Wander and Roam (Wander #1) (7 page)

Sage leads me higher and higher up a rocky trail, until white sailboats dotting the far-away bay appear. He stops next to a large, flat rock overlooking the water and climbs on top of it. After settling in a cross-legged position, he gestures for me to sit across from him.

“Best view within walking distance of the farm.” He waits for my reaction.

“Do you come here often?” I’m curious about where he always disappears.

“Every day. This is my favorite place to meditate.”

I can see why. The tree cover breaks just enough to allow rays of sun to stream down on the rock. The water sparkles. This could be the most peaceful spot on the farm.

“So, what do you think?” he asks.

“Flat rock is a pretty amazing place.”

“Flat rock? That does not capture the specialness.” He shakes his head, over-exaggerating his disappointment. “We definitely need to come up with a better name.”

“Seeing as how I don’t even know how to meditate…”

Sage claps his hands together. “That’s it! You need a lesson in the ‘now.’”

I can’t hold in my sigh. “I don’t even believe in that ‘now’ stuff.”

“There’s nothing to believe in. It’s just something you need to experience.” A grin spreads across his face. “Please? Try it once?”

I wonder what the harm would be. Meditating can’t hurt. It could even help. “Okay.”

“Okay? As in yes?” He leans closer.

“Yes, I’ll try your ‘now’ stuff.” I hurry to set up rules and boundaries for our experiment. “I’ll try it
once
. Don’t think I’m going to start eating that vegan junk or praying to the Buddha.”

Sage laughs. “You don’t pray to Buddha. It’s more—”

If he starts talking philosophy, it will be dark before we hike down the butte. “I just need the rules for how to be present.”

“Rule Number One: let your body experience what’s happening in the moment, and
embrace
those feelings. It won’t work if you’re thinking about the future or the past. You
have
to remain in the moment.” His face grows more serious. “Rule Number Two: radical honesty.”

“Radical honesty?” The phrase scares me before I even know what it means.

“Full and total honesty.” He watches me, as if he suspects this might be the hardest part of our experiment.

I make a face. “I’m not sure I can be fully honest.” Even talking about radical honesty makes my heart race. I’m not ready to share all of my secrets.

“What if you only had to be honest with yourself?”

Relief flows through me. “I think I can manage that.” As long as I don’t have to share anything about Robbie, or how I came to this Australian farm, I can manage. I should be able to be open with myself. It can’t be that hard.

Sage scoots closer until we sit knee to knee. He reaches for my hand. “Like this.” As he places it palm-up against my knee, he brushes his thumb gently along my palm. I quickly flip the other hand over, eager to avoid his soft touch. He rests his hands on his knees then whispers, “Just be.”

I sit and wait. Unsure of what is supposed to happen, I focus on my body. The sun shines down on my face and the back of my arms, creating pleasant warmth. A gentle breeze blows strands of hair across my forehead. My fingertips graze against Sage’s, creating fiery tingles.

While I look everywhere but up, Sage watches me the entire time. I slowly meet his gaze. The corners of his mouth turn up slightly. His eyes crinkle, and a full smile emerges. He could be playing connect-the-dots with the freckles on my nose and cheeks. I squirm just the tiniest bit.

“What are you feeling?” he asks.

What an unusual question. Most people ask
how
others are feeling, seeking definitive answers. Sage has posed a more open-ended question, though. “The sun feels amazing.”

“Your freckles are cute. I like all thirty-seven of them.”

I gasp. He
was
counting! “I could look at the boats for hours. It’s so peaceful watching them sail.”

“I love the breeze. I especially love the way the wind is blowing your hair around,” he whispers.

This radical honesty is way more personal than I was expecting. I pause, thinking how to respond.

Sage shakes his head, his wild locks bouncing with his movement. “Don’t think. Just be.”

“I like the way our fingers feel together. I don’t want to separate them.”

Before I can even wonder how
that
escaped my mouth, Sage moves his hands closer, interlocking our fingers. “I don’t want you to move them, either.”

I cannot stop staring into Sage’s chestnut-hued eyes. I’m not going to share
that
thought, though. Not trusting myself, I remain silent.

He leans close. “I want to kiss you.”

“I want to kiss you, too,” I whisper before clenching my lips together.

Sage brushes his lips against mine. His sun-scorched roughness caresses my lip-glossed softness. After one light kiss, he eases back.

“More,” I whisper. This time, my lips are the ones to seek his.

Beneath the warmth of the sun, alongside the gentle breeze and overlooking the scenic bay, our mouths meet. He tastes of mint-tinged sweetness. His tongue dances with mine, and our lips crush together. All the while, my fingers tingle as they remain interlocked with his upon our knees.

With a small groan, Sage breaks away. “Welcome to the ‘now’, Abby.”

I’ve never kissed anyone other than Robbie. All this time, I’ve stayed loyal to him, no matter how big our troubles became. My throat tightens, and my eyes well.
Forgive me, Robbie.

“Abby?” Sage strokes my cheek.

The spell is broken. I jump up then hurry back to the path.

“Wait for me. What did you think?” Sage gathers his backpack and catches up to me.

I liked it, and that’s the worst part of this mess. I liked kissing Sage. I swallow and blink my eyes to keep the tears from falling.

He touches my shoulder. “What’s wrong? Talk to me.”

Determined not to cry, I move a little faster down the trail. “Was that one of your moves? I have to admit, that was pretty slick.”

“You think I have moves?” Sage grins. “No, that was fully experiencing life in the present.”

I should have never agreed to try one of Sage’s silly meditations. My body was obviously confused after being alone for so long.

Sage hums as he hikes. The happy tune wears at the last of my patience until I grab a small pebble and flick it at him.

“Ouch! Are you actually mad at me?”

He knows I’ve been hurt. He mentioned it at lunch. With each step down the hill, my body grows tenser.

When I don’t respond, he adds, “You wanted to kiss me just as much as I wanted to kiss you. Remember, I’m the one who stopped the smooching.”

I glare back at him.

“And FYI... you are the
only
one I have meditated with.”

I toss another pebble.

“Radical honesty,” he calls before ducking once more.

I
BARELY
make it through the next morning’s chores before the need to write another letter overwhelms me. I try to focus on today’s final tasks to escape the rush of feelings that threaten to break loose. As soon as I harvest the last of the zucchini, I grab my notebook and favorite pen.

I have a confession to make. I kissed Sage yesterday. Even worse, I liked kissing him. It wasn’t planned. If he or I had tried to plan it, the kiss would have never happened. I would have kept control.

Robbie, it’s just not fair that we can’t be together. If you were here, I would have never been tempted to kiss another boy. You and me. It was always you and me. If the world were fair, we would have been the ones kissing yesterday.

I can hear your voice telling me to be happy. You aren’t mad at all about the stolen kiss, are you? Well, I am angry with myself. I wanted so badly to stay loyal to you.

But I’m failing.

Extra XXXXXXOOOOOO

Abby

“You liked kissing me? I
knew
it!” Sage snatches the letter from me.

Before I can spin around, he dashes away, still holding my precious letter. “Sage, give me back my letter.”

“Catch me first,” he calls from one of the trails.

“I am
not
playing tag!” I scream into the wind. Hot tears escape, but they do nothing to cool my blazing cheeks. I sink to the grass, cover my face, and focus on breathing.

Moments later, crisp paper rubs against my hands. Sage crouches in front of me, holding my letter out. For once, he isn’t smiling. “Listen, I really messed up.” He runs his hand through his hair and looks away. “I was just trying to goof around. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“Or completely invade my privacy?”

“That too. I peeked at your ‘I liked kissing Sage’ line and your radical honesty overwhelmed me.”

I pick up the closest thing I can find—my backpack—and whack him with it.

“Abby, I really am sorry.” He sounds so sincere that I believe him.

I wipe away the last of my tears. Typically, I’m able to hold in my emotions. The last time I
really
cried was the last night I spent with Robbie. Not a tear has fallen since that day. Until now.

“Who’s Robbie?”

Of all the questions, this is the hardest one for me to answer. I don’t talk about Robbie. It just hurts too much. “Why won’t you talk about the future?” I snap. Two can play this game.

Sage turns away but not quickly enough to hide the shudder that passes through his body. “Touché.”

“We promised. I won’t ask about the future, and you won’t bring up the past.” We face away from one another; I watch the gardens while he stares into the forest.

“Just the ‘now’?” he asks.

I nod as calm washes over me.

Sage heads off for his daily disappearing spell. “What if the ‘now’ isn’t enough?” he whispers.

“It has to be.” But no one is left to hear my quiet words.

Yesterday was mind-blowingly wonderful. The meditation, the words we shared, our kiss, filled a hole that has been empty for so long. I wasn’t angry with Sage. No, I was furious with myself. I committed the ultimate betrayal. For the entire time we were in the present, I didn’t think once of Robbie.

I
ARRIVE
at the dock as the sun begins to rise. I have my new schedule down. Wake early and walk down to the docks, complete my volunteer hours after breakfast, then explore the park’s hiking trails until dinner. I usually bring along a paperback and search for a cozy reading spot along the trail.

I came here to volunteer after all, not to flirt with good-looking boys.

Luckily, Susan’s plan to prepare the field has worked in my favor. Sage underestimated how long it would take him to till the hard, rocky soil. During the last few days, he worked in the field while I cared for the vegetables.

I’ve finished five entire novels and hiked an impossible-to-calculate number of miles. The rugged trails aren’t marked with mile markers. Plus, that tricky kilometer to mile conversion makes it even more difficult to figure out distances.