What No One Else Can Hear (14 page)

“Jesse,” he said enthusiastically, “the DA feels that with the amount of solid evidence we have to refute their
‘evidence,’ there’s a good chance they wouldn’t have enough to convict. Liston isn’t willing to drop the charges altogether, but the DA has convinced him to offer a plea bargain.”

Drew, Dottie, and Sara all thought that was great, but I wasn’t so sure. “What’s the bargain?”

“You plead guilty to the charges and you do a year’s community service. No jail time.”

“Will I be given my job back?”

“Well, no. You’ll be listed as a child sex offender for the rest of your life. No job with children ever again.”

“Will Liston drop the restraining order so I could be around Stevie on a nonpaid basis?”

Kyle seemed to be losing his enthusiasm for the deal. “No. I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t. I think that this whole thing is, at least partly, because of publicity. It wouldn’t look good in the public eye if he allowed his son around a man who pled guilty to abusing him. But Jesse, I’m surprised he accepted the plea deal at all. He was gunning for your head on a plate.”

Everyone was quiet now. “It’s not enough to just not go to jail, Kyle. We
need
to go to court. I need to have a chance to show that the so-called evidence they have is trumped up by a man who thinks I got him fired and has a bone to pick. I need to show everyone I didn’t do this. I need to show them how much Stevie needs me, how much better he has done with me at the center, and I need Mr. Liston to see this and drop that damned restraining order.”

“Jesse,” Kyle started, unsure of himself, “that’s dangerous. We have enough evidence to refute their ‘evidence.’ We probably even have enough to show how much better Stevie is doing since you’ve been around. But the jury is made up of human beings. Emotions run really high in cases where a child has allegedly been harmed. That shouldn’t be a factor in their decision, but it quite possibly will be. Mr. Liston is a much-respected man. The only thing anyone knows about you is what he says or what they’ve heard. Our case is strong enough to make the DA offer a deal, but I’m not sure it is strong enough for us to actually win if it came to court. You wouldn’t be the first innocent man who went to jail.”

My three friends in the room just waited for me to answer, silently letting me know that they would support whatever decision I made. Did I really have a choice? A deal would accomplish nothing except keeping me out of jail. It wouldn’t help Stevie, and that’s what the last six, almost seven, years of my life had been about. How could I just abandon him now?

“We need this to go to court, Kyle.”

“Okay. I think you’re making a mistake, but I admire the reason you’re making it.”

O
NCE
WE
were outside, my friends didn’t need to be silent anymore.

“What the hell was that?” Drew rounded on me. “You had a ticket out. You threw it away. Do you know what could happen to you if you don’t win this case?”

“I don’t like it either, Jesse,” Dottie agreed.

At least Sara was still keeping her own counsel.

“I didn’t see that I had a choice.” I answered both but was looking at Drew. “You heard my reasoning. How can I help Stevie if I can’t be near him? I need to be exonerated of this, not just set free.”

“I know, Jesse, but….” Drew looked like he was either going to scream or cry, possibly both. “Jess, this is so risky. How are you going to help Stevie if you’re found guilty of this? You’ll go to jail for a really long time, and….” He was definitely leaning toward crying at this point. “You know what they would do to you in jail, Jess? If they thought you were a child molester, they’d….”

Dottie put her hand on Drew’s shoulder but otherwise stayed quiet, waiting for me to answer him.

“Drew—” I didn’t know how to answer without just repeating myself. “Stevie needs….”

He threw off Dottie’s hand and took a step toward me, angrier than I’d ever seen him. “What about what
you
need? God, Jesse, you put your life on hold for six years for Stevie, and we’re so glad you did. Don’t get me wrong. What you’re doing for Stevie… well, that’s miraculous. But you can’t just throw the rest of your life away for him too.”

He brought his hands up so quickly that I had the slightest bit of fear that he might actually strike me. Only for a moment, but long enough for Drew to see it. He dropped his hands onto my shoulders gently, and his expression went from angry and concerned to hurt, but he didn’t address my flinch. He was still talking about the court case.

“Jess”—he quieted his voice as well—“you’ve got to know how much we all love you. For
you
, not just for what you’re doing for Stevie. We don’t want to see you go down for this. This is a dangerous play you’re making here, and I don’t think you’re giving your own needs high enough priority.”

Collecting my thoughts silently for a moment, I placed my hands over his where they still lay on my shoulders.

“Drew, I know. I know it’s dicey. I might have just thrown away my one chance of staying out of jail. I know that. I really do.” To make sure he was looking at me, I moved my right hand to his face. “But living the rest of my life as a registered pedophile isn’t going to help anyone. It still ruins my reputation, which is really all I’ve ever had to my name. But worse than that, Stevie would still be doomed. He’s already backsliding, from what you’ve told me. How is he going to do if I can never go near him again? If I can’t work at the center with him? If I can’t even see him outside of the center if you or Dottie brought him home.”

“How is he going to do if you’re in jail for the rest of your life?” Drew barked back.

“That’s a chance I’m willing to take,” I said sternly. I wasn’t giving up on this.

“What if we’re not?” He softened his voice. “What if we don’t want you to take that chance?”

“Drew—” I knew what I had to say, but I didn’t know how to say it in a way that wasn’t going to hurt his feelings, possibly all their feelings. “—you don’t get a vote. I appreciate your friendship, and I hear what you’re saying, but I don’t have a choice. And neither do you. I have to do this. The only thing you really have a say in is… if you’re going to stand by me or not.”

All the fight went out of Drew in that moment. He looked crushed, hurt, worried… and defeated.

“Of course we’ll stand with you, Jess,” he finally answered. “I’m just going on record as not being a fan of this decision.”

“Duly noted.” I nodded.

He made an effort to stand a little straighter again and to look me in the eye. “But I’m always a fan of
you.
So… I’m here. I’ll support this decision, even if I don’t agree with it. I’ll help in any way I can.”

“Me too, Jesse,” Dottie added.

“And me.” Sara finally added her voice.

I was touched. I loved these people. I had never had friends like this before. Someone who’d stand by me even when they thought I was wrong.

“Thank you.” I smiled. “All of you. You don’t know how much that means to me.”

We stood like that for a moment until Drew broke the spell.

“Come on. Let’s go eat.” He grabbed my arm and started toward the car. “I’m starved.”

O
VER
THE
next several weeks, Kyle interviewed everyone on 3-B and most of the rest of the third-floor staff, as well as several miscellaneous personnel, just to be sure he had all his bases covered. He asked Sara to give him copies of all the documents we had mentioned and anything else he could think of, and he obtained an opposing affidavit from our psychologist, who had known Stevie since he was four, saying Stevie most certainly did not exhibit the symptoms of an abused child. She documented the remarkable change she had seen in Stevie in the last seven months. On her recommendation, Kyle reviewed and copied all the tapes documenting Stevie’s progress over the years, including footage of him drawing numerous
beautiful pictures of me dating back six years. He also watched the tapes that displayed what he was like in the weeks just before I arrived, which showed him drawing those disturbing pictures of me
before
I arrived.

I had no idea how to explain all that to a jury. Somehow I wasn’t so sure they were going to be open to the concept of Stevie being an empath, let alone us meeting in a forest in his mind.

S
TEVIE
WAS
having a difficult time of things at the center. We often couldn’t meet in the forest because I was so antsy I couldn’t sleep; but when we could, he didn’t want to leave. He was getting less and less sleep, and becoming more and more irritable. He was picking at his food again, complaining that it didn’t taste right, and was still losing weight.

None of that helped his control over his empathy. Drew said Stevie was losing ground pretty rapidly. He ripped and tore at his skin and banged his head, but nothing helped. He finally ran to his room and slithered under the bed.

“Steve—” Drew had tried to talk him out. “—come on, big guy; you need to come out.”

Stevie didn’t answer for a long time, but then finally simply said no.

“You can’t stay in here forever,” Drew tried to reason.

“Yes I can. I have to. I can’t go out there. Everyone is too loud. I need Bear.”

Drew talked to him for a long while, but Stevie didn’t say anything else. Finally Drew just reached under the bed and attempted to pull him out. Stevie didn’t like that. Drew came back to Dottie’s house sporting a huge scratch down his arm.

The next several days after that, Stevie didn’t even try to come out of his room. He got out of bed, crawled underneath it, and basically dared anyone to get him out. The staff finally started bringing his meals to his room and hoped he’d eat.

Every time I heard stories like that, I died a little more inside. But I didn’t want Dottie and Drew to keep it from me either. I just wished all of this was over.

Meanwhile we learned Mr. Liston was suing the center as well as pressing charges against me. He cited neglect and conspiracy to cover up facts, and specifically mentioned I had been hired without a background check. Sara carefully explained my first couple of days. How the first night was as a visitor and how she had run an expedited background check the next day. But Kyle said that even if the accusations weren’t true, they had an effect on our case.

“So basically,” Kyle explained, “even if nothing comes of the lawsuit later, the threat of it affects our case because now anything center personnel say will be seen as trying to cover the center’s reputation for their own lawsuit.”

“Our testimony will be seen as biased,” Sara said, to be sure she understood.

“Hell yes, I’m biased,” Dottie jumped in. “But it doesn’t have anything to do with a lawsuit against the center.”

Kyle smiled. “I don’t think admissions like that will really help our case.”

Mr. Liston was certainly busy through all of this. Not only was he suing the center and gearing up for my trial, but he managed to work my name into each of his public appearances along the campaign trail.

Kyle said the man was smart. While what he said was inflammatory, he never actually said anything that openly
slandered me. But man, it came close, and the public certainly was able to read between the lines. At every campaign stop, he spoke with variations on the theme.

“I’ll attempt to keep all of my appearance dates, but this sexual abuse trial to convict Jesse McKinnon for molesting my innocent baby could come up at any time. Even though I can’t really contribute much as a witness, I need to be present. I think it’s a duty of all of us to get pedophiles off the streets and keep our children safe.”

Dottie laid into Kyle the next time he came over to a meeting. “Kyle, come on. Surely that’s slander.”

He shook his head. “Technically, the objective of any case is to convict since all defendants are supposedly innocent until proven guilty. So it’s all on the prosecution. If they don’t do a good enough job, the defendant walks, guilty or not.”

“He basically called Jesse a child molester.”

“Well, the ‘molestation of Mr. Liston’s baby’ is the charge, albeit stated in overly sensational terminology, that the trial will be addressing. And it certainly
is
in all children’s best interest to get pedophiles off the street. Technically he never actually said Jesse was one.” He looked around the room at several angry or confused faces. “I’m filing every statement away, though. If he slips up and says anything openly slanderous, we’ll sue for defamation of character. I don’t know if the sheer volume of statements might lead to a prosecution of slander or not, but right now we don’t have a leg to stand on.”

The statements made by the popular gubernatorial candidate might not have been openly slanderous at this point, but the public was getting the message. I could hardly go anywhere without at least receiving hateful looks or not-quite-whispered remarks like “They shouldn’t let those kinds of people loose in the world” or “I can’t believe they don’t require him to have a chaperone. There are kids around.”

Somehow information was “leaked” to the press, so people knew a picture of me manhandling a naked child and a video of that child trying to resist were just a few things that would be presented in the trial. The newspapers and TV news shows all made a big deal of not being able to show them since they were evidence in an ongoing case. But they said that it was already public knowledge that the evidence existed, so they weren’t violating my right to an unbiased trial by talking about it.