Waterfalls (24 page)

Meredith paused and decided to let the feelings of her heart be known. She leaned closer and said, “Don’t worry, Jacob Wilde. I will never, ever, be able to forget you.”

A
ll the way to the stage, Meredith clenched her teeth. A chorus of accusing demons huddled close to her.
“Ha, ha!”
they cajoled.
“Look what you’ve done! You opened yourself up to a man, and now he’s going to stomp on your heart. You fool!”

The skit was announced, and Meredith tried with all her might to ignore the heckling that was at full volume inside her head. She worked to get into her character while she stood in the background, chewing her pretend gum, checking her nails, and flicking invisible fuzz balls from her jeans.

When Meredith heard her cue, she stepped forward to meet the editor. “I’m so excited to meet you!” Meri blurted out. “This is, like, totally a dream come true!”

“Why, thank you,” the patient editor said, motioning for Meredith to sit across from her at the table on the stage. Meri continued to gush and flatter the editor, all the while chewing her invisible gum and flipping back her hair. She crossed and
uncrossed her legs, giggled and periodically flicked fuzz balls from her clothes.

“I just totally can’t believe I’m here!” Meredith cooed. “I always wanted to come to one of these conferences, but I never thought I’d actually make it to one—and one in California even!”

“Yes,” the editor said graciously while checking her watch. “We only have a few minutes left for our fifteen-minute meeting. Was there something specific you wanted to discuss?”

“Well, I guess the first thing I should tell you is that I just love, love, love your makeup!” Meredith said.

“Why, thank you,” the flattered editor responded.

“I mean, I like all of it. Your eyeliner, your foundation, your lipstick. Oh, and I love, love, love, and I do mean love, your perfume.”

The editor checked her wrist by taking a sample whiff and seemed surprised, as if she wasn’t wearing perfume. “Thank you again,” she said.

“And I can tell how well your cleansers work for you,” Meredith went on. “I mean, look how smooth and even your skin tone is. It’s, like, totally awesome.”

“Yes,” the editor said, touching her cheek with a look of confusion. “Well, as I was saying, did you have a book proposal you wanted to discuss?”

“A book?” Meredith took on her very best airhead expression.

“Yes, a book. These fifteen-minute interviews are set up so you can meet with editors to discuss book ideas.”

“Books? You’re in charge of
books?!
I thought you were in charge of
looks
. Isn’t this the Patty Fay Beauty Makeover Convention?”

“Why, no.”

“I can’t believe it! How did I end up in the wrong room?” Meredith bolted out of her chair and, with a dazed look, exited, searching for the Patty Fay Convention.

The editor played her last bit by pulling a large mirror from under the table and looking herself over. Then, with a shrug, she called out, “Next prospective author, please!” She froze in place, and the skit was over.

Meredith returned to her seat to find Jake standing in the aisle waiting for her. As soon as she was close enough, he slipped his arm around her shoulders and whispered, “Walk me out now, okay?”

Still in the acting mode, Meredith put her arm around his middle. She looked up with all the charm she possessed and said, “You know they’re all going to be asking about us now.”

Jake took long, quick strides to the back of the auditorium. “And just what are you going to tell them?”

“The truth,” Meredith said, feeling way too perky for her own good. “I’ll tell them you’re crazy about me, but you’re just too legalistic to admit your feelings.”

They were at the back door now. Jake pushed it open for her. The minute they were outside the meeting room and out of sight of the large audience, Jake pulled his arm away. Meredith let go, too.

“I have to run,” he said, his cheeks flushed.

“That’s it? You parade me up the aisle and leave?” Meredith spouted.

“I’m sorry. I have to—”

“I know, I know. You have work to do; people waiting for you. ‘There was a man all alone; he had neither son nor brother. There was no end to his toil, yet his eyes were not content with his wealth. “For whom am I toiling,” he asked, “and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?” This too is
meaningless—a miserable business!’ ”

Jacob stopped to stare at her with an incredulous look on his face. “What are you talking about?”

“Nothing,” she said. “It’s just that next time you need someone to put your arm around, pick someone who doesn’t have a heart.”

He waited for an explanation.

Meredith was beginning to feel sick inside. She had laid out her feelings, and he had walked over them, with his arm around her. It was all part of an act. And it made her mad. Mad at him, but mostly mad at herself.

“I have to go. Good-bye, Meredith,” he said. Without looking back, Jake took off at a fast clip.

“See what you’ve done?”
the row of accusers began. One by one they railed her for letting her feelings show and for being so bold.
“No wonder the guy ran away. You not only embarrassed him but you also terrified him.” “What kind of a Christian woman are you? He probably thinks you go after men all the time.”

Meredith forced herself to walk, not run, to the elevator. She pushed the button over and over, begging it to arrive before her tears did. The merciful lift carried her to her floor where she rushed to her room and bolted the door behind her. Her heart was pounding, and the tears were now stinging her cheeks.

“Why am I doing everything wrong, God? This connection with Jake has been doomed from the start. Why can’t I leave well enough alone? He’s going to cancel our cheesecake date, isn’t he? I can’t believe my emotions are running amuck. Is this what happens after years of stuffing my emotions because there weren’t any guys I was interested in? Suddenly, one intriguing man steps into my life, and I’m a ranting, emotional idiot.”

Meri threw herself on the bed, disrupting the stack of manuscripts in her fall. She wanted to have a good cry, but all
that dribbled out were a few tears.

“This is ridiculous,” she said, sitting up and wiping her eyes. “I am a mature, responsible woman who has much more control of her life than this. Stop acting like a child. It’s no longer allowed. Not with your mother; not with Jake or with anyone else.”

She got up and looked at her reflection in the mirror. She could use a little lipstick and a touch-up with her mascara. Glancing at the clock on the nightstand, Meredith did a quick makeup refresher and finished her private pep talk.

“In ten minutes you have your first meeting with a potential author. This is what you came for. This conference is not about you. It’s not about Jake. It’s about your job for Terrison Publishing. You are here to instruct and to acquire new manuscripts. Get a grip, Meri Jane. Go back down there with your head held high, and do your job.”

Meredith accomplished everything she told herself to do in her pep talk. But she wasn’t prepared for all the questions the conferees threw at her, not about Jake, but about getting their books published with G. H. Terrison. Never before at a conference had she been so inundated with questions. She guessed it was because only one other acquisitions editor of children’s books was attending this conference, and he didn’t arrive until tomorrow.

Fortunately, she was passionate about what she did because the eager-to-learn conferees kept talking with her long after the last appointment ended. Not until she was back in her room late that night and slipping into bed did she realize how exhausting all this was, even without the confusing emotional outbursts with Jake.

Why in the world did this guy think he had the right to use her as a bodyguard to escape the auditorium? He could have left easily without her so-called protection. By exiting with his
arm around her, he had given everyone at the conference the distinct impression that she and Jake were together. That may have been a convenient camouflage for him, but it was unfair to her.

In the dark and silent room, Meredith lay on her back and wrote imaginary letters to Jake on the ceiling. She told him he was unfair, inconsiderate, and cruel to use her the way he had. She used the word
defraud
and wrote with her invisible ink in bold letters, “You had no right to use me in a way that benefited you but gave me false impressions and put me in a compromised position. Now it’s up to me to explain to all these people that there’s nothing between us.”

As the fire from within her dispelled with each hot word she penned across the ceiling, a timid question rose to the surface. “That is the truth, isn’t it? There is nothing between us, right?”

She had a fitful night. Her business association with Jake meant she would be in contact with him a lot more in the months to come. Why had she jeopardized all that by saying she would never forget him and then telling him he was crazy about her but too legalistic to admit it?

Sleep came only in ragged patches. If she had had enough time to gather the patches through the night, she might have been able to stitch them all together and have sufficient covering for her weariness. As it was, she got up at seven and stayed in the hot shower long enough to develop wrinkled toes. It helped to perk her up only a little.

When she finally made her appearance for her first appointment with a conferee at nine o’clock, she was once again assaulted with questions about every detail of publishing. For some reason she felt stronger this morning than she had last night, so she had no trouble giving shorter answers to the inquiring minds that wanted to know.

Meredith found she had a break for an hour and a half before her next round of interviews. She retreated to her room, ordered a chef’s salad, and pulled a chair out on the tiny balcony so she could start to read her stack of stories.

The peace and quiet did her good. This was what she was used to, burying herself in mounds of stories. Refreshed and ready for round two, Meredith returned to the general meeting area, where she had several more meetings before she had to teach her first workshop.

It felt funny standing in front of a roomful of curious faces. One hundred twenty people attended her workshop, twice the number she had been told to expect. She didn’t know how many of them had come to learn about writing and how many were Looky Lous who wanted a closer view of the woman who put her arm around Jake Wilde.

Before she started her workshop, Meredith decided to make one of her bold moves. She assumed many of them wanted to know about Jake. “As you know, I left the auditorium last night with Jake Wilde. Let me make a few comments just so we can get on with this workshop. I am a business associate of Jake’s.”

She wanted to scold her audience and say, “The reason he had to have protection when he left the auditorium last night was because of the way you people chase him.” But she knew that didn’t sound professional. It also meant she was defending Jake, and she refused to do that.

“If I’ve learned one thing from Jake, it’s that actors are no different than anyone else. They have their strengths and weaknesses like all of us. Jake has also taught me that being an actor is something you do; it’s not who you are. In the same way, I hope many of you who haven’t published yet will become authors. When you do, please remember that being an author is what you do. It’s not who you are.”

The conferees silently checked those around them. None of them seemed prepared for her opening statements, but a few of them began to take notes.

“Now, if you’ll check your syllabus, you should find the outline for this workshop on page seventeen in the yellow section.” Meredith switched into instructor mode. Teaching workshops was something she loved to do, and she had taught this class, “Getting Your Foot in the Door,” three times.

The hour zipped along, with the last fifteen minutes used for questions, which this group had lots of. When she finished, a long line of conferees waited one after the other to have a chance to talk to her. They stood there listening to her pointers on how to get published. Then one of the organizers came up and diplomatically let Meredith know that the next class was scheduled to start in this room in five minutes and the instructor was waiting outside for her to finish.

Meredith apologized and took the opportunity to gather her briefcase to return to her room. She made it as far as the lobby, where a group of six continued to ask for her advice and describe their projects to her. She listened patiently and made suggestions, which they thanked her for.

Four of the conferees who were asking questions entered the elevator with her and followed her down the hall to her room, still talking. They would gladly have come in, if she hadn’t tactfully let them know she needed to read manuscripts.

Closing the door behind her and taking a deep breath, Meredith was shocked to see that it was already six thirty. A phone message was waiting for her.

When she pushed the button to play back the message, Jake’s rich voice greeted her. Meredith found herself smiling when she heard it.