Wanted: Devil Dogs MC (20 page)

“Issy.” The tone of his voice tells her he’s gearing up for something and she has a feeling she knows exactly what it is.

“We have a couple of rooms free and you know you can stay as long as you like. How long are you in Chicago for? ” She looks at the duffel bag he’s dumped just inside the kitchen, wondering what his plans are and what’s made him suddenly decide to present himself on her doorstep.

“I’m not sure yet. That sort of depends on you.” He looks at her pointedly and Isabel bites her lip, knowing the moment of truth is coming and knowing she’s not in the least bit ready for it.

“Well, like I said, you can stay here as long as you want. You know you’re always welcome here. I’m pretty sure my mom liked you more than she did me.” Isabel laughs lightly, remembering how her mother had taken Mike under her wing like he was the son she never had whenever Isabel would bring him home from college for a long weekend.

“She was an amazing woman. I wish you had told me when the funeral was so I could have been there.” There’s no anger in his voice, just disappointment, which is so much worse.

“I know. I know. It was all just kind of a blur.” She waves away the memory of that day, watching them lower her mother into the ground and knowing she was never going to come out again. The finality of it had hit home then and it had almost been too much to bear.

“I understand.” His voice is soft, gentle, understanding and Isabel wonders, again, why a nice guy like him wants anything to do with someone like her.

“Issy, we could keep skirting around this for days. But I’m done with that. There are some things I have to say and I need you to hear me.” He walks towards her, closing the space between them and stopping so they’re only a few inches apart.

Isabel gulps when she sees the expression on his face. This is the exact moment she has been most afraid of, the reason why she has been dodging his calls. It was hard enough having to deal with this conversation over the phone but face-to-face it is going to be a whole different story. She steels herself, knowing she’s about to hurt someone she cares about. “Mike, please, don’t say anything.” She holds her hands up, as if that would be enough to stop him; she should have known better.

“Issy, I have to. Please, just let me say what I need to say.” His voice is harsh, serious, a man on a mission.

She gestures for him to continue, knowing she at least owes him that much. She can’t avoid him forever. It’s time to let him say what he needs to.

“Issy, you’re the most incredible woman I’ve ever met. You’re smart, you’re beautiful, you’re funny as all hell. That night we spent together was the best night of my life.” He lays out his hands, laying all his cards out on the table. “I want to be with you, Isabel. I’m in love with you and I need to know if you feel the same, if you feel anything close to that for me.”

Isabel holds her breath, processing what he’s just said to her. The words are beautiful and the sincerity is shining in his blue eyes, even more so. He’s telling her exactly what she wants to hear. The only thing is, she doesn’t want to hear it from him; they’re the words she was hoping to hear from someone else and she wants to kick herself for being such an idiot. Mike is the perfect man, the whole package, handsome, successful, kind, but there’s one fundamental thing that he’s not. He’s not Wesley.

“Mike, I don’t know what to say.” She shakes her head, helplessly, wishing there is some kind of a manual for this. The last thing she wants to do is lose her best friend. Her main priority right now is ensuring that their friendship makes it out of this room alive.

“Anything would be good right about now.” Mike’s lopsided grin is forced, like he already knows what direction this is going in.

Isabel looks down at the floor, gathering her courage together to say what she really should have said months ago, but with everything she’s had to deal with, it’s seemed like yet another mountain to climb. She hasn’t been ready for it. But she is now; she has to be. There is no more time for evasions or for excuses. Mike doesn’t deserve that. He deserves the truth. She looks up into his eyes and finds the strength to tell him everything she needs to. “Mike, I
do
love you. Just not in the way you want me to.” Isabel watches the hurt play out across his features. “You’ve been such a great friend to me and I don’t want to lose that.” She reaches out to take his hand in hers and squeezes it, waiting for him to focus back on her and stop looking at the ground as if she’d just taken out his heart and stomped on it.

“Is that the only reason, Issy? That you don’t want to ruin our friendship? Because if it is, I can give you any number of reasons why that’s a load of bullshit!” The frustration she’s hardly ever heard in his voice starts to come out now and Isabel winces involuntarily, more than aware that she’s the one who caused this calm, decent man to explode. “I want to be with you, Isabel. I want to be a whole lot more than just your friend. I want to take care of you.” He tries to pull her towards him with the hand she’s holding, but she stands firm, knowing it would be a slippery slope. She’d fallen into bed with Mike once before, looking for comfort. That had been a mistake, a mistake she is still paying for, a mistake that could end a friendship she truly treasured.

“That’s not the only reason.” Isabel’s voice is quiet, but it carries in the small kitchen. She feels Mike’s hand tense in hers.

“There’s someone else.” The words come out through gritted teeth, but he doesn’t seem surprised, as if it is something he had half-expected.

Isabel nods quickly, wishing there is something she can say that will make this all better, something that would take them back in time, to before the night when everything between them changed. Isabel thinks she would give anything to go back there now, so she didn’t have to see the hurt plastered all over Mike’s face and know she’s the reason for it.

“Who is he?” Mike keeps his voice low, cold, and it’s a million times worse than if he had just shouted at her, railed against her and told her he hated her, that she misled him.

Isabel shrugs. “He’s just a guy, Mike. I didn’t mean for it to happen. It just sort of…did.” She knows how lame it sounds, but it also just happens to be the truth.

“You’re in love with him.” It’s a statement of fact more than a question, but Isabel nods anyway, knowing there’s no need to be coy.

“So where is he?” Mike looks around, as if he expects said guy to pop out from one of the kitchen cupboards.

“He’s not here.” Isabel looks up at the ceiling, wondering why the ground never swallows you up when you want it to.

“When will he be back? I’d at least like to meet the guy who managed to do in a few months what I haven’t been able to in years.” Mike huffs a mirthless laugh, but his smile looks more like a grimace.

“He’s not coming back, Mike.” She keeps her voice even, proud that she manages to stop it from breaking.

Mike gives her a confused look, not making any effort to pretend that he doesn’t believe her. “He’s not coming back.” He repeats her words as if he might have misheard them.

She plants her feet firmly on the ground, looking up into his baby blue eyes and telling herself that under no circumstances is she allowed to cry. “That’s right. He left about a month ago. I haven’t seen or heard from him since.”

Mike blinks at her, clearly wondering what it is he’s missing from this story. “But you’re waiting for him.” He watches as she shakes her head sadly.

“No, not really.” She sighs, pushing the curls that have come loose from her ponytail out of her face. “At least, I’m trying not to.” She smiles without humor. “I know he’s not coming back. I know he’s gone for good, but I can’t help hoping.” She shrugs, knowing she sounds like some pathetic heroine from a cheesy romance novel.

“And what if he doesn’t come back, Issy? Are you just going to hope forever? Are you really willing to throw what we could have away in favor of something that may never happen?” Mike shakes his head, raking his fingers through his expensively-cropped blonde hair. “It doesn’t make any sense, Isabel. It’s not logical!”

“No,” she agrees, “it’s not. But then from what I’ve heard there’s not a whole lot that’s logical about love.”

Mike chuckles lightly. “Ain’t that the truth.” He gives her an appraising look, as if he’s really looking at her for the first time. “You know, this would really be a whole lot easier if you looked like crap.”

Isabel smiles and shakes her head. “I could say the same about you.” She stares at the man in front of her, with his handsome face, his lean runner’s build and she asks herself what woman in her right mind wouldn’t want him?

“I guess I should get going.” Mike moves to pick up his duffel bag.

“What do you mean?” Isabel shakes her head, putting her hands on her hips. “You’re not going anywhere.”

Mike gives her an amused look. “Well, Issy, I can’t stay here, not after…” He lets the phrase trail off; there’s no need to finish it. They both know what happened.

“The hell you can’t!” She moves round to block his way out of the kitchen. “You listen here, Michael Anthony Curtis, there is no way you’re coming all the way to Chicago to stay in some depressing, bland hotel when you should be staying here. I won’t allow it.” Isabel just manages to stop short of stamping her foot.

“Issy, I can’t.” He shakes his head sadly, lifting his hand up as if to stroke her cheek before letting it fall. “It’s hard for me to be around you, knowing you don’t feel the same.” He shrugs his shoulders and the action makes him look so sad that it pulls at Isabel’s heartstrings.

“Mike. Please. Just stay.” She lays a hand on his shoulder, looking up into his eyes. “We’re still friends, aren’t we?” She doesn’t wait for him to answer, knowing she might not want to hear his response. “It’s getting late and you must be tired. We can talk more in the morning when we’ve both had a chance to sleep on everything.” She gestures vaguely around her as if to encompass ‘everything.’ “I don’t want us to leave things like this.”

Mike looks at her and then looks up to the ceiling and back down to her. “You know it’s not fair when you give me the puppy dog eyes. You know I’ve never been able to say no to them.” He chucks her playfully under the chin.

Isabel smiles broadly. “I never said I played fair!” She winks at him and he laughs. It almost feels like old times. Almost but not quite, there’s still an underlying level of tension that had never been there between them before.

Mike locks eyes with her and she can feel his gaze turn heated in a matter of seconds. They’re standing too close to each other. She thinks about stepping away, but she doesn’t want to break the moment they’ve just shared, the moment that has made it seem as if they were just two buddies again, as if none of the other stuff has happened.

“It’s really good to see you, Issy.” Mike lifts her chin up with his index finger and leans down, as if he’s about to kiss her on the lips. But when he’s only inches away he turns her head slightly and kisses her on the cheek, just at the corner of her mouth.

Isabel’s eyes widen, knowing she should say something, but at a complete loss. A polite cough behind her snaps her out of her stupor.

“Rosa!” She is so happy to see the older woman she could almost cry. “Rosa, this is Mike.”

She introduces the two, taking the opportunity to take a few steps away from him as he shakes Rosa’s hand and exchanges pleasantries with her. Above all else, Mike is polite. That’s something no one could ever fault him on.

“Rosa, Mike’s going to be staying with us for a couple of days. Could you show him up to the Blue Room?” Isabel makes a point of only looking at Rosa, knowing Mike’s attention is focused on her and not in a purely platonic way.

“Wonderful, I show you.” Rosa gestures for Mike to follow her, reading Isabel’s need to be alone.

“I’ll see you in the morning?” Mike stops at the threshold of the kitchen, looking at Isabel meaningfully.

“I’ll be here.” She smiles broadly, doing her best impression of being footloose and fancy-free.

“Great.” Mike nods, as if he’s persuading himself of something. “I want to talk more about all this, Issy. I’m not ready to give up, not yet.” He gives her a pointed glance before he hurries after Rosa to catch up.