Where Words Fail (32 page)

Oh my God. I didn’t even think about the wedding. I was too busy thinking of ways Jameson was going to run away in the middle of the night after I tell him to think about the wedding that was supposed to be happening on Saturday. Friggin’ hell.

“So I just need to man up and tell him.”

“Right. Grow a pair and tell him about his spawn.”

“Please stop calling my unborn child a spawn,” I groaned.

“It’ll be fine. You have the support of five people. Four if Jameson pussy’s out. But still, who needs him when you have me.”

Taking deep breaths I pushed myself off her lap and stood up. After cleaning up the mascara running down my face I spun back towards her. “I don’t think you would be as good in bed as Jameson. If he runs I’m just going to become a nun because no one can ever compare to what he does.”

“You’d be surprised babe. I’m not sayin’ I’m a pro but I think I know what I’m doing when it comes to a girl’s no-no square. After all, I have one and it’s quite happy usually.”

“Are you a dude? Seriously I don’t think I’ve ever heard you call it a penis or a vagina... It’s always some strange lingo that I’m not even sure you know what you mean sometimes. Anyway, let’s go see if they can still fit us in for the fitting just in case he still wants to marry my ass... My ass that’s going to be the size of a whale in a few months.”

She pushed me out of the bathroom and followed me down the hall chanting,
“Abby moans, no don’t touch me there... That’s my no-no square.”
Please remind me again why this girl is my best friend. I threatened her within an inch of her life if she told anyone before I got the chance to talk to Jameson.

My mind flew back over the past eleven weeks as we drove to the dress shop. Jameson and I had sex... A lot. Alex and I turned twenty five on September twenty third. I got a tattoo for my birthday thanks to Evan. The inside of my right forearm was now home to a black and blue filigree treble clef with music staffs that roll into a heartbeat spike with the words ‘
where words fail music speaks’
scripted into it. I honestly believe it’s my favorite tattoo so far. It defines my entire life.

My past few weeks have revolved around planning this wedding and getting everything ready for if Alex passes. Those two things should never be mixed. Ever. Add on top of it finding out I’m pregnant, then add in recording and radio tours and running a business. No wonder I was such a wreck. At least now I can blame it on the pregnancy hormones. Well... I can after I tell Jameson.

My dress fits perfectly so as long as I’m not having a litter of kids and suddenly swell up to the size of a giant hot air balloon I think we’re safe on having to have it readjusted within the next two days. Although, how I didn’t notice I was pregnant still throws me. I guess I was just thinking my new pudge was from lounging around because of my leg and not working out as much being home. I’m not jumping across stages and running my ass off all day.

I can do this. I’m not fifteen anymore. Even if Jameson doesn’t want anything to do with this, it’s still happening. If he leaves... It’s his loss. I can convince myself I don’t love him as much as I do... Oh my God... How am I going to tell Alex...? Ok now I’m panicking more about telling Alex than I am Jameson... That’s gotta be good. Right?

“Earth to Abby.” I shook my head as Jameson waved his hand in front of my face. We were down by the lake scoping out where the reception was going to be and any last minute changes that needed to be made. “Babe, what’s the matter? You’ve been out of it since I got home.”

His hands slid around my body and rested directly over my bump. How did he not notice it? Or was he too nice to tell me I was gaining weight?

“Uh. I have to talk to you...” My voice trailed off so he turned me around and lifted my head so he was looking into my eyes.

“Canceling the wedding?”

“What? No... Well... You might want to after I tell you...”

“Did you cheat on me?”

“No. I’d never do that.”

“Did you give me some STD? Is that why you’ve been so sick lately?” I shook my head rapidly back and forth. Just the thought made me want to puke. “Then what is it, babe. I can’t think of anythi-”

“I’m pregnant.” I blurted out, cutting him off.

“Oh.”

My heartbeat sped up. I tried pulling out of his arms when he didn’t say anything else but he held firm, just staring at me.

I stood there for at least two full minutes before my damn hormonal body decided to take over. Tears threatened to spill down my cheeks, and I felt like I was going to be sick.

“I need something more than ‘oh’.”

“Um...”

“Yeah that’s not helping either.” I pushed myself away from him and this time he let me go.
He let me go.
I guess that’s my answer, right? I turned and headed back towards the truck. Looking back at him, his mouth was slack, and he was still staring at me with a confused look on his face. I left him there and drove back towards the house chanting,
I will not cry. I will not cry,
over and over in my head.

Before I even had a chance to open my door after pulling up next to the porch, Alex did. He grabbed my legs and swung them towards him. His face filled with excitement.

“Really?”

“Really? Really what?”

He looked at me like I was dumb. “Really, you aren’t going to tell me you’re pregnant? Or that you just left Jameson down by the lake? Why did you leave Jameson down by the lake?” Well good to know Tuesday took care of telling everyone else while I was down killing my relationship.

“He said... “Oh” and “Um”. And then he let me walk away. Wait, how did you know that I left him down there?”

“He just called panicking because you took off and he wanted to make sure you came home. Now, are you going to go back and get him or do I need to?”

“You.” Fuck going to get him. He doesn’t want anything to do with this. I’m not going to help him. He can come home and pack his shit and leave. I don’t need him here making me feel worse than I already do.

I slid out of the truck and tried passing Alex, but he caught me in his arms and kissed me on the cheek. After climbing up in the truck, he rolled the window down and yelled at me as I was climbing the stairs.

“Hey Abby. Just so you know. I said “Oh” and “Um” too. But I love Izzy more than anything in the world.”

Shit. I’m pretty sure that was Alex telling me that I’m the fuck up in this situation. But whatever. I bypassed the living room where everyone was and headed straight for my shower.

Jameson

Pregnant...

I’m going to be a dad.

Holy fuck.

Shit, I just let her walk away. Now she’s going to think I’m an asshole. What the hell is wrong with me? When she told me, I froze. Every fear of becoming like my father rushed through my head. I couldn’t make my mouth cooperate with what I wanted to say, and I knew I was fucking up when she started tearing up.

The second the truck was out of my sight my brain started working again. I called Alex and told him how much of a fuck up I was and he agreed to come and get me.

I got into the truck and immediately said, “I can’t do this Alex.”

“You can and you will. Why don’t you think you can do this?”

“I’m going to be just like him. But with Abby, I’ll fuck up once and lose everything in my life I want.”

“Just like who? Your dad?” I nodded. “You won’t be like him.”

“How can you tell?”

“I’ve seen how you are with Izzy. And you’re right. If you fuck up like that with Abby, she will be gone, and I know you don’t want that to happen. So you won’t let it. That and you know I’ll kick your ass if you do.”
      
I looked over at him, and he was smiling. He knew he wasn’t going to be around long. It was something he had come to terms with and even joked about from time to time. He was a muscular guy before he got sick. He’s lost quite a bit of weight but is still a big guy. I doubt he could take me with how sick he is, but it’s at this very moment, when I’m thinking that he couldn’t take me, that I know I’d let him. Hell if I did anything to Abby or our kids like my dad did to us, I’d hand someone a gun.

I hugged him. A manly half hug where we pat each other on the back and then let go. Then took off to find Abby. I had a lot of shit to fix before she started calling people to put a stop to the wedding.

I ran through the house and when I didn’t find her in the living room with everyone, I headed towards the bedroom. She wasn’t on the bed, but I knew she was in here somewhere. I headed towards the bathroom when I heard her crying. She was there, sitting on the bench in the shower.

She didn’t hear me come in so when I sat down next to her, she jumped. Her eyes were red and puffy and her cheeks were streaked with tears and it broke my heart. I hated myself for making her feel like this.

“I didn’t me-mean for this to happen.” I pulled her onto my lap, and she instantly wrapped her arms around my neck, nuzzling her face into my chest.

“Did you think I was mad? Is that why you took off?” She didn’t answer me but moved her head just enough that I knew she was nodding. “I’m not mad, Abby. I’m scared. I was petrified and didn’t think I could do it until Alex talked to me and now I realize that I can and want to do this with you.”

She sniffled but sat back and looked at me. “Are you sure? I don’t want to marry you and then have you change your mind when the baby is born.”

“I’m more sure about this than anything. But I have one condition.” She narrowed her eyes at me but asked me what it was. “You need to stop running away from me when something freaks you out and run to me.”

“Deal.”

We sat there for a bit longer talking everything over. I realized that underneath all her fears, Abby was really excited to be a mother. Once we had everything under control, and I had kissed her enough to make up for my being an idiot earlier, we made our way downstairs where we were mobbed and congratulated by everyone.

I sat down in the corner of the couch and pulled Abby down with me, cradling her into me. “So Tuesday...” Abby broke through all the baby talk and stared down her best friend. “You and Alex are singing at the wedding.”

Tuesday froze with her arms in the air and her face paled. “Excuse me?”

“You asked me if I needed anything. Well I need this. It’s just one song. I’m not trying to sign you... Since you’ve already shot that down about a million times...”

I leaned into Abby’s ear and whispered. “Tuesday can sing?” She nodded but kept her eyes on Tuesday, who looked like she was either going to be sick or pass out. Alex was laughing beside her.

“I can’t sing... No...”

“Yes you can,” he said. Pulling her into his side, he kissed her cheek and whispered something into her ear.

“Fine.” She huffed.
 

Abby

As I stand in my room and look in the mirror, I can’t decide whether I want to laugh, cry, scream or just stand here and stare. Never in the past ten years did I believe I would be standing here, in a wedding dress and getting married. Especially, not to Jameson Williams. I can’t keep my eyes or hands off my dress. It’s beautiful. The entire dress is lace. I run my hands over the beautiful lace. The dress fits perfectly from my neck through my hips and flares out. The open back and my arms are the only skin showing.

Tuesday has done amazing things with my hair and makeup. She’s been awesome as my maid of honor. I mean, other than complaining that she has to dance with Jameson’s man whore brother, Evan.

“You look beautiful,” Paul said as he interrupted my thoughts with a kiss to the cheek.

“Mess up that makeup job and I’ll shank you, daddy-o,” Tuesday yelled from the bathroom.

“She’s overly feisty today,” he whispered. I nodded my agreement. Tuesday has been like this since I told her she was singing. She’s nervous about something but I don’t think it has to do with singing in front of people. I’ve seen her do it and it hasn’t bothered her before.

I reached up and straightened up his tie. “You look amazing in a suit. Thank you for giving me away.”