When To Let Go (15 page)

“No, say it out loud,” he demanded.

“I promise, Dad,” she softly vowed.

“Good, now get back to work.” He took two steps away before turning back around, waving a hand up and down at the two conjoined people in front of him, “I don't like this, it was better when you two hated each other. Go back to name calling and shoving.”

Her dad left, vanishing in a short amount of strides.

Violet and Parker looked at one another and started laughing.

“I never hated you,” Parker said between laughs, his hands now resting on her thighs, “I just thought you were a spoiled brat.”

“I am a spoiled brat,” she deadpanned, a grin breaking through.

“That's okay, I'm a…what was it you first called me...an unlovable asshole?” Parker watched his fingers tuck hair behind her ear, “I still remember thinking you were beautiful.”

“I was eight.”

“Almost nine,” he corrected, as though that made a difference.

“I thought you were the kind of pretty that belonged on the Disney channel.” She meant it as an insult.

“Ouch,” he cringed, taking it as one.

She shrugged unapologetically, “The truth hurts sometimes.”

“That's it,” his fingers went to her sides, “time for you to take it back.”

He tickled her in all the spots he knew would have her holding her bladder. She escaped, dodging all around the five car garage to keep away from him.

He finally caught her with such a force that they fell into the backseat of her car; the one she pretended she couldn’t afford the last remaining parts to finish. Parker landed on top of her, but was laughing so hard he rolled off onto the decayed flooring, cracking it even more. She warned him to get up between her laughter, knowing it would give out on him.

She sat up, moving to the place behind the driver's side, Parker taking the one behind the passenger’s seat, both trying to control their laughter.

Parker reached for her hand.

She moved her arms across her chest in self-preservation before he got the chance, “Don't.”

“Is it because of that boy you went to the dance with?” His bitterness was clear.

“No,” she answered to the steering wheel, unable to look at him. “I thought we were keeping things as only friends.”

His head flopped to her side, “Is that what you want?”

No, but what was the point in honesty in this situation, “Does it matter?”

“Vi,” he murmured, reaching over for her face, wanting it to face his.

She smacked it away, welcoming the irritation growing inside her, tired of playing his games, “I have to study for a test.”

She hopped over the car and left the garage, closing the door leading into the house and leaning her back against it.

She closed her eyes, hand at her heart, wanting it to stop hurting.

Parker wiped his palms on his thighs, legs bouncing while he tried to distract himself with television.

It wasn't working.

He zeroed in on his keys laying on the kitchen counter.

He stood up, then immediately sat back down, wiping his palms again.

He could do this. He could go another night without sex.

Parker didn't think you could get addicted to anything other than narcotics.

Now he knew that you could.

If he had more hair he'd be pulling it out. It had been one week since the last time he got laid.

Stupid fucking dance.

Stupid fucking Noah for making him want to try.

Parker didn't know for certain if Noah really meant what he had said. What if he knew Parker couldn't really do it and didn't really want him near his daughter?

Noah didn’t play games. That's why.

He honestly (and quite stupidly) thought it would be easy to go without it. Just whack off more than normal and he'd be fine.

Nope. Without it he was spiraling into darkness.

What could he do to replace it?

He thought about drinking, but he was certain he'd continue to use that even after this addiction was over.

His phone beeped.

Parker ignored it. It was Violet's reserved sound. She probably wanted to see what he was doing or hang out. That was not going to happen. The first bit of sass she threw his way he'd be attacking her, ripping off her clothes, sucking and licking every square inch of her...

He needed to stop thinking about that shit. She was only seventeen. He wasn't going to finally have her and then go to jail for it.

Why was he even considering it? If he actually took it that far it would be the end of their friendship and there would be no going back.

What the fuck was he thinking? His brain was all jumbled, he couldn't think straight. He didn't know what he wanted. One minute there wasn't any doubt in his mind he should be with Violet, and the next the idea terrified him beyond reason.

After seeing her leave for the dance with another guy, it had him realizing one day, very soon, she'd find a boyfriend. The idea of someone kissing her or touching areas nobody ever had made him batshit crazy.

Another hour ticked by, his palms close to rubbing right through the fabric.

Maybe they have sponsors for this crap.

Right, like he'd ever go to a meeting. There was no way he'd be able to share with complete strangers what caused him to need sex the way he did.

Around and around he went in his head, until he couldn't take it anymore. He nabbed his keys, throwing open the door, ready to admit defeat.

As though knowing his brother needed him, Ryder stood at his door, hands in his pockets. Parker's mouth dropped open, although it wasn't from surprise; it was that Ryder always knew when to ride in and save the day. He tried to not laugh out loud at his horrible joke, but seriously, the guy’s name fit him.

Parker widened the door for him to enter, “I was wondering when you'd finally show up.”

Ryder remained in place. It didn't faze Parker.

Leaving the door open, he went to every window in his tiny apartment, slinking up the blinds and opening the windows. Before sitting on his couch he got them both a soda, leaving Ryder’s on the coffee table. He lazily sipped his drink, not paying his friend any attention.

Five minutes later Ryder entered, claiming a seat on the couch and chugging back half his can.

“You staying in town for a while?”

Parker already knew he had an apartment. He had followed him home one day, being a much better spy than his old friend, but he knew Ryder needed to be the one to share. He also knew he had a decent job and was doing alright for a messed-up guy with a laughable education and hindering social skills.

“Maybe,” he was refusing to look at Parker.

“I hope you do. Ava and I aren't a complete family without you around.”

Even though they had only spent a year of their lives together thus far, it was long enough to forge an unbreakable bond, one he knew Ryder felt too if he was stalking them for the past few months. Others would consider Ryder a freak, not taking the time to understand that he processed things differently than everybody, that he needed time to grow comfortable and assess everything.

“Do you remember me coming to visit you in juvie?” It had been nagging Parker since he left that day.

“No, but I knew you had when the address that kept repeating itself in my head was yours,” Ryder revealed.

Parker proudly smiled at his friend, “I knew you'd remember it somehow.”

“I would have gone looking for you anyway. I had to know if you two were all right.”

“What do you think so far?”

“I think you’re one lucky sonovabitch,” he grinned, easing back into the couch, and crossing his legs.

Parker laughed, nodding in agreement, “I want you to stay in town. Help me keep an eye on Ava.” He threw that last part in, knowing Ryder's noble side wouldn't be able to refuse.

Ryder looked down at his soda can, “I'm not ready to see her yet.”

“That's cool.” He decided to try and make Ryder remember the fun they used to have when the two of them just hung out and didn't worry about shit, “I got the new PlayStation. Ever play?”

Apprehension shaped Ryder’s face as he shook his head no. Parker made him play anyway. He was awkward at first, but before the hour was over he was better than Parker.

He told Ryder all about his moms and how grateful he was to them. How Naomi’s brother, his uncle, owned a custom bike shop that he knew Ryder would love. He went on about his job at the tracks, the Baxters (mainly Violet), not able to stop smiling as he told his brother about how amazing she was. He also confessed that he was trying to give up sex but he didn't know if he could do it.

For the next three weeks Ryder slept on Parker's couch, stopping him every time he wanted to find someone to fuck, distracting him with car talk, video games, food – anything Ryder could come up with.

Parker hadn't asked him to do any of it, but if he was honest with himself that's why he had told Ryder in the first place, knowing he would help him through it.

Parker had his brother back.

For the first time ever, he felt his life was exactly as it was supposed to be, and turning out to be pretty fucking fantastic.

It scared the shit out of him.

“Mags!” Xavier greeted, picking her up and swinging her around in his usual manner when he saw her. “Do I get a congratulations kiss later?”

Maggie heavily considered it. After all, it's not every day you get named captain of a national champion basketball team, “Find me when my dad's distracted.”

His broad smile lit up her insides.

Too excited to wait, he took a quick sample by placing his hand behind her head and smashing his mouth to hers. It only lasted a second, but he looked like a very satisfied man. He put her down and went to greet the others.

Xavier and his family, plus the Stones, were all at the Baxter’s, having a barbecue to celebrate the end of basketball tryouts. Xavier got captain and point guard, and Wesley remained the team’s lead shooting guard.

Malik came over, bringing an arm around Maggie for a side hug, “When are you going to stop torturing my son and go out with him?”

“After I'm announced the best drifter to ever walk the earth,” she stated, quite seriously.

Malik laughed as though she wasn't, “You expect him to wait forever?”

“Hey!” She lightly jabbed her elbow into his ribs as she knew he was only teasing.

“Carol’s worried he'll go off to college next year and meet some amazing girl he wants to marry, then she and Lily's dream of you two being together will be ruined. But don't worry,” he leaned in to whisper in her ear, “he's crazy about you, just don't tell him I told you.”

He gave her another squeeze, unlatched his arm, and joined the celebration.

Maggie secretly worried what he said would come true. She didn't expect Xavier not to date or find girlfriends, which he had over the years, she just feared that when her dream had come true he wouldn't be there waiting anymore. It was a risk she had to take; she had to be the best.

It never occurred to her that everything had a price, even dreams. She'd have to learn that one the hard way.

Maggie had a strange feeling that eyes were on her. When she glanced in the direction it was coming from she only found Ryder, drinking a bottled water away from the crowd, staring off into the distance. This was the second time she'd been around him. He was an old friend of Ava and Parker's who showed up a few weeks before. Ava was thrilled that the guy she had always considered another brother was back in their lives. Big surprise, Wesley was not. One could tell he wasn't sure if Ryder was a threat or not, but you'd have to be a fool not to notice how obvious it was that Ava and Ryder truly viewed each other like siblings. But then again, her brother was a fool when it came to Ava.

The first time Maggie met Ryder, she and everybody else had been warned not to offer him a handshake, hug, or any kind of touching. Neither Parker nor Ava would go into detail why, only giving a vague reason of how it made him uncomfortable and they wanted him to stick around.

Maggie didn't know what she had expected him to look like, but it was definitely not the attractive man who was a yard away from her. The way Ava had talked about him in the past had her thinking he would be weird looking or something. If someone could have their features described as looking like a wise old-soul, it would be Ryder. His tormented hazel eyes also reflected a depth Maggie had never seen before. It left her a little intimidated by him. It was easy for her to keep her usually outgoing, friendly self at a distance. He was the first person she had ever met who had her feeling that way. The few times he held her gaze, it felt like he saw right through her, understanding more of herself than she had yet learned.

Violet expressed getting the same vibe from Ryder when they stayed awake talking about him the night they had first met.

“He's definitely the most intense person I've ever met,” Violet had said. “I give it another week or two before Mom has us bringing him plates of food.”

They both had laughed, knowing she was right.

Maggie decided to go talk to him.

She saw him peeking at her out of the corner of his eye when she was only a few feet away.

He quickly walked away, going to the food table.

That was another thing she couldn't figure out about him. They had been warned he was anti-social and to not take offense if he didn't respond to questions or talk to them, but so far she was the only person he completely ignored, always leaving when she was close by. When he arrived on his motorcycle not too long ago, she had an opportunity to smile at him when their eyes met. She could have sworn he flinched. He bent his head down, so the longer hair in the front shielded his eyes. She got the impression he didn't like her much. She wished she could figure out why, or if maybe she had offended him somehow.

She'd try one last time today, and if she couldn't get close she'd ask Ava about it later.

His back was to her when she approached.

“Hey!” She happily exclaimed.

His back stiffened and she could see his hand came to a dead stop, the food in his fingers inches from his mouth.

She moved to his side, keeping a small distance between them, “Malik’s going to be barbequing his famous ribs soon. I swear you feel like you died and went to heaven, they’re
that
good.”

His body still rigid, he popped the food into his mouth, never even peeking her way. He seemed fixated on the track in the distance. Awkward silence had her shifting her weight, at a loss with what to say. Talking with people had always been an easy task, but this was painful.

“So, yeah, I'm glad you could come today. It sure made Ava happy...” she trailed off as he just walked away as though she had never been talking. She definitely had to talk to Ava about it later, find out if it was something she did or why he only seemed to ignore her. It was like she was invisible around him.

Ryder stood back from the crowd, still unsure of why he had agreed to come.

Maggie’s joyful laughter flooded the area.

He tried tuning her out, refusing to believe the quickening of his pulse had anything to do with her.

It had to be from the cupcake Ava gave him. He never ate sugar.

Yeah, that was it.

When he heard her again, his stomach flip-flopped.

Her eyes left the group she was with as though sensing someone was watching her. He looked away before she saw him doing just that. He prayed she didn't try to talk to him again. It made his insides too frazzled. When she had approached him at the food table, he pleaded with his body to say something back. His mouth refused, so he chickened out and left.

She must think he’s a real freak, which he was.

It was for the best. He could never be entertaining enough for someone who embraced life with as much joy as she did. What the hell would they ever even talk about?

She was the light and everything good the world had to offer, and he was the bleak darkness that suffocated you.

“Hey,” Violet spoke, walking to him.

Ryder looked her in the eyes so she would know he heard her.

Her head jerked off to the side, “I want to show you something.”

She moved, not waiting for a response.

Ryder followed in curiosity.

The property's five car garage came into view the further they traveled. He knew the building attached to it was where the Baxters lived and called home.

Only one of the door panels were open, revealing an old classic car.

Violet gestured to it, “This is my baby. She runs, but the interior isn't ready. Once I have enough money I'll change that.”

He ran his hands all along the exterior, admiring the vintage classic.

“Any time someone needs to escape they come here. It's an unspoken rule that whoever is working on it or hanging out in it is left alone. My parents have even used it. My dad can be unreasonable at times, so sometimes you can find my mom lounging in the back seat, listening to music with a glass of wine until he's had time to cool off. Maggie comes here to think.” At the sound of her name, Ryder tensed. “Anyway, we all have different reasons. This is usually the time at a party I've had enough, so I work on her or hang out in the back. There's some books and things we've all left behind for entertainment.”

Violet's fists were knocking nervously against her thighs, eyeing the car with uncertainty. Ryder sensed that it was a big deal for her to share this with him. He decided to speak, wanting her to know he understood.

Before he could she continued, “You’re welcome to use it at any time. Nobody will call you out on it, it's like you’re invisible once you’re here. The only rule is you at least have to attempt to make an appearance at a party, and if you come here to cool off you don't forget any outside responsibilities, or anybody has the right to pull you away.” Violet laughed, a sound so similar to her sister’s that Ryder’s heart pinched. “I had to learn that one the hard way.”

“Thank you,” he acknowledged with all the sincerity he could convey.

She gave him a lopsided grin, “It's no big deal.”

“Yes it is,” he confirmed.

She was giving him a way to escape when everything got to be too much.

She acted tough, always quick with sarcasm, but her heart was compassionate and nurturing.

Violet cleared her throat, something all the Baxters did when they were uncomfortable or unsure about something.

“You’re pretty intense,” she confessed.

Ryder couldn't help but give a slight grin; he liked her blunt honesty.

“The way you watch people or focus on them when you’re listening is a bit unnerving.”

Ryder's skin flushed but he made no apologies. He changed the topic instead, “I can help with the interior as long as the roof remains off.”

“Really?” She practically squeaked, trying to conceal her excitement.

“You’re offering me a refuge, it's the least I can do.”

“You matter to Parker, which means you matter to me.”

She didn't wait for a response, which was for the best; he didn't have one to give.

He watched her leave, thinking about past conversations with Parker and how the hardest part for him accepting his adoptive parents was not being chosen, but getting lucky. He wished Parker could see that there was one person who chose him; that Violet Baxter chose to care for Parker, not because she had to but because she wanted to.