Vegas Vacation (Destination Desire) (17 page)

“Nope.” Julie slid off the hood and pushed away from the car. “Relationships are a risk. So, you have to ask yourself if you trust yourself to make the right decision this time, and if you trust him to stick by you, even though your dad and Brandon were faithless jerks.” She glanced back. “No offense to your dad, but…”

“Those weren’t his best moments,” Meg finished. “He’s apologized to me and to Mom, but that doesn’t change what he did.”

She sat there for a long time, silent. Did she trust Finn not to bail on her? Not to cheat and hurt her? Did she trust her own judgment well enough to be willing to make a commitment to him? That was probably the worst of Brandon’s crimes, in the end. Not that he’d lied and left her, but that his actions had destroyed her faith in herself. And she’d let him do it. That seared her soul. She’d let him steal her chance to be happy with someone else. She’d let him make her afraid.

But she’d grown since then. She had taken a risk on Finn. Maybe not the biggest risk of all—commitment—but she’d gotten involved with a colleague. That had been a huge step. She’d been a lot more spontaneous when she was with him, willing to react without overanalyzing everything. She had changed, little by little. It felt as if she’d been hiding inside a protective shell for years, only coming out of it for her friends, and Finn had made her want to free herself from it entirely. When had the protection become a prison?

It wouldn’t be the end of the world to go out on a date with him. It wasn’t as if she had to marry him tomorrow. If things didn’t work out, she’d be hurt, and that hurt would take a long time to get over. She had to accept that possibility too—the good and the bad. But wasn’t she hurting now? Wasn’t she regretting the missed chance with Finn? Did she want to feel like this every time she ran into him at work? Maybe it would get better with time, but did she want it to? Did she want to feel good about chickening out on what might have been perfect for her?

No. No, she didn’t want to take the coward’s way out. She didn’t want to doubt herself forever, too scared to go after what she wanted and fight to keep it. She believed in herself enough to do this, and she believed in Finn enough to know he wouldn’t hurt her on purpose. There were still no guarantees that they’d live happily ever after, but…she had to at least try.

“Hey, look at this, guys.”

She blinked and saw Anne motioning them over to the edge of the bluff. The group straggled over to join her, with Meg tugging Hugo’s leash to get the hound moving. It took her a moment to see what Anne was pointing at, and when she did, her stomach did a back flip. A tall man was running short sprints back and forth on the beach, his hair gleaming red in the sunset.

“Finn.” She turned an accusing gaze on Anne. “You knew he’d be here.”

“Guilty as charged.” Her friend leaned in close. “What are you going to do about it?”

“I’m not ready to see him.” She stumbled back a step. Sure, she’d decided to find out if he still wanted to date her, but talking to him about it right this second was terrifying.

“Nobody’s ready for love,” Karen retorted, the voice of experience. “That doesn’t really stop it from showing up.”

“You can’t hide forever.” Julie bumped her shoulder against Meg’s. “What you had with Brandon wasn’t real because he wasn’t genuine.”

“Finn is,” Anne finished. “Don’t compound your first mistake by making an even bigger one now. He loves you, and he’s been a nasty beast to work with the last couple of weeks. So be a pal and put me out of his misery.”

Meg laughed, the sound watery.

“All right.” Karen made a shooing motion at the other two. “We’ve done all we can. It’s up to you if you want to go down and talk to him.”

Julie ruffled Meg’s hair. “We’ll be at the Moonside. It’s a short walk if you decide you want to join us instead of talking to him. We’re here for you no matter what.”

And they would be there for her if Finn decided he didn’t want to deal with her fears. Which he had every right to do, especially after she’d kicked him out of her life. It was a comfort, knowing her girls would always be on her side. She should have told them about Brandon a long time ago. If she hadn’t bottled it up all these years, she might have gotten over it by now. She put that regret aside. Beating herself up over that past hadn’t helped, and she needed to look forward, not back. “Thanks.”

Anne leaned in for a quick hug, and whispered in Meg’s ear, “You’re not going to find one like him again, hon. Don’t throw away happiness.”

“I won’t,” she whispered back. “Let’s just hope he still wants me.”

“He does.” Anne’s smile held the confidence Meg lacked.

She’d put him through the ringer, rejected the love he’d offered her. It seemed only fair she give him the opportunity to return the favor. Queasiness settled in her belly as her friends drove away. She really despised confrontation—a trait picked up from watching her parents argue—and now she was in for the fight of her life. God, help her.

“Come on, Hugo.”

He gave a whining little grunt as he heaved to his feet and followed her down the trail to the beach. The walk across the sand seemed endless. Finn was a blur, he ran so fast. He’d stop just long enough to touch the wet beach, then shoot in the other direction for about fifty feet and do the same thing. A churned furrow showed he’d been at it for a while. He didn’t even glance up as she drew near, his brow creased in concentration.

“Finn.”

He stumbled as she spoke, whipping around to stare at her as if she were a ghost. Chest heaving, sweat pouring down his skin, he swiped a hand across his face. “Meg.”

“Hi.” She tried not to cringe at her own banality.

He glanced around at the deserted beach. “What are you doing here?”

Courage, Meg. Courage.
He’d said what they had was worth fighting for, and she had to believe he meant it. “I came to talk to you. Anne gave me a push in the right direction.”

That earned a snort. “I hope it wasn’t too hard a push.”

“Just enough to get me moving.” Her lips twisted. “It’s good to see you.”

“It hurts to see you.”

The frank words made tears burn her eyes, but she blinked them back. She deserved whatever he had to dish out. “I want to apologize.”

He glanced away. “You don’t need to do that.”

“Yes, I do.” She pulled Hugo a bit closer, until she stood right in front of Finn and looked him straight in the eye. “I love you. And I need to apologize for being too gutless to admit it before now. I need to apologize for hurting you and leaving you.”

“I knew when we started our affair that I might not come out of it unscathed.” His blue gaze was hooded, and whatever reaction he’d had to her declaration of love remained hidden.

This was not going well. The queasiness in her stomach made bile burn its way up her throat, but she refused to back down. “I want another chance, if you’re still interested. Maybe we could have dinner or coffee or something.”

He sighed, closed his eyes and swallowed. “Meg, I don’t know. It would kill me if you changed your mind again.”

“I won’t.” She edged closer, dared to lay her hand on his chest, felt the warmth and vitality of him beneath his sweatshirt. “History is my specialty, but in this case, dwelling on the past didn’t serve me well at all. I’ve been running scared for a long time, pretending that I was just being logical about my relationship choices, and you made me stop and question why I was doing all of that. Yanking someone out of a rut is usually uncomfortable for everyone concerned, and you didn’t exactly see me at my best.” She licked her lips, and she watched his eyes follow her movements. Heat flared in his gaze before he banked it, but it gave her some hope. “I didn’t treat you very well and I wasn’t entirely honest with you. I’d like the chance to change that.”

“What makes you think this will go better than it did last time?”

It was a fair question. She’d spent the last year holding him at arm’s length because dating a colleague was a mistake that would end badly. “Because you were right. You’re not Brandon, I’m not the woman I was when I was with him, and I think you’re twice the man he could ever hope to be. You would never treat a woman the way he did or the way my father did my mother, and I think if you weren’t happy with a relationship, you’d be adult enough to bow out of it instead of straying.”

His gaze darkened, and she could see his inner turmoil. “You know, I’d given up on you.”

“Don’t.” Her heart clutched, pain slicing through her. She balled her hands in his sweatshirt, a tear escaping the corner of her eye. “Don’t give up on me, please.”

“Meg.” His hand lifted to cup her cheek, wiping the moisture away.

“You love me, and I love you.” She laid her forehead against his chest, willing him to listen to her, to believe her. “We can make this work, I know it. We don’t even have to make any kind of commitments now. Just agree to have dinner. We can go really slowly, if you want.”

“I don’t think that will work for me.” His hands closed over her shoulders, holding her away from him.

She gritted her teeth to keep in a sob, but she couldn’t stop another tear from escaping. “Please reconsider, Finn. I promise I’ll do better this time. I’d be a fucking awesome girlfriend, if you’d let me.”

A faint smile curved his lips. “I meant that taking it slowly and not making commitments wouldn’t work for me.”

“Oh. Oh.” Joy broke through her as what he’d said finally processed. Her heart skipped a beat, then raced.

His fingers dug into her shoulders. “I would want you to be my fucking awesome girlfriend. Publicly.”

It was a test. One she had to pass. It was scary, but he wasn’t a man for half-measures. Either she was in or she was out. She swallowed and nodded. “Okay. I’m willing if you are.”

“Are you sure?”

“Very. I’m not going to change my mind.” She hated the doubt in his gaze. Reaching up, she cupped her hand on his jaw. “I love you, Finn. Making you stick to our bargain had nothing to do with how I felt about you and everything to do with my fears. You were right about that. You were right about everything.” She let out a shaky breath. “I had to work through a lot of stuff, and I probably have more to work through. I’m hoping you’ll help me with that. But believe that I love you. I don’t think anyone will ever fit me as well as you do.”

His throat worked. “I love you, too. Don’t ever leave me again.”

“I won’t. I promise. I can be very tenacious when I want to be, you know.”

“Oh, I know.” Then a smile broke across his face, tender and wicked and exactly the way she remembered. “Let’s just promise to always be honest with each other, no matter how difficult the truth might be. I think that’s how we make sure we don’t end up where we don’t want to be.”

“Deal.” It sounded like the best plan she’d ever heard. She could see love shining in his gaze and knew everything was going to be all right. “Kiss me?”

His fingers threaded through her hair, and he brushed his lips over her forehead, her cheek, the tip of her nose, her jaw, her chin, before settling on her mouth. It was sweet and hot at the same time, hungry and reverent. Perfect. He parted her lips with his tongue, and she twined hers with his. His hands streaked down her back as if relearning her shape. He cupped her backside, pulling her tight to his hard body. Need filtered through her, rising like a slow tide, but for now she was content to kiss him, love him.

God, she loved him.

She threw her arms around his neck, and a canine yelp of pain brought her back down to earth. She still had Hugo’s leash in her hand and she’d yanked it too hard. Bending down, she stroked a palm over his head. “Sorry, buddy.”

He flopped down onto the sand, the picture of despondence.

“Wow, he really is a depressive mutt.” Finn knelt beside her, scratching the dog behind one ear.

She spread her hands. “I know, right? I swear I don’t abuse him. He’s spoiled rotten.”

“Come on. I know a great spot to sit and watch the sunset. Even Hugo here will like it.” The corners of his eyes crinkled as he stood and proffered a hand. “Then we can head back to my place for a more private reunion.”

She slipped her fingers into his and let him help her to her feet. “That sounds just right. And tomorrow you’ll let me take you out to dinner at the Moonside.”

His eyebrows arched. “Go big or go home. I like it.”

“I thought you might.” It was about as public a statement as she could make short of taking an ad out in the local paper. Everyone knew her at that restaurant, and tongues would definitely start wagging.

Good. Let them. She knew what she wanted, and she didn’t care if everyone else knew it too. No more hiding, no more allowing the past to rob her of the future she wanted.

What do you know? The truth really had set her free.

About the Author

Crystal Jordan began writing romance after she finished graduate school and needed something to fill the hours that used to be eaten away by homework. Currently, she serves as a librarian at a university in California, but has lived and worked all over the United States. She writes paranormal, contemporary, futuristic and erotic romance.

To learn more about Crystal please visit
www.crystaljordan.com
. Send an email to Crystal at
[email protected]
or join her Yahoo! group to join in the fun with other readers as well as Crystal!
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