Vanquished (21 page)

“But what's the alternative?” I ask. For Mom's sake I have to find out. “What happens if we don't have this everlasting life?”

“It's talking about heaven,” Fischer says. “Everlasting life in heaven. When you die you'll either go there or hell. With God, you'll go to heaven.”

There are those words—heaven and hell. That's what Mr. Elders mentioned in his letter.

“Heaven and hell are places?”

“Yeah, they are.”

Now I feel silly, like I should have known this all along. “Oh. So what's hell?”

He opens his mouth to speak, but then snaps it shut. His shoulders sag and he sighs. “I don't think I'm qualified for this explanation. You need to meet the others. Mr. Elders has been leading others to God for most of his life. He'll know what to tell you.”

I bite my lip. “How do I meet him?” I keep thinking of the market, and the park. I don't want to do that again. I want to meet someone where we can talk freely. Maybe then I'll learn something new.

He watches me, thinking. “I meet with them on Sunday nights. Eleven o'clock. Can you come?”

More lip biting. The last time I sneaked out didn't end so well, but I'm more determined this time, and I can be more careful. “I can come. Just tell me where.”

“Down by the river, in the abandoned riverboat.”

There used to be a lot of riverboats, or so I've heard. Now there's just the one. I thought it was condemned and deemed unsafe, but maybe I'm wrong. “Isn't it dangerous by the river? It seems kind of open to scrutiny.”

“Trust me.” He pushes the Bible toward me. “Do you want to borrow this?”

Is he serious? “Yes!” I tuck the Bible under my robe.

He smiles. “I'm glad you're coming, Hana.” He pauses like he wants to say something else, but he doesn't. “See you later.”

“Tomorrow,” I say. “I'll see you tomorrow at the hospital.”

“Right. Goodnight.” He steps outside and I close the door softly behind him. I can't help it, I watch him through the window to make sure he gets away safely.

I turn around to go to bed, and I freeze.

My dad sits on the bottom step, an expectant look on his face. “Care to tell me what that was all about?”

 

 

 

 

37

 

“Were you getting another drink of water?” he says sarcastically. “You've been awfully thirsty these last two nights.”

I'm not sure, but I think he's asking me to just say yes. He doesn't really want to believe I'm doing anything I shouldn't be doing.

I shrug, not wanting to lie but not wanting to tell the truth.

“I saw someone leave. Who was it?”

I step away from the door nervously, even though I'm sure Fischer is gone. Is it wrong to lie to Dad? Somehow I get the feeling it is. I just don't want to get Fischer in trouble.

When he realizes I'm not going to answer, he moves toward the window and looks into the backyard. “Hana, you've got to stop this. Whatever you're doing has to stop. I won't be able to save you if they get it in their heads you're a rebel.” His voice is angry, frustrated.

“I'm only trying to help Mom,” I say. And it's true. She wants to know about God as much as I do.

He shakes his head. “She can't be helped, Hana. I wish she could, and if there was a way, we'd find it. But there's not!” Anger smolders behind his eyes. “You have to stop. You're a few days from your Test, and then you'll start your training. I always thought I'd be sad to see you go, but now I think it will be the best thing for you.”

His words sting. Does he want me to go away? Rejection and anger boil in my gut. “I'm going to bed, Dad. Goodnight.”

He grabs my arm. “You're lucky I don't go right now and turn you in myself. Your actions are against the law, and they could come back to hurt our whole family.”

Betrayal feels exactly like icy water being dumped down your back in the snow, at the same time as someone punching you in the gut. You have no chance of breathing.

He wants to turn me in? He's no better than Jamie's mom, but at least he's not doing it. Yet.

Suddenly I remember Lilith's words to me at school a few days ago. She said I better not do something that was going to reflect badly on everyone. Is that what she's afraid of, too? That if the Greaters suspect there are too many law breakers there will be repercussions?

“I know the law, Dad,” I say, shrugging out of his hold. It's the best I can give him.

His thin lips tell me he's not happy, but he doesn't stop me from going up the stairs this time.

I get in bed and contemplate Sunday night. The night before my Test. Two nights from now. What will I find down by the river? Words like God, heaven, and hell swirl through my head. Words so foreign to me, and yet Fischer knew all about them.

Is it true? Is there really such a thing as God? Are there real places called Heaven and Hell? Is this where we go when we die?

Most of all, why don't the Greaters want us to know about them?

Mr. Elders's letter comes back to me. The Greaters knew some of their laws wouldn't be followed if the people had another authority—the Bible.

I remember Mrs. Baily. She had known what she held in her hands that day at the bookstore, and she was afraid of it. Did she know why? Was her fear only that it was outlawed, and she wanted to burn it as soon as possible? Or did she know the truths the book contained, and feared I would turn her in?

There aren't any answers to my questions, of course. I'm beginning to get used to that feeling.

The Bible lays hidden under my mattress. I'm tempted to bring it out and read it, but Dad might be staying awake to keep an eye on me. Would he turn me in if he found that Bible?

Maybe I'll get a chance to read it tomorrow.

I'm too excited for Sunday night at eleven o'clock. I toss and turn in bed, willing the morning to come. Finally, I drift into a light sleep, but not before remembering Ava and Markus, and wondering where they've gone.

School on Friday is loud. Most of the kids can't wait for the one month summer break, but the others, the ones like me who are testing on Monday, are quiet. Nervous. Contemplative. There are fifty-one of us, in all—or fifty, now that Jamie's gone.

I wander the halls alone. The day seems empty, and the final lessons are pointless. I should try to listen, but I don't. My mind drifts with each new face I see. Have any of them heard about God? Are their parents part of this underground movement? Do they know others who have been sent away?

I can't tell for sure, but I doubt it. None of them are restless like I am. None of them look scared, or confused, or like they're feeling all of the feelings I do.

“How's your mom?”

The question jolts me out of my musings. “What?”

Lilith stands in front of me, a strange expression, almost like a smile, on her face. “Your mom. Is she OK?” She blushes a little and starts intertwining her fingers like she's nervous just speaking to me. “I heard my parents talking about it, and I was just hoping she was OK. I didn't realize she was so bad off.”

“Your parents were talking about it?” Why would her parents be thinking about Mom being sick? Lilith's dad works for the head of the city. Do the city leaders always know who is sick? And then talk about it around the dinner table?

She looks away, and then down at her shoes. I've definitely made her uncomfortable. “I'm sorry, Hana. I shouldn't have brought it up. It's just that I know you've been alone a lot, with your mom sick, and Jamie gone. I just wanted you to know you have a friend if you need one. I can just tell there's something different going on. I don't know.” She takes a step away. “Anyway, I'm really sorry.”

My mind spins with this new information. Lilith has never, not once, been nice to me. “Lilith!”

She pauses and turns to me expectantly.

“Thank you. I'll remember that, if I need a friend.”

She smiles and walks toward her next class.

I can tell there's something different going on
.

What was that supposed to mean? So her parents talking about Mom is out of the ordinary, and Jamie and Ava being sent away is not the norm. And other people are noticing. I'm not sure I can trust her, but for now, I'll take what support I can get.

I hurry to my next class, more anxious than ever to see Fischer at the hospital.

 

 

 

 

38

 

“She's worse, isn't she?” I ask. Fischer stands outside of Mom's room after school. Another medic stands with him, and the door to the room is closed.

Fischer's eyes are soft and kind. “Yes.”

His one word sends fear into my stomach that immediately takes root and begins to fester. It burns and bubbles and I want to throw up. “What happened?”

“She started vomiting this morning. She hasn't been able to keep anything down, not even water.”

“Why don't they help her?” I ask too loudly.

The other medic seems surprised at my forcefulness. She glances between Fischer and me, her expression wary.

“We're doing what we can,” he says. “Trust us, Hana.”

He says it in his normal, kind and caring voice. I do trust him, and it calms me.

“Would you like some water?” the other medic asks.

I wouldn't, but I'd rather be alone with Fischer. “Sure, thanks.”

She hurries away.

“Fischer, what are they doing for her?” I step toward him.

He shakes his head. “Giving her medicine to help her not throw up, but it's not helping. She won't eat, not that she could if she tried. I'm really sorry, Hana.”

I look over his shoulder at a window leading out to the city. I can't believe this is happening. This can't be real. My mom is safe at the military school, in the middle of a lecture. I'm at home with Jamie, and we're going over my speech for the hundredth time. I'm not here. She's not here, in this hospital.

“Hana, would you like to come in?” It's Dr. Lane, and she's holding the door open for me.

I push past Fischer and lean over Mom's shivering form. “Hi, Mom.”

She tries to move her head, but it's too hard for her. She moves her eyes to me instead. “Hi, Hana.” She attempts a smile but fails miserably. “You don't have to stay and see this.”

I sit beside the bed and take her hand. “Of course I'm staying.” I'm not sure, but I think she's glad. Her body seems to relax, and she closes her eyes.

Dr. Lane smiles at me and leaves the room quietly.

I know the truth now. My mom is going to die. I don't know when. I don't know who's to blame. Who knows if the chemo drugs would have helped? Stories from the Early Days say sometimes they didn't work.

Regardless, the doctors had the power to try, and they didn't.

I'm angry with them, but more than that I'm devastated.

My mom seems to have fallen asleep. Her chest rises and falls softly.

I lean my head on the bedrail as tears drip from my eyes. Sobs rack my body and I try to keep still, but I can't.

I suddenly remember the Bible verse in my bag and I pause. That strip of paper belongs to Mom. Obviously, she needs it. I gently pull my hand away from hers and dry my face on my sleeve. The paper is at the bottom of the bag, and I pull it out and lay it under the book on her bedside table.

Who cares if anyone sees it now? What more could they do to her?

The minutes tick by. Tick, tick, tick. Every one gives me one extra second with her. Every tick lets me see her for one more moment. I don't hate the ticks. I don't resent the time spent watching her sleep. Instead, I relish it.

“How is she?” Fischer asks, popping his head in.

“Sleeping.”

“Are you cold? I can bring you a blanket.”

I hadn't realized it, but I'm actually freezing. “Yeah, that would be great.”

He steps out and returns a moment later with a blanket. I reach for it, but he shakes his head and wraps it around my shoulders.

“How much longer, do you think?” I ask. It's so very hard to ask, but I'd rather know.

“I don't know, Hana. From my training, I'd say soon, but I've never actually dealt with the mutation before. Dr. Lane might know more.”

I nod, accepting his answer. Soon. “She needs to know about everlasting life.” The words feel strange in my mouth, but I don't know how else to say it. “What's going to happen to her? She was asking me just the other day.”

“I'll make sure she knows, Hana. If she wants to know I'll tell her.”

My heart nearly bursts with gratitude. “You'll tell her?” It comes out in a breathy, pathetic cry. “What if you get in trouble?”

He laughs softly. “I don't care if I get caught. That's what I'm here to do—spread the news.”

I frown. “What do you mean, that's what you're here to do?”

“It's the only reason I tested, Hana. To come to a Middle city and start a revolution.”

 

 

 

 

39

 

My mouth drops open and I stare at him. “What are you talking about, Fischer? What kind of revolution?”

He pulls the empty chair close to mine and leans in. “People are dying every day, Hana. They're dying and they're going to hell. Not because they're bad people, but because they don't know there even
is
a hell! Someone has to tell them, and we can't do that under our present government. There has to be a change. Someone has to tell them.” His words are spoken slowly, softly, and yet I've never heard a more convincing speech ever.

I swallow down my confusion. “I have to be honest, Fischer. It doesn't make all that much sense to me.”

“I know, but you'll understand more once you hear Mr. Elders speak.”