What Love Looks Like (20 page)

“Have you slept
with him yet?” Kate asked.

        
“Ah!
I don’t want to hear this crap!” Max covered his ears with his hands and walked
away. I quickly looked around for my parents, who were nowhere in sight.

        
“No,”
I said loudly, hoping my brother heard from the other room. I simultaneously
hoped that my father wasn’t within earshot. “Not yet. But I’m planning to
tomorrow.”

        
“You’re
planning it?” my sister asked. “Does he know that?”

        
“No,
I’m just going to go for it. It’s been long enough.”

        
“Well,
good luck to you,” Emily said, as if I were headed to war.

        
“I’ve
got to go,” I said.

        
“We
just sat down,” Kate said.

        
“Yeah,
but I just remembered that I desperately need a bikini wax.”

        
I
scooped
up Luna, who’d fallen asleep on my lap after a tiring day of playing outside,
and called my salon from the car.
The
aesthetician
squeezed me in at the very end of her day for a full Brazilian, brow, and lip
wax. Afterwards I rushed home and painted my nails and buffed the soles of my
feet. I deep-conditioned my hair and packed a bag of goodies for our first
night together: satin nightie, lavender massage oil, and a condom—just in
case he didn’t have one.

The next day I
awoke ready to rock Ryan’s world. I was smooth as a baby’s bottom between my legs.
My hair was silky, and the dark circles under my eyes had faded. The Short
North was a nuthouse every day in the summer, and that morning was no
different. People started drinking early in the day, especially on holiday
weekends. From outside my window, I saw patios starting to fill up. It wasn’t
even noon, and the streets were already lined with eager faces. Luna and I
fought the masses and headed toward our car.

        
When
we arrived at Ryan’s three-story condo, Luna bounded through it with
enthusiasm, while Woody calmly observed her sniffing everything in sight in his
territory (and thankfully not marking anything as her own). Woody sniffed
Luna’s rear gently, which she allowed, and I was relieved to see that he was a
tender giant compared to my tiny ball of energy.

It was warm
outside, close to eighty degrees, and Ryan was in the kitchen peeking into his
refrigerator when I walked up to the second floor.

        
“Hi,
beautiful,” he said. I couldn’t recall if he’d called me that before, but I
liked it and hoped that he’d keep it up.

        
“Hi
there. Looks like the dogs are getting along famously.”

        
“I
knew they would.” He came to me and kissed my lips. “So you want to go have
some fun?”

        
“Sure.”
I wondered if he had in mind the same thing I did: the two of us naked between
his sheets.

        
“Aren’t
you even going to ask where we’re going?”

        
“No,
I trust you,” I said, to which he smiled.

        
We
let the dogs get a little more acquainted before putting them in two separate
rooms just for the short time that we were out. It was too soon to leave the
massive German shepherd alone with the tiny terrier. We hopped into Ryan’s car,
and he drove us east. We traveled about fifteen minutes and left urban living
for a rural oasis of green. There was something I loved about the country;
maybe it reminded me of home. We pulled up to a barn with a large sign that
read Carson’s Fruit Farm. I still hadn’t asked him where we were going.

“I thought we
would go berry picking,” he said.

        
“Oh.”
I was a little nervous. I hated doing anything that might make me look stupid,
and bending down in a fruit orchard wasn’t the quickest way to turn a man on.
Given my total lack of coordination, climbing through bushes to pick
raspberries qualified as foolish. I would have fared much better in a dark bar
over cocktails.

        
“What,
you don’t like fruit? They grow apples here too, but they’re not in season. I
thought we could make a berry pie later.”

It was so sweet
and innocent of him to come up with such an itinerary, and so refreshing to
have a plan for our afternoon that didn’t consist of alcohol and sex. And for
that reason, I chose to leave my ego at the door and pick berries as gracefully
as you could with two left feet.

I stumbled
through the tangled berry bushes, just adjacent to the apple orchard. I didn’t
take in at first how breathtaking the farm was because I was trying not to trip
on the roots of the glorious trees and bushes before me. The new crop of fruit
brought a sense of rebirth to the air. After filling two baskets with
raspberries, we wandered over to the apple orchard, completely ignoring the
signs that read APPLES NOT RIPE FOR PICKING. The sun was a rich amber color,
and the leaves had really filled in on the apple trees, which were covered in
tiny gold and red apples. The ground was littered with those that would never
make it to full maturity.

There were a few
other families at the farm with children, but due to the season they were all
near the berry bushes, leaving the apple orchard deserted. I weaved in and out
of the rows upon rows of apple trees and nearly lost sight of Ryan, who, at his
height, could reach the tops of some of the trees and inspect the unripe fruit.
I bit into one of the apples, which was still bitter and probably wouldn’t be
edible for another couple of months. It was still delicious in its own way and
reminded me of the time of year I so adored:
 
gorgeous fall that led into breathtaking winter. This was
the perfect outing for Ryan and me. And while it wasn’t official, he certainly
felt like my boyfriend.

“Taste one.
They’re good, just a little bit sour,” I said as he approached me.

Nodding in
agreement, he bit into a Gold Rush apple. “See, I told you this would be fun.”

        
“You
were right. And at first I didn’t want to come, but I’m glad we did. It’s
beautiful out here.”

        
“You’re
even more gorgeous in this light, if that’s possible.”

        
I
blushed. While he’d been nothing but a gentleman, he’d yet to get really sappy.
I smiled and looked away. He gently took me by the chin and pulled my face back
into line with his and kissed me sweetly on the lips. He tasted like the apple
he’d bit into, sweet and pure. Being with him during the day seemed to solidify
something, making our connection an actual relationship and not just a brief
affair that took place after the sun went down.

        
“I
am falling for you, Elle. I’m totally into you.”

        
“Oh,”
I said stupidly.

        
“I
just wanted you to know where I stand. There are no games here like with the
last guy. I want to be with you, and only you.”
        
I had butterflies in
my stomach, and I was sure my cheeks were flushed. I was silent for a moment,
just savoring the silence and the natural surroundings.

        
 
“Are you going to give me anything back?”
he asked, chuckling.

        
“Yes,
yes. I’m sorry. I’m into you too. I’m so glad you brought me here.” I looked
around.

        
“So
can I call you my girlfriend? And no more secrecy at work? I want everyone to
know I’m with you.”

        
“Um,
yes. I mean, I think. That would be—good.”

        
I
was happy and I knew I needed to consummate the relationship right then and there.
I leaned in to kiss him, and he pulled me close by the back as he often did. I
clumsily dropped my basket of berries, and he set his down gracefully beside
it. No one was around for at least half a mile. He backed me up into one of the
apple trees and continued kissing me, running his hand up and down my side,
holding me tight all the while.

His largeness made
me feel small, which I liked since I wasn’t an especially tiny person. He was a
good kisser, and his stubble brushed against my neck, which gave me goose bumps
despite the warm weather. He leaned into me, full-on body-to-body contact, and
I felt his enormous erection through his shorts, which made me want him even
more. I reached down to grab him, surprising him when I maintained a grip for
several moments. He must have known I wanted him because he reached up my shirt
and caressed me over my bra. His touch was delightful and tender.

        
I
reached inside his black boxer briefs and took hold of him, softly stroking him
up and down; all the while our lips never parted. He moaned with pleasure and
then pulled me closer by my rear end. I lifted my leg up onto the lowest
branch, knocking a few baby apples off the tree. I hadn’t anticipated our first
time would be in an apple orchard, but I imagined that it would make for a good
story that we’d both remember forever. It was apropos too since our budding
relationship was growing, just as the apple crop was. I was vaguely nervous
that we’d be spotted even though no one was in sight. Sex wasn’t something I’d
ever done in public, and I wanted to see what it would be like to have him
inside me, there in the serenity and beauty of the orchard.

Seconds later I
freed his erection from his pants. I slid off my underwear and tossed it aside.
We were so close now, and in those last few seconds I realized that we weren’t
just having sex, we were making love. Then I put him inside me. He moaned, and
so did I. It felt so right. We weren’t drunk, and it wasn’t a hotel. Being in
nature felt so wonderfully primal. He was bigger than anyone that I’d ever been
with, and I loved the way he felt inside me. I felt connected to him and could
focus on just the two of us instead of having my mind drift into insecurities
or “what ifs.”

A moment later
we lay on the ground, and he stealthily pulled a condom out of his wallet and
slid it on before penetrating me again. We kept kissing, and he’d occasionally
move his lips to my neck, kissing me firmly. He put a deep, intense pressure on
my overly sensitive neck, taking the experience to another level. I felt
enveloped in his arms, engulfed beneath him. I felt protected in a way that was
brand new to me, and I couldn’t think about anything else other than where I
was and what I was doing. It was the closest I’d ever come to meditation; my
mind was so clear.

After about five
minutes, we intermittently whispered one another’s names. He plunged in and out
of me in a way that was somehow sensitive, as if he were trying not to break me
but also striving to deliver me to new heights of pleasure. And he was
succeeding on both accounts. He told me how much he’d loved being so close to
me. We gazed into one another’s eyes for several minutes. My attraction for him
grew tenfold, and I watched him climax, his face twisting in the throes of
pleasure. I came one second after he did, and he kissed me as I finished all
over him. We lay on the ground for a few moments in silence, looking up through
the apple trees and into the vivid, hot sun. It was surreal and it was perfect.

“That was
unbelievable,” he said.

        
“It
was.”

        
He
took my hand, and we walked dizzily through the rows of apple trees, through
the berry bushes, and back toward the common area. Both silent, we got into the
car, and he kissed me for another few minutes before we headed back home.

        
“I
didn’t take you there just to have sex with you. I hope you know that,” Ryan
said. One hand was on the wheel and the other gripped mine.

        
“I
know. But it was awesome.”

        
We
got back to Ryan’s house and played with the dogs, who became fast friends. It
was still the early afternoon, and Ryan and I were in the state of postcoital
bliss I’d hoped for. He had all the ingredients for sangria, so I concocted
some from a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc, fresh fruit, and a splash of orange
liqueur. As I made the drinks, Ryan prepared a large piece of salmon for a late
lunch. We lazily set the table outside, kissing each time we passed one
another. We nibbled at our fish and sipped our white wine outside on his deck,
which overlooked his neighborhood’s community courtyard. His place was modern,
cozy, and spacious. It had become a sanctuary for me, and I was secretly
grateful to him for allowing me to get away from downtown every now and then.

“I love it
here,” I said. “It’s so nice and peaceful—very unlike the Short North.”

        
“You
should come over more often.” He smiled and sipped his wine.

        
“Well
our schedules conflict with that. Otherwise I would.”

        
“I’ll
give you a key,” he said nonchalantly.

        
I
nearly choked on my salmon. “A key? Isn’t it a little soon for that?”