Wanna Bet? (33 page)

“
A hell of a
lot”

“
He was leaving to go live
with his whore, I’m not surprised you live here, it’s where her and
her bastard son lives after all”

“
So you did know” I say
slowly.

“
Of course I knew” she
spits

“
Would have been nice to
know I have a half brother” I struggle not to show any emotion, but
it’s getting unbearable.

“
It was your fault he left
anyway. He didn’t want you. He wanted a boy not a whore like you.
He didn’t love you, he didn’t even
like
you”

“
Is that what you tell
yourself really? Don’t you think I noticed how Phin was born six
months after my dad died?”

“
That was
different”

“
Different how?” I shout
“You were both as bad as each other! You were both having an
affair; you both had another child on the way by someone else!
There is no wonder he had an affair though, you are malicious,
bland, self-centered, repulsive and agonizing to be
around”

“
Don’t speak to your mother
like that” Sam threatens taking a step towards me.

“
Or what? You’ll hit me?” I
taunt “Go for it, take your best shot because you’ll only get one”
I warn.

“
I should have killed you
when I had the chance”

“
Yeah, maybe you should
have, but you didn’t so get over it” I snap at him loosing my
patience.

“
I was put through hell
because of you two, but don’t think for one second that I’ll let
you do that to him” I shout pointing at Phin “Because that boy
turned up here wanting to live with me. He doesn’t want to be with
you anymore. Your own child can’t even stand to be with you” I turn
to my mum.

“
And as for you, you better
have another one because so far two out of two hate you, maybe
third times the charm. Will you stick with Sam or find someone else
to knock you up. Maybe that’s why I am like I am … Mother like
daughter and all that”

My head snaps back with
the slap but I don’t move I stay where I am.

“
Then again don’t have
another one. You being alive is bad enough without you spreading
yourself around anymore”

This time she punches me,
but I still don’t move unable to stop my verbal assault on this
woman who has caused me pain for half my life.

“
You think that hitting me
will change anything? Do you think that you can get rid of your
pain by inflicting some one me? Is it working? Or it is making you
even angrier?” My questions are met with silence. “That’s what I
thought. Well either that you just are intelligent enough to think
of a way to verbalize your feelings” I sigh and shake my head at
her “It must be hard not having anything to say but having all
these feeling boiling up inside you, it’s bad for you, you know,
one day you are just going to explode and probably end up killing
someone or yourself. Is it just me that sets it off or do other
people do it too?” I take my time looking at her from head to toe
“No I don’t think it’s just me. I think it’s anytime you see
happiness, I just remind you of something you failed at. That’s
what this is all about. The hate isn’t for me, it’s for yourself,
and you failed at your marriage. You couldn’t even get your husband
to love you. Your first child can’t stand you. I know your parents
can’t stand you either” her eyes flash at the mention of her
parents. I smile as I hit the nerve.

“
Yeah, I might not have
been very old but I remember clearly. The phone calls you used to
make to them and they would have you in tears within five minutes.
You didn’t even say anything to them just used to sit there and
listen to how you were worthless and a disgrace to them. Tut tut
getting pregnant so young, before you even finished school. You
would cry for hours and tell my dad everything they said to you,
every name they called you. Do you blame me?” I ask
smiling.

“
Of course I do, I gave
birth to a whore!” she screams at me.

“
No, you gave birth an
innocent baby girl. What ever you think I am is what I’ve learnt
from you, you must be one hell of a teacher because I really did
learn from the best. In fact just a few hours ago I had sex up
against that wall right behind you” I look down at my watch and
suck air in through my teeth. “If you like I can go get some men in
here for you so you can have a go? Not sure how many you’ll be able
to go through before we close but knowing you, you’ll surprise me
and spread your legs quickly enough”

She pulls her arm back to
hit me again but I’m quicker than her and grab it pulling her
forward with it. “I think it’s time you left now. The first two I
gave you but touch me again and I will break every single one of
your fingers” she looks behind me to Sam “You can set your bulldog
on me if you want, but I’m not scared of him. Worst he can do is
kill me and if it means that I no longer have to spend time on the
same earth with the same air you are breathing then that suits me
fine” I let her go and she stumbles back. I walk over to the desk
and shake Phin awake, after assuring him he can call me if he ever
needs anything I open the office door widely for them all. “Now get
the hell out of here and I don’t want to see you ever again” I
follow them out as far as the bar and watch them until they have
left the building.

I’m immediately surrounded
by Sophie, Matt, Tucker, Lucy and Andrew. Sophie, Matt and Tucker
are looking at every inch of my body, checking for marks. I watch
as Tucker and Matt clench their jaws when they notice my red cheek
and the little cut on my lip.

“
I swear if one more person
calls me a whore I will go terminator on their ass” I sigh as I
lean against the bar.

I watch as the crowd
starts clearing when the DJ calls closing. Sophie pulls her arm
around my shoulders and hands me a shot.

“
Anywhere else?” she asks
staring pointedly at my lip.

“
No, I kind of asked for it
this time and I couldn’t help but torment her”

“
What happened?” She
asks

“
To cut a long story short.
My dad never wanted me, he wanted a boy. He didn’t like me. Could
never love me. She had an affair with Sam and got pregnant with
Phin. My dad was also having an affair and was leaving us the day
he died. Oh and I have a brother that I never knew about until this
evening. I’ve met her though and I’ve met the boy, it’s Wills wife
and eldest son” I explain tiredly.

“
Wow” is all she says,
taking it all in.

“
Yeah. Officially the most
bizarre night ever”

“
I can’t believe
it”

“
Neither can I. You
couldn’t make this stuff up”

I answer the door and
frown at Tucker stood on my doorstep.

“
Morning” he greets me,
without his usual charming smile.

“
Hey” I step aside to let
him in still frowning, wondering how the hell he knows where I
live.

“
I gave Matt and Sophie a
lift over here when they came up for your birthday” He answers my
unasked question.

“
Oh” is all I reply and
lead him into the kitchen “Coffee?” I offer, he nods and sits at
the table.

“
So what brings you here?”
I ask as soon as I’m sat down opposite him.

“
I think we need to
talk”

I knew this conversation
was coming; it’s one of the reasons I don’t stand around and talk
to him at the club. “Okay” I say cautiously.

“
I know you’ve been
avoiding it but I think we need to, after what happened in the
office”

Yes I remember that
clearly, this man sat in front of me is the only one who can make
me forget everything apart from how I much I want him inside me
with just a kiss. I remember how his hands felt gripping my thighs
… his lips on my neck … moving inside me.

“
You need to stop thinking
whatever you’re thinking otherwise we won’t end up talking” he
scolds.

“
Well if you don’t mention
sex I won’t think about it” I snap embarrassed.

“
I came here to apologise”
he admits softy.

“
You don’t need to
apologize for anything” I insist.

“
You’re wrong; I have a lot
to apologies for, starting with betraying your trust the first
time, I had no right to tell someone else what you told me. You
trusted me and I Brooke that even knowing how hard it must have
been for you to tell me in the first place. For that I will always
be sorry. I will never forgive myself for doing it a second time
either. Those things I said to you in the café, in front of all of
our friends and people who you didn’t even know. You have no idea
how much I regret that. I can’t believe how stupid I was, I had all
these feelings for you and I didn’t know what to do with them. Then
after we slept together in the afternoon, I went looking for you a
few hours later and you weren’t in your room. Sophie didn’t know
where you were.

I didn’t know what was
happening, I thought you regretted it. I thought you were ashamed
of what we did. Then when I saw you the next day and you said that
you were at a hotel, I lost it. I should have let you explain. I
should have asked you to speak to me in private. I should never
have lost my temper with you. More importantly I should never have
said what I did about what we did the day before. What I called you
after telling you that I used you. To this day I still don’t know
why you didn’t try to kill me. You didn’t even say anything
horrible to me though, you never said anything bad to me or about
me.

I also want to apologize
about what happened in the office at the club. It shouldn’t have
happened. I shouldn’t have followed you in there and I shouldn’t
have kissed you. Since I came here you have welcomed me back into
your life and treat me the same as you treat all your other friends
when you shouldn’t even have to look at me. I know that I don’t
deserve to have you in my life at all, you’re too kind and you’re
so happy, I don’t want to have the chance to be able to ruin that
for you … again” He shakes his head and looks down into his
cup.

I honestly don’t know what
to say to that, I want to hell him that he should regret it all but
I can’t because I don’t. I want to tell him none of it matters but
it does. I try to put what I feel into words, searching deep
through the emotions that I feel towards him.

“
I appreciate you saying
all of that and taking the time to come here and apologize to me.
But there really is nothing to be sorry for. Yes at the time I was
hurt, angry and humiliated. You were one of the reasons I left but
I’m not mad at you for that, for any of it. I don’t look back and
regret anything. OKAY maybe the whole telling Beth stuff but it
doesn’t matter. I don’t know if you’ll understand but when I left
that room I never planned on leaving. Sure I was mad as hell and
thinking about ways I could torture you, but then I was sat on my
bed and I remembered all the nights you stayed with me, just
because when you were there I didn’t have nightmares. I remembered
all the times we spent laughing and bickering. I loved you. When I
was with you I was happy. I hadn’t been that happy since before my
dad died. That was nine years I didn’t realize I was unhappy for.
You showed me that my life didn’t have to be the hell it was. That
gave me the strength I needed to move away.

I don’t regret a single
second I spent with you, the good or the bad, the laughing, the
bitching all of it because you saved my life and not just by
literally tackling the man who tried killing me but by just being
in my life, you pulled me out of the hell I was living and into the
light.

For that I will always be
grateful and I will always owe you for that. If it wasn’t for you
doing that I don’t know where I would be right now.” I wipe away
the tear that’s silently rolling down my cheek. “You have no idea
that means to me” I finish glad that he came over here because I
would have avoided this for as long as I could. But now I know how
much I’ve needed to tell him what he did for me.

I will always love him for
it and maybe that’s why no one ever comes close to meaning as much
to me has he does. To me he means true happiness.

“
You never fail to surprise
me, you have had so many terrible things happen to you, yet you can
turn them around and only see the good” he shakes his head “I
completely understand what the guys say when they ask if you’re
real”

“
I’m far from perfect
Tucker people only see what I want them to see, no one sees when
the simple things set me off into a full blown tantrum. No notices
when sometimes just one word can make want to cry or hit someone.
No one notices when I’ve been up all night crying because
everything is just too much for me to handle. No one notices that
when something has triggered a rough memory for me I immediately do
something to take my mind off it. No one notices that I do
everything I can to avoid being alone with a man because deep down
the fear is still there. Ridiculous I know but my point is no one
notices any of this stuff because no one sees past the
smile”