Wherever the Dandelion Falls (57 page)

"I felt like I didn't do a good job congratulating you on your promotion the other night. These are a token of how proud I am that you're being recognized for your hard work."

I looked back and forth between Faye and the earrings, smiling. She looked sheepish, and it was so cute. It was nice to see her fumble from time to time. It made me feel better about dating someone so poised.

Wanting to ease her mind, I made a joke. "You know what Justine says about earrings?"

Faye looked up at me with raised eyebrows.

"She says earrings are the dry hump of jewelry."

At that, Faye laughed.

I leaned in and scrunched up my nose as I nuzzled her cheek. "You wanna dry hump me, baby?"

Faye giggled and tilted her chin up to peck me on the cheek. "All night long." She kissed me again, lips lingering on my skin before she pulled away, expression more serious.

Then it was quiet and I rested my head on her shoulder.

"Sex is important to me," she said. "I just hope that once we get there, we match up, you know?"

I nodded. Plenty of couples had mismatched sex drives. "Sex is important to me too," I assured her, leaning into her shoulder for a moment.

Faye nodded and I could tell she hadn't been assured that I understood. "I like sex a
lot
," she reiterated.

"I like sex a lot too," I said. "What happened with Vance just made me realize that I need to be at a certain place with someone when I start having it."

Faye nodded. "I understand," she said. "And I'm sorry if my behavior tonight set us back." It was quiet for a moment. "Want to put in your earrings?"

I grinned. "Is that a euphemism?"

"It wasn't, but we can totally head back to my car and dry hump if you want." She gestured with her thumb and a cartoonish expression that told me she was joking.

I giggled and tilted my forehead into hers. "How about a goodnight kiss?" I murmured. "We almost didn't get one."

"I know," Faye mumbled, looking ashamed again. "That's how I knew I had messed up." She held there, inches from my lips, until she reached up and cupped my cheek, bringing our open mouths together in a soft, wet kiss. She drew it out, slow and gentle, until we felt the last of our tension fade.

"Let's never say goodnight without doing that," she breathed.

"Deal," I whispered. "I'm glad you came back."

"Me too," she sighed.

And we sat there in peaceful silence for a full minute, just breathing in the relief.

Finally she pulled away, taking in a deep breath to prepare her for her journey home. "Goodnight, Riley," she smiled.

"Goodnight, Faye.”

Faye and I had been dating for a month, and things were better than I ever imagined they would be. Every time I saw her smile, I forgot about things that were worrying me.

But I was a little worried as I took her in, perched on the edge of her bed, playful smile on her face as she took off her pants.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

I was so nervous about being Faye's first girl, I was almost looking for a reason to get out of it. If she was unsure, that was reason enough to wait a little longer. She had undergone so much change in the last few months; I didn't want our first time to be the final blow to an already overrun system.

But Faye had other ideas.

"I'm sure," she said, grabbing my shirt in a bunch and pulling me down on top of her. "I've gone twenty-five years without having sex with a girl and I don't want to wait anymore." She gave me a surprisingly confident smirk and drew me down to her lips.

"I just want you to be sure. You weren't so into having sex with Isaiah."

"Because I'm
gay
," Faye giggled, rolling her eyes. "Why would I be into having sex with Isaiah?"

Her confident playfulness was reassuring, but I couldn't help but worry that she was steering herself too fast into a vulnerable place.

"How do you know you'll be into sex with me?" I asked, trying to sound playful.

She drew me down so her lips were on my ear. "Because I think about you when I touch myself, and I've never gotten off so fast in my life."

I shuddered with sudden arousal at her boldness. I was starting to realize that Faye wasn't as shy as she had seemed. She was just cautious and in her head a lot.

"I hope I measure up," I say, playing along.

Faye toyed with the hem of my shirt. "If not, we'll work on your technique." She winked and I knew she was making jokes about her own inexperience, not mine.

"You'll be great," I assured her.

She gave me a smile that held only a hint of apprehension as she lifted my shirt up and slid her hands over my breasts, feeling them in my bra.

I exhaled. It was thrilling, having her touch me like this. She was bolder than I imagined, which was incredibly sexy. I eased into the idea that this might be the best night we'd ever had together.

Then, as though to reassure me and only me, she removed her hands and clasped my face, drawing back to look deep into my eyes before she kissed me, a kiss full of promise and trust. "Let's do it," she whispered. "Let's pop my girl cherry."

When she said that, my mind flashed to the Private Pleasures Booth at Jez. Several of my regulars liked to do virginity role-plays, where I played a hesitant teenage girl who'd "never had a real cock inside her." I would giggle and act nervous and they'd stroke themselves behind the glass while they promised to be gentle while they "popped my cherry." I didn't get off on it — did I get off on anything at work? — and as a result, I hated the phrase "pop my cherry."

"Don't call it that," I said, gentle but still firm.

Smiling up at me, Faye nodded. "I'm just excited to be with you."

Relaxed by her certainty and playfulness, I dove in. We quickly shed everything between us. She hummed and giggled at first, rolling on top of me and nipping at my neck and ears, but then things got so steamy that she could only pant and gasp and moan, supine on the mattress.

I took frequent breaks from tonguing the skin of her neck and her gorgeous breasts to talk to her. Girls like hearing things, even if I was just describing what I was doing. "My tongue really likes your nipples, baby," I chanted. "I want to lick them all night."

Faye panted and put her hand on the back of my head to encourage me.

I continued sucking and nipping at her, enjoying the symphony of her sighs as I wound her up, hands gripping her hips to keep her from writhing too much beneath me.

"I want to play with your pussy," I mumbled into her skin. "Are you ready for that?"

Faye nodded and took deep breaths, hands hovering over my shoulders.

"Can I lick it?" I asked, smirking against her. "I bet my tongue would like your pussy even more than your nipples."

"Yeah," Faye panted, putting her hands on my shoulders to urge me down.

I glanced up at her as I made my way down her stomach, smiling as I lapped at her navel and teased the creases of her pelvis. She settled back into the pillows as I kissed her inner thighs, inhaling deeply the smell I had caught hints of but never experienced fully until now.

"Oh, baby," I groaned. "You smell amazing." I placed more kisses on her thighs. "I can't wait to taste."

Faye had grown quiet above me, but her chest was still rising and falling.

"If I lick your pussy, will you come in my mouth?" I asked.

I looked up to see her give a faint nod.

With that final dose of encouragement, I leaned forward and licked a broad stroke up her center, coating my tongue in her slippery, tangy arousal. I drew it back into my mouth, tasting the bouquet on my tongue.

"Mmm," I hummed. "You taste delicious."

Faye kept breathing deeply, and I dove back in, licking a few more times before I fixed my mouth at the top of her opening, sucking and stroking with my tongue, feeling as she began to quiver and shake at my touch. Soon I slipped first one and then two fingers into her, working up a rhythm.

Every few minutes I would pop my mouth off to talk to her, asking her how she felt. She gave short, breathy responses.
Good, keep going, faster, to the left.
She was directive when asked, which I loved.

When I felt Faye's thighs tensing, I stepped up my game, sucking voraciously and humming, curling the fingers inside her. She was shaking from head to toe, hands uncertain where to go, so I guided them to my head to direct me. She got the message and pushed me slightly to the right. I sucked harder as she tensed and tensed, until finally her hands pushed me away.

Figuring she must have come, I crawled up the mattress and burrowed into her side, basking in our sweat and feeling Faye's chest rise and fall against my breasts.

"Was it as good as you imagined?" I asked, a bit cocky.

I felt her shudder beneath me.

Several times when I had had good sex, I'd shaken, overwhelmed by the intensity of the experience. I wrapped my arm around her waist and gave her a squeeze to comfort her. But she only shuddered more.

I looked up and was surprised to see that she was crying.

Maybe being with a girl for the first time had awoken something sleeping and neglected in Faye that was just being let out for the first time.

"It's okay," I hushed. "There's nothing wrong with feeling good."

Faye squeaked and shook harder. "I don't feel good," she whimpered.

I chilled and an alert stiffness seized my limbs. I felt my stomach twist as I craned my head to see her face better.

"You didn't like it?" I asked. "Did you not come?"

Faye's face was scrunched up and her neck was stiff, but she managed to shake her head.

"Did I hurt you?" I asked, turning over and propping myself up, growing more frantic with every tear that squeezed out of Faye's eyes and trickled down into her hair.

Faye gave another stiff head shake.

"What is it?" I asked, giving up on trying to read Faye's mind.

Faye took a few gulping breaths and opened her mouth, exhaling a few times before she said in a tiny, pitiful voice, "I wanted to have sex with you, Riley."

I was confused. Was she saying she wanted to in the past, but not anymore? "Okay... We don't have to anymore if you don't want to."

Faye took more breaths before shaking her head. "No, I still want to."

"Okay..."

I watched Faye cry for a few more excruciating moments. I had no idea what to do. I couldn't figure out why she was so upset.

"I'm sorry, Faye... I'm confused."

Faye put her hands over her face for a few seconds before removing them, keeping her eyes closed. "I want to have sex with
Riley
, not Violet."

I felt my chest freeze and then deflate.

I hadn't even realized I'd slipped into my work persona. I'd treated Faye like a customer rather than the beautiful, special girl I was dating.

I felt horrible. Faye was so new and trusting, and I'd let her down. I'd slipped into the practiced dissociation that made me so good at my job.

I stayed frozen next to her, trying to think of something to say. I knew what Violet would have said; something coy about being up for another round while someone else watched. But that scripted, guarded character was making Faye cry now. When I couldn't be Violet, I had no idea how to be with someone in an uncomfortable situation. I swallowed and muttered a humiliated apology.

"Fuck... I'm sorry."

I hid my face, scrunching my eyes up to block out the image of Faye crying. This was the worst after-sex feeling I'd ever had. All the pleasure I had experienced was canceled out by the crippling guilt I now felt.

I rolled onto my back, not wanting my traitorous body to be pressed so close to her when she was upset. Faye said nothing, still shuddering, but seeming to calm now that she had told me why she was upset. "I know it sounds dumb, but I just... I don't ever want to be with Violet. Anyone can be with Violet."

I was offended for a moment. Not anyone could be with Violet. I hadn't had sex for pay in months. Wanting to buoy myself out of my guilt, I grabbed onto Faye's insult like a lifeline.