Vada Faith (23 page)

She sat down in a dryer chair next to me. “Don’t you wish we were back in high school? We’d be going to the homecoming football game and then to the big fall celebration tomorrow afternoon with dates. I love that people come back home from all over the country to celebrate.” She paused. “I wonder if the band boosters will sell chicken noodle dinners again this year?”

“St. Paul’s is selling pies,” Louise chimed in, as she went to hang up her jacket. She’d slipped in quietly and had eased into the conversation. “I’ll be baking my blueberry crumb pie.” She slipped into my chair. “My apple caramel dessert too.”

“The corn dogs are my favorite,” my sister said, “and those elephant ears.” Her face lit up. “I miss going to the homecoming dance more than anything.”

“I don’t miss it,” I said, starting to cut Louise’s hair. “I’m perfectly happy right where I am.”

“Are you really happy, dear?” My mother-in-law asked, a worried expression on her face as she followed me with her eyes in the mirror.

“Yes,” I said, “I am.” I wanted to ask, why would you think I’m not happy? I didn’t. I didn’t want to hear her answer. However, she didn’t need the question to launch into the answer.

“It seems to me, Vada Faith,” she said in her no-nonsense voice, “you’re looking outside yourself for things to make you happy.”

“Louise,” I wanted to say, maybe while I was shaking her hard, “I am happy.” I didn’t. I refused to play into her hands.

I turned her around to face me and measured off her hair with my hands to check it. “I respect your opinion. I’m not looking for things to make me happy. I was happy before this. I’ll be happy after this.” I let go of her hair and it fell limp around her face.

“I do hope so. Now,” she said turning back to look in the mirror at herself, “when can I see my grandchildren?” She acted as though she hadn’t just seen them a few days earlier.

“How about tonight? I can drop them off after work,” I said as I dried her hair. “They can even spend the night. Besides they’ve been wanting to show you the little wooden houses their daddy made for them. They have a whole village.”

This would work out perfect. I needed to see Mr. Kilgore. John Wasper was working late and I didn’t want to take the girls with me. I was trying to keep them as shielded from all this as possible.

“That’s wonderful, honey,” she smiled and patted her gray hair. “I’d like that very much. How sweet of my son to make them special houses.”

“You know him,” I said. “So thoughtful.” She missed my sarcasm. I knew she wouldn’t be so friendly if she knew what I was up to. That was my secret. “That son of yours,” I said, “has started on those houses and can’t seem to stop. They’re piling up in the house and in his workshop.” I stopped short of adding, “He’s blooming to beat the band.”

“Well, wonderful,” she said. “Now, about tomorrow, dear.” She stood and straightened her dress. “You are coming to the picnic?”

“Yes,” I said, “I’ll come by and pick the girls up early. We have to do some shopping first. John Wasper has to work.”

“All right,” she said, pulling out her wallet and handing me her usual one dollar tip which she wouldn’t allow me to refuse. “We’ll eat together. I’ll reserve one of the larger tables. We’ll have a family reunion. Bobby Joe is bringing a new girl.” She smiled happily. “Now you bring your mama.”

My husband’s mother loved fluttering around her family, feeding them. So the more the merrier.

“Maybe we can forget all this unpleasantness,” she said, worry lines creasing her pink face, “for a while anyway.” That was the first she’d alluded to the news coverage of my surrogacy.

“Sure.” A family reunion. Just what I wanted. Maybe it was the perfect place to make my announcement.

I’d let them all know, in one fell swoop.

I was keeping my baby.

“Vada Faith,” Mr. Kilgore said, standing up to greet me as I walked into the Shenandoah Inn where he’d suggested we meet. I was sure he’d chosen it not only because it was classy but also because it was tucked away in the hills off the main highway. I’d had trouble finding it. So it wasn’t likely I’d run into anyone I knew here.

“Hi,” I said, sitting down across from him. After our phone conversation, I’d showered and dressed in a sleeveless pink linen shift with a matching jacket which I’d left in the car because I was warm. Now, across from him in the restaurant, I shivered.

“You look positively beautiful,” he said, staring across at me.

“Thank you,” I said, rubbing my arms to warm them.

“You’re cold,” he said, his voice filled with concern.

“Just a little. I left my jacket in the car.”

“I’ll get it,” he said, and was gone before I could protest.

“Here we go,” he said, hurrying toward me with my jacket. “Let me help you into this.” I stood and he placed the jacket around my shoulders.

“I was thinking, my dear, you need a new car.”

“My husband’s looking around,” I said. “He’s waiting for a good deal.”

“I’ll see about getting you a car, honey,” he said, placing the burgundy napkin on his lap.

A single candle flickered in the center of the white linen tablecloth.

“John Wasper would never allow that,” I said, shaking my head, “and I couldn’t accept a car.”

“I’m not asking for permission.” He laughed. “Don’t you know it’s easier to get forgiveness than permission.” He laughed again. “Honey, you’re far too serious here. Now take that frown off your face and let’s order.”

“I just want a salad,” I said, quickly, “and some iced tea.”

“That’s easy,” he said, studying the menu, and then he motioned for a waiter and ordered a steak medium rare with all the trimmings.

Eating seemed to take forever. The man across from me insisted that we postpone our business discussion until afterwards.

“Now what was so urgent you had to see me tonight, my dear sweet girl?” He turned to me when the table was finally cleared. He took a sip of his drink. “I know it would be foolish to think it was because you missed me.”

“I’m troubled by all the things I’ve heard.” I took a sip from the water goblet, trying to feel my way through this.

“Troubled? By what things?” He peered over at me seriously.

“All the bad publicity.” I was near tears now.

“Sweetheart, that’s all it is. Bad publicity. Those news folks don’t have anything better to do with their time. Now don’t worry your little head about any of this. It’ll work itself out. It always does.”

“There’s that and then I’m beginning to care about my baby.”

“Our baby and I want you to care about this baby. No,” he said, softly, taking off his glasses, and reaching for my hand. “I want you to love this baby, sweetheart.”

“Oh,” I said, miserably, “I’m afraid I do. I didn’t mean to. My husband, he’s furious. I don’t know where my marriage is going. My mind is all jumbled up, thinking about this stuff. Giving away my baby. Then to think I’ll never see it again.”

“Why wouldn’t you ever see it again?”

“Dottie said it would be for the best.”

“My wife said you couldn’t see the baby?”

“Yes.” I couldn’t keep the tears from forming in my eyes. Then I could feel them spilling over and running down my face. I didn’t even care about my ruined Estee Lauder foundation.

“My wife said you couldn’t see this baby?”

“Yes,” I said, sadly. “She said we’d have to make a clean break. That it would be hers. Not mine.”

“Now look here,” he still held my hands, “this little baby you’re carrying is ours. Mine and yours. If my wife and I raise it, it will still be ours.” He tightened his grip on my hand and got this serious look in his gray eyes.

I was afraid of what I saw in his eyes. I pulled my hands away.

“No matter what,” he said, “it will still be yours. But,” he cleared his throat, “I’m going to ask you again to think about this. I love you, Vada Faith, and I love this baby. We can go away together.”

“You don’t understand. I love my husband and girls. My life, my family, is right here in Shady Creek.”

“I’m not asking you to stop loving anybody. Hell, you can love the whole world if you want to. I’m asking you to include me in that love.” He looked like a shy little boy though he was a good fifteen years older than me. “I want to be loved by you, sweetheart,” he said. “Do you understand what I’m saying?” He took my hand and kissed it.

“Please.” I took my hand away. “You scare me. I’m afraid.” My whole body was trembling. My emotions were in such a jumble I didn’t know what I felt or who it was I feared.

“You never ever have to be scared of me, honey. Now, what are you afraid of, sweetheart?”

“I don’t know,” I said. I was glad the room was dimly lit. Tears crept down my face. As I looked at him, I knew it was myself I feared more than him.

“You know this was meant to be, don’t you, little girl? You having my baby?”

I was so aware of him, of his closeness to me. I stared down at the napkin in my lap. This wasn’t going at all as I’d planned.

“I talked to Dr. Fine.” He smiled. “He said he’s never seen a more perfectly matched couple than us.” The older man’s features softened when he smiled. He was making me uncomfortable. He was more a father figure and he wanted to be my lover. What had I gotten myself into? Was Roy Kilgore having a mid life crisis? “Vada Faith, Dr. Fine said we are the only couple he’s treated to get pregnant on the first insemination. That tells me something.” He cupped his hand and blew out the candle between us. “There’s something special about us.” He moved closer, into the space where the candle had been. “You are precious to me.”

“Don’t,” I said, stopping him right there. “Roy. I feel this baby would be better off with me. I’m its birth mother. I want to keep my baby and raise it.” There it was out.

“You can’t mean that?” His face wore a choked look. “You’d keep my baby away from me? My own child? When I’ve waited forever to get it?” He looked ready to cry.

“I’d never keep you from seeing it. I just don’t think your wife is capable of raising a child.”

“She is capable of raising a child.” He held himself very erect now. He reminded me of the angry man I’d seen in the sheriff’s car. Gone was the little boy look and the soft southern accent.

“Well,” I said. “She drinks too much. I think her drinking is out of control.” I wiped my eyes with a tissue from my purse.

“She drinks, yes. Socially. Does she have a problem? Of course not. Absolutely not.” His smile was gone now.

“She called me the other night and she sounded, I don’t know, drunk, I guess. Her words were slurred.”

“My wife tires easily, Vada Faith. When we get the baby, I’ll hire help for her. Full time nannies. She’ll have all the help she needs for this child. I’ll see to that.”

“It’s not that, it’s just, she seems overwhelmed by children. A baby is a lifetime commitment.”

“Don’t you think I know the commitment involved. This is my dream. I’m fully prepared to see to this child’s every need. I’ll retire if I have to. I’ll do whatever it takes.”

“Well, I can’t let it go from my life either. She made me feel like she would snatch it away the moment I had it, and I’d never see it again. She’d take it right to California. I don’t want that.”

“Now hold on here, girl. We’re not going to California. Where’d you get that idea?”

“Your wife said she’d be moving to California when the baby comes.”

“That’s ridiculous. Why, we’ve invested a fortune in our place. We’re not leaving. I don’t know why she told you that. I do know this baby means the world to her. To both of us. You must believe me, Vada Faith.”

“So, you’re saying I could stay close to the baby?” I asked, knowing my husband would never allow it. The only way I’d be close to this baby was if I kept it.

“Certainly you can.” He reached for my hand. Reluctantly I let him hold it again. “Honey, please believe me when I say this. I’ll never let you slip out of my hands now that I’ve found you. If this goes well, maybe, just maybe, we could have another baby together.”

I pulled my hand away roughly and opened my mouth to say, “Never,” but he quickly put his fingers over my lips. “Please. Don’t say no. Not now. We won’t talk about it. Someday, maybe. Now, let’s get you home. You look tired.”

When he helped me to my feet, I realized how very tired I was. I didn’t have the energy to resist when he gave me a slight hug as we started out of the restaurant.

I glanced at the bar as we passed and who should be there but Mac Hill, the guy who worked with John Wasper. His married eyes were all over the little blond draped around him so I was sure he hadn’t seen me.

Ordinarily, I wouldn’t have let this man follow me home. I felt so weak, I agreed when he suggested it.

He flashed his lights and pulled away as soon as I was inside the house.

I tiptoed upstairs to find my husband sound asleep. He had to be up early. It was all we talked about anymore, his work schedule and mine or if the girls needed to be picked up.

What had happened to our world? I wondered if it would right itself after the baby arrived. Or if it was permanently off center.

I was looking forward to the homecoming picnic the next day. I was so tired, I laid down fully clothed and fell sleep instantly. It was a restless sleep.

Had I known what the coming day held, I’d have taken measures to be better rested.

“Mommy,” Hope Renee said, dancing around the Halloween display in the grocery store, “I want to be a witch. Can I have a costume, please, Mommy? Please?” The girls had loved the overnight with Grandma Louise and had returned tired but full of energy.

“I don’t have time to buy a costume,” I said, preoccupied with shopping for food for the homecoming picnic. “Grandma Helena gave you a decoration for your room this morning. That’s enough. She’s waiting in the car. Please stop jumping.” I wished I’d left Hope in the car with her sister and grandmother.

I could barely think of anything else but how I would tell my family that afternoon that I was keeping my baby.

The words from my horoscope that morning kept going through my head. “Relatives will accept your decision. Avoid compromising your position. Stand up for what you believe in.”