Uptown Girl (11 page)

As Kate crossed the room toward her posse she almost felt a gravitational pull at her back caused by Billy Nolan. She was deeply embarrassed by the strength of her attraction and decided to put it out of her mind. He was just a superficial Brooklyn flirt. And she had an important job to do now.

‘Katie!' Bev called again. Kate didn't want to see how terrified Bina was going to be. Though it wasn't her choice, she bitterly regretted that she hadn't been beside Bina during the first few critical minutes. As she moved through the crowd – now twisting again as they did last summer, or at the last wedding – she silently cursed Billy Nolan and the time on the terrace, diverting as it had been.

At last she managed to get across the dance floor and could clearly see table nine. Luckily, Bina was still somewhere in the crowd and Elliot had apparently abandoned the table for greater intrigues. There was Bev, her frosted hair slicked back and her now visibly pregnant belly stretching
her unsuitable Lycra dress. Barbie, with her big hair hanging halfway down her back, was already seated too. Barbie's dad, in the jewelry trade, had been more successful than the other friends' fathers had been. She'd always had more clothes, trips to Florida, weekends in the Poconos and things that seemed enviable at the time. But now she was a Brooklyn wife, a buyer for a women's clothing store on Nostrand Avenue. Her husband, Bobbie, was an accountant. Kate could look at her now and feel no envy at all.

Barbie sat beside Bobbie, her plunging neckline revealing the half of her breasts not covered by her push-up bra. Kate averted her eyes, but the husbands were, in their own way, more difficult to look at. If each of them hadn't been wearing a bow tie and cummerbund that matched his wife's dress, Kate wouldn't have been able to tell them apart. They were nice-looking Brooklyn boys, but neither of them was the kind of handsome that Billy – or Bill – or William – Nolan was. And behind their eyes was none of the genuine intellect that Michael possessed. The thought of Michael trying to communicate at table nine raised goosebumps on her arms.

‘Hey,' Bev yelled. ‘Look who's here.'

For a moment Kate thought she was being greeted, but Bev was staring past her. Kate turned to see Billy Nolan join the wedding party at the head table. Bunny looked down from the dais and gave Kate a quick wave and a big, proud
smile while taking Arnie's arm. Kate waved back but her eyes strayed to Billy, talking earnestly to the groom, then laughing with him. Well, there would be no laughs at table nine, Kate reminded herself. She forced herself to turn back to her own companions.

‘Wow, Kate, you look great!' Bev said. ‘Of course, you're a Scorpio and your ruling planet has come out this month, so no wonder.'

‘Yeah, there's that. And the sale at agnès b,' Kate said with a smile. Kate's simple dress, sleeveless and high-collared, with a placket that covered the buttons, was the antithesis of all the overdone outfits of her old friends. If she but knew it, she was easily the most elegant woman in the room. It was always curious to Kate that while her Brooklyn crew never missed an issue of
Vogue
,
Allure
or
Cosmopolitan
, they never seemed to dress any differently than they ever had. Or, if there had been a change, it seemed merely to be that blouses had gotten tighter and patterns had gotten louder. Bev, despite her belly, was wearing a black and lemon tiger-striped Lycra thing. Barbie wore a tight, strapless dress in a Hawaiian floral print, all banana leaves and toucans wreathing (and writhing) around her torso. Kate could never quite decide if their taste was unbelievably bad, or whether hers had been permanently repressed by the nuns at Catholic grade school, when she'd worn a uniform.

‘You could use some accessorizing,' Barbie opined
by way of a hello. ‘A scarf, or maybe a pendant.' Barbie herself was wearing an emerald – no doubt real – that was suspended just above her cleavage.

‘I have to wait until I get the chest and the gem for it,' Kate said smoothly.

‘You are so cynical,' Bev snorted. ‘Such a Scorpio.' Since she had become pregnant, Bev, always a horoscope reader, had
really
gotten into astrology. Hormones, or something, Kate thought. Or perhaps the feeling of being out of control and the comforting compensation of a system to predict the universe. Kate turned to face the wedding hall again to try to spot Bina and the guys. She was getting nervous about them. At last she saw Elliot making his way across the room. He arrived carrying three drinks.

‘For you, and you, and you,' he said and gave each of the women a Cosmopolitan.

‘Ooh. Thanks,' Bev said, ‘but I can't.'

‘What a gentleman,' Barbie said appreciatively, then dug Bobbie in the ribs.

‘This is my friend Elliot.' Kate took Elliot's arm.

‘We've already met,' Elliot said. Kate raised her eyebrows. ‘Out in the reception area. Your friends are as unique as you are, Katie.'

‘Oh, we're very unique,' Bev said.

‘Where's Bina?' Kate asked Elliot out of the corner of her mouth. She scanned the room and saw Brice and Bina making their way toward the table.

Bev tugged on Kate's elbow. ‘Hey, that guy with Bina, is he her date or what?'

Barbie raised her highly waxed eyebrows. ‘I love the tuxedo,' she cooed. ‘Armani.'

Kate had to smile. If Judaism was a religion to Bina, fashion had always been Barbie's creed. And Kate remembered that Brice had predicted the impression he would make.

‘But do you think Jack would approve?' Barbie asked. ‘I mean he's gone only a week or so and she's…Does he know?'

Kate shrugged. Let ‘em guess. Keep ‘em busy and distracted.

‘His name is Brite, or something,' Bev said, rubbing her belly.

‘Brice,' Kate corrected.

‘So, what's this guy Brice's sign anyway?' Bev asked.

‘I think he's a Sagittarius; you'll have to ask him,' Elliot said, holding out a chair for Kate, who was grateful to sit down. It was going to be a bumpy ride.

‘Oh, Katie, a Sagittarius! Not for Bina!' Bev complained. ‘Dangerous while her fiancé is gone.'

‘Oh, he's a dangerous man,' Elliot agreed.

‘Is he on the cusp?' Bev added, hopeful.

Kate didn't need or want to explain that Brice was way over the cusp as a mate for Bina. ‘I think they're just friends,' she said.

‘That's not what it looks to me,' Barbie said as she sat down next to Kate, ‘and he's
gorgeous.
Like
a
GQ
model. He'd be perfect for my cousin Judy. What does he do?'

‘He's an attorney,' Kate told Barbie.

‘In a big firm or a sole practitioner?' Barbie asked.

‘You'll have to ask him,' Kate sighed. Same old Barbie. Putting everyone in boxes, then fixing them up with one another. She turned to watch Brice and Bina, who were caught in the Electric Slide on the dance floor. She couldn't help but smile a little at Brice's artful steps as he sidestepped between the slides, dragging Bina behind.

‘What happened to Michael?' Bev asked. ‘Is that all over?' Except Bev pronounced it ‘uvah'. They all dropped final ‘Rs' and added inappropriate ones at the ends of words that didn't have them.

Kate didn't have time to consider diction because Bina and Brice arrived at the table at that moment. Bina said, ‘Hi there, everyone,' limply and sat down immediately without making eye contact. In fact the only contact she seemed interested in was grabbing what would have been Jack's waiting glass of wine with her right hand and pinning down Kate's hand with her left. To Kate's astonishment, she knocked back the entire glass.

‘Hello,' Barbie said, but not to Bina. She leaned over the table and extended her hand to Brice while exposing more breast than most foldouts did and a lot more than Brice needed or wanted to see. Well, maybe she was trying to scoop him for her cousin, Kate thought charitably.

Meanwhile Bina picked up Kate's wine glass and drank off half of that. Before Kate could say something to slow her down, eagle-eyed Bev noticed. ‘Since when do you drink? Cancers don't drink!' she cried.

‘
Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose
,' Kate said, perhaps because of her encounter on the terrace.

‘What?' Barbie and Bev asked in unison. Kate just smiled and shrugged. No time for French class now.

‘Bobbie, Johnnie, this is my friend Elliot and this is Bina's friend Brice,' Kate said to the men, interrupting a deep conversation about the pros and cons of moving some football team to Dallas. ‘Elliot, Brice, meet Bobbie and Johnnie.' The husbands nodded a greeting in unison.

‘What do you boys think of them moving the Rangers to Dallas?' Bobbie asked.

‘I'm not really into spectator sports,' Elliot said.

‘Oh, I love football. Tight ends, wide receivers.
You
know,' Brice said, smiling at them.

For a moment the two husbands looked confused. ‘You a Jets or a Giants fan?' Johnnie asked, a little suspicion in his voice.

‘Definitely a Giant. Love a Giant…'

‘Brice!' Elliot said, trying to interrupt.

‘…a Giant game,' Brice finished, and Kate let her breath out.

Bev and Barbie, now also totally confused, stared across the table and looked the two men over more
carefully. But, as Kate hoped, they were at least temporarily distracted by their looks.

‘What's your sign?' Bev asked Brice.

‘Do Not Enter,' Brice replied, raising his eyebrows and smiling innocently.

Elliot, always ready with a peacemaking lie, smiled at Bev. ‘Oh, he's a bull,' Elliot told her and gave Kate a nudge under the table, as if she didn't get the joke without it. On the other side, Bina was still clutching Kate's right hand with her ringless own.

‘Hmm. A Taurus,' Bev reappraised, Elliot's innuendo sailing right over her over-gelled hair.

Meanwhile, Bina reached out and picked up the Cosmopolitan Bev had refused. In another moment she'd gulped it down.

‘Bina!' Barbie exclaimed. ‘What are you doing?'

‘Yeah, you have to pace yourself,' Bobbie advised.

Brice nudged his chair closer to Bina and took away her empty glass. They had created a Bina sandwich, insulating her from her friends. Bina reached out for Brice's glass of wine. He paused for a moment, then shrugged and handed it over to her. She downed it in a few breathless gulps. Bev and Barbie stared at Bina. Kate could see Barbie reevaluating Brice as a candidate for Judy.

There was a moment of complete silence. Then Barbie asked the dreaded question. ‘Bina, you have to tell us about Jack's proposal. Let's see the ring.' Kate clenched Bina's hand and tried to change the subject.

‘Look at the bracelet Michael gave to me,' she said hurriedly, holding her wrist up for them to see the sad little silver chain and the thin charm that hung from it. Despite the contempt they'd feel for it, she'd do anything to distract them from Bina's sorry state.

They barely glanced at Kate's wrist. With her usual amount of discretion, Bev opened her mouth. ‘Yeah, what happened to Michael the doctor?' she wanted to know. ‘Bina told me about him.'

‘Why isn't he here? Is he gone already?' Barbie asked.

Kate shook her head. ‘He's away at a conference. Elliot is a nice change.' Elliot and Kate exchanged looks of love. Barbie raised her eyebrows.

‘What is Michael's sign, anyway?' Bev continued questioning.

‘Well, I'm not sure, but I think it might be…' but that was as far as Kate got when Barbie interrupted her.

‘Wait a minute. What's going on here?' Barbie said. Kate watched suspicion bloom on her face. ‘Bina, the ring!' she exclaimed. Then suddenly, without a moment's notice, Barbie reached across the table and grabbed Bina's wrist, yanking her hand from Kate's grip. There was a moment of total silence at table nine. Bina's naked hand, still French manicured, lay like a dying whitefish on the hot pink tablecloth.

‘Where the hell is it?' Barbie asked accusatorially. ‘My father sold you a perfect stone.' She looked down at the ringless finger and then back up at Bina, whose face was scrunched up as she tried to hold back tears. ‘Wait a minute!' Barbie said as the light began to dawn with some approaching horror. To her credit, there was true concern in her high-pitched voice. ‘Bina, is everything okay with Jack?'

Two waiters arrived and began distributing plates of chicken and vegetables. Kate hoped it would give Bina a distraction but she paid no attention to the bland food in front of her.

‘Yes…in a way,' Bina managed. Bev and Barbie exchanged looks, then frowned.

‘Okay. How is it okay?' Barbie asked.

‘Well, after his trip we'll get…we'll probably get engaged then, after…'

‘I knew it!' Bev exclaimed. ‘Mercury is in retrograde!'

‘Very true,' Brice said. ‘It's affected my whole law practice.'

But the distraction didn't work. ‘You lost him, Bina!' Barbie said. ‘After six years on the hook, you still couldn't reel him in?'

‘Barbie!' Kate remonstrated. Elliot put his arm protectively around Bina's little shoulder.

‘Oh, God! Are you holding up okay?' Bev asked with genuine sympathy.

‘Yes…and no,' Bina said, and then began to cry outright.

‘Well, is it yes or no?' Barbie asked.

‘Looks like no to me,' Johnnie said. ‘Uh, we'll get some drinks,' he offered and he and Bobbie abandoned the table.

‘Honey, is there anything we can do to help?' Barbie asked.

‘Well, I've been staying with Kate, and Elliot, Max and Brice have been a major support,' Bina told her friends through her tears. ‘Look, I'm fine,' she began. ‘I cried for a little while but now I have found' – she looked fuzzily at Brice – ‘a new focus.'

‘Right!' Barbie chimed in. ‘Focus on the possibilities.' She smiled at Brice. ‘You miss one bus there's always another. A door closes and a window opens. You lose one house and you find one next door.'

‘Wrong street,' Elliot muttered, sotto voce, to Kate who shushed him.

‘Yeah, look at Bunny,' Bev said, waving her hand with its unbelievably long nails toward the
bridal table. ‘Less than three months ago she got dumped. Then she met her Arnie…and everything turned around.'

‘I don't want everything to turn around,' Bina sniffed. Kate was actually grateful for the wine Bina had consumed, because without it there would have been floods of tears. ‘I want Jack…'

Just then the waiters returned and removed the dishes, replacing them with a limp salad. A waltz began and, after the earlier nonsense music, the seductive swell of Strauss drew their heads to look out on the dance floor. Kate was, at first, glad of any diversion, but then realized the only dancers were Billy and Bunny whom he was expertly twirling around the floor. Kate had a momentary flash from the wonderful dance scene in
The King and I
, but Billy Nolan outdid Yul Brynner. Kate, along with every other woman in the room, admired his moves, his mastery and all the rest of him. His grace made Bunny look good. Spontaneous applause broke out and then other couples started to join them on the dance floor. Kate was about to casually ask about him when Bobbie and Johnnie returned to the table carrying a tray full of drinks. Kate was thankful for hers, but had trouble swallowing at the sight of Bina guzzling down a Jack Daniel's and Coke.

‘Oh, look at Bunny! Thank God she lost those last five pounds,' Barbie said. ‘I told her not to buy a size six when you're an eight. It wasn't like she had eight months to lose the weight. She'd been on the
Häagen-Dazs diet after she got dumped the last time. Then bim bam boom and she's getting married.'

‘It was in the stars,' Bev said. Kate figured it was on the rebound but said nothing.

‘She bought the dress three weeks ago,' Barbie told them. ‘And they only got this date at all because another couple eloped. It's too bad. If she had done some Pilates she could have worn a bias cut. They're big now.'

‘Stop!' Kate interjected. ‘She looks beautiful because she's happy.'

Brice looked out at the couples on the dance floor. ‘I'm not sure I like her dress but I like her taste in grooms,' he said, snapping a Polaroid of Bunny and Billy as they passed by. There was greater interest and enthusiasm in Brice's voice than Kate would've preferred, but it didn't seem as if anyone else noticed.

‘Oh, that is
not
her husband!' Barbie sneered. ‘That's Billy.' Apparently a raw spot had been touched. ‘He's the guy who dumped her, but introduced her to Arnie.'

Then, as clear as a movie flashback, Kate remembered the glimpse she had gotten of the man in SoHo, the one Bina had pointed out. Of course. She
had
seen him before.

‘See, Bina? It could happen to you,' Bev said, her voice warm with encouragement. ‘I'll do your chart and see what's up. It could be a Taurus,' she added archly to Brice.

‘And what a lucky Taurus he would be,' Brice
said gallantly. He sat back in his chair and picked the developed picture of Billy off the table. ‘Ooh, pretty,' he said to himself and slipped the photo into his pocket.

‘Sure,' Bina slurred.

‘One day dumped and the next engaged,' Barbie told her.

‘I have not been dumped!' Bina exclaimed.

‘Can you believe Billy's actually the best man?' Barbie asked the table at large, apparently still stuck on the subject.

‘Didn't you date him right before you met me?' Johnnie asked his wife. Bev blushed as she nodded that indeed she had dated the man in question. ‘I went out with him for a few weeks, right before we met, but it didn't work out.' She leaned over and kissed her husband. ‘Anyway, he's an Aries,' she offered by way of explanation.

‘He's an asshole,' Barbie clarified. ‘He's the asshole who dumped Bunny.'

For once Kate was forced to agree with Barbie. Her assessment of the guy had been right: too good-looking, too facile, too smooth.

‘Good old Billy,' Bina said, clearly close to drunk. ‘Let's drink to “Dumping Billy”.'

‘“Dumping Billy”?' Elliot asked with interest. ‘Why do you call him that?'

‘Because he's turned dumping women into a major lifestyle,' Barbie told him.

‘He's not really a bad guy,' Bev said in Billy's favor. ‘It's hard for an Aries to commit.'

‘I can't believe you actually dated him,' Johnnie said, which indicated to Kate just how quickly his mind was moving.

‘Yes,' she answered. ‘But I wasn't the only one,' she added defensively, ‘was I, Barbie?'

‘No,' Barbie said bravely. ‘Billy was the last guy I dated before I got married to Bobbie. But he didn't mean a thing to me. When I broke up with him…'

‘Excuse me?' Bev asked. ‘Reality check. He broke up with you.'

‘Whatever. He's not really so terrible. He's fun and he's got a great sense of style. It's just that the word “commitment” isn't in his vocabulary.'

Brice leaned across the table to whisper to Kate. ‘I was so right. This is much better than
The Young and the Restless.
But a lot less realistic.'

‘That's because soap operas are art and this is not real life,' Kate told him. She didn't even want to imagine the feedback she'd get from these two after this nightmare was over.

Kate looked over at Elliot who had taken out a pencil and paper. ‘Let me see if I have all the facts right…' he said to himself. She wondered what in the world he could be up to but didn't get a chance to ask.

Because, just then, Bina stood up unsteadily and decided that this was the moment to announce to the assembly just how unhappy she was. ‘Ladies and gentlemen,' she said. ‘You are looking at Bina Horowitz, loser and future spinsper.'

‘Spinster,' Brice corrected.

‘Whatever,' Bina said and tried to climb up on her chair. Elliot caught her before she fell but he couldn't stop her from raising her voice. ‘Single women can have children, you know. Not just Rosie O'Donnell. Michael Jackson did it and he wasn't even a woman. I'm a woman, goddamnit!'

Despite the incredible din in the room, people were beginning to stare. Luckily, at that moment, the sound system crackled and Billy Nolan's voice covered Bina's.

‘
Excusez-moi
,' Billy tried once, and then tapped the microphone and said more loudly, this time in English, ‘Excuse me. Everyone?' The chattering continued until finally he tapped the microphone so firmly that the high-pitched squeal of feedback quieted the crowd. ‘Stop talking!' Billy nearly shouted at them all.

It was a perfect opportunity to get Bina calmed down. Kate and Brice tried to take her by the hand as Bina resisted. Meanwhile, over the speakers Billy Nolan seemed to be having trouble of his own. ‘Jeez, I know it's imp-possible for B-Brooklyn women to b-be quiet, b-but if you could just g-give a guy a b-break here.'

Kate cringed as Billy struggled to regain control of his stammer. She looked down at the bracelet Michael had given her and sighed. Then she turned to see what Elliot thought of Billy, but he didn't seem to be paying attention. In fact, he looked as if he was trying to solve a math problem. As the
best man started to lift his glass in a toast, Elliot was frantically scribbling on his napkin with a pen.

‘I raise my glass to Arnie and Bunny,' Billy began. ‘
Toujours l'amour.
'

‘Oh, Jesus,' Barbie spat, rolling her eyes, ‘he's pretending to be French again.'

‘Who in the hell does that guy think he is?' Bobbie wanted to know. ‘Speak English!' he shouted from the table.

‘Sorry.' Billy blushed. ‘English it is.' He took a deep breath and continued. ‘I, uh – I introduced Arnie to B-Bunny,' he said quickly. ‘I've known Arnie for years and B-Bunny…well, I've known her, too!' There was a general eruption of salacious hoots and catcalls that caused Bunny to blush, Arnie to hang his head in shame, and Billy to make his toast brief. ‘Congratulations to Arnie and Bunny!' he said. ‘They're good people. And marriage is a beautiful thing…to witness from afar. To Arnie and Bunny.' He lifted his glass to signal that he was finished.

The crowd cheered and clinked their glasses with their silverware and Arnie and Bunny obligingly kissed. When the cheering and jeering had abated to a dull roar, Kate turned to the others at the table and asked, ‘Did you two really date him?' Bev and Barbie nodded ruefully and shrugged their shoulders.

Dancing resumed. This should have been all right, since it would make slipping out unnoticed easier. It was a reception to dip into and out of,
not swim in. Except Elliot stood up and excused himself from the table. ‘Where do you think you are going?' Kate asked. ‘We ought to get Bina out of here.'

‘I'll be right back,' he said and hurried into the crowd.

Kate kept hold of Bina and watched as couples did the Twist and slow-danced to ‘Every Breath You Take'. Finally, Elliot returned. He had a self-congratulatory look on his face.

‘Where have you been?' Kate demanded. ‘We must take Bina home. She's ready to start doing the hora all by herself.'

‘I was just doing a little probability research,' Elliot replied.

‘Great!' Kate snapped. ‘Why? Going to set up a whole new group of word problems for third-grade math in a wedding hall? If X serves four cocktail wieners to three guests and Y serves two stuffed…'

‘Look, statistics are involved,' Elliot said, ‘but no word problems will be solved. Merely a romantic one. You'll see.' He turned to Brice. ‘Get her left arm,' he said, pointing at Bina. ‘And I'll get her right.' Without a word the two men surrounded Bina and coolly and unobtrusively led her away from the table, across the room and to the exit. Kate followed, forbidding herself to turn and take one last look at Billy.