What Caroline Wants (9 page)

Piper was a genius.

After a few more scoops, Piper lowered her spoon and crossed her forearms. “Okay. So I need you to be extremely clear with me here. You only want to have sex with your husband, right? Meaning his penis is the only penis for you?”

Caroline nodded and felt a blush rising on her cheeks.

“But in your fantasy, you watch another couple go at it first, but in order to come, you need a little extra something-something from the gallery?” She put her fingers together about an inch apart. “Just a little.”

“I guess.” Caroline gave a noncommittal shrug. “But, honestly, I think I may have spoken a little too prematurely. It’s not sitting right with me now that I’m hearing it relayed back to me. I think I made a mistake by making this a big deal. Daydreams are just that—
dreams
. They don’t need to be made into reality. Plenty of women and men have dreams that they never act on. I’m being silly even bringing this up. Just forget I said anything. This is so embarrassing.” She waved her hand and dug the spoon back into the carton.

Piper shook her head. “You’re not being silly at all. That’s your guilt talking. But I get it, I do. If it makes you feel any better, I don’t think you’re ready to jump into anything…yet. But I have to tell you”—Piper lifted her own spoon off the counter and dipped it back into the ice cream—“what you’re telling me you need is very small on the ‘experimental level’ of sexcapades. If you decide you want to try something like that down the line, and can work through some of the emotional issues ahead of time, my suggestion is to go and watch
only
. Come home, see how you feel. Remember, baby steps are key—super, tiny, cute baby steps. That’s the ticket to sexual happiness, and don’t forget it.” She popped the spoon into her mouth and licked her lips. “
Mmm
, this ice cream is
so
good,” she said around a full bite. “How did I not ever try it until I met you?”

Caroline chuckled. “It’s a Southern thing.” She took another bite for herself and savored the flavor. Once she was done, she set her spoon down. “Okay, I hear what you’re saying, and I don’t mean to be rude, but if Jace and I decided this
was
something we wanted to investigate more fully—in the much-distant future—who would we connect with to do it? I love you and Michael to death, but I…it would never be with someone we know. There isn’t exactly a 1-800 number for this, so I’m not sure how to progress.”

Piper snorted. “Actually, there are 1-800 numbers coming out of the woodwork. But I have no idea who uses them. Too freaky for me, because you have no idea what you’re getting yourself into. But don’t worry, I have contacts. When Michael and I entered into this, we sort of got an unexpected magical ticket into the sexual underground. From there, you quickly find all these other couples who share the same lifestyle. It makes it less scary—
and squicky
—at the same time. I’d probably have you meet Emma and Pete first. They are this awesome, well-adjusted couple who love each other. They’ve been doing this for years and years and seem to have no issues that we can ever detect with their lifestyle choice. They live totally guilt-free. We’ve only met one other couple, through them, and that was enough for us. But they have a lot of contacts, depending on what you like.”

Caroline knew how Piper and Michael had met Emma and Pete. It was one of the things Jace had shared from his lunch with Michael.

“Emma is drop-dead gorgeous,” Piper continued. “Long, red hair. Creamy, perfect skin. She’s flawless. Pete is blond and looks like a surfer, only cuter. They’re in their mid-twenties, like you guys, but they have a great hippie vibe.” Piper and Michael were in their early thirties. “We joke that in their past lives they met at Woodstock. They swear they’ve both been into the free-love movement since birth. They’re a perfect match and will take it slow with you. They will also totally dig you and Jace. A good-looking, normal couple in love is a triple threat.”

Caroline honestly couldn’t believe she was having this conversation.

Or that she’d actually confided her deepest sexual desires to Piper.

But it had been good to purge, even though it was beyond strange that having this conversation was starting to feel normal.

The next step would be to tell Jace, and that wouldn’t be as easy.

He’d been all for them venturing into sexual experimentation, but she’d seen the way he’d looked at Piper that night—involving other couples wasn’t his true desire. In fact, she had no idea what his true desires were. Jace always seemed focused on her needs and pleasure, above his own. He’d never really told her what
he
wanted. Caroline turned toward Piper. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” Piper answered. “That’s what I’m here for. To answer your burning sexual questions and to consume this delicious ice cream.” She took another spoonful.

“How did you know that what you wanted sexually would work with what Michael wanted? Did you tell him outright? Didn’t you worry that if you told him what you wanted he might think you’re…somehow off?”

Piper chuckled as she set her spoon down. “I’d have to profess to enjoying sex with cadavers for him to think I was
off
.” At Caroline’s shocked expression, Piper laughed even harder. “Don’t worry, that’s not my thing. I was just trying to give you perspective. Michael is far dirtier than I am, and up for much more. But you asked a good question. The answer is, I didn’t even know what I wanted until I saw it for the first time. And when I did, Michael was there. I guess you could call it serendipitous that I found out the easy way.”

“Did you realize you might need something more before then?”

“No, not really. Not until I saw it. Our sex life had started to drag a bit. We’d dated four years before we got hitched, so we were five years in. It wasn’t bad, but it was working its way to becoming kind of boring. Strip down, ass up in the air, or reverse cowgirl, and wham, bam, thank you, ma’am. It was fun, and I love having sex with my husband, but it didn’t feel
new
anymore. It wasn’t until I saw him chatting up this girl at a party that it hit me. She was rubbing herself all over him, and then, like a lightning bolt, I knew what really got me hot. It was just lucky that he was as into it as well, but if not, who knows?” She shrugged. “I’m sure we never would’ve come this far if he hadn’t been into it. And if we both didn’t continue to get something out of it, we wouldn’t stay in this lifestyle. But we do, so we do. How’s that for waxing poetic?”

“I’m worried about that,” Caroline confessed. “I don’t think the sharing thing is for Jace. But he did say that seeing another couple might be…interesting.” It was her turn to chuckle. What Jace thought was interesting and what she did were likely two different animals. “I just don’t know how to
tell
him without sounding like some kind of horrible woman who doesn’t think her husband is enough.”

Piper swished her hand in the air in dismissal. “Are you kidding me? Jace knows he’s enough. The way you two look at each other is nothing short of sigh-worthy. You guys have always been super connected. He’ll understand this, and in fact, I believe he already knows. From the bit of information he shared with Michael, he knows you want something more. Just keep the discussion open, and you’ll be fine. And, like I’ve said the entire time,
baby steps
.”

“You don’t have to worry about that. I don’t think I’m actually at
steps
yet. I think I’m still crawling.”

7

__________________________

____________

J
ace raised his wine glass. “I propose a toast,” he said. “To the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.”

Caroline brought her glass up, a small blush dotting her cheekbones. She clinked her glass with his and murmured a quiet thank-you and took a sip.

Jace had tried everything he could think of to ease Caroline out of her shell, but nothing had worked. He was trying not to be worried, but he was anyway.

They were seated in a secluded booth in one of their favorite restaurants. Jace had been lucky to snag a reservation at the last minute. A variety of small tasting plates were arrayed on the table, along with a nice, chilled bottle of Pinot.

Caroline had picked at her food, favoring the wine.

Jace had come home from work to find her soaking in the bathtub. She had apologized for not answering the phone, citing her long day and exhaustion. She’d readily agreed to go to dinner, however, and had seemed upbeat about their date as they’d gotten ready.

But once they’d arrived, she’d been on the quiet side, keeping the conversation low-key. Mostly about work and the new garden she wanted to start.

Jace took a sip of his wine and set the glass back on the table. “Care, you’re going to have to talk to me at some point.” Jace leaned over the braised brussels sprouts, one of her favorite dishes, which she’d hardly touched, and took her hand. “I know you’re still upset about the swing incident, but I thought we ironed it all out. You know I hate it when you’re upset. Please tell me what’s going on. You’re killing me here.”

Caroline straightened and casually glanced around. Jace followed her gaze, wondering who she was worried about overhearing them. No one was near their table. They were in a corner and the waiter was across the room. “It’s not the swing incident,” Caroline said, almost too softly for him to hear.

“Then what is it?”

“I’ve been…” She broke his grip on her hand, pulling it back, and grabbed for her water, then took a long drink. He waited for her to finish, more worry creeping in. “I’ve been thinking a lot this week.”

“About what? Us?”

“Yes.” She nodded. “All this focus on our sex life is making me crazy. To be frank, it’s been occupying my mind day and night. I can’t seem to stop thinking about it, so I understand we need to discuss it. I just haven’t been ready. This has been hard for me…” she trailed off.

Jace read her face and her concern. “Care, please, I don’t want you to worry about this anymore. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. If you hate the room downstairs, I’ll put it back to normal. It’s not an issue. I don’t want you to feel any more pressure about this.”

“That’s not it.” She looked pained as she picked up her fork and idly stabbed at the food on her plate. He waited. She was obviously having a hard time getting out what was bothering her. Finally, she glanced up at him and gave him a tentative smile. “It’s just…I’ve been thinking about things between us and have gone back and forth in my mind a million times…about what I think I want…and…” She trailed off once again, so Jace moved even closer, scooting forward until his upper body was almost flat against the table.

This wasn’t exactly the place to have an intimate discussion.

“Just tell me what’s going on,” he urged her. “I can help you. Seeing you like this is making me miserable. Honestly, I take all the blame. I’m the one who did this to us. I half-wanted to experiment, but really, I was just trying to get you riled up and hot like you were a few days before I brought home the swing.”

“Well, you succeeded in your mission to get me horny.” Her face flushed. “And by doing so, it made me realize some things. I think you already know what I’m about to tell you.”

“What do I already know?” Jace prodded, trying to keep the stress out of his voice. He hoped he succeeded, because otherwise Caroline would likely drop this discussion altogether. She hated to see him distressed almost as much as he hated seeing her.

“That I might need…more”—she cleared her throat—“things to ramp up my fulfillment.” Caroline’s cheekbones were on fire at her admission, and she ducked her head, taking her fork to her plate again. Before he could soothe her, she continued, eyes on the table. “I’ve been tossing it around in my mind, and really, I don’t think we really need to go…
elsewhere
. I might need something a little extra to increase my enjoyment, but I think…we can be creative at home. Then, over time, we can try to ease back to normal. I just…I just have to work through this emotional place I’m in and move on. But once I do,” she finished quickly, “and get all the thoughts out of my head, I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

Back to normal
.

He didn’t want that.

Jace had always been such a proponent of experimentation. He’d brought his wife to new heights over time, and their marriage was better for it. He was deeply affected by her admission and knew it had taken every ounce of strength she had to tell him that she needed more. “Caroline, sweetheart, we don’t have to decide anything now. I’m open to wherever you want to take us down the line. If you want to try something you’ve been thinking about, or if you change your mind, it’s up to you. Where you go, I’ll follow. There’s no need to make any decisions about anything now.”

“That’s the problem, I think,” she whispered, stabbing at her food. “Your ‘okay with everything’ answer makes me feel crazy. I feel like a pervert for even
having
these thoughts, and you seem to have no real issues or desires that need to be addressed at all. Why is that?” She finally lifted her eyes to his. “Why has this entire thing become only about me and my pleasure…my
issues
? Why aren’t we discussing your sexual pleasure and what it is
you
need?”

She had a good point.

He sat back, thinking. Finally, he answered, “I get off on your pleasure. When you find your thing, it makes me feel out of control.” He rested his elbows on the table. “When we first started dating, you were incredibly closed off and almost uninterested in sex. You became my favorite puzzle. One I had to complete. And each time I fit together another piece, it was incredibly satisfying. It continues to be the best puzzle of my life.”