Weightless (4 page)

‘Promise me something,’ he said as we found
ourselves wandering through Camden after the show.

Was this it? Was The Talk imminent? I tucked
a flyaway lock of hair behind my ear and wished I’d reapplied
lipstick before we left The Roundhouse.

‘Let’s see more theater together,’ he
continued. ‘Every time I go, I wish I’d done it more. I don’t want
to have any regrets when I get old.’

‘Oh, right, I agree,’ I murmured. ‘Yes,
let’s see more.’

He stopped me on the bridge over the canal.
‘Oh bollocks, that’s not what I meant to ask. I mean… I do want to
see more theater, but what I really want is to see more of you.
Officially, I mean.’ He ran his hand through his hair. ‘I’m really
quite shite at this, aren’t I? What I’m trying to say is that these
past few weeks have been incredible. I still can’t believe my luck
that you want to go out with me. So will you? Go out with me?
Officially?’

I nodded. ‘Of course I will, Jack. I feel
exactly the same way. I’ve been so happy with you. Yes,
definitely.’

He pulled me to him, kissing me deeply as
rain began spattering us. I didn’t care. I’d have stayed there
through a hurricane.

We didn’t stay there though. We went to
Jack’s flat, which he shared with two friends. They weren’t home. I
suspect he knew that.

It was the first time we’d been alone
together. It would be the first time for a lot of things. He kissed
me all the way to the bedroom and not even the thought of him
seeing me naked dampened my enthusiasm.

As it turned out, seeing me naked didn’t
dampen his enthusiasm either. Later, as I lay on his chest playing
with the soft hair there, he said, ‘You’re my dream.’

He took the words out of my mouth. And that
made me very afraid.

It no longer seemed possible to tell Jack
the truth. Relationships are based on trust. Even with my
relatively sparse experience I knew that. So how was I supposed to
tell him now that I’d lied the night we met? I felt sick as I
realized that saying anything would mean losing him.

‘Hey,’ he said, softly stroking my wrist.
‘What happened to your tattoo?’

‘My what?’

‘The heart tattoo you had on your
wrist.’

Why didn’t I remember Christy’s tattoo? ‘Oh
that. It was only temporary.’

‘… But you told everyone how much it hurt
when you got it. It said
Amour
in the middle because you
were about to leave for France.’

I thought ahead to the life I’d build with
Jack, and knew I couldn’t keep lying. It might not matter so much
with superficial things like tattoos and oysters, but how was I
supposed to explain why my parents weren’t called Mr. and Mrs.
Blake? As frightened as I was, I had to test the waters. ‘I guess I
fibbed about that.’

He sat up, his smile wiped away. ‘That’s not
cool, Christy. Actually that’s pretty shite. You know, others got
tattoos because you did.’

‘No they didn’t!’

When he twisted around I saw the little
yellow Tweety Bird on his shoulder. ‘Yes. They did.’

If the idea that I told a lie ten years ago
upset him like that, I couldn’t even imagine how he’d react to the
news that I wasn’t Christy sodding Blake.

‘I’m so sorry, Jack. Do you want me to go
get a tattoo to make up for it?’

Eventually he smiled, and I started
breathing again. ‘I forgive you, and it seems harsh to make you go
under the needle now. Besides, I still love my Tweety.’

I kissed his shoulder. ‘So do I.’

‘Are you hungry at all?’ he asked, my
misdemeanor apparently forgotten. ‘I’m peckish. Why don’t I fix us
a snack? I think we’ve got some cheese and biscuits.’ He bounced
out of bed, grabbing the thick brown robe hanging behind the door,
and left me to my thoughts.

It was an impossible situation, and not only
because I’d lose Jack if I told him the truth. This was bigger than
our relationship. It was as if my past was being erased. With each
date more of the hurt, the confusion and anger of my teenage years
were rubbed away. That left a clean slate to fill any way I liked.
I couldn’t lose Jack. Not now, when I- when I what? Loved him? Did
I love Jack? Well, if you call the deep tickle in your guts or
heart palpitations at the thought of him or fantasies about
spending the rest of our lives together love, then yes, I suppose I
did love him.

I loved Jack. Jesus,
now
what was I
going to do?

I jumped a mile when a grey ball of fur
landed on the bed. His purrs rumbled as soon as I tickled under his
chin. ‘Hello. Who are you?’ I whispered. His yellow eyes bore into
mine from a perfectly round face that made him look like a hairy
china doll.

‘Get off, Felix!’ Jack said as he made a
grab for the cat, who deftly evaded him by climbing onto my belly
for a cuddle.

‘Oh it’s all right. I don’t mind.’

‘You’re not allergic?’

‘Hmm?’ I nuzzled Felix’s soft grey fur,
sending him into purry overdrive.

‘I thought you were going to die when you
had that reaction to Lily le Bon’s scarf.’

A memory surfaced at the mention of Lily le
Bon. It was big news round the school. The day Lily le Bon’s
cat-hair-covered scarf nearly killed a classmate. Poor Lily was
never quite one of the popular girls after that. ‘Ah, yes,
darnedest thing. I outgrew it. I’m fine with cats now.’

‘Good, because I’d hate to lose you now.’ He
kissed me again. I kissed back, thinking the exact same thing.

Chapter 6

Kate and I made a breakthrough about a month
after her volleyball incident. It was clear to me that she needed
to find her way around bullies like Ariadne. But she couldn’t do
that without some confidence. The time had come to look beyond the
science to help her.

‘Tea?’ I asked as she shrugged off her coat
and slumped in the chair.

‘No thanks. I had a chamomile tea with lemon
before I came.’

‘Really??’

‘Gullible,’ she sang. ‘But you’ll be pleased
to know that Mum has banned caffeine in the house.’

‘What, for the whole family?’

‘Yeah, Dad’s fuming. She makes him drink it
at his office.’

‘Sorry about your dad but it’s a step in the
right direction. You can always have a cup of hot water if you’ve
got a craving.’

‘Mmm, sounds delicious. I can’t wait to go
home and try it.’

I smiled. ‘Fine. How about more fruit?’

‘Can’t we talk about something else?’

‘Your parents pay me to talk about
nutrition.’

‘And look how successful that’s been,’ she
said. Then, noting my expression: ‘I’m sorry. I don’t mean that
you’re not a good dietician. I’m sure you are. You’re just dealing
with a very difficult client.’

I sighed. ‘Kate. Don’t you want help to
change the things you’re finding difficult right now?’

She thought about this for a moment. ‘I
don’t see how eating my veggies or drinking herbal tea is going to
do that. Even if I was thin, Ariadne would still make my life
miserable.’

‘It’s not about being thin. It’s about being
fit and healthy. That could give you more confidence and then you
wouldn’t be such an easy target for the bullies.’

‘Look at me, Ms. Markham. I mean really look
at me.’

I did as she asked, taking in the dark curly
hair that hung like an overused janitor’s mop around her face and
the teenage acne painted across her forehead and chin. Her school
uniform was at least two sizes too big and I knew her weekend
clothes were no better – baggy combat trousers and shapeless
tunics. They were meant to hide her size but only called attention
to it. ‘I’m looking at an unhappy girl who’d feel very differently
with a bit of confidence.’

‘And where’s that confidence supposed to
come from? How can I not feel like crap when they call me Cakey
Katie and pick apart every single thing about me? Tell me that.
Please. I’m listening.’

I wanted to put my arms around her and
squeeze until her world was brighter. But it wasn’t going to be
that easy. ‘I’ve talked to your mum.’

Kate rolled her eyes.

‘No, please listen to me. She’s said that
it’s okay for us to have a day out together, if you’ll agree. Will
you trust me?’

She shrugged. ‘What have I got left to
lose?’

Usually I could leave my work at the office,
but I was still thinking about Kate when I met Jack at his flat for
our film night. Of course Mrs. Clements’ diabetes and
wheat-intolerant William’s bloating were important to me. I was
professionally committed to helping them. But I’d stood in Kate’s
shoes. With her it was personal.

Jack kissed me hello, then waved the DVD
cases in my face. ‘I’ve got Four Weddings and a Funeral or Love,
Actually.’

‘Is that by choice, or did you lose a
bet?’

His face fell. ‘I got them from LoveFilm. I
figured you’d like them.’

I shook my head. ‘I’m more of a horror girl.
Or psychological thrillers. I’m sorry. But we can watch one if you
want to.’

‘No, no, that’s okay. I wouldn’t want to put
you through that.’

‘You hate them too, don’t you?’

‘Can’t stand the bloody things.’

‘And you’d have suffered for me? You’re
really very sweet.’ We crashed on to the sofa together, arms around
each other with my legs tucked under his. ‘What shall we do now
that we haven’t got a film to entertain us?’ Cuddling was just fine
with me.

‘Play us a song.’

‘Hmm?’

He gestured towards the far wall, where his
housemate’s electric piano sat. ‘You used to play beautifully. I
can still remember that Christmas concert.’

‘But it’s February. Christmas carols would
be inappropriate.’ My heart began to thump.

‘Then play something else. I’m a very
appreciative audience.’

Mum had made me take piano lessons when I
was about nine. I hated them. The teacher would only let me play
scales. I didn’t even do that very well.

I knew I couldn’t go on with the charade
forever. I was lucky he hadn’t already found me out. I owed him the
truth. I could feel my eyes prick with tears imagining his
reaction. It would be the end of us. I looked at his profile as he
lay there stroking my arm.

I just couldn’t do it yet. ‘I don’t play
anymore.’

‘How come?’

In for a penny, in for a pound. ‘I had an
accident…’ I stared through the doorway into the kitchen, willing
inspiration to come. ‘I, er, dropped a food processor on my
hand.’

‘How did you do that?’

‘I was moving it on a shelf. They’re very
heavy you know.’

‘I know, we’ve got one.’

And thank goodness it was in plain sight on
the kitchen worktop or I might not have thought of an alibi.
‘Anyway, I don’t like to talk about it. I don’t play anymore.’

‘I’m sorry,’ he said, making me feel
terrible. Then he kissed me. ‘I can think of a few other ways to
entertain ourselves, but I wouldn’t want to feel like a sex
object.’

‘Then why not make me feel like a sex object
instead?’

‘I thought you’d never ask.’

As Jack and I kissed on the sofa, I opened
my eyes and noticed Felix stretched out along the back cushions. He
was staring at me in judgment, as if he’d never lied a day in his
nine lives.

Chapter 7