Waking Up Gray (30 page)

All it meant to Lizbeth was that it had taken that long for Gray to discover she was gone. That was all she needed to know. Although she had told Gray that she had until morning to make up her mind, if it had been an all-nighter, it proved to Lizbeth that she wasn’t the one. The only one that made Gray’s heart beat faster. The only one that Gray truly loved. Lizbeth had been “not the only one” before. That wasn’t what she wanted from Gray. Lizbeth needed to be somebody’s “only one.”

Lizbeth wished that she had not fallen for Gray. What started as flirting and curiosity turned so quickly into total infatuation. If it had just stayed that way, Lizbeth could have let Gray bed her, notch her bedpost, and move on. Lizbeth fell hard for Gray and there was no way she could be around her, talk to her, or even be on the same island with her if she couldn’t love her. Lizbeth could not let herself love Gray if she was not the one that Gray wanted without question or doubt. Last night clearly showed that doubt existed, so there really wasn’t anything left to say.

Lizbeth set the phone down, rising to get a refill of coffee. Before she had taken a step, it began to ring and vibrate across the surface of the table. Lizbeth picked it up. She saw Gray’s name on the caller ID. She held the phone, staring down at the screen. Something began to boil inside her.

Along with the pain of heartbreak came the rage. Rage was the emotion Lizbeth most feared. It left her unable to control what she said and did. Rage was like a child lashing out in pain, wanting to inflict the hurt it feels on everyone around it. Lizbeth had let rage loose a time or two on James, but wound up horrified by her behavior and the hateful, awful things she had said. Although he deserved her wrath, threatening to prevent him from ever speaking to Mazie again and physically attacking him with various objects from the shelves and walls in the den had not been her finest hour. She was always grateful his golf clubs had still been in the car.

Rage was bubbling just below the surface, telling Lizbeth to answer the phone. She did, but only pushed the receive button, followed immediately by shutting the phone. The phone was connected just long enough for Lizbeth to hear Gray say her name. Rage flashed when the phone immediately rang again. Lizbeth’s eyes narrowed as she focused on the name, flashing on the caller I.D. Rage won out. She flipped the phone to her ear. She did not give Gray time to speak.

“I told you not to try to explain. Fuck you, Gray. Leave me the hell alone.”

Lizbeth slammed the phone shut. Rage had its say, but was not appeased. To make sure her rage was satisfied, Lizbeth hurled the phone against the wall, shattering it into pieces. She forgot all about calling her daughter. She snatched open the wine cooler, grabbed two bottles, the opener and a glass, and headed for the hot tub.

#

They found her naked, passed out in the corner of the shower, three hours later. She had an empty bottle of wine gripped tightly in her hands and clutched to her chest. The first thing Lizbeth heard and recognized as not a dream was Molly Kincaid’s voice.

“Oh, honey…look at you. Come on Lizbeth. Let’s get you out of there.”

Hands grasped her body and she let them lift her off the wet tile. She crumpled to the bathroom floor as Mazie and Molly wrapped her in towels, speaking softly in turn to Lizbeth, who had lost the drive to function. Lizbeth had not wanted this to happen. She had tried to stop the relationship before it got this far. She didn’t want to go down as hard as before, but down she went into the blackness of not feeling anything. Unable to care for herself in this state, Mazie and Molly fussed around trying to revive her.

Mazie’s voice was shaky with tears. “Mom… Mom… I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have left you alone… I’m so sorry.”

Molly took control of the situation. “Mazie, go get your mother some dry clothes. Let me talk to her.”

Mazie left. Lizbeth was aware of what was happening. She could see and hear everything, but it felt like she was inside a fish tank looking out at the world swimming around her. Molly wasn’t much bigger than Lizbeth, but she had been an athlete and stayed in shape. She pulled Lizbeth to her feet. Lizbeth was limp as a noodle and offered not much help. Molly put Lizbeth’s arm around her shoulder and lifted her enough to be able to get Lizbeth onto a nearby couch, in the dressing room.

Molly covered Lizbeth in the thick terry cloth robe she found hanging on the wall. With Lizbeth now sitting up, Molly got on her knees in front of her, so she could look into Lizbeth’s down turned face. The wine had done its job. Lizbeth was drunk and numb.

“Lizbeth, we got to get you dry and sober. Are you hearing me? When did you eat last?”

Without notice, Lizbeth jerked to the side and vomited all over the floor. Molly jumped out of the way, but chuckled. “Good. That’ll help.” She hunted around and found a trashcan, holding it for Lizbeth while she retched, and keeping Lizbeth’s hair out of her face. “Lizbeth, we have just crossed a new threshold in our friendship. You know you have a true friend if they’ll hold your hair while you puke.”

Mazie came back with clothes in her hands. Seeing the situation, she said, “Oh God, Mom.” She looked at Molly. “Is she okay?”

Molly tried to ease Mazie’s concern. “She’s going to be fine. Just got the wind knocked out of her.” Molly looked at the floor and grinned. “I guess she’s paying you back for all the times she had to clean up after you.”

#

Molly sent Mazie to the store because Lizbeth really had no food in the house. She had planned to be gone until December and removed all the perishables before she left. Mazie returned with stuff to make sandwiches she knew her mother would eat, and chicken soup, because that’s what she thought you gave someone who was sick. Carolinians swear by the healing powers of Coke, so she brought a two-liter and a six-pack of little bottles because they were the best.

Now, Molly sat feeding Lizbeth bite sized pieces of toast and forcing her to drink the Coke to get her sugar levels up. Mazie buzzed around the kitchen cutting up vegetables for the deli sandwiches that she intended to force her mother to eat. Molly spoke softly to Lizbeth.

“Honey, you have to eat. If you don’t come back soon, I’m taking you to Duke Hospital.”

Molly knew Lizbeth well enough to know that would get a rise out of her. Lizbeth had eaten half the piece of toast very slowly and had a few gulps of Coke, so she was coming around, but barely. She rolled her eyes at Molly and snatched the bread from her hand. She bit a piece and chewed the dry bread forcefully to appease Molly.

Molly laughed. “Okay, I see you in there. Eat both pieces of your toast and I’ll leave you alone.”

Lizbeth remained silent, but set about the business of getting the food and Coke down. Slowly her senses began to return. She no longer had the inside the fish bowl feeling. She once again felt a part of the same world occupied by the rest of humanity. Lizbeth finished the last bite and chased it with the remainder of the Coke in her glass. Molly refilled the glass, sat back, and waited. She was patient and gave Lizbeth the time to gather her scattered thoughts back into some kind of order.

Lizbeth finally managed a whispered, “Thank you.”

Molly leaned in and looked Lizbeth in the eyes. “Are you with me now?”

Lizbeth nodded yes.

“Good, then listen to me. Mazie told me what happened. Lizbeth, I think you overreacted.” Lizbeth started to protest. Molly wouldn’t let her. “No, you need to listen to me on this one. Lizbeth, lesbian relationships don’t often end as neatly as heterosexual ones. From what Mazie said and how much she thinks this Gray really loves you, I think you made a mistake taking off like you did. I did notice you closed the lines of communication rather permanently.” Molly pointed at the pieces of Lizbeth’s cell phone, now neatly piled on the table.

Mazie piped in, “That’s why I called Molly. You unplugged the house phones and you obviously couldn’t answer that.” She pointed at the phone pile on the table. “I was afraid of what I’d find when I got here.”

Lizbeth said, hoarsely, “I’m sorry if I scared you.”

“It’s okay, Mom. Are you feeling better?”

“Yes,” Lizbeth answered, unable yet to have a full-blown conversation.

Molly took one of Lizbeth’s hands in hers, getting her attention again. “Lizbeth, I know what happened here, or at least I think I do. This Dana person made the same pilgrimage a lot of people do, when they realize how incredibly badly they have behaved and what they lost by doing so. In some cases, it is simply to acknowledge the pain they caused and apologize. In others, it is a last ditch effort to reclaim a lost love, believing the fantasy that once they tell the ex-lover how sorry they are for letting them go, all the pain will go away and they will live happily ever after. It seldom, if ever, works out that way, but people continue to try.”

Lizbeth rallied somewhat. “But Molly, I was right. She didn’t know I was even gone until seven o’clock this morning. She spent the night with her.”

This was news to Molly. She sat back against the kitchen chair, silently assessing this new information.

Mazie asked, “How do you know when she found out? Did you talk to her?”

“When I turned the phone back on there were all these missed calls from her that started right after seven.”

Molly became more interested; leaning forward, she asked, “Did you listen to the messages?”

Lizbeth drank some more Coke, feeling her wits start to sharpen. She snapped back, “No, I don’t want to hear her try to explain. I’ve listened to speeches like that before. I don’t want to hear her lie.”

Mazie walked over and picked up a piece of Lizbeth’s phone. “Well, I don’t guess that’s a problem now.”

Molly wasn’t finished. “So you haven’t talked to her?”

Lizbeth answered sharply, “I talked. I did not listen.”

Mazie wanted to know, “What did you say to her?”

“I told her to fuck off and leave me alone, and then I hung up on her. That’s when I disabled the phone.”

“Disabled, yeah.” Molly laughed. “Guess there’s no doubt in her mind where you stand, is there?”

“Mom, I want to know what she said.” Mazie left the kitchen, calling back over her shoulder, “What’s your voicemail password?”

Lizbeth shouted after her, “I’m not telling you.”

Mazie returned from having retrieved her own cell phone from the foyer, where she had left her purse. She smiled sweetly at her mother. “That’s okay, Mom, you use the same password for everything. I got it.” Mazie hit the speed dial button for her mother’s cell and listened. She pulled the receiver away from her head and punched in four digits. Returning the phone to her ear, she listened again and then smiled. “Predictable,” she said to her mother.

“Mazie, I don’t want to know.”

Mazie responded with, “Then I won’t tell you.” She walked away when she pressed the number one, to start the message playback.

Lizbeth drank more Coke and stared straight ahead, as if ignoring Mazie on the phone could save her from reality. It was a valiant effort, but Molly’s expression of intrigue while she watched Mazie’s reaction to the messages did nothing to keep Lizbeth from wondering what excuse Gray had offered. It took a few minutes for Mazie to go through all the messages, but when she turned back around, she had tears in her eyes. Lizbeth felt worse immediately. Mazie was about to confirm what Lizbeth already suspected. Gray had decided to go back to Dana.

Mazie put her phone down on the table. She came over to her mother, pulling a chair up to sit in front of her. She shook her head from side to side. This was all very dramatic and Molly couldn’t take it anymore.

“What in God’s name did she say, Mazie?”

“Mom, I’m sorry, but you went through all of this for absolutely no reason.”

Lizbeth shuddered. She knew she had put herself through so much heartache because she was stupid enough to fall for a total stranger, a woman at that, without having all the facts first. She said, “I know, I was such an idiot.”

“No, Mom. You shouldn’t have left.”

Lizbeth was doubly shaken. “What in the hell are you talking about? Why are you crying?”

Mazie’s tears rose again. “Because Gray loves you and you’re breaking her heart. I could hear it in her voice.”

Lizbeth shot up out of the chair. “What! I’m breaking her heart?”

Mazie started to smile. “Molly was right. Gray was ending it with Dana for good. They just took a boat ride because Dana wanted to for old time’s sake. Somebody stole the gas out of Gray’s boat. She didn’t look at the gauges because she said she had just filled the boat that afternoon. She was stranded out in the inlet till sunrise, when someone came to get her. Her cell phone was dead or she would have called you.”

Molly started laughing. Lizbeth couldn’t believe it. She stared at her daughter for a second, and then said, “You have got to be fucking kidding me.”

Mazie began to laugh as well. “No, Mom, you had your breakdown a little prematurely this time. I told you, you should have waited for her.”

“Don’t be a smartass,” Lizbeth shot at Mazie and then turning on Molly she said, “And what in the hell are you laughing about?”

Molly shook her head from side to side. “Nothing, just good ol’ fashioned lesbian drama.”

The doorbell rang at that moment, startling all three women. Lizbeth recovered first. “It’s got to be a neighbor. I haven’t left anyone’s name at the gate and besides, no one knows I am home but you two. Get rid of them for me Mazie, please.”