Wanting (4 page)

“Does it matter?” Dane stroked Adam’s arm.

“Well, yeah. Not the metal detector thing, though. But what if they’re up to no good? I thought we were safe here—”

“We are. You sure you’re not fixing to create a worry that doesn’t exist? I’m not being funny, but you’ve been fretting for so long, that now you don’t need to…” Dane kissed the back of his neck.

“You think?”
Am I creating a new worry? Am I so used to being worried that not being so doesn’t feel right?

“Maybe,” Dane said.

Whether he was or wasn’t, this still didn’t sit right with Adam. He needed to make sure they were safe. The fear of the past would always be with him, he knew that, and since they’d been here and he’d felt so much better, he didn’t want his new idyll ruined.

“How far out d’you reckon they are?” he asked.

Dane let him go to stand beside him. He pressed his hands to the sill and leant forward. His breath misted the glass. He
tsked
and wiped the circle of condensation away with his sweater sleeve. It squeaked. “About half a mile, give or take a few yards. Why?”

Adam turned from the torch arcs and looked at Dane. Light spilling in from the hallway lit the right side of his face, while moonlight lit the left. He frowned, and his mouth was downturned, concern etched not only in his features but in his rigid pose.

“Wanna go out there?” Adam asked.

Dane sighed and dropped one hand from the sill, letting it dangle beside him. “Are you serious or fucking me about, man? It’s dark, it’s getting late and we’re new around here. We don’t really know where we’re going or what goes on. Maybe there’s some kind of barn dance or whatever the hell village people do on a Saturday night. I don’t know, maybe they’re searching for a lost dog.”

Dane always spoke sense, but niggles of doubt still gnawed at Adam’s nerve ends. Something was off, and it wasn’t his over-active imagination either. He liked to think that since the attack his senses had sharpened, his instincts making up for fucking off that night and leaving him to become a victim. Except they hadn’t, they’d warned him in good time, he’d just chosen to ignore them.

“But we know the general direction,” he said. “I just want to see what they’re doing. To know it isn’t anything iffy. I won’t sleep tonight otherwise, and if it’s something dodgy, we’ll leave them to it and—”

“It won’t be anything dodgy!” Dane stared out of the window again.

“But how do you know? You said yourself we’re new around here.”

The huge sigh that gusted out of Dane let Adam know in no uncertain terms he was pissing him off. Oh, Adam knew he could be a pain, knew he was needy and had to have reassurance all the time, but although Dane tried, he didn’t—couldn’t possibly—understand how Adam felt. Okay, Adam maybe needed to take a step back and realise not everyone was the bogeyman, but it was difficult when the limp he walked with every day was a reminder of bad times gone by, and the memories of that alley and those men appeared at random times in his mind’s eye.

He had to know what was going on, simple as that.

“Fuck’s sake, love!” Dane said in weary tones, pushing off the sill and walking to the bedroom doorway, dragging his feet. “If it makes you happy, we’ll go out there, but I tell you, it’s probably nothing we need to know about.”

Relief surged through Adam—and a sprinkle of guilt—and he followed Dane out of the room. “Thanks, man. And I’m sorry for—”

Dane lifted one hand as he disappeared into their bedroom. “It’s okay. I get it.”

But Dane didn’t get it, not really, although Adam chose to keep that information to himself.

* * * *

Adam and Dane sat in the car, engine off, headlights doused. The country lane they were in ran directly to the left of a field. Adam looked across Dane in the driver’s seat and out of the window. The barn he’d spotted from their cottage stood in the centre, a black monolith, its size that of any warehouse in the city. The torchlight had gone from outside in the time it had taken them to travel and find the right place, but faded swathes shone through a crack in what Adam assumed was a doorway. Whatever was going on, the people inside didn’t feel the need to lock themselves in. Maybe, being out in the middle of nowhere they felt safe, that no one would encounter them.

Or maybe they’re not doing anything bad.

“We’re getting out and having a look, aren’t we?” he asked, waiting for Dane to tense up and try to get out of it.

“Yes, we’re getting out and having a look, but I tell you, if nothing’s going on, I really think you need to go and talk to someone.”

Adam nodded. “I know. I will.”

“You say that, but—”

“Look!” Adam reached across and pointed at the barn. “What the fuck are they
doing
in there?”

The barn door had been fully opened, revealing a pale rectangle of light and a stack of hay to the rear. People, two of them, stood in the doorway, their silhouettes somewhat relaxed, an arm each bent at the elbow. They were smoking? Others milled about behind them, looking as though they were naked. What the hell?

“I don’t know,” Dane said. “Maybe they’re getting the barn ready for some do or other. Whatever, I’m not walking across that bloody field while they’re standing there.”

“What, getting ready for a do with no clothes on?”

“You don’t know that. It only looks that way.” Dane scrubbed his chin, the sound of his stubble loud.

“I saw the shape of a limp cock on one guy.”

And he had. Even though they were a fair way from the barn, it hadn’t been hard to see that cock. It might only have been a brief glimpse, but he’d
seen
it. Who the fuck strolled around in the buff with a load of other people? Who would feel comfortable doing that?

They waited in tense silence for the couple to go back inside the barn and close the door. Dane sighed quietly and got out. Adam quickly followed, sliding down a bank into the field. The ground squelched, still suffering from the recent rains, and Adam’s boots sank with every step, becoming heavy with caked earth. It was chilly now, more so than when he’d dumped the cardboard in the back garden, and he wished he’d put on a scarf and gloves along with his jacket.

As they neared the barn, its features grew more apparent, and yes, it was made of red brick. About twelve feet from it, Adam got the jitters, the haunting sound of men chanting lifting the hairs on the back of his neck. Their voices were low, without any form of melody, a boring drone that was sinister as fuck. His instinct kicked in, telling him they ought to hightail it the hell away from here, yet even though he was scared, he wanted to stay. Needed to stay.

“Wait,” Adam whispered, reaching out to grip Dane’s wrist. “I’m… I just need a minute.”

Dane stopped walking, and Adam stood beside him, heart beating an uneven rhythm that reminded him of when he’d watched those men leave him injured in the alley. He stared at the barn, the light filtering through the door crack brighter now, and took a deep breath.

Think. Why would men be naked in there?

He had no damn idea, but if it was nothing more than some orgy, then at least the voice of his instinct urging him to investigate would quiet.

Adam took hold of the barn door and pulled it open a little more. It was skew-whiff on its hinges, like it had hung there for years and grown warped from the weather. He grimaced, waiting for a creak or whine to give them away, but none came. Dane hunkered down and shifted in front of Adam so they could both see into the barn. The heat from Dane’s back warmed Adam’s legs, and he was grateful for that, seeing as it was damn nippy.

No one was in the barn.

What the fuck?

Torches had been propped strategically, as if whoever had placed them there wanted to spotlight the centre of the barn. Shadows hulked around the edges of the building, thankfully keeping Adam and Dane in darkness too. Adam got the uneasy feeling he was in the wrong place at the wrong time—again.

“Where did they go?” he whispered, resting his fingertips on Dane’s shoulders, disturbed to realise his legs were shaking.

Dane shrugged. “No fucking idea, love, but I don’t see the point in us being here. Nothing’s going on.” He moved to rise then lowered himself again.

Something shifted in the far corner, a darker blob of shadow, and Adam took a step back, hoping the security of the darkness outside would further shield him. The torchlight didn’t reach the doorway, but that was beside the point. Being spotted wasn’t something he wanted to happen. People were unpredictable. For all he knew, those naked fuckers could turn nasty, come out, bare or not, and give him and Dane a good beating. Out here in the middle of nowhere, they wouldn’t be seen, and when those people had left, Adam and Dane might be left unconscious, not found for hours.

A bald man walked into the light at the centre. Naked, he closed his eyes, face raised to the rafters, and lifted his hands. He hummed and more bald men joined him, creating a circle, their hands linking them together. They reminded him of those cut-out paper dolls he’d made at school, except these ones had dangling dicks and bollocks.

Adam quietly knelt behind Dane. “This is so weird,” he whispered into his ear.

Dane turned his head to speak over his shoulder. “Damn right it is. Who would have thought crap like this went on, eh? Maybe it’s some country ritual or other.”

“Maybe, but I’d sure as shit feel uncomfortable having my cock on show in front of so many men.”

Dane snorted, and Adam’s gut clenched. Had he been too loud?

They didn’t appear to have heard him, each man emitting the same hum as the first. It sounded like bees, a whole swarm of the fuckers, the noise thick and buzzing, going through Adam’s skin until goosebumps sprouted all over him. A sensation squirmed in his ears, as though the very bees he’d thought of were crawling around inside, and he swallowed to make it go away.

The men swayed, and Adam was drawn to look at their cocks, soft and swaying along with the bodies they were attached to. Muscles in the men’s legs undulated beneath their skin. The humming grew louder, and Adam was sure he heard a pained whimper, muffled by the strange buzz. He cocked his head to glance at Dane, checking if it was him, but his lover’s eyes were wide as he soaked in the scene. He didn’t appear upset at all, just fascinated.

“Did you hear that?” Adam whispered.

“What?” Dane asked.

“That whimper.”

“No.”

It came again, louder this time.

“There. You heard it then, yeah?” Adam willed Dane to say he had.

“Nope.”

“Help me!”

“Who the fuck said that?” Adam whispered, his voice hoarse. Tension spread into his body, and he blinked as though it would help establish the owner of that voice.

“Who said what?” Dane frowned, gaze still riveted ahead.

“Help me. Someone just said it.”

“I didn’t hear it.” Dan lifted a finger. “Would you look at the size of that man’s dick? The one right opposite. Can you imagine it
hard?
Jesus!”

“They’re going to hurt me…”

“Oh, fuck. Please tell me you heard that, Dane.”

“I just told you I didn’t.”

“Not that! Someone said something else. That the men are going to hurt them.”

Dane pursed his lips and looked directly at Adam. “Oh, behave your fucking self, man. You’re hearing things.” He laughed quietly.

“I’m not. I heard it. Maybe you would have as well if you weren’t so busy ogling cock.”

“Get you. Jealous much?”

Dane wasn’t usually such an arsehole. Maybe the cold had got to him, or maybe the sight of so many dicks in one place, but Adam didn’t like the way this conversation could go if he pursued it. So he remained silent, knowing damn well he’d heard that voice—a man—as if he’d spoken right beside him.

Just to make sure he hadn’t, Adam glanced about, seeing nothing but darkness beyond the barn door. He stood, the urge to investigate strong.

Dane stared up at him. “What are you doing?”

“I’m going to see if anyone else is out here.”

“Not on your own, you aren’t.”

Adam walked towards the right-hand outside corner of the barn, realising with some surprise he wasn’t afraid. That voice had come from a frightened person, and courage had settled inside Adam, pushing his own worry aside. It felt strange not to cower away from confrontation or the unknown, but he acknowledged that he might be getting better now, that Lower Repton had been a good choice.

Apart from what was going on tonight.

He heard Dane following—maybe that helped with the courage a bit—and rounded the corner. More of the same field greeted him, although what he’d expected he didn’t know. Well, he did, if he was honest.

He thought he’d find whoever that voice belonged to. Some bloke huddled against the barn, waiting for Adam and Dane to rescue him.

The attack on Adam had got to him in so many ways. Maybe no one was out here after all. Maybe he’d imagined they were about to hurt someone because, shit, that was what a band of men meant to him now.

Fear. Hurt. Pain.

Adam shook the thoughts away and continued walking, heading for the rear of the barn. Dane wasn’t talking, asking what Adam hoped to achieve, and Adam supposed he ought to ask himself why. Dane always wanted to know the ins and outs of the cat’s arsehole, so why not now? Maybe Dane was humouring him, keeping quiet until Adam discovered no one other than them and the men in the barn were about. Determined to prove him wrong, Adam peeked around the corner. Cars, dark shapes, only their windows and roofs discernible, were parked in a row. So he had been right earlier. Pleased with himself, he dug his mobile phone out of his jeans pocket and moved forward. Selecting the torch application, he walked between each car and inspected their insides.

No one. Nothing but the usual paraphernalia inside cars—maps, empty juice bottles, the odd crumpled crisp or sweet packet. A newspaper.

“There’s no one out here,” Dane said, breath hot on Adam’s neck.

“Well, I heard someone, and nobody can tell me different.” Adam shoved his hands in his pockets, still clutching his phone, and stared at the back of the barn.