What to Expect the Toddler Years (67 page)

Stress safety. Make sure your toddler has a safe space—preferably a large outdoor area—in which to play and burn
off energy several hours each day, and that he is always closely supervised during play. Be sure to keep a sharp eye on him when you go on outings away from home. Dress him in brightly colored clothing so that you can easily spot him in crowded places. Learn first aid (see page 661) so that you’ll be prepared for times when even the best preventive measures can’t prevent his injuring himself.

When traveling, bring along a plentiful collection of distractions and take frequent activity breaks. Just stopping occasionally for a snack isn’t enough. Make some opportunity at each stop for your toddler to run around.

Recognize that your child may not need as much sleep as the typical toddler his age, and don’t try to force him to sleep longer than is natural for him. In the evening, discourage roughhousing, overstimulation, and excessive noise. Establish a nightly bedtime routine (see page 68), with plenty of time to unwind, and relaxing activities, such as massage, a warm bath, soothing music, a very gentle story. Be sure his sleeping conditions (room temperature, lighting, noise levels) are ideal. In cold weather, heavy pajamas or blanket sleepers may help to keep your toddler comfortable even when he’s kicked off all the covers.

Take charge of your toddler’s diet. The issue is controversial, but some parents and physicians believe that removing sugar and additives (and in some cases, certain foods) from a hyperactive child’s diet can, at least in some instances, make a big difference in his behavior. Since this dietary treatment is perfectly safe, it’s worth a try. If this approach doesn’t work in a month or so, try another.

Watch for possible environmental contributors to the problem, including carbon monoxide (is your car’s tailpipe leaky, for example? Does your furnace flue need cleaning?) and lead (in tap water or paint, for example). Although it’s not clear that such factors are implicated in the development of ADHD, they should be eliminated for other health reasons (see page 630).

Take care of yourself. Parents of very active children often find themselves run ragged, especially if they are at home all day with their highly charged charge. Try to get as much assistance as you can as often as you can from your spouse, another family member or friend, or a baby-sitter. You might also try exercise and/or relaxation techniques to ease the tension. The more relaxed you are, the better equipped you will be to deal with your toddler and to help him to cope.

Love your child as he is (at least he’ll never be boring) and don’t label him (“Here comes Dennis our Menace”). If you let him know that you expect the worst (“I can’t take you anywhere—you always wreck everything!”), that’s probably what you’ll get. Instead, be positive (“I know you are going to try to play very nicely today”). Help your child to channel his excess energy constructively and chances are that he will be able to use it to accomplish a lot in life.

If the doctor believes that your child is showing early signs of ADHD, more formal treatment may be recommended. If available, a special nursery school pro gram for ADHD children may be suggested. Though controversial because the evidence isn’t clear, many parents have found special exercise programs and play therapy helpful in reducing the energy spurts and other symptoms associated with hyperactivity. Medication (because of potential serious side effects in young children) is usually reserved for school-age children; it is only prescribed earlier when a young
child is totally unmanageable. Megadoses of vitamins, sometimes touted as an alternative treatment, are not recommended at any time and can be dangerous.

“I thought toddlers were supposed to be active, but mine just sits and plays quietly, while everyone else her age is running, jumping, and climbing.”

Toddlers are easy targets for stereo-types—probably no other age group (with the possible exception of adolescents) acts as predictably. While generalizations are less easy to make about babies, preschoolers, or schoolchildren, a notorious niche has been carved for toddlers in the annals of child behavior. Say “toddler,” and the clichéd associations trip easily off the tongue: negative, rebellious, tantrums, grabby, opinionated, stubborn, perpetual motion.

But as with all stereotypes, there are exceptions that don’t fit the mold. While most toddlers are, at times, stubborn and stormy, some are always calm and cooperative. While many are grabby, others are remarkably giving. While some are aggressive in their play, others are gentle and noncombative. And while most toddlers are bundles of ceaseless energy, forever on the go, others are content to sit and watch the world whirl by.

Like all human beings, toddlers are individuals. Your toddler’s innate temperament dictates who she is and what she isn’t. Nagging about her inactivity, faulting her placid personality, or comparing her to more active toddlers won’t change her, but could damage her self-esteem as well as exacerbate her aversion to activity. Instead, accentuate her positive traits—compliment her on her drawing, her choice of books, how carefully she finished a puzzle. And whenever she joins the movers and shakers or does a little moving or shaking on her own, offer her plenty of praise and encouragement.

Keep in mind that even though being a tranquil observer instead of a whirling dervish is perfectly fine most of the time (and probably a lot easier on your nerves and your household), it’s important that your toddler gets an adequate amount of physical activity—if only for her health’s sake. American children tend, as they reach school age, to become less and less active, spending more and more of their unwinding time in front of televisions instead of outside playing. Encouraging activity now doesn’t guarantee that your toddler will end up fit for life, but it’s a good place to start. So even if she hears a different drummer, try to get your toddler to do a little marching (and other physical activities, as described on page 296). Instead of running, climbing, and rough-housing, she may prefer dancing, walking, jumping rope, and when she’s three or older, dance, movement, or gymnastics classes.

If your toddler chronically resists all activity, check with her doctor to be sure it isn’t because she’s unwell or depressed. Also be sure the problem isn’t inadequate stimulation (see page 78) or lack of opportunity for exercise. If she’s being mesmerized by television for hours every day, or is confined to a stroller whenever you leave the house, or is bombarded at home with a continuous barrage of restrictions (“Don’t touch that!” “Stay off this!” “Get out of there!”), she may be inactive because she has no other choice.

Assuming she’s well and has plenty of opportunities to behave like a toddler, don’t be concerned by her calm nature. Continue to cheer on her present behavior, applaud her when she does get energetic, and encourage her, in a nonjudgmental way, to be more active.

“Our toddler has become a regular chatterbox lately. But I don’t think there’s a word she pronounces correctly. Does she need speech therapy?”

Faulty (and always adorable) pronunciation at this stage is more the rule than the exception. Few children, even those with large vocabularies, speak clearly in the middle of the second year. Often, no one understands them but their own parents and other regular caregivers. It’s not until a child reaches age three that you can expect most people to understand most of what she says.