What to Expect the Toddler Years (105 page)

Choose a barber shop that aims to please kids. Such shops tend to be more patient with reluctant customers than those that serve only the occasional child. Some go so far as to provide bright smocks, DVDs, fun-shaped chairs or boosters, and toys to distract children while they’re waiting.

Watch a barber in action. Visit a barber shop and let your toddler watch (from the safety of your lap) as other children have their hair cut. After seeing them come and go in one piece, hopefully, he’ll be convinced that he’s not at risk. Even better, have a trim yourself, while your child watches. Take this opportunity to introduce your toddler to the stylist, so he or she won’t be a total stranger.

As always, schedule smart. Don’t make a haircut appointment at times when your toddler is chronically cranky or tired, when he’s likely to be hungry, or when the shop is busy and personnel are both hurried and harried.

Skip the suds. Having to lean back for a salon shampoo can be especially uncomfortable and frightening for a small child (at-home shampoos are trouble enough). A few spritzes of water can dampen hair enough so the stylist can cut right to the cut, without the added trauma of shampooing.

Be your toddler’s booster chair. It can be lonely and scary in that big, high seat. Sitting on a parent’s lap during the cut may not be easy or comfortable for you or for the stylist (find out in advance if the stylist will okay this strategy), but it may make this first experience more comfortable for your toddler. Hold him on your lap facing the mirror while the front’s
being cut, then turn him around so he’s facing you for the back trim. (Be sure to ask for a smock to cover
your
clothing.)

Plan a reward. Remember, the haircut is your idea, not your toddler’s. To sweeten it for him, tie the haircut in with a visit to a favorite park, museum, or a favorite friend or relative, or with something else he considers special (“Today we’re going to the Children’s Museum, but first we have to stop and get your hair cut”). This will transfer the attention away from the anxiety of a haircut to the anticipation of fun. If your toddler hesitates at the barber shop, remind him: “Let’s hurry so we can get to the museum before it closes.”

Greet little efforts with big praise. Applaud your toddler’s smallest attempts at cooperation. Heap on the praise and spare him the criticism, even if most of the haircut is spent in struggle.

Take up hairstyling yourself. If your toddler resolutely refuses to sit still for a salon cut, try one at home. Check out a book from the library on cutting children’s hair, use barber’s shears (not regular scissors) and, to minimize the risk of going too far, take off only a little at a time.

“Our daughter used to fall asleep the moment her head hit the crib mattress. Now she cries, calls out, asks for water, and does everything she can to avoid closing her eyes. It’s as if she’s afraid of sleep.”

To a toddler, falling asleep doesn’t just mean drifting off to dreamland. It means leaving the security and companionship of parents, toys, pets, and activity for darkness, quiet, and solitude. Going to bed is a form of separation—and for many toddlers, separation is still unsettling. The best way to deal with a fear of falling asleep is to help reassure your child that there’s nothing to fear. Make her bedtime ritual cozy, comforting, and secure (see page 68). Let her take her comfort object to bed with her; if she doesn’t have one, offer her something of yours (an old T-shirt or nightgown) or get her a special stuffed animal to keep her company. See that she has everything she needs, and then leave her with a reassuring, “See you in the morning,” that reminds her that the separation is only temporary. Don’t respond right away if she keeps calling you back (for a drink, another kiss, or whatever).

If she cries when you leave, don’t go back into her room immediately. Give her fifteen or twenty minutes to comfort herself to sleep. If she’s still crying after the alloted time, go in to her, reassure her with a kiss and a pat and a promise that you will see her in the morning, but don’t pick her up or sit by her bed. When you leave the room again, don’t feel guilty. Tell yourself that it’s
your
job to put her to bed and
her
job to get herself to sleep.

Some toddlers, however, develop an extreme panic reaction to being left to cry it out, even for brief periods. If this is the case with your child, see page 54.

“Our toddler had been sleeping through the night for nearly a year when suddenly he started waking up and crying periodically. What’s going on?”

Night waking after months or more of sleeping through could have any number of causes: the eruption of molars (see page 168); nightmares (page 312) or night terrors (page 313); fear of the dark (page 431) or of falling asleep (page 310); anxiety brought on by stress in the family; a change in schedule due to travel or other causes; breathing lapses, known as obstructive sleep apnea, usually caused by enlarged adenoids or tonsils (page 169); illness, particularly ear infections (page 605); and rarely, pinworms, which cause itching of the skin around the anus, particularly at night (page 854). To try to discover just which of these factors may be involved in your toddler’s waking, see the individual topics. Once you know the cause, deal with it immediately to restore your child’s normal sleeping pattern—and yours.

“Our daughter always had pretty good sleep habits. But I had to be away from her for a couple of weeks when my mother was critically ill. Ever since then she’s had trouble sleeping at night.”