When To Let Go (10 page)

“Talk to him about it. It's probably just nerves for the upcoming season. A lot of pressure is put on them, especially he and Xavier.”

She hadn't thought of that. Feeling confident that that had to be it, she was able to get some work done.

Maggie was the one waiting to pick her up. At first she was disappointed, but honestly she could use Maggie's naturally happy attitude right now.

“Wes said he needed to stay longer at the gym and asked me to come,” she said as though it was an inconvenience.

The ride home was silent, Maggie brooding on something instead of her normal chatter.

The Baxters were beginning to be a real drag to be around.

“Can I spend the night?” Maggie asked when they arrived at Ava's house.

“Sure!” She excitedly agreed, missing the days when they went back and forth from each other’s houses, even on school nights.

It wasn't as fun as it used to be; Maggie stayed silent and aloof the whole time. When they were laying in Ava’s bed that night she asked Maggie what was bothering her.

Maggie opened up the way she wished her brother would, “I raced Xavier earlier. He beat me. He fucking beat me!” She growled, smacking her hands down at her sides. “He spends more time dicking around at the basketball court with his team and partying, only hitting the tracks a few times a month, while I'm there
every day
, practicing every chance I can. It's not fair. I can't figure out why he's so much better.”

Drifting was Maggie's whole world, so Ava understood how wrecked she must feel.

“Can you go with him and study how he drives?” She offered her best friend, trying to find ways to help.

“No, he'll rub it in my face even more than he already does,” she whined, reminding Ava of when they were kids and how annoyed Maggie would get with Xavier and his constant winning.

“Hide cameras in his car?” Ava suggested with a light chuckle.

“That's brilliant!” Maggie practically yelled.

Ava had been joking but kept that to herself, happy to see Maggie perk back to normal.

The following Saturday, Violet got in Maggie's car to join her siblings, Xavier, and Ava at the movies. They didn't stop at the movies. Instead, her sister pulled in front of Parker’s apartment.

“Have fun!” Maggie wickedly grinned.

Violet didn't understand.

Maggie laughed at her confused expression, “We're all sick of you two moping around and being cranky with everyone. The movie is over two hours and we're getting dinner after. That buys you close to four hours. I'll text when I'm on my way.”

Violet’s mouth dropped open. She shouldn't be surprised; Maggie was a master at deceiving their parents. She lunged forward, wrapping her arms around the seat in front of her to try and hug the greatest-sister-ever. She took the stairs up to Parker's apartment two at a time, thinking she might combust with excitement.

For the past two weeks she’d only seen Parker in passing, and the past four days not at all. Their only form of communication was the occasional text. She was used to spending hours with her best friend almost daily, for the past nine years. She missed him with an ache that consumed her whole body. She reached for the knob, finding it locked for the first time since Parker moved in. She knocked on the door. It took a minute for the door to open, a half-asleep Parker standing in the doorway. He just stared at her as he yawned.

“You look like shit,” she informed him, as indifferent and uncaring as she could.

She wasn't lying, he did. His eyes had dark circles, his face a few days of stubble (which he
never
had), and his clothes were wrinkled and dirty. Not that he ever put any effort into his appearance, but he at least tried to bathe himself regularly.

Parker's lips quirked to the side and his eyes regained some life to them, “I've missed you.”

She shoved past him so he couldn't see her smile, “I think some dude on a motorcycle is stalking you.”

Parker shut the door and joined her on the couch, to her disappointment on the complete opposite end.

“Yeah, it's Ryder. He's been doing it for some time now.”

“That's a little creepy.”

He seemed unfazed by it, “That's just him.”

“Have you talked?”

“Nope,” he responded, still seeming as though that's what everyone did. “I figure it's better if I wait for him to approach me first.”

“Wes notices him too,” Violet let him know, knowing how important Ryder was to Parker. “Our sisters are oblivious of course. I wouldn't be surprised if my dad’s noticed too. I would talk to him about who Ryder is. A lot of times he's around when it's just us girls.”

“Shit, I didn’t even think of that,” Parker became tense, worried for his friend. “I'll talk to him so he knows about Ryder...Speaking of your dad, do your parents know you're here?”

“Wes and Mags were tired of me being grumpy,” she explained as though it wasn’t a big deal. “So they're covering for me.”

All she could see when he talked was his smug smirk, “Are you saying you might have missed me too?”

She remained defiant, “Not at all.”

“Liar.”

It was her turn to smirk.

His clear blues locked with hers, and once again she felt like he was trying to express what words couldn't before he cleared his throat and looked away.

“I should take you home. We shouldn't go behind their backs,” he admitted, making no move to follow through with his words.

She hated what a model citizen he was when it came to her dad. So being only seventeen, she did the first age-appropriate thing she could think of and blackmailed him, “I'll tell him how you stick your tongue down my throat and touch my breast.”

He held a finger up, “One time! And it was a light brush that I did by accident.”

That was bullshit and he knew it. He had on the same devilish grin now as he did when it first happened. He had been pawing at the damn thing like he had never touched one before.

“Don't give me that look,” he replied, reading her thoughts.

“Don't pretend like it was so innocent,” she accused. “If you care so much about deceiving my parents, why did you keep kissing me?”

“I kept telling you we should stop,” he responded, as though he was some perfect choir boy who had let her steer him wrong.

How dare he try and put this on her. “Only when I initiated it, which was only a quarter of the time! You're the one who sought me out most of the time!”

He let out a long breath, scrubbing his face with both hands, “I know.”

“Why Parker? What did you get out of it?”

She knew why
she
did it, but she could never understand why he kept wanting to.

“Violet, don't,” he pleaded.

“Don’t what? Talk about it?!” Her temperature was beginning to rise, finally letting it all out, “You like to pretend we’re just friends, but I don't know too many friends who make out. So again, Parker, what the fuck do you get out of it?”

“Peace.”

Violet was taken back by his answer, “What?”

“Sex gives me control. Cars free my mind. You...you give me peace,” he explained, looking down at his entwined fingers. “The closer I am to you, the more at peace I feel.”

Violet didn't know what to say. That was way better a reason than hers.

“I want more,” she blurted out, not regretting that she had.

“Dammit, Violet,” he appeared pained as he bent over to cradle his head, resting his elbow to his knees. “Don't do that. Don't say things like that.”

“Why?” She desperately wanted to know.

He lifted his head just enough to look over at her, “I can't. Please understand that I can't.”

“You don't think of me that way,” the bitterness in her tone wasn't nearly as tart as the taste the words left in her mouth.

He dropped his head back into his hands, holding it there. Minute after minute ticked by.

“I don't want to lose you,” his voice rattled.

Violet understood. At least she'd never look back and wish she had said something, “I get it, Parker. I truly do. I don't want to lose you either. I think all the kissing just confused me,” or at least she hoped that was all it was, “but now that we aren't doing that anymore it won't be. I mean, you're really not even very good looking.”

That had Parker straightening back into the couch with a fat grin on his mouth, “You hurt my feelings, Vi. You once told me I was pretty.”

Violet threw her head back and laughed at the memory.

It was Halloween a few years back. Wesley, Xavier, and Parker had dressed up as Mean Girls. She had indeed told him he looked pretty. She hadn’t meant it as a compliment.

And just like that they were back to the way things had always been.

Violet finally decided on Monday she'd agree to go to the dance with the boy who had asked her. It was time for her to put any silly ideas she may have hoped for away, along with all her childhood dreams that she had outgrown.

“Birdie!” Peter shouted, coming into the room. He bent over to throw his arms around Violet, plucking her off the couch and shaking her up and down. “I've missed you, but dude, never bring your dad over again, okay? I almost pissed myself and it totally destroyed my boner for the night.”

He sat down with Violet on his lap. “This guy’s been a nightmare,” he tilted his head over to Parker. “You'd think his grandma died or something with the way he mopes around here.”

“Can you blame him?” She teased, “I'm only the greatest thing that ever happened to him.”

“And you two help keep each other so modest,” Peter teased back.

The three of them went back and forth, joking around.

See? Violet could do this. She could move on and just be thankful Parker was in her life.

She should never have thought it, because the second she did the front door swung open and a handful of people barged in, ready to party. Next thing she knew the apartment had Sublime vibrating the walls and shots of tequila being passed around the room.

Violet spent the next few hours joking around with Peter, dancing with him a few times a bit too suggestively for the sole purpose of annoying Parker, trying to cut off any emotion she might feel towards the women Parker flirted with and would no doubt enjoy the second she left.

Ava wasn't sure how movies and dinner would go. To her relief it wasn't much different than Saturday nights in the past when Maggie, Xavier, Wes, and her would just hang out, having fun and acting silly. She didn't realize how much she needed that moment of normalcy, when life seemed easy and carefree, nobody thinking about anything other than the moment. Wes always had a part of himself touching her, giving her feather light kisses on her jaw, temple, shoulder, anywhere that drew him. On the car ride home he stroked the back of her neck with his thumb, watching her the way he sometimes did, as though she was the only thing he saw.

He dipped his head down, pressing his lips to her ear, speaking low enough for only her to hear, “You stayin' the night?”

“Yes,” she breathed out, focused on the back of Maggie's head, a flush creeping up her neck from his intimate tone.

“Think you could come into my room when they’re all passed out? I need some alone time with you.”

She couldn't respond with a yes fast enough, needing to have a chance to be alone and connect like they always had.

Ava had only snuck into his room a few times, always too afraid of being caught, but not tonight. She boldly left Maggie and Violet's room, creeping into Wesley's room after everyone had fallen asleep. Music played softly from the dock sitting on his desk. She recognized Ed Sheeran, her current favorite. She smiled, knowing he played it for her.

“Come here, Ava,” Wes commanded from where he was laying on his back in bed, in the voice he reserved for when they were intimate.

Ava quietly shut the door, getting under the covers he lifted up for her and snuggling close to him. They held tight to the other until they both couldn’t take it any longer and kissed, working their mouths all over the other's body.

Wes never pushed things further than Ava was comfortable with. She let him know if it was ever too much and he would pull back, bringing her to his arms, content on cuddling.

Tonight Ava couldn't hold herself back, needing a connection that he seemed just as desperate for. Their mouths roamed, more daring than they had ever been, bringing each other to heights they had never gone, both taking turns gripping the head between their legs. Afterwards, Ava remained on her back, Wes draping part of his body over hers, resting his forehead on the side of her temple like they always did in the hammock.

Wes's breath ran hot down her neck, “I found you a job.”

“You did?”

“Mm hm,” he lifted his head, moving an arm to rest it on so he could peer down at her, “I remember you saying you wanted to find something a few days a week.”

She had, over the summer. She hated having to ask her moms for money and wanted to start making some on her own. It made her smile at how Wes truly listened and remembered everything she told him.

Seeing her smile had him mirroring her, running a thumb along her jaw, leaving it at her chin to caress her lips with his own before continuing. “The bakery downtown. They need someone on Saturday and Sunday mornings to help get everything made for when the store opens.”

“I doubt they'd hire a sixteen-year-old with no experience,” even though the job sounded perfect for her, and she'd always been a morning person so getting up wouldn't be a problem.

“I went and talked to the owner. Told him about how my girl makes the most amazing cupcakes that will rock his world. He said for you to come by sometime next week with a couple of your cakes, and if they're as good as the hype, the job’s yours.”

This was the Wesley she knew. Not the dark, brooding one he had become since school started, but the person who was always thinking of her and going out of his way to do things he knew would make her happy. Her heart swelled from the amount of love she carried for him.

The next thing she knew, the words escaped her mouth, soft and sure, “I love you.”

“Ava,” he breathed out in a moan, resting his forehead back on her temple. “I love you too. So damn much I think I might be going crazy.”