Werewulf Journals 3: Hungry Pleasures (24 page)

He dropped to his knees, spine shifting as his tail plumed up. Undergoing the

lightning-quick changes rippling over his body, Pavel shrugged off the last vestiges of pseudo-humanity. Shaking himself out of his clothes, he reveled in this strong, healthy, lupine body, nose quivering with the scents pouring in a steady stream of information.

Pavel loved this true form, loved the flex and power of his four limbs -- reveled in the intensity and clarity of perception available to him as the wulf. Throwing back his head, he howled in joy, issuing an invitation he knew his brothers would not hear, for the walls of his den were soundproofed. Which was a good thing, since Kaila was screaming her head off.

She had scrambled way back on the bed, drawing her legs up as far as she could tuck

them. The whites of her eyes showed all around the chocolaty brown of her irises and she continued to scream until Pavel feared his ears would start bleeding.

He had to do something to derail her fear, or risk losing her, driving her away forever.

With a lupine sigh, he morphed back to skin form. Coming to his feet, he held up both hands, palms facing out signaling surrender. In truth, he’d surrendered his heart long ago.

Raising his voice over her screams he shouted, “Kaila! Kaila, stop yelling for a minute and listen to me!”

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The wulf’s hearing wasn’t as good or as efficient as its olfactory system, but the sense was more acute than that of humans. Kaila’s loudly voiced protests were hell on his sensitive aural channels. He thanked the moon when her high-pitched cries shut down midscream

and blessed silence reigned.

He wanted to go to her, wrap her in his arms, and reassure her he would never hurt

her. The wild look in her eyes convinced Pavel to give her space. Holding out one hand, he attempted a smile. “I won’t hurt you. I swear it.”

“Stay away from me!” Sighing, he stayed where he was, bemused at how small a bundle

Kaila had managed to squeeze her plus-sized body into.

“You’re being ridiculous and you know it. There’s no way in hell you can convince me

you believe I’d lay a fang on you. I love you.”

“What can you know of love? You’re a monster!”

The breath caught in his throat, threatened to choke. The venom with which she spoke

was real. She meant what she said. Pavel’s shoulders slumped. “What’s your definition of a monster, then? Because to me, a monster is someone who could walk past a homeless man sleeping in the snow and not cover him with their coat.”

Eyes awash with burning tears, voice clogged with the pain of dying hope, he met her

wide-eyed gaze. “Monsters can look at the faces of starving children and then sit down to a full plate and never give them another thought.”

All the strength left him and he collapsed to the floor, arms wrapped around his middle as he curled into a ball. His eyes flooded and he did nothing to hide his tears, swamped by the vision of empty years stretching out before him as barren and bleak as a desert landscape.

He wanted to shift, to change into the wulf and slink away to lick his wounds, but he feared they were heart wounds -- the kind that even time could not cure. Keeping his head bowed, he murmured in a slow, faltering voice, “All I know of love is what you’ve taught me…to be gentle in the face of insults, to give in the face of fear. You love so courageously, I’d hoped you’d be brave enough to…”

Feeling a thousand years old, Pavel dragged his body to an upright position, turning to face the bed and the quivering mound of flesh that was his beloved. She was so beautiful, so vibrant…and he was nothing more than a cowardly wulf, so afraid to face his mother’s

rightful hatred he’d willingly endured over twenty years of self-exile. Kaila deserved better than that and damn it, she was right to call him a monster. If it didn’t hurt so much, he’d laugh at how he’d deluded himself into thinking this thing between them could have a

happy ending.

“My apologies, Kaila, you are correct in labeling me a monster, unworthy of you.” His hand shook as he reached up to brush his hair out of his face. Strengthening his resolve, he drew in a deep breath, forcing back the renewed surge of tears. He couldn’t bear to meet her gaze as he made his next promise. “I will not force my presence upon you any longer. You will need to remain here, in these rooms until I can find a suitable trainer with which to Werewulf Journals 3: Hungry Pleasures

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exchange clients. But do not worry,” he hastened to add, catching her agitated movement in his peripheral vision, “I shall remove myself to the office complex…there are a few small rooms where I can --” He broke off, unable to resist a quick under-the-lashes glance at Kaila.

“Well, you probably do not care about all that except to know I will not bother you here.”

He backed away slowly, reluctantly…wondering if the leaden weight in his chest

would ever lighten. Pausing, he took one long last sorrowful look at the woman he would have done anything to keep at his side. Anything but force her against her will. The last bittersweet glance because he knew he couldn’t trust himself to leave her be, let her go. He had to cut the connection between them completely or run the risk of one day forcibly making her his.

He shuddered, mind rebelling at the thought he would ever behave in such a

dishonorable way, but he didn’t fool himself. Kaila was in his blood, her scent in his nostrils.

The years ahead loomed doubly empty for he knew now she was his true-bond mate. He’d

never love another…and though the option was his, he’d never take a female to mate simply for progeny. Just the thought of siring a pup that didn’t have Kaila’s eyes, her creamy, dark complexion, made him sick with disgust and longing. Groaning, he wrenched open the door, desperate to get away from the pain ripping him in two. He didn’t look back, couldn’t bear it.

“Goodbye.”

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Camille Anthony

Almond Joy

Kaila stared at the door through which Pavel had just exited, mind whirling with a

thousand impressions, wildly insane thoughts, and visions.

How much of what I think I saw is real and how much just the fevered imaginings of

my twisted mind? She was in no position to take her own sanity for granted. After all, no one could say her screws weren’t loose…she had a gaping hole where memories should be. Still, memory loss was one thing…seeing a man turn into a wolf and back again a totally different ball of wax. It couldn’t be possible…could it?

But what if it was possible? What if everything she’d seen -- her boyfriend morphing

into a beast human nightmares were made of -- had been reality and not a figment of her imagination? What should she do? Her first instinct, to run screaming a warning to the other clients, died a quick death. Imagining the looks on the listeners’ faces had Kaila quickly discarding that idea. Who would believe a word of her bizarre story? She barely believed it and she had witnessed it.

Rocking her body back and forth, seeking the comfort of the soothing rhythmic

motion, Kaila closed her eyes and sank into her healing, peaceful place. With a startled cry, she jerked upright, eyes snapping open as shock rocketed through her. Chaotic thoughts zipped and zinged, refusing her attempts at organizing them into some kind of lucid process.

Pavel was there…in her mind’s sanctuary. His smiling image gazing at her, the love in his eyes so bright, so obvious it lit the golden landscape of her mind. Here, where she ran for safety, she found his beloved essence, embedded in her heart’s core.

How…? How had he managed to infiltrate her last defenses, slip under her guard like a clandestine thief without her knowledge? She had thought the path to her heart more closely guarded, locked behind steel plates to keep out the promise of pain.

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From that first morning she’d wakened alone in her bed, Kaila had known her

emotions of desire and admiration were deepening into something frightening and

potentially devastating. She’d fought her way up from a depression ruled life to the rare binging to the point of physical discomfort. If Pavel failed to love her back, she feared that world might crumble, returning her to the time she did more than punish her body with food…

The following days had done nothing to lessen the love growing inside her. Taking

courage in hand, she’d decided to love him, despite the risk. And by his caring words and actions, Pavel had seemed set on the same journey into uncharted territory.

With his revelation, everything had changed…and yet, nothing had changed. In all the

upheaval of learning his secret, the truth of her love for him remained. In the blink of an eye -- faster, actually -- she’d become prey. Primal and genetically ingrained, the ancient fear of the beast -- of the wolf, struck deep, drove all else but survival from her mind.

Now her mind’s camera -- clinically analytical now that her instinctual fear had

lessened -- presented a picture of Pavel as he’d shifted before her, eyes pleading for her understanding. At first glance, he’d looked so imposing, so determined to confront her with the knowledge of his true nature. Only now, alone in a room where she’d witnessed the impossible, been privy to a miracle, did she realize he’d also looked frightened, scared to death she would react just as she had.

Kaila clutched at the bedding as she questioned her reaction to her lover’s bombshell.

Of course she’d been frightened…who wouldn’t have been? Pavel’s declaration, his

changing, had been shocking and fantastical and her fear had been visceral, unavoidable.

She’d had no time to prepare. Hell, let’s be honest, girl…all the time in the world wouldn’t have prepared me for that!

“Okay, Kaila, let’s look at this logically. Your boyfriend is a werewolf. On the negative side --” She raised a finger. “-- he’s a freaking werewolf! He probably howls at the moon, chases rabbits, and sheds, for god’s sake.”

Kaila, you’re talking to yourself!

“…and he’s got me talking to myself…not like that’s any crazier than what I’m

contemplating now!” She ran her fingers through her hair, questioning her remaining sanity.

“Okay, on the plus side…he seems to be tame. And if there’s one thing I know as sure

as the sun will rise even if I’m not here to see it, I know Pavel loves me. He’s not only okay with my fat, blubbery body, it actually makes him hard.”

Kaila’s fingers relaxed. Dropping her head back to the pillow, she started to chuckle.

Seconds later, she was rolling across the mattress as her mirth brimmed over, spilled out. She did some howling of her own, laughing so hard that tears came to her eyes. “So Pavel’s a wolf… I’ve always said most men are dogs and we women have been putting up with them

since forever. Aren’t dogs and wolves in the same family? What woman in her right mind would reject a man who likes extra pounds just because he can get furry?”

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Her laughter died down to the occasional hiccupping snort and Kaila turned on her

back, stared at the ceiling through moist eyes. He’d looked majestic as a wolf -- damned big, wild, and fierce -- every inch a fearsome predator, but she wasn’t his prey, would never be prey to him. Pavel would gnaw off his own leg before he hurt her. And really, his condition was no worse than if he suffered from some sort of handicap or a family disease he couldn’t control…

“I can’t believe I’m doing this!” Kaila muttered to herself, throwing off the blanket she’d been twisting between her fingers. Swinging her legs off the bed, she padded over to her dresser and pulled a new set of clothes out, dressing with frantic haste.

“Besides, that beast owes me an orgasm,” she complained, heading through the airy

parlor on her way to the front door. “We’ll just see about him storming out on me…!”

* * * * *

Pavel, trying to keep his mind off his misery by working on some long-delayed

paperwork, lifted his head, heartbeat beginning to pound a drum-like cadence in his chest.

The voice sounded like Kaila but it couldn’t be, could it…? If so, she’d taken the effort to find out his full name.

“Pavel! You get your mangy hide out here this instant!”

It was her!

Almost overturning the desk in his mad scramble for the door, Pavel felt his lips

spreading into a wide, disbelieving grin. Standing in the lobby, arms akimbo and fists resting on her broad hips was Kaila, rimmed in the brilliant light of the early afternoon sun, hollering at the top of her voice…hollering for him!

“Kaila…?” He skidded to a halt in the doorway, breath coming in hard huffs as his

lungs labored to catch up to his body’s need. Inwardly giving thanks, he closed his eyes on a prayer. Oh, blessed Moon, thank you! I will strive every day of my life to be worthy of your great gift!

Pavel opened his eyes and met her heated gaze with what he hoped was studied

nonchalance. “Kaila, why are you here? Didn’t you say everything that needed saying in the bedroom?”

He may have been able to fool everyone with outward appearances, but inside, he

waited breathlessly for her answer, pulse racing, heat running just under his skin. All were signs of imminent shifting -- except he’d never been further from the change. This torrid rush of energy pouring through bone and sinew was his body’s instant response to the mere presence of the mate predestined for him since the dawn of time.

A mystifying smile playing about her full lips, Kaila sneered, “Oh, I’m not here to talk, you pussy-teasing bastard.”

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“Huh?”

Her bold behavior, so unlike his normally shy woman, shocked Pavel speechless.

Usually, she found it uncomfortable to mention anything sexual in mixed company, but now she stood right in the middle of the busy hall, shouting loudly enough for all to hear her risqué words.

In his peripheral vision, he saw several trainers peek around their cubicle wall,