Venture Forward (12 page)

“The guys will be here in the afternoon. Would that work? I can have Alison drop off the paperwork.”

The thought of seeing him again made her… well, it made her feel things she really shouldn’t be, for a whole lot of reasons. But that didn’t pause the oh-so-naughty scenes looping through her mind. “Sure, I’ll check them out first thing tomorrow.”

“Thanks. And congrats again. I hope you contracted a hefty royalty for yourself.”

“Of course. I’m an excellent negotiator.”

“Maybe one day I’ll get to see those skills at work.”

“Maybe so.” The warmth radiating from her cheeks spread to the rest of her extremities
.
Argh, stop! He just needed some help from a friend. Period. But logic didn’t do much to quell her yearning.

“Everything okay?” Mike flashed a look of concern as he and Scott exited the conference room.

Sure, everything was great. She was falling for a guy she’d trashed to the world under an alias because she was a bitter control freak who harbored feelings of inadequacy. How could things be anything other than okay?
“Perfectly fine, thanks. It was a pleasure doing business with you, as always.”

“Likewise. Now when are you going to take me up on one of my many offers for employment? I need your negotiating skills here at BMX.”

“You can’t afford me.”

“Give me a number.”

“Oh I will.
After
I finish my takeover of the virtual recording world.”

“I’ll be waiting. Take care, Avery.” He leaned in to give her a quick kiss on the cheek and then turned to Scott. “Great to meet with you again. We look forward to seeing you in the studio. This is only the beginning. Get ready to enjoy the ride.”

“I don’t know how to thank you enough for all this.” Scott flashed his now-famous lopsided grin at her as they rode the elevator to the lobby. “A few months ago, I’d never have dreamed this was possible.”

“You’re the one with the talent. I just gave you the audience.”

He grazed her arm, the intimate touch making her skin crawl. “No, you really went to bat for me in there. I’m not an agent. I’m just a musician.”

“Scott, listen, I—”

Inching closer, he dropped his voice. “I just want you to know how much I appreciate it.”

She pointed a finger at his hand. “Don’t confuse your gratitude with anything else. We’re business associates. That’s all. I don’t get involved with my clients, do you understand?”

He pulled away, a pained expression shadowing his face. “I’m sorry, I just—”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll have Divya schedule a release meeting. We need to go through some final details of the contract with you and your attorney.”

“Um, yeah, sure. Thanks again.”

She turned away as two excited teenaged girls spotted him and ran over, gushing and professing their undying devotion.
Ah, to be twenty-two again, and an up and coming rock star to boot. Life must be pretty damn good.

A heavy weight settled in her chest as she slid into the rental car. It had been long enough, and she couldn’t avoid her mother forever. Twenty agonizing minutes later, Avery stood staring at the tan stucco house she’d left behind. Even though it was eighty-five degrees in the blistering sun, a chill raced down her back. Memories of those final days were so haunting, but it was time to put the past behind her for good.

Silence greeted her as she gingerly stepped into the tiled foyer. Airy brightness filled the rooms, but her gloom cast a shadow over all. The overwhelming urge to run was strong, but it wouldn’t give her the closure she desperately needed. At least, it hadn’t worked so far.

Muffled sounds drifted into the hallway.

Of course she was in Tara’s room. It was another slap in the face. Typical of Jane to pull out all the stops, knowing Avery was coming and that she’d find her wallowing in grief and despair, exactly as she’d left her.

Avery’s heels clicked on the terracotta tiles as she walked down the hall. “Enjoy The Silence” by Depeche Mode filtered into the still air. Tears pooled in her eyes, as they always did when she heard the song, Tara’s favorite. The last treatments had been so debilitating, making her so ill she could barely speak. Only that haunting melody could ease the mental anguish of knowing the end was near. At the very least, she had been able to find peace in the silence.

Twist the knife a little more, why don’t you, Mom?

She pushed open the door to find her mother sitting in a rocking chair by the window, clutching a picture frame.

“Mom?”

Her mother’s vacant eyes flickered toward her and then back to the window. The instantaneous rejection was like a swift kick to the gut. She didn’t care about Avery at all. Two people had cared. One of them was dead; the other had walked away without so much as a backward glance.

“I didn’t expect to see you so soon.”

“I left a message on the machine. Didn’t you hear it?”

Jane continued to stare out the window.

Avery thought twice about sitting on Tara’s bed, thinking it would only upset her mother more. She didn’t need to make things worse. “Are you hungry? Do you want to go somewhere for lunch?”

“I listen to this song all the time. It makes me feel closer to her.”

“I’m sure.”

The vacant stare finally focused on her. “How do
you
remember your sister?”

Avery recoiled, startled by the question. She missed Tara every day, felt guilty every day. “I think about her all the time… her singing, her silly made-up jokes, the way she would—”

“I’m sure you couldn’t wait to get out of here and forget everything. It must be so much easier to remember when you aren’t constantly faced with the loss.”

Avery swallowed hard, tears gathering in the corners of her eyes. “You’re not the only one who’s hurting. I adored her. Please don’t make me feel bad about moving on. I’m doing the best I can.”

Jane placed the photograph on the nightstand. It was a picture of her and Tara when they were younger, before she’d gotten sick. Things had been so much simpler then. They were a family. They were happy and whole.

“You did what you
should
have done. It was your duty as part of this family to be here for your sister.” Jane pushed past her, sniffling. “I certainly hope you don’t expect me to congratulate you for doing the right-and-decent thing.”

“Nobody asked me to come home. I did it on my own — not because I felt guilty, but because I wanted to be here for you. I gave up my hopes and dreams for the future and got a job here in LA. I did everything possible to help and make Tara comfortable. How can you insinuate that I don’t care? Everything I did screams how much I care!”

Tears spilled over. It felt good to release the emotions that had crippled her over the years. Her mother would always mourn the loss of the daughter she couldn’t save, because of
Avery’s
decision. It didn’t matter that the doctors had agreed. In Jane’s mind, Avery had singlehandedly made the choice that resulted in Tara’s death, and it was unforgiveable.

Jane’s shoulders shook from the force of her sobs. “You left me here! After Tara died, you left me alone. You never cared about me. It was always about you. That’s why you went to Pittsburgh. You wanted to escape. Admit it!”

“Is it so bad that I wanted my own life? You never gave a shit about me! Daddy did, but you managed to push him away too!”

“Your father is a lying, cheating bastard. He left when things got too hard. He couldn’t handle Tara’s illness. He couldn’t be a responsible and dependable parent, and he was a shitty husband! Don’t make him out to be some kind of victim. He’s a worthless piece of crap!”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” Avery’s voice was barely audible, her shoulders quivering with muted sobs.

“So now you’ve come back for… what exactly? To mourn beside me in an attempt to ease your guilty conscience? To placate me?”

“I was hoping we could try to make things better, but you’ll never let this go. I’ll always be the one who disappointed you, the one who abandoned you in your time of need, the one who—”

“Don’t be such a martyr. You think you know what I’m feeling, but you have no idea.”

“That’s because you don’t talk to me! You never did. It was always about Tara. And now that I’m here, it’s still all we talk about. Or argue about. Or
cry
about! If you can’t talk to me, if you don’t care to fix whatever shred of a relationship we have…” She picked up her handbag. “…then I don’t really know what else to do. I’m never going to be good enough to fill the void. I’ve tried for too long. I love you, but I just can’t do it anymore. It’s not my fault.”

It was really and truly over. She left without another word, tortured by the muffled sounds of her mother’s weeping, and with the heart-wrenching realization that the tears weren’t for her, but for her dear departed sister.

“
PAUL, AVERY HUNTER JUST
arrived. Should I bring her to the conference room?” Alison’s voice interrupted his scattered thoughts. The past twenty-four hours of anticipation had been sheer agony.

“No, I’ll be right out.” Chris and James were on their way, but he’d asked Avery to stop by earlier. If friendship were all she was prepared to offer, he’d take it. Something about her energy calmed him, strange as it seemed. For some inexplicable reason, the anger faded away, and the demons didn’t seem so insurmountable.

His pulse quickened at the sight of her flipping through pages of the specs he’d sent to her office. Her casual outfit of a fitted, white button-down shirt and skinny jeans got his blood pumping, and all thoughts of sensors and engineers dissipated. Long blonde hair fell around her shoulders, and she absently twirled a strand as she perused the document. Just seeing her made all the bullshit with that book morph into white noise.

“Hey, thanks a lot for coming. I hope you weren’t too bored reading all that.”

“Don’t worry. It was riveting.” The faint smile set off alarm bells. Something was wrong.

“Ali, can you send Chris and James back when they get here?” He led Avery into the hallway and dropped his voice. “Everything okay?”

Clutching the papers in her arms, she shook her head and walked into the conference room.

“What’s going on? Can I help at all?” The evident pain in her eyes was heart-wrenching to witness. Had something happened in LA?

“It’s nothing, really. I’m fine.” She fiddled with her bracelet. “It’s just been a long couple of days.”

“Listen, if you’re not up to this, we can always reschedule.”

“No, no. I’m good, really.” She let out a deep sigh. “I want to help. I’m, um, glad you called.”

He inched closer, placing his hands on her shoulders, unable and unwilling to break the spell. Her eyes held so much emotion — was there something beyond all that pain? Was he fooling himself into believing there could be real feelings beyond the words she’d vehemently reinforced, so many times over? “I want you to know that—”

“Hey!” Chris’s booming voice shattered the moment.

He dropped his hands, trying to gauge a reaction. But her face immediately became impassive.

Chris winked at Paul. “I hope we’re not interrupting anything.”

Paul glared at him. “You’re
late
.”

“Good thing, huh?”

James walked in, laptop bag in hand. “Hey, Avery, thanks so much for helping us out with this project.”

“It’s my pleasure, I love this stuff. Thanks for asking.”

The next forty minutes stretched into what seemed like four hours. He forced himself to listen, memorizing every detail about her face as she outlined recommendations on the sensor design specs. Her delicate cheekbones… sun-kissed skin… long thick eyelashes that framed her sapphire blue eyes… those full pink lips… She was perfect — beautiful, bright, driven, and strong. Whatever bubbled beneath the surface remained carefully hidden. He wanted so badly to erase her pain, to make her feel the same peace he did when they were together. Every second that passed convinced him more and more. He needed this girl in his life, but for once, he wasn’t holding the cards. His destiny was in the hands of another, and he was powerless against her.

“Thanks so much. This is really fantastic.” Chris jotted down a few notes. “I’ll give your recommended guys a call in the morning to discuss the next steps.”

“I’m glad I could help.” Her phone buzzed on the table. When she looked at the screen, Paul caught the almost-imperceptible look of distress clouding her face.

“Guys, I need to get back to the office. Sorry to cut things short, but just have Alison reach out, and we can get together again to finish up.” Her troubled gaze settled a moment longer on Paul. “I’ll speak to you soon.”

A moment later, she was gone.

Chris turned to Paul. “What the hell was
that
all about? Something going on between you two?”

“What the hell is your problem? You told me to call her, and I did. Now we’re moving forward on her recommendations. I don’t know what you’re getting at.”