At least I could have conversations! You and your friends spend an hour on the phone saying, ‘No way!’”

“NOW—” I pointed at him. “We do not. I can have conversations.”

He grabbed his hair. “Oh I’m sorry, I forgot to add the chestnut of that conversation—way. No way, way. No way, way. Who speaks that way? It’s like you’re actually high all the time.”

“This from the guy who loves me soooooo much.” I started laughing. “Baby, I can feel the love. Can you feel mine?”

He stepped toward me, looking down on me and vibrating. “Stop, I swear to God. Let me finish. I was trying to tell you that I know where I stand in all this. I am ready to give our relationship a chance. I’m not asking for marriage or even five years or even one year. I’m asking for a chance. YOU are the one who wants to try every flavor of ice cream in a harebrained attempt at being free. Do you know what free is? Only a silly, spoilt girl like you would risk getting into a good college by not applying soon enough in a way to show the world you are free. You have never seen tyranny; freedom is a concept you cannot grasp. Only a ridiculous little girl would possibly backpack Europe for a year to piss her father off. Being free isn’t ruining every good thing in your life, because you have to prove that you have the choice to do so. Freedom is choosing good things because you can. It’s choosing to be in control of your destiny by being open to possibility. YOU are the one who isn’t sure about us. This ring is from my heart. I love you! There, I said it without stuttering. Probably because I think I’m having a stroke. You drive me insane. I love you, but I also understand falling in love with you was a mistake, because I see now that you won’t ever love me the same way. You’re so determined not to be your mother and make the same mistake she did that you’re going to spend a long time refusing to try.”