Wherever the Dandelion Falls (36 page)

Tulips are pretty but your lips are my favorite lips. I can't wait to kiss your pretty face again,

XOXO Faye

At once I was both flattered, embarrassed, and angry.

I adored Faye for being so sweet and generous with her affection, but I didn't like how Dr. Turner knew I was dating a girl now. I especially didn't like his commentary on the matter.
Good to know why things didn't work out with Vance
, huh?

How dare Dr. Turner invade my privacy and read something meant for my eyes only? How dare he take away any ounce of the magic Faye was trying to create? And how dare he perv on my relationship?

I flushed with a new sense of dread. I knew I had to call Faye and ask her not to send me flowers anymore, and that was a delicate conversation to have. We were in such a great place, I didn't want to mess it up.

When I got home, I slunk into my bedroom and called her. Part of me hoped that it would go to voicemail and the conversation would be delayed a few hours, but the other part of me wanted to get it over with so we could move on toward more fun things, like how we were probably going to have sex soon.

The call rang twice before I heard some scuffling and then Faye's smiling voice. "Hey baby," she said. "How was your day?"

"It was okay," I said, trying not to sound too nervous. "How was yours?”

"Just work. But I was thinking about you all day, so it went quick."

I grimaced, feeling pained that she was in such a great mood when I had to deliver the blow of asking her to tread lighter around my work.

"I'm on my way to the clinic now," she said with a coy tone. "But I was hoping we could grab a drink afterwards."

I felt myself rush with nerves. She was on her way to get tested, which meant that she could be cleared within twenty-four hours, which meant that tomorrow night I could be naked with her. While that had sounded perfect the day before, today it sounded scary. Her enthusiasm, and unrelenting adoration were suddenly smothering.

"Oh," I said. "Um… sure."

"Don't act too excited," Faye teased.

"No, that sounds great," I said, pushing myself to sound enthusiastic. "Let me change first."

"Take your time," Faye said. "I'll call you when I'm headed over."

And for some reason when I hung up, I was seized with anxiety. I reasoned with myself that it was normal to not always be excited to see someone. Dating Faye was the best thing about my life right now, but I was allowed to have days where I was tired or wanted to be alone.

Still, I dragged myself out to get a drink with her. When I arrived, she already had two glasses of wine waiting for us. She gave me a smothering hug and a kiss on the cheek before tapping the cotton ball taped to the pit of her elbow. "Hopefully all goes well, and we'll be all set."

"Hopefully," I said, swallowing.

My panic must have wavered through my voice, because Faye grew concerned as she settled onto a bar stool.

"Is everything okay?" she asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Are you sure?"

Knowing that I wasn't a good liar, I caved. "Everything's fine. There was something I wanted to talk to you about though."

"Oh?"

I took a deep breath, steeling myself. "I got your flowers today. Thank you."

Faye grinned, poking me in the side playfully. "They're actually from me this time."

I gave a shaky laugh to not seem too uptight. "The thing is… I kind of need to ask you not to do that anymore."

"Not send you flowers?"

"Yeah."

There was a moment of silence as Faye set down her drink. "Can I ask why?"

I didn't want to tell her the truth, but I had to. "My boss read the card before he told me I had a delivery."

"He read the card?" Faye asked, frowning.

"Yeah," I said.

"And?"

Feeling guilty and ashamed, I said, "He made a comment… I just don't want him perving on me or us..." I trailed off, not wanting to give Faye more ammunition to fuel her anti-Turner agenda. “I'm happy to be with you, but I don't want my boss-"

"No, I get it," Faye said, sounding dejected and angry. "You work for a world-class asshole."

"I know…" I mumbled. "And I appreciate the gesture so much, but…"

I trailed off and Faye let out a heavy sigh.

"Anything else?"

Feeling heavy with guilt, I said quietly, "Have dinner with me this weekend?"

Faye's anger faded and she said, "Of course." There was a gentle pause as she put her hand on my knee.

Feeling the edge of my anxiety crumble a bit, I leaned toward Faye, giving her a playful wrinkle of my nose as I said, "Good."

Relieved to have completed my task for the evening, I asked if Faye was writing anything interesting this week. She told me about a profile she was writing on Community Supported Agriculture, and we eased back into our usual dynamic.

Still, I couldn't completely shake my nerves. Something felt too much or too intense or too precarious.

When I talked to Justine about it later, she had her own opinion on why.

"You need to get
laid
, Riley," she smirked, adjusting her head on the armrest of the couch. "You've been so uptight this past year."

"It's work," I argued. "It has nothing to do with sex."

Justine gave a shrug that meant she didn't want to argue about it. "Didn't you sleep with Vance after just a few dates? And here you've got your dream girl wrapped around your finger, and you've got your panties hitched up to your belly button."

"First of all, that sounds painful," I said, trying not to take offense at her implication that I was being prude. I wasn't being prude; I was being cautious. "Second of all, Vance ditched me after I slept with him."

Justine gave me a sympathetic pout. "I know, babe. But Faye won't do that to you."

I sighed, knowing she was right. "I know," I mumbled. "I'm just… cautious."

"Cautious is fine," she said. "Do whatever makes you feel okay. I just want you to be happy."

"I'm happy," I said. "And I'm cautious. Faye is an intense person, you know?"

Justine nodded. "You love her intensity most of the time."

"Most of the time. Sometimes it's scary."

"Scary and exciting are sometimes that same thing."

Her reminder that nerves were sometimes a good thing relaxed me.

But when Faye called me the following day on her lunch break, my nerves spiked again.

"Hey, sexy," she said. "I have good news."

"Oh?" I said, trying to flirt back with her.

"All my results came back negative," she said with an excited sing-song voice.

"Good to hear," I said, forcing myself to smile. I was glad she hadn't gotten any surprising news, but now I felt like I'd gotten on a drop ride that I couldn't get off.

"I have a work thing tonight, but do you want to have dinner tomorrow?" she asked. Her intention was clear.

I felt like a terrible girlfriend. How could I buy time to figure out why I was so freaked out without hurting her feelings?

"Sure," I said.

"Where you do you want to go?" Faye asked.

"Um… I don't know," I said. "Anywhere is fine."

"Want me to surprise you?" Faye said.

"Sure." The fewer decisions I had to make, the better.

"You got it," Faye said. "I'm excited."

Somehow, the eagerness in her voice made me even more nervous. I chatted politely for a few minutes before I excused myself to eat and get back to work.

My guilt and anxiety were snowballing and I had no idea what to do about it. I just knew that I couldn't wait to get home and curl up on my couch where I was beholden to no one but myself and my best friend.

The following day, my anxiety hadn't subsided. If I pushed myself to have sex with her and later regretted it, I'd be disappointing myself, and if I didn't have sex, I would disappoint her. I had half made up my mind to tell her I wasn't ready when I felt a weird pinching in my lower stomach. It took me only a moment to realize what it was.

I got up and went to the bathroom and breathed a sigh of relief when I realized it was exactly what I thought it was. I'd gotten my period, and thus relieved all the pressure I'd put on myself. It was the act of God I'd been hoping for, in a way. All my tension faded and the rest of the day passed quickly. Somehow the discomfort of cramps and bloating weren't as uncomfortable as they usually were.

There was only one thing I had to do to feel calm. I called Faye to warn her that our evening wouldn't be what she was expecting.

"I have bad news," I said.

"Oh?"

"I just got my period," I mumbled.

There was a pause before she said, "Oh." There was an even longer pause before she said, "I mean… I don't mind."

Feeling my anxiety spike, I said, "I don't want our first time to look like a crime scene…"

Faye let out a quiet giggle. "That's fine. We'll just go out to dinner and then we can snuggle and watch a movie. Sound okay?"

Sighing in relief, I said with total honesty, "That sounds perfect."

"Okay," Faye hummed. "You know I love spending time with you no matter what."

My anxiety had made me temporarily forget that this wasn't just about us having sex. She liked me even when all my clothes were on.

When I hung up, I felt like my dynamic with Faye returned to normal. After work I went home and prepared for our date like usual. I put on an outfit that was nice enough for whatever restaurant she had picked, but comfortable enough for couch snuggling afterwards.

Faye looked equally comfortable when she came to pick me up. As we ate, we talked and stole bites off each other's plates. She made me laugh like usual and I was settled back into feeling good around her. I remembered that I liked dating her so much.

"I'm sorry our plans for this evening were foiled," I said.

"It's okay," Faye said. "It'll happen."

I nodded, but still felt guilty in a way. "I just feel bad about making you wait… It's like one thing after another…"

Faye looked at me with an unreadable expression for a moment before she took a breath and said, "You know how wine tasters sample wine, Riley?"

Confused about her change of subject, I shook my head.

"When you're sampling wine, you don't just dive into it. First, you make sure your palate is cleansed. Then you let the wine aerate for a while, let it release its full flavor. Then you study the hue. Smell the bouquet. You swirl it in your glass as you search for hints to its subtle flavors. Could it be citrus, oak, chocolate, floral? A combination? You take it in as a multi-sensory experience, because each vintage is one of a kind. And then, once you've gotten to know it for a while, contemplated what makes it unique, taken time to appreciate it,
then
you drink it." She paused, then gave me a shy smile as she slid her hand across the table, reaching for mine. "Riley, you are a very special wine. Consuming you isn't the point."

I blushed from my neck to the tips of my ears.

"Though I have to admit, you do look edible tonight," she added with a mock guilty expression as she eyed my cleavage.

As the last of my anxiety left my body, I wanted to lean across the table and kiss her, but I settled for taking her hand and holding it. Grinning, she squeezed my hand and took a sip of her wine.

As we continued eating, I became aware of a woman a few tables away who was staring at me. She was middle-aged with wavy red hair and a contemptuous look on her face. She narrowed her eyes between bites of her salad, rarely engaging with the person whose back was to me at her table. I grew uncomfortable, wondering if she was glaring at Faye and me because we were holding holds. It may have just been a stare, but it felt threatening. It made my food taste colder.

I was about to say something to Faye when she let go of my hand, set her napkin on the table, and said she'd be right back. She got up and headed toward the bathroom. I used the opportunity to look over at the staring woman and try to figure out what her deal was. Did she know me from somewhere?

To my surprise, the woman got up and walked toward me. I tensed, wondering what she was going to say. But instead of continuing her death glare, she gave me a bright smile, as though she were greeting a friend.

"Hi," she said. "I'm sorry I've been looking at you funny all night. I wasn't sure who you were."

"Oh. Uh, I'm Riley."

"Hi, Riley," the woman said. Her tone grew saccharine as she extended her hand to me. Perplexed, I shook it.

"I just wanted you to know that your date here — she is your date, right?" the woman asked, gesturing toward Faye's empty chair.

Nervous but brave, I nodded.

"Yeah..." the woman said, her tone growing apologetic. "Watch out for her. She's a snake in the grass who will play you like a hand of cards."