Wellesley Wives (New England Trilogy) (46 page)

Lily started to cry and Emily sat down and wrapped her arms around her. “I’m sorry I was so harsh, Lil, but you’re not thinking straight. I don’t know what you see in this guy, but you have to trust me. He’s not the one for you.’

“You don’t understand. I can’t pull out now. Dad is dead, Sandra is heartbroken, and I’ve committed to Jack. I can’t go back. If I do, Dad will have died for nothing. I will have destroyed Sandra’s marriage for nothing. And as for Jack? I know you don’t think so, but he loves me. Really, he does. He just doesn’t want kids.”

“I guess we all make mistakes as we plod along through life, but the point is, when we realize we’ve screwed up, or we just come to the conclusion that something isn’t working, the plan should be to fix it. You didn’t kill your dad. He had a heart problem.”

“I darn well didn’t help.”

“And what about the collapse of his business? And his lifestyle? No, you have to let that go. Your dad was the captain of his own ship. But here’s the thing. You’re the captain of yours, not Jack. You have to do a lot of soul-searching and decide if you want kids or not. If you do, you have to get out.”

“Maybe I could live without children,” Lily said without conviction.

“Yeah, and maybe I could live without wine. But I don’t want to. I love wine and for the record, even with all my complaining, I love my kids, too. They make sense of life. Don’t sell yourself short.”

“Don’t talk to me about selling short.” Lily groaned. She’d gotten into serious trouble at work after her very unprofessional conduct. The HR department had phoned her about her high level of absenteeism, and even Mr. Jones had called her. He expressed his “concern” about her apparent lack of focus. Lily had tried to assure him that she was going through some particularly extraneous circumstances, but he didn’t sound convinced. He even went so far as to suggest that a less stressful role in the company might be attractive to her if things other than work were occupying her time. Matt’s warning rang in her ears. Was a job offer in the Antarctic in the cards? She knew she was going to get a demotion if she didn’t step up to her responsibilities, but she just couldn’t find the motivation.

Emily got to her feet again, but this time she pulled Lily by the hand. “Stand up.”

“What are you doing?” Lily laughed and got up with reluctance.

Emily looked around the room. “Where is there a mirror in this place?”

“What do you want a mirror for?”

“Just tell me where we can find a full-length mirror.”

“In the bedroom. Why?”

“Come on, I want to show you something.” She pulled Lily along as she might do with her own kids, until they got to the promised full-length mirror. Then Emily made Lily stand in front of it. “Now, tell me what you see.”

Lily dropped her gaze to the floor and pulled her sweater sleeves down over her hands. She tried to turn away. “Oh, Emily, can’t we just sit down and talk?”

But Emily held Lily’s shoulders firmly and made her square up to the mirror. “Humor me. Just tell me what you see.”

Lily took in an enormous lungful of air for support. There was no way she was going to get away from Emily, so she may as well go through with this crazy game.

“I see a woman with bullfrog-bloated eyes and hair that needs a good wash. You know, I am kind of mess, now that I look at myself.”

“Look deeper. I’m serious, Lily. What do you see?”

Lily studied her reflection a bit more seriously this time.

“Look deeper,” Emily said again.

Lily tried to. She ignored the puffy eyes and the straggly hair and looked at herself from the top of her head down to the chipped nail polish on her toes. Her pedicure needed redoing. She was not taking very good care of herself. Slowly she looked back up her body again until she was staring into her own eyes. They looked back at her.

“Empty,” she whispered.

Emily softened her grip on Lily’s shoulders but kept her looking at the mirror. “Good girl.” She spoke softly. “That’s good. Now, tell me, what else do you see?”

“Lost, hurt, stupid, stupid, stupid.” She started to cry again.

Emily turned Lily around and hugged her. “There, there, it’s okay, Lily. This is all going to pass. I know you don’t believe me, but things will improve, I promise.”

“How can you say that? How do you know?”

“I just know.” She took Lily by the hand and brought her back out to the sofa where she picked up her wine glass. “You did really well. I’m proud of you.”

“What was that?”

“I saw Dr. Phil do it one time. Evidently it makes you face yourself or something like that, but here’s the thing: you said you were empty and lost.”

“And stupid.”

“Yeah, well, I’m going to ignore that part because we both know you’re not stupid. A little misguided, maybe, but not stupid. So my question to you is, if Jack is the right guy, why are you feeling lost and empty?”

The question hung in the air as they sat in silence for a moment. Then Emily said, “A good relationship with anybody, not just your lover, should make you feel good about yourself. You should feel secure. Take you and me, for example. Okay, we’re not lovers, but as friends we build each other up. We support each other and care for each other. You should have that times ten with the love in your life. I don’t think Jack builds you up, I think he undermines you, and to be honest, over the last twelve months, I think he’s eaten away at your self-confidence to the extent that you’re now lost and empty. Your words, not mine.”

Lily sat back, deep into the cushions with her knees up to her chest and her arms clasped around them, while Emily sat on the edge.

“You know what I see? I see a beautiful, young, intelligent woman with her whole life ahead of her. I see a woman who
should
have children with a man who wants them, too. I see a woman who’s being exploited and destroyed by the man she loves. He’s toxic. You have to break free. I’ll help you, but you have to cut loose from Jack.”

“Seriously? After all the damage I’ve done, you think I should just throw in the towel and give up?’

“You’re not giving up. You’re fixing.”

“What about Sandra?”

“Stop thinking about everyone else. Focus on you.”

“And Dad?”

“Hello. We’ve been over this. Just tell me you’ll think about what I’ve said. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Tell me about today.” She sat back.

For the first time all night, Lily smiled.

“It really was wonderful. Matt’s a good friend.”

“Isn’t he?”

“That’s all he is, you know. We’re just good friends.”

“Lily Power, did you just use that line? Are you for real?”

“But it’s true. Did you know he’s going to Hong Kong?”

“Yeah, and I know you think he’s too young for you. Too bad. Anyway, tell me about your day.”

Lily had slept in because she’d cried herself to sleep after her fight with Jack. He didn’t take all of his stuff, but it felt a lot like a breakup. He’d insisted it wasn’t. He was just giving her space to decide whether she wanted to move forward or not.

Her phone woke her after eight, and it was Matt.

“Have you guys made plans yet?” he’d asked, full of enthusiasm.

“Morning, Matt,” was all she managed. “Us guys?”

“You and Natasha. Because I have an idea. Can you meet me down at the marina in about two hours?”

“What are you talking about?” She wasn’t fully awake yet, and nothing he said was making sense.

“Guess you really were asleep. The marina in the harbor you can see from your apartment.”

“Oh, that marina. Why? Do you have a boat down there?” Everybody knew the price to dock in Boston’s downtown marina was sky-high, and she’d never heard Matt mention a boat before.

“I’m not telling you anything yet. Just get yourself and Natasha down to the clubhouse at, shall we say, ten-thirty?”

She and Natasha gulped down a quick breakfast and then went back to Cliff Road to check on Matilda and get word from Ireland. There was still no sign Popsy and Sandra would be home any time soon. Finally, they took a quick detour out to Weston to get Natasha some warmer clothes. By the time they reached Matt, they were already half an hour behind schedule.

“I’m so sorry we’re late. We had to go out to Weston, among other things—”

Matt put his hand up. “Hey, no problem. I had stuff to do here anyway.”

He was so laid-back. Lily had never seen him riled.

“Are we going out on the water, Matt?” Natasha asked, full of excitement. She ran at him and hugged his thigh.

“We are, doll,” He laughed and tried to hug her back.

Lily froze in her tracks.

“Everything okay?” he asked. “You look like you just saw a ghost.”

She nodded. “It’s just that Dad used to call Mom doll. It’s silly, really. I just hadn’t heard anybody else use that expression since, well, Dad.”

He touched her arm. “Sorry, Lily. I didn’t mean anything by it. It’s just that Natasha looks like a doll. She’s such a cutie.”

Lily tried to pull herself together. “No, I’m the one who’s sorry. I’m still a little shaky about it.”

“Of course you are,” he said. “It’s gonna take time. I lost my dad a decade ago, and I still miss him.”

“Do you?”

Matt shrugged again and turned his attention to Natasha, who was still hanging on to his leg like it was a tree trunk. Natasha squealed with laughter as he used his “big bad bear” voice to thrill her even more. Lily watched them play together and felt bad it wasn’t Jack. She felt guilty, too, that she didn’t know about Matt’s father. There was a lot about him she didn’t know, and she wasn’t going to discover much more now that he was leaving.

Within half an hour, Matt had them out in the middle of Boston Harbor. It was busy, even though it was pretty cold. Lily and Natasha had come prepared with plenty of layers on, so they didn’t feel the chill. And besides, the sun was glorious. Natasha was scared at first, but then she got into it. She got to sit next to Matt as he steered.

Matt explained that the boat belonged to his brother who’d just had the baby, and he’d told Matt he could use it on the condition he was careful.

There was a room downstairs with a kitchen, a little bathroom, and even a second bedroom beyond that. It could sleep five or six people in a pinch. The girls went out onto the bow of the boat with Lily keeping a firm hold on Natasha. They didn’t stay there long, though, because it was too cold. And besides, it was better to stay in and admire the incredible cityscape of Boston Harbor.

Matt took them across the water, and they were able to dock at a restaurant in the Seaport district.

Lily wasn’t surprised when Matt walked into Legal Sea Foods and mentioned he had a reservation. He really was an amazing guy and left nothing to chance. What she hadn’t known was that Legal Sea Foods had three floors: the first floor was casual, and the second was fine dining. But Matt took them to the third floor where they had a table overlooking the water and their boat, and he told them about the retractable glass roof and walls.

“All of this pulls back, so in the summer it’s an outdoor restaurant, but for our New England cooler months, we can still enjoy the view from under the comfort of thick glass,” he said.

“I’d love to see it all retracting,” Lily said.

“Well, I guess we’ll have to come back in the summer for that.” He smiled. She caught his eye and felt that spark again. Was he flirting with her? Not possible. He was going to Hong Kong, and she had a boyfriend.

After lunch, they took the boat back to the marina. It had been a wonderful adventure, but it was a lot of excitement for little Natasha. She had fallen asleep with her head on Lily’s lap before they’d even berthed. When the boat was safely docked, Matt scooped her up, and she didn’t wake when he moved her and placed her tousled blond head on his wide shoulder.

Together, they brought Natasha to Lily’s car in companionable silence. Then Lily adjusted the booster seat to the recline position and Matt slipped her in and strapped her in without disturbing her.

“Well done,” Lily said.

“You’ll never be able to carry her into your apartment. I should tail you in my car and help.”

Lily shook her head.

Without Natasha’s loud banter, there would just be her and Matt. The truth was, Lily was nervous. What if something happened between them? She could feel the chemistry growing and was doing her best to ignore it. Distance was what she needed. There was also the chance Jack had decided to come back. What would he think if Matt was there again? She knew she was spending too much time with him, considering she was committed to another man, but he was just so easy to be around—as a friend, of course.

“I’ll manage,” she said. “And, Matt, thanks a million. You really are a great friend.” She put her hand to his face and stroked his cheek, but he took hold of it and turned his head to kiss her palm. It left no doubt that Matt wanted her.

To her shame, Lily didn’t pull back. She liked him, more than ever now. Why did she turn him down when he was chasing her before?

“Are you sure I can’t tail you?” he asked again.

She didn’t trust herself to speak, so she pressed her lips tight and nodded. Then, with reluctance, she pulled her hand back. “I’d better go.”

She looked into his eyes, and he looked right back at her with intent. If she didn’t get away soon, something was definitely going to happen. She walked around to her car door, but what she wanted to do was something she shouldn’t be thinking about.

Focus, she commanded herself. “I . . . I . . .” She couldn’t think of anything more to say. “Thanks.” What the heck was wrong with her? “I had a great time, Matt. You’re terrific. Thank you.” Her voice was artificially bright and buoyant.

“You’re pretty darn terrific, yourself,” he said.

“So, he took you and your niece to Legal Sea Foods, where it’s practically impossible to get a reservation, and you’re still trying to tell me there’s nothing going on between the two of you?”

Emily brought her back to reality with a thud.

Lily laughed. “I’m telling you. He’s amazing with kids. He was a real help with Natasha. But he’s just a friend, a good friend.”