When We Meet Again (35 page)

For a long moment the room was quiet. At last Alexei drew a deep breath. "We are all Avalonians in this room. Each and every one of us has given up a great deal to preserve the lives of our people." He sank back into his chair. "The world has changed, but I have always relied on the council of my advisors and indeed my friends. Count Stefanovich." He glanced behind him. "What is your opinion of Nikolai's plan?"

"I too have regrets, Your Highness," Roman said quietly. "I regret that I may never see the friends I have left behind. I regret that the country of my birth will never again be as it once was but"—he paused to choose his words—"l derive some small measure of satisfaction in knowing the people and the land that I love will not be destroyed. And as it remains, so, too, does the heart of Avalonia." Roman's gaze met Alexei's. "I stand behind your decision, Your Highness, now as I did before." The oddest lump lodged in Alexei's throat. He ignored it and nodded. "Thank you, Roman." His gaze turned to Dimitri. "Captain Petrov?"

"I am a soldier, Your Highness," Dimitri said slowly. "A warrior. My answer is always to fight, to the death if necessary. I would gladly give up my life in the service of my country and my king. However"—he drew a deep breath—"every battle must be considered in terms of gain and loss. If I thought for so much as a moment there was a possibility of a once-again-independent Avalonia, I would support this proposal or indeed any plan, with my whole heart and soul. But there is no glory in a fight that cannot be won. No honor in death in a cause that is futile." Dimitri's gaze met Alexei's. "I follow Your Highness now as I always have. Without regret and without doubt."

"Captain." Alexei nodded his thanks. Dimitri's first impulse had always been to fight. That he understood why he could not do so now was significant and caught at Alexei's heart.

"Your Highness, Valentina, what do you say?"

"Surely her opinion has no validity here." Nikolai stared in indignation. "She is a vile, treacherous creature who should have been imprisoned years ago."

"It is good to see you, too, cousin," Valentina said wryly.

"She is a princess of the House of Pruzinsky," Alexei said quietly. "Her grandfather is our grandfather. Her blood runs in our veins. Avalonia is her country as it is ours. She has the right to have a say in its fate."

She stared at him. "Thank you, Your Highness."

"Princess." Alexei nodded.

Valentina thought for a moment. "In many ways, God help me, I felt as Petrov did. I, too, thought we should have taken up arms at the outset and fought to the death. I see, now, that perhaps I was"—she rolled her gaze toward the ceiling—"wrong."

She paused to gather her words. "I was brought up to believe my father and I were better suited to rule Avalonia than your branch of the family. But what was apparently lacking in my upbringing was the overriding understanding that the people come first and foremost. Their welfare and their survival. It was a lesson I failed to learn, although I seem to understand it now." She directed her gaze at Alexei. "You have shown me that no matter how great the personal price, the people are all-important. I would have made a good queen but you...you would have been a great king."

Alexei stared at her for a long moment, then smiled wryly. "Thank you, cousin. You have changed." She grimaced. "Nonetheless, I would prefer that you forget I said that, and I shall publicly deny it if necessary. I am not at all sure that this newfound sense of familial loyalty suits me." Nikolai glared. "I cannot believe—"

"Nikolai." Valentina turned toward him with a long-suffering sigh. "You are extraordinarily young, and even the fact that you are extremely handsome does not make up for the fact that youth carries with it extraordinary stupidity as well. Your brother is endowed with a wisdom well beyond his years, and we should all thank God for that, as he is apparently the only one in the family who is." Nikolai cast her a disgusted glance, then turned back to his brother. "What are we to do now then?"

"Your Highness," Roman said, "might I ask how vast is this network of loyalists in Avalonia you referred to?"

Nikolai looked distinctly uncomfortable at the question.

Alexei narrowed his gaze. "Well?"

"It sounds worse than it—"

"Well?" Alexei barked.

"No more than a handful really, I suppose, friends mostly." Nikolai sat down in defeat. "And they are here in London, not Avalonia."

"And they are all your age and every bit as passionate." Alexei studied his brother. "Am I right?"

"Yes," Nikolai muttered.

"And you would have had me lead them to their deaths?"

Nikolai's chin shot up. "A glorious death."

"A pointless death," Alexei snapped. He ignored a new surge of anger that his brother's plan was not at all as well considered as he had led them to believe. Alexei's voice hardened. "You will tell them of my decision at once, Nikolai, and, furthermore, you will not continue to pursue this plan of yours. Do you understand?"

"Yes." Nikolai slumped in his chair.

"As to what we do now." Alexei drew a deep breath. "We go on. I intend to buy an estate here in England. You are welcome to join us although I suspect we will all soon choose different paths." He got to his feet. "The past is at an end, Nikolai; we must turn toward the future and build our lives as best we can."

Nikolai stood and met his brother's gaze. "Is it possible to do so then?"

"Where there is life, all things are possible, little brother." Alexei fell silent then shrugged. "By choosing not to fight for her, we may well have given Avalonia the chance at life. And even there, all things are possible."

"Do you think he will do anything foolish?" Alexei asked quietly. He and Roman were the only two still in the library. The others had taken their leave. Valentina had murmured something about a ride in the park, and Dimitri had dutifully accompanied her, with far less reluctance than usual. Obviously, he too had been moved by her words. Nikolai had promised to consider joining his brother but had mentioned as well resuming his travels. Perhaps the pleasures of Paris were not completely exhausted after all.

Roman chuckled. "I suspect he will do a great many foolish things in the future. But is he off to lead a revolution?" Roman shook his head. "I do not think so, Your Highness."

"Good." Alexei breathed a sigh of relief.

It was a huge weight off his shoulders to know that, at least for now, his brother would not be risking death in a hopeless cause. Still, it was hard not to envy Nikolai his passion and, more, his ability to believe blindly and without question that wrongs can be righted. When had Alexei lost that ability? Or in the realities of being taught to rule, of putting the people above all else, had he ever had it at all? It scarcely mattered he supposed.

Now, he had to do precisely what he had just told Nikolai. Build a new life and go on. Pity he did not believe it was possible. Nikolai was one problem resolved. It was time to resolve the next.

"Roman," Alexei said slowly, "I need to leave London. At once."

"Why?"

"I suspect Miss Effington—Pamela—has significant feelings for me."

"I see," Roman said in a noncommittal manner.

"Worse yet. I am in love with her as well." He met his friend's gaze. "She is indeed the woman I met in Venice."

Roman nodded. "I suspected as much."

"Why?"

"Something Lady Overton said." Roman shrugged. "It is not important." He studied Alexei carefully. "But I am afraid, Your Highness, that I do not see the problem."

"The problem, old friend, is that I cannot allow her any further into my life. God knows I cannot marry her." He pushed away from the desk, stood, and strode across the room to the decanter of brandy the ever-efficient Graham kept well filled. He poured a glass and drank it without pause.

"It is still rather early in the day for brandy, Your Highness."

"I do not need a conscience at the moment, Roman, as much as I do always appreciate your concern." Alexei poured another glass. "And it is far later than you may think. I meant everything I said to you the other day. I did not mean to say it, I did not realize the truth myself until the words came out of my mouth."

Alexei returned to the desk and settled back into his chair. He sipped his brandy, noted in the back of his mind that it was indeed far too early, then stared at his friend over the rim of the glass. "I cannot marry her because I have nothing to offer her save myself, and I am bitter and full of regrets." He raised his glass in a wry toast. "I would not wish to live with me if I had a choice. I am no longer the man she chose to spend a night with in Venice. I have changed, and not for the best."

"Yes, but if she cares for you—"

"If she cares for me, if she loves me, it will be that much worse." He swirled the brandy in his glass and watched it silently. "If she loves me, she will insist on sharing my exile. My demons. If I love her, I cannot permit that."

"That is a problem."

"Indeed it is. The only answer I can see is never to let her know how I feel and, furthermore, to depart from her life as quickly and thoroughly as possible. Pamela would never throw herself at a man who does not want her. Now"—he took a bracing swallow of brandy—"I should like to leave as soon as possible, within the next few days if we can arrange it. We could go to Tatiana's home in the country."

"Excellent idea under other circumstances. However, did your brother not use the word explode in reference to your sister?"

"I had forgotten that."

"In addition, unless you are going to leave Valentina behind, I would not expose a woman in an explosive condition to a woman who once held her at gunpoint. As much as we have seen a startling change in the princess, others might well be reluctant to accept her reformation."

"Good point." Alexei thought for a moment. "We shall go to my cousin's then, Beaumont Abbey. Lord Beaumont and his wife will be more than pleased to see us."

"I beg your pardon, Your Highness, and admittedly I was not there at the time so this could be nothing more than hearsay, but I thought I understood that you had once forced Lady Beaumont to accompany you to Avalonia in an effort to coerce Lord Beaumont's assistance."

"Yes, well." Alexei waved away Roman's comment. "They have long ago forgiven me for that."

"And furthermore was it not your former chief of staff, a cohort of Valentina's, who actually abducted Lady Beaumont and, correct me if I am wrong, eventually shot her?"

"A minor wound." Alexei shrugged. "Nothing of significance. Still, you are right, it might be best..." He grinned. "I have it. We shall go to Worthington Castle. Lord Worthington has always been rather fond of me. That is it then. She will never find me there."

"Are you hiding from Miss Effington then?"

"Not at all. I simply do not want our paths to cross accidentally. The idea struck me last night when she and I discussed how much easier it would be to dissolve our engagement if I were dead."

"Dead? That's rather extreme, is it not?"

"Oh, I do not intend to die."

"Your Highness"—Roman's brows drew together—"surely you do not propose to let her think you are dead?"

"No, of course not. Better than dead really." Alexei blew a long breath. "I am going to let her think I'm going to Avalonia to lead the rebellion."

"What?" Roman stared at him with disbelief. "May I speak freely, Your Highness?"

"I expect nothing less."

"You realize this plan smacks of insanity."

"Apparently insane plans run in the family." Alexei paused to gather his thoughts. "In truth, this is the perfect way to end it, publicly at least. I go off to save my country, gallantly freeing her from any obligation to me. I shall be a hero, and she a heroine. No doubt there will be any number of prospective husbands willing to comfort her in my absence."

"Your Highness—"

"If I go, and there is no possibility of my return, she will have no choice but to go on with her life. The life she returned to England to have. Precisely as it should be."

"And what of the future? Will you hide from her for the rest of your days?"

"If I must," Alexei said quietly.

Roman studied him for a long moment. "I shall make arrangements to travel to Worthington Castle as soon as possible."

"Roman." Alexei met his friend's gaze. "As much as I will miss you, I cannot allow you to accompany us. You have Lady Overton to consider."

"Nonsense. My place is now and has always been by your side."

"No, Roman. Your loyalty is appreciated but"—Alexei shook his head—"you will stay here, old friend." Roman started to protest, then sighed. "As you wish, Your Highness."

Alexei fell silent for a long moment. "Do you think I am a fool, Roman?"

"It is not my place to say."

"Nonetheless, I am—"

"Yes, Your Highness, the worst kind of fool." Roman's tone was blunt. "Doing what is best for your people as a whole is a far cry from doing what you think is best for one woman."

"Nonsense, I—"

"She deserves a choice in her future, Your Highness. She might well like spending the rest of her days with an embittered exiled prince and all of his regrets."