Read What to Expect the Toddler Years Online
Authors: Heidi Murkoff
What to Expect the Toddler Years (187 page)
ET SET . . .
You’ve checked and rechecked the signs of readiness in your toddler—all systems seem “go.” But before you drop your toddler’s diapers and dash to the potty for the first time, take a look at what’s happening in the family and in your child’s life. It’s usually better to postpone toilet learning when there’s a new baby, a new child-care situation, an imminent move, an illness, or any serious family problems. If there appear to be no major impediments, then gear up for toilet learning by taking the following steps:
Accentuate the positives of pottying.
Prime your toddler for toilet learning by talking it up: “Won’t it be fun when you can wear underpants instead of diapers?” “Soon you can go on the toilet, too—just like Mommy and Daddy!” (But don’t denigrate diapers, or you might find yourself with a hostile toileting student.)
Accentuate, too, the positives of growing up.
To get your toddler interested in taking this significant step forward, compliment any and all “grown-up” behavior—washing hands, drinking from a cup without spilling (too much), putting away toys, being generous to a playmate or sibling—but take no notice of “babyish” conduct. Be wary of demanding or expecting too much maturity, especially if the arrival of a new sibling or going off to preschool has left your toddler yearning for the simpler days of babyhood.
Read up on potty learning.
Scout out several picture books on the subject geared to toddlers and share them at story time—but keep the reading light and entertaining and hold off on the editorializing. Hearing about other children learning to use the potty will help prepare your toddler.
Demonstrate how it’s done.
If you haven’t before and if you’re comfortable with the idea, that is. The excretory processes may come naturally, but the toileting process doesn’t. Watching someone else of the same sex use the toilet a few times is better than a thousand explanations.
Let the student teach, too.
Buy or borrow a doll that drinks and wets, and encourage your toddler to help the doll to “learn” to use the potty and to switch from diapers to training pants.
Pick a potty.
But not just any potty. Invest in a sturdy, durable potty chair with a stable base that won’t tip over when your child gets up to check progress (if your toddler has expressed an interest in using the “big” toilet, see below). If you sense it will help stimulate excitement, either take your toddler along when you shop for the chair or wrap it up as a “present.” Print your toddler’s name on the chair with indelible marker, and invite him or her to further personalize it with stickers on places that aren’t likely to get wet. Explain what the potty is for: “When you’re ready, you can use the potty instead of a diaper to urinate and make BMs in (or pee and poop in, or whatever terminology you use).”
Or, pick a potty seat.
If your toddler shows a preference for using a “grownup” toilet like everyone else in the family, select a potty seat that fits on top of a regular toilet. Good fit is important (a shaky seat can scare a toddler off), and a built-in footrest will give your toddler something to push against when making a bowel movement. You’ll also need a sturdy and steady stepping stool (best are those that come with one built in),
so that your toddler can get on and off the potty independently.
POTTY PATIENCE, PLEASE
It probably took weeks of false starts and stumbles before your toddler learned how to walk—and chances are, it’ll take at least as long (and at least as many false starts and stumbles) before your toddler learns how to stay clean and dry. This new skill will require awareness, concentration, coordination, muscle control, and, of course, split-second timing.
The majority of children begin to start staying clean about the same time they start staying dry. Of the remainder, most learn to control their bowel movements first. Not surprisingly, boys (who need to master control over both the urge and the apparatus) usually lag a bit behind girls in controlling their urination.
A few toddlers (most often older ones) will learn toileting seemingly overnight and very rarely have an accident. Others, particularly those who are innately resistant to change or for whom transitions are difficult (see page 201), may need to take to the toilet-learning process much more gradually. For parents of these children, patience will be particularly crucial to success.
Skip the deflector.
A urine deflector, the plastic shield designed to prevent boys on potty seats from accidentally spraying outside the bowl, can cut or scrape a child getting on or off the seat. To avoid a traumatizing “boo-boo,” avoid the deflector. But do provide some lessons on controlling the spray; teach boys to push the penis “down” so the urine will flow down and not out (practicing with toilet paper targets in the bowl helps perfect this tricky skill).
Do some “dry runs.”
Before you put the potty to use, help your toddler get to know it (this is particularly important for children who have a hard time with change). Make the potty available for your toddler to carry from room to room, or to sit on while looking at books (preferably “potty” books) or even watching television. Putting the potty in your toddler’s control, rather than putting restrictions on its use from the start, will help motivate independent use by promoting a sense of autonomy (“It’s
my
potty!”). Once your toddler has started feeling comfortable with the potty, he or she should feel more comfortable about using it for its intended purpose.
Change the diaper-changing locale.
Start helping your toddler make the association between what’s made in diapers and what’s made in the potty by changing diapers in the bathroom (if logistics allow and your toddler is willing). Flushing the solid contents of diapers down the toilet will help make that connection even more tangible. (If your toddler is frightened by the flushing sound of the toilet, just dump the contents in and flush later; if he or she seems unduly upset by the dumping alone, postpone this step as well.)
Decide on a potty vocabulary.
Whether it’s pee and poop or urine and BM, potty learning will be easier if the same terms are used by everyone in your home, and if your toddler is familiar with them before the learning process begins. Some experts recommend using the more formal terminology (bowel movement, defecate, urinate) rather than slang or euphemistic terms so that kids won’t have to relearn the terms at a later date or be embarrassed by using “babyish” toilet
words. But whatever terms you decide are P.C. (potty correct), use them consistently. And never refer to the contents of your toddler’s diapers as “smelly,” “stinky,” “yucky,” or in otherwise unfavorable ways. Treat elimination as a natural process, one without negative connotations, and your toddler will, too.
Encourage “listening” to body signals.
Help your toddler to recognize body signals. Explain how important it is to listen when your body tells you, “I’m hungry,” “I’m thirsty,” “I’m sleepy,” or “I need to make a BM.” Catching your toddler “in the act” of filling his or her diaper is another way to focus attention on body signals: “See, when you have to push like that, that means a BM is coming. Soon you’ll be able to sit down on the potty to have one.” Then, as casually as you always do, change the diaper.
O
. . .
Your toddler’s ready, you’re ready, the potty’s ready and waiting for action—it’s finally time to get down to the business of toilet learning. Though different approaches may work better for different toddlers, the following “do’s and don’ts” apply to most:
HE DO’S OF TODDLER TOILET LEARNING
Do
switch from diapers to training pants—a combination of traditional cotton underpants and disposables works well (see box, page 544). But never insist your toddler wear the pants—merely suggest. Knowing that the diaper is still an option will make him or her feel more in control of (and less threatened by) the potty process.
Do
bare your toddler’s bottom, once in a while. If the temperature permits and there’s an area of your home that’s completely washable (or if you have a private yard), letting your toddler go bare-bottomed is an ideal way to help him or her get in touch with body signals (without the security of the diaper, the products of excretion are hard to miss). Keep the potty close by (even outdoors, if possible) so that your toddler will be able to act on those signals at a second’s notice. To prevent shoes from getting showered, feet should also be bare (except outdoors), or at least clad in washable shoes.
Do
make the bottom easily accessible when it’s not bare. Until your toddler develops the control necessary to “hold it in,” there won’t be a moment to lose. To make sure one isn’t lost to a stubborn snap or a cumbersome clasp, dress your toddler in easy-off, elastic-waist pants that can be pulled down in a flash, avoiding the extra steps involved in dealing with zippers, overalls, buttons, and suspenders. Training pants will be infinitely easier for a toddler to remove than diapers (but make sure they’re not so tight that they make for tough tugging).
Do
watch your toddler closely. At first, you may be more adept at picking up your child’s body signals than your child is. So keep an eye out for the tell-tale signs that say, “I gotta go!”
Whenever you notice one of them, ask your toddler, “Do you have to go to the potty?” If your toddler seems willing, lead the way to the bathroom, or if you’re using a portable, bring the potty to your toddler. Follow through even if it’s too late; just reinforcing the connection between the function and the potty is an important step. Of course, if you find that asking your toddler if he or she has to go always elicits an automatic “No,” change the wording of the invitation. Try, “Your potty is waiting for you. Let’s hurry up and go.” And again, head for the potty.
TRAINING PANTS
Switching from diapers to a combination of cotton and disposable training pants early in the toilet-teaching process puts a toddler in a new grown-up potty mode. Training pants, which can be pulled on or off by the wearer, usually without adult help, put more control in a toddler’s hands and improve the odds of getting to the potty on time. In addition, their more grown-up designs are often appealing to the toddler. Cotton training pants have an added plus: Toddlers wearing them feel uncomfortable or messy when they’re wet or soiled, and tend to become more aware of their excretory functions than those children still wearing disposable diapers.
It’s generally best to start with disposable training pants and then gradually move toward using the traditional training pants full-time:
Disposable training pants
. This hybrid—a cross between diapers and traditional training pants—is the ideal undergarment for the child about to embark on toilet learning. Disposable training pants look like and are worn like training pants but absorb like a diaper—and often make toddlers and parents happier during early toilet learning. They are thrown out rather than laundered (particularly nice when the results of an “accident” are particularly messy), and because they can be removed for changing (by tearing the side panels) without having to be pulled down over legs and shoes, the unpleasant problem of spreading a messy bowel movement is avoided. However, unlike traditional training pants, they don’t allow a child to feel a great deal of wetness and so, if used exclusively, may not move learning along. So once a toddler begins to exhibit some control over excretion, it’s best to use disposables only where accidents could cause serious inconvenience (in the car, in stores, at a friend’s house, or any place with carpets or other vulnerable surfaces) and to phase them out as control improves. Disposable training pants have a couple of additional drawbacks: As with ordinary disposable diapers, they contribute to our planet’s solid waste disposal problem, so they aren’t the most environmentally friendly choice. And many preschools and day-care centers insist on regular diapers rather than pull-ups because getting pull-ups on requires removing other clothing (such as pants and shoes), while diapers can be put on with the pants simply pulled down.
Traditional cotton training pants
. Best are the heavy-duty, extra-absorbent type that promise to hold at least a cup of liquid. These can be used at home during the day in lieu of diapers as soon as a toddler has had a few successes on the potty seat (but not before, or your toddler may be unnerved by numerous early accidents). Eventually, when accidents become few and far between, your toddler can wear them full-time.