Vampire State of Mind (18 page)

‘But I thought … everyone says …'
He could feel. So why didn't he?

‘Yes. Everyone who isn't vampire says. Us, now, we say nothing. And do you know why we say nothing?'

I shook my head. He was still staring upwards, his eyes searching between the stars.

‘No. You don't know, how can you?' A sigh that sounded as though it contained a century of held breath. ‘Now we're something new, a bit dangerous, the perfect partner for those with the jaded sexual palate, but what it is, you see,' and again he'd crossed the space between us without me seeing him move, ‘I bite and I drink and I fuck, and I've learned
not to let any of it touch me. But I was prepared to
die
for you today.' He'd lowered his voice so much that I had to get right up close to hear him. ‘To give it all up, all this …' His hands went wide to indicate the chilly park. ‘The blood, the sex, all of it. I'd give it up
for you
, Jessica Grant. And that seems to mean nothing to you.'

His eyes were completely black now. Empty holes. There was a frisson shuddering in the air, a tangible wall of things unsaid.

‘Come on then.'

‘What?'

‘Let's go. To this club.'

Sil shook his head, slowly. His hair swung free from the collar of the fishnet shirt and blew back to drag over his face. ‘Thought you didn't agree with the bitey-action. Why the change of heart?'

I didn't know how to begin to say what was in my head, in my heart. That his death would have killed something deep inside me; that his speech about loss could just as well have applied to me. But I couldn't. He was vampire. As he said, how could I know what that felt like? ‘You're set on going there, I'm under your protection, so,' I shrugged, ‘I guess I have to come. Besides, they do have music, don't they? And dancing?'

There was a slow nod and the moon came out again to highlight his cheekbones. ‘Yes.'

‘Right then.' And then I looked up and met the jet-black stare. ‘Are you all right?'

Behind us, the ghoul rolled and fell gloopily into the mud.

‘Nothing wrong with me.'

‘Are you sure? All that about your wife and children – '

He was standing closer than was comfortable. ‘My business, Jessie, my pain.'

My heart had come loose in my chest.
Vampires can feel. They simply choose not to, for alien reasons of their own. He can feel pain.
The memories hurt him – I could see that much in those nuclear eyes. ‘
Sil.
'

‘Right, come on then, let's get to the club. But you can buy your own drinks.'

‘I'd insist on it.' My voice held a pretended strength, a pretended carelessness.

‘And no getting uptight if things get a bit rough.'

‘Check.'

‘Okay,' and he smiled, but because his fangs were down and his eyes were a couple of featureless pits, it wasn't pleasant, ‘call Enforcement and let's go.'

Sil strode along. She was following, he could sense her heat and uncertainty bobbing along behind him.
What possessed me? Why in the seven hells did I bring up the children?
He swallowed and focused on keeping his steps even and slow enough for Jessie to keep up with.

He could see her now, if he looked sideways. Looking good in that dress, however much he might deride her for her choice; it hugged her curves and revealed enough of her long legs to make a lesser man dream of heaven; she walked tall and strangely sure of herself for someone whose life had just been destroyed and rebuilt on new foundations.
I would have done it, Jess. I'd have taken the lives of my demon and myself to keep you safe from that bastard Malfaire. And for you I lowered the barriers enough to talk about my children …

Through his open-weave shirt the night air was cool against his skin, soothing his demon into temporary peace, even as it drove through his brain with the need for the blood. And what on earth did he think was going to happen at the club? She'd freak, almost certainly. Freak, then maybe get a little angry, a bit sick perhaps.
But she has to know. What I am, what lies at the heart of me. What I have to do to stay sane.

He didn't need the turned heads to know he looked good. Women, some men, breaking stride as he swept along the pavement.
Are you seeing, Jessie? They want me, every one of them. All I have to do is stop, smile, speak and I can have any one I choose: blood and sex. But it won't stop the hunger. Only you can do that, Jessica Grant. I think you're the only one who can make the pain go away. But you don't want to. I offered you my life and you still dismiss me. I am a monster in your eyes, and after tonight it's going to get worse …
He tried to force himself not to care.

The club was incredibly hot, the amount of energy being generated by the bodies inside pressed close together could have powered the National Grid. A blue cloud of smoke hung over the heads of the occupants, the air smelled of perfume, BO, machine-smoke and regurgitated alcohol and amid all this, people were dancing. Groin-to-groin couples swayed in time, more or less, to the beat of a relentless dance track.

Sil was, by now, one of the dancers. Almost as soon as we'd walked in he'd found himself a companion: a small, blonde girl with very long hair and a white lace dress which made me look positively nunnery-bound in my body-hugging red number. She was all over him now, out on the dance floor, wrapping her lean limbs up and down his body as they simulated something multiple-orgasmic to the electric rhythm. He danced well, fluidly. As if he was trying not to think.

‘Hey!' I looked at the person who'd arrived next to me. He was tall, skinny and dark with hair caught up in a pony-tail at the back. Werewolf. ‘D'you want to dance?'

‘I'm –' I was going to make an excuse, maybe cite the greasy cocktail I was drinking, but one look at Sil's ecstatic face as his partner danced in closer, and I changed my mind. ‘Yeah, why not?'

I let myself be whirled into the press of bodies on the dance floor. To my surprise, the werewolf was a pretty good dancer, and we bounced along in harmony for a while. Then he leaned in close. ‘Didn't you use to go out with Cameron? Thought I recognised your face. Who'd you come with tonight?'

I jerked a thumb at Sil, dancing with his eyes closed now as his new friend gyrated herself against him.

‘Him.'

‘Oh, yeah, right. Are you two, y'know, like an item, then?'

‘No. Absolutely not. In fact, about as far away from an item as you can get. Decidedly single.'

‘Cool.'

The rhythm changed to something slower, silkier; the lights became blue. The smell changed too, the chemical scent from the smoke machine replaced by something heavier, deeper, more like incense, woody and intense. A wailing vocal harmonic started up over the top of the music and the werewolf moved in closer, put his arms around me. ‘What's your name?'

‘Tobe.'

Pressed together like this, it was a lot easier to talk. ‘And you knew me when I was with Cameron?'

‘Yeah. It was terrible, what they did to him.'

‘The court said it was a misunderstanding. Tragic but not anyone's fault.' I trotted out the party line; inside I was clenched.

‘Yeah, I heard you gave evidence. Cameron would never have hurt anyone.' Tobe leaned into me. He smelled of Aramis and dope, and it was vaguely comforting. ‘
Never.
'

‘No.'

‘And it wouldn't have happened if he'd been human.'

I felt a sudden jolt to my stomach. Humans and Otherworlders. Which side did I belong on? Did I have to choose? And what would happen if I did?

We were dancing very,
very
close now. I could feel the particular werewolf energy against my skin, dancing along with us. This Tobe was well in control of his nature but there were other parts of him he couldn't control and I could tell that he thought his luck was definitely in tonight. ‘You're a great dancer, Jessica.'

‘Thanks.' I was watching Sil but because Tobe was taller than me I had to look sideways around his chest. When we next circled, Sil had his face tight into the neck of his partner. A thin trickle of blood was running down her shoulder into the white lace of her dress, but her head was thrown back, her mouth curved into a slack line of acquiescent bliss. ‘God!'

‘What?'

‘He's feeding off her!'

Tobe shrugged. ‘That's why she's here. Tell you what,' he dropped his mouth against my ear, ‘they've got rooms, why don't we go on back there? I could, y'know,
change
for you.' His tongue flickered out along my neck. ‘Did Cameron ever change while you were doing it? It'll drive you
wild
, know what I'm saying?'

Sil was a vampire. Well, I'd hardly thought he was some guy with odd dentistry and an especially effective skin-care regime, had I? Vampire. Yes. Blood-sucker. Hormone-junkie.
Otherworlder.
Not my problem.

Tobe was running his fingers up and down my spine, lingering a little longer each time around the lower levels. I moved a step back. ‘Look, I'm sorry, you're very sweet, but –'

‘It's the vamp, huh? You two've been watching each other all night. What is it, you into threesomes? I can do that, yeah.'

‘No, it's – what do you mean, watching each other?'

‘You can't take your eyes off him and he's been looking over here every time that blonde bitch took her hands off his cock long enough for him to focus.' Tobe looked curiously into my face. ‘You
sure
you're not together?'

The music was still playing, a curious throbbing tone like a metal pulse. Hypnotic. ‘Positive.'

‘Then maybe you should be.' And Tobe released me, walking off into the crowd circling the dance floor. Bodies coupled, parted, writhed. Down on the floor a demon of some kind was indulging itself, feeding on the aura of a young man who squirmed and gasped in the kind of rapture I would normally expect to be on-screen and faked. I seemed to be the only single-unit in the room.

A touch on my shoulder and I whirled, ready to punch. But it was Sil, flushed and panting as though he'd run the circuit, pupils dilated to almost cover the silver of his eyes. ‘Hey.'

‘You didn't tell me it would be like
this
.' I waved a hand at the conjoined bodies, the occasional spray of blood, the sounds of moaning overlaying the regular thump of the beat.

He shrugged and wiped the back of his hand over his mouth. ‘It varies. Sometimes it's crazy, other times it's more laid back. Like this.'

‘How often do you
do
this?' I asked, thinking – this is
laid back
?

‘Not often. It's just …' And he shrugged again. ‘Do you want to go?' His eyes were unfocused, sliding from my face to the action and back again, and for all the healthy glow of his skin, he was shivering slightly.

‘Are you okay?'

‘I – yes, I – ' I saw the blonde he'd bitten, sitting on the floor at the other side of the room with her head on her arms. ‘I think we should go.'

‘She's not going to change, is she? You haven't vamped her?'

‘What?' Sil dragged his eyes back to me, reluctantly. ‘Oh, her. No. I let go before the demon seeded into her.' Again his eyes went back to the bloodstained floor.

‘You old romantic, you.'

A smile and a flash of fangs. ‘Yeah, well. That
would
be illegal.'

We walked unnoticed back to the entrance of the club, where I collected my tranq bag from a human cloakroom attendant. I saw Tobe deep in discussion with a pretty dark girl, her braided hair piled on top of her head. As we walked past he looked up and winked.

‘He try to pick you up?'

‘A bit.'

‘Yet you're leaving with me.' Sil lurched and put a hand against a bridge parapet to steady himself. ‘Wow. She'd had a skinful, that young lady. Second-hand vodka always gets me this way. Why didn't you go with him? Bit scruffy but that's the wolves for you; when the Dimensional attributes were being handed out, the vamps definitely got all the style.'

‘You think? You're creaking.'

‘That's the boots. Seriously, Jessie, why
didn't
you go? Even as a recreational shag? I mean, it's not as if you've not done werewolves before, meant to be pretty good as a species, so I hear. Lots of howling action.' He wiggled his hips suggestively, lurched again and hiccupped. ‘Bugger.'

‘You're pissed.'

‘Mmmmm.' Light, gymnastic, he leapt up on to the bridge parapet, began walking along with his arms outstretched. ‘At least I'm not singing. So, go on then. Why didn't you go make jiggy-jiggy with the beasty-boy there?' He turned a graceful, if wobbly, cartwheel along the handrail, landing back on the pavement next to me.

‘Do you really think I'm the kind of girl to go off with some bloke she's just met in a club? What about the danger?'

‘Oh come on, you're not
that
dangerous.'

‘Ha, ha. Do you really think I'm that much of a tart?'

Sil leaned back against the edge of the bridge. ‘It's been a long time since Cameron. I wouldn't blame you for wanting a bit of action. Werewolves are supposed to be addictive, you know. One's never enough.'

‘I wouldn't know. I never slept with Cameron.'

The instant the words were out I wanted to shoot myself. I covered my mouth with my hand and bit my lip. Sil's eyes widened.

‘But … but it looked as if you and he were practically living together! What were you waiting for, a ring?'

‘I didn't say – look, I've been drinking, too. Let's forget it, okay?'

Sil put his hands on my shoulders and pulled me around. ‘No. What really happened with you and him, Jessie?'

‘I can't tell you!' I could smell vodka coming from him, but it wasn't on his breath, it was more like it came from inside him, making his skin and hair smell of it. ‘I
can't
, Sil, it's not safe!'