Whirlwind Revolution (24 page)

“Is he ever going to stop assuming that it’s always about another lover or someone else I want?” I bitched before shoveling food in my mouth.

“Not for a while, I’m sure. Torrance wasn’t interested in anyone sexually, mostly because it was a duty instead of fun. And then you opened this whole new world to him, filled with love, and everything he’s secretly dreamed of. He’s waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under him. Something you two have in common. So cut him a break, refuel, and take a nap because you’re a crabby diva when you’re injured.”

And then he was gone.

I shook my head and wolfed down all my food before snagging another Gatorade and a plate of cookies. Then I went back for an individual bottle of milk. How could someone have cookies without
milk
? Everyone was still talking and debating so no one seemed to notice when I slipped out and headed back to our rooms.

I sighed as I saw the large balcony and went out onto it. There wasn’t furniture yet so I straddled the railing, sitting comfortably there and not having issue with the fact I was five stories up. It was a wide railing after all, none of my butt even hanging off, and if I fell, I’d just shift and fly.

It was really pretty there. I liked it, lots of trees, rolling green landscape, and the water was gorgeous. I watched the sun set, and for the first time in weeks, simply
breathed
. I’d been in such a whirlwind lately—especially with the revolution that happened with the PP—it was hard to ever feel centered.

First, shit starts at the Air Force with other officers, and when a few of us owls finally confront several of our ranking equals and friends, they drive us out to the middle of nowhere and try to beat us to death.

That alone was a huge mind fuck.

Then came the cover-up when I survived. It was all just swirling around in my head as I ate my milk and cookies.

“Did you mean mating me when you said
forget it
?” Torr asked quietly. I flinched, having no idea I wasn’t alone anymore. I blinked back out of my head and realized the sun had long since set.

“No. The fight to get you to move back by me,” I answered, still not looking at him. “I’m tired. I hurt. I didn’t have it in me and we obviously just needed a breather after all that mess.”

“Mess? The mess of mating me?”

“The mess of
us
mating without both of us knowing all the rules or players or whatever. I feel like I’m constantly caught in this tornado. And I can handle that as long as you’re
with
me. But when you moved away from me like that, I just lost it. We’re either a team or not, Torr. There’s nothing you could tell me that would make me shy away from you and not hug you tighter.”

“I thought that—”

“Yeah, Emrys told me what you thought.” I glanced at him then, seeing the puffy eyes, shaky lower lip, and hearing his stomach.
He didn’t eat yet today.
“Cookie?”

“Sure.” He moved towards me slowly and gulped as he looked over the edge of the balcony.

“Not a fan of heights?”

“It’s a cat thing.” He shrugged and took a cookie off my plate.

“And here I love to soar,” I murmured, glancing up at the stars. “Are we too different to mate? Is that why you always doubt me? I love you and that hasn’t changed, Torr. But I’m just wondering if love is enough.”

“I think it is, but I’ve never been in love before.”

“I have, not as deep of love like we have, or I think we have, but I’ve been in love before. They never doubted me like you do.”

“Well they should have,” he argued. “I doubt and check because you mean
that much
to me that you
scare me
. Yes, we jumped into this fast and came out about us being together even faster. This is new to me but it’s not just me I have to think about, Hadley. I have a several species of shifter that depend on me for their survival. I’m glad you’ve never known the betrayal of a father plotting to kill you as I have but—”

I let out a harsh bark of laughter, meeting his worried eyes then. “No, I don’t know the plotting aspect, Torr. But my father did
try
to kill me
. He succeeded murdering my mother and two siblings before shooting himself. I survived the gunshot somehow. I was eight. I didn’t protect them from his insanity. That’s why Director Woodrow is my dad. He adopted me after my father killed my family and tried to end my life.

“And here you’re worried I was mated before. So what if I had been? Were you worried I’d want them instead? Is that what’s so important to you?”

“Yes—no—I don’t know,” he rasped as he shook his head. “I didn’t realize I was backing away from you. But it wasn’t because you had something to tell me in private. It was horror at myself. I realized it’s always been so much about
me
I barely knew anything about
you
.” His shoulders started shaking as he wrapped his arms around his stomach. “Would I like being your mate after you had one and lost them already?

“No, of course not. Would that stop me from mating you? No,
never
. I just worry all the time I won’t be enough for you. I know you’ve told me otherwise, but yeah, we jumped into this and you’re so sexy and
sexual
. It exudes from your pores, Hadley. And I’ve known no other real passion before you. So I worry. Then if you had been mated before and then lost them? Yeah, I’ll be in the shadow forever.

“But I worry I bring to much shit to our relationship and I’ve fucked up so much already you’ll tire of me and my crap. Then I worry about my people. How can I possibly comfort them and assure them we’ll make it when I’m scared out of my mind we’re all going to die? And from a choice I make. I worry about Samantha and the shit she takes for every change I make to how things are done. I just
worry
constantly
. It’s like this deep pool inside me.

“But then I look at you, and I think we can do this, save the felines and figure out our crap. And when you touch me, you are the
only
thing I’m sure of, Hadley. From the
moment
you first touched me, I realized I wanted nothing but you forever. It wasn’t just lust or hormones. It was the confidence you had, the way you made me feel like I was treasured and safe. So safe and wanted. So tell me what to do because I’m lost. I’m lost without you.”

“What to do?” I hedged, dying to reach for him—needing to touch him.

“What to do that’s best for you?” he choked out. “Are you saying to let you go? Or fight harder? Show you I’m in this for real? Tell me what I should do because I want you happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. It’s why I didn’t interfere with Emrys or when Chicago crawled into your bed. I want you happy. Yes, I want you happy with
me
but your happiness comes first. Tell me what to do!”

Torr fell to his knees and broke down sobbing. My jaw fell open as I watched.

No one had ever cared about me so much that they were willing to let me go if that was what I needed… Or to break apart at the idea of losing me.

13

“Just love me, Torr,” I whispered as I slid to the stones with him. I wrapped my arms around him and held his shaking body against mine. “All I want is for you to love me and have faith in me.”

“I do,” he wailed as he clutched my shirt. “I love you
so much
, Hadley. Gods, when your heart stopped and I couldn’t figure out the crystal, I felt my own heart
dying
.”

“Wait, what?” I gasped, moving back enough to see his eyes. He hiccupped as he told me how Emrys figured out what he had to do and all the gory details. “Oh, babe. Oh, my poor, Torr. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry you went through that.” I held him close and shook my head. “I didn’t know you were healing too. I’m sorry. Emrys said I’m a crabby diva when I’m injured and it seems he was right.”

“You’re entitled to be,” he mumbled against my chest. “There’s been too much. We just need a time-out to
breathe
, you know?”

I couldn’t help but chuckle. He might prefer land when I loved the sky, but our center was the same. “I was thinking the same thing before you came out here.”

“I looked everywhere for you. That’s what took me so long to come to you. I didn’t think you’d be here after what you said. I practically searched the whole place.”

“Okay, then we both need to rest.” I got to my feet and help Torr up. He stumbled along next to me and it was very apparent he was as exhausted as I was. We yanked off our clothes, crawled into bed, and I snuggled around the love of my life.

“I’m sorry about your family,” he murmured. “I would go back and save them if I could.”

And you’re so used to everything being up to you that somehow that worry is yours now, isn’t it, Torr?
I studied my man and realized, more than anything, he needed someone to share the load. It was too much for one person’s shoulders, and with the obvious lack of guidance he’d gotten from
his
father, he’d been thrown into the deep end with all of this.

I kissed his neck, smiling when I realized he was already doing that cute snore of his.

My shoulders are broad enough for both of us, babe. I promise.

* * * *

When I woke the next morning, Torr was sitting on the edge of the bed, fully dressed, watching me.

“You’re up early,” I muttered, seeing the sun was barely rising.

“I realized I’ve never broken up with someone before so I don’t know how it goes,” he whispered and stared out over the balcony. “You’re big on closure, and I think that shows the kind heart you have. But that left me unsure if last night was your way of saying goodbye or not. If it was, I’ll inform everyone I rescind my claim to you being my mate—”

“Don’t you dare,” I snarled and grabbed his wrist. I dragged him to me and started shredding his clothes, ignoring his yelps. Then I pulled him against my naked body and covered us with the bedding. “
I love you
. We just need to iron out a few things but I want to get mated tonight.”

“Thank the gods,” he sniffled, shaking against me. “It would kill me to let you go, but I would if that’s what you wanted.”

“Well it’s a good thing I don’t. And if you tried, I would hunt you down and restrain you to our bed for a week. These are
our
rooms.
Our
mating bed.
Our
love. No more doubting it or worrying about being together. We’re going to simply
be
together.”

“Yes, please,” he sighed and snuggled against me. “This relationship stuff is hard. I’m glad I don’t ever have to court someone again and found my perfect match the first time.”

“You were worth the wait,” I breathed in his ear as I rubbed my hand down his body. “Should we have our first make up sex in our new bed?”

“You’re really excited about it being our bed and our rooms,” Torr teased as he rolled over and grabbed the lube. “I’m glad. I want it to be ours.”

I smiled and grabbed handfuls of his ass. “Except this. This is
mine
.”

“Uh-huh.” He pushed it up in the air as the sweetest offering while he tossed back the slick. I couldn’t help what came next, my reaction to Torr. I buried my face in his ass, wanting to give him some stress relief he desperately needed.

And I just loved eating his ass.

There was a cursory knock at our door and then someone walked right in. “Right, sorry to interrupt but I have the information you said to bring to you immediately, your grace.”

“Seriously, Torr? We’re going to have to talk rules and boundaries,” I bitched as I sat back on my feet, pouting.

“You can keep going while Abram fills me in,” Torr countered as he pointed back to his firm, perfect butt.
That
infuriated me. He yelped as I flipped him over and spread his legs wide, folding him in half.

“I’m not one of those bitches who came here to be your consort hopeful. I’m your
mate-to-be
and I
love
you. Show me some respect and respect for our love making.”

He stared up at me and blinked a few times before nodding. “You’re absolutely right. I’m so sorry, Hadley. It’s habit. One I will break, but I promise it’s not a reflection on you. The Royal Guard always knew that nothing came before feline business. That has changed. I will make sure they know.” He glanced at Abram, looking like a true King even if he was in a compromising position. “Tell everyone that from now on, no barging in. Knock and wait if it’s urgent.”

Abram nodded and licked his lips, focused where our groins were touching. Perv. Okay, hot perv that wanted my man and wasn’t really a perv, but that was just splitting hairs. “Of course, your grace. Since I’ve already interrupted, would you like the news?”

“Yes,” he hissed, squirming under me. “Then get out. My mate was just about to fuck me silly.”

“The new bird elder is ready to sign the treaty but has a few small changes Samantha already approved. She didn’t want to give the go ahead until you saw them. The elder is waiting for our call though before he goes back to packing up his people.”